They left the last houses and the forest swallowed them. There was no path or track to follow, but in a few minutes the forest discharged them next to a fence that seemed to be just some taut wires and a wooden gate to the untrained eye but where Sakura could see the crisscrossing chakra lines between them. She couldn't help but ask, "What is this?"
"Well, from here on this is Nara territory as far as you can see," Shikamaru said. "No one ever comes here uninvited."
He opened the gate and Sakura felt the chakra flare as the gate recognized Shikamaru's handprint. They had to wade through the low shrubs and high grass that covered everything in sight but the next steps, and then they were out on a meadow that seemed to stretch endlessly toward the horizon in a gentle slope.
"It's beautiful."
It was a small hillside completely surrounded by the forest. The very last houses of the village were invisible from here, and the forest filtered the constant noise of the village. Here everything was green, smelling of spring grass and blessedly silent.
Sakura turned to Shikamaru and repeated her question. "What is this place?"
Shikamaru smiled. "I thought you would like to see where we harvest the medicinal plants that are mentioned in our scrolls - the ones you and I have been working on in the past weeks. This is one of those places."
Sakura sat down in the grass, amazed. She knew a lot of plants by heart and recognized them not only in illustrations but in their natural habitat, but this field was like a medieval herbarium come alive. Just where she was sitting, she could see fragrant thyme, willowherb, lady's mantle, mullein, celandine and different kinds of violets at an arm's length. The meadow was full of flowers hidden in the high grass, only the taller flowers peeking out in places. Further away there were drier, rockier patches, all the colours of the rainbow scattered around them in pastel splashes. The leaves were gently whispering in the breeze. This was a garden that she only ever saw in her dreams before but could never remember when she woke up.
"And here comes the welcoming committee," Shikamaru said in a soft voice.
"Move very slowly."
Sakura looked up, making sure she did so without any sudden movement.
There were two hinds standing quite near with their fawns, looking at Shikamaru with big, liquid eyes. It struck her suddenly that those eyes, deep, dark and mysterious, were not unlike Shikamaru's.
Sakura could hardly breathe. She remembered coming once or twice to Shikamaru's place with Ino when they were children, and she also remembered seeing deer near his parents' house, but they never came this close. Never.
"Aren't they afraid of you?" Sakura whispered.
"Not really, no," Shikamaru answered. "I've known most of them since they were born. I'm one of the people who feed them regularly in winter and there is no hunting here. Don't forget, only members of my family have permission to come here at all. Do you want to meet them?"
Sakura was aware that Shikamaru was watching her but she couldn't quite make herself turn to him and take her eyes off the fawns.
"Yes," she said, enraptured. "Oh yes, please!"
She did not see Shikamaru come closer but felt him near her, his scent, his warmth. He took hold of her hand and slowly pulled her to her feet.
The hinds watched them solemnly, their eyes showing no fear.
"There you go."
His voice was deep, gentle. Sakura watched him taking slow steps toward the animals, then holding out his hand. One of the hinds sniffed it, then stepped closer and playfully nudged Shikamaru with her nose.
"In a minute," Shikamaru said, laughing. "We've got a guest today. Come here now, Sakura. Slowly."
Sakura obeyed him, crossing over to him with small, timid steps. Shikamaru pulled something out of his pocket and put it in Sakura's hand.
It was a lump of sugar.
"Do they always get sugar when you come here?" Sakura asked quietly.
"No, it's not really good for them," Shikamaru said. "But they are fond of sweet things, and sometimes they feel like having some unhealthy snack, just like humans. Open your hand and offer it that way, with your palm up. Just like you'd do with a horse. Good girl."
Sakura thought at first that Shikamaru was still talking to her, but then she saw that the last sentence was addressed to the hind who graciously took the lump of sugar out of her hand, then looked at Shikamaru, obviously waiting to be praised.
Shikamaru patted her neck. It seemed to be the sign that the others could follow, and suddenly there were deer bustling around them, impatiently crowding each other and waiting for their share of sweets and gentle touches.
Sakura watched Shikamaru, his gentle, expert touch, his straight back, his graceful movements and found herself ridiculously and absurdly jealous of the deer. For God's sake, do all females find him irresistible, not only those of his own race?
She could hardly suppress her laugh when one of the fawns miscalculated the length of his next step and bumped into Shikamaru, then into one of the hinds.
"Whoa, boy, careful!" Shikamaru said in an easy, benevolent manner.
"They don't really behave like wild animals," Sakura said, wondering aloud. "They are more like… cats, or something."
"Not all of them," Shikamaru said. He looked up and his eyes went wide, surprised and awed. "Really," he whispered. "Careful, Sakura. Looks like news got around."
There was another deer walking toward them slowly from the forest. Even to Sakura's eye it was obvious that this was not an everyday visit. It was a stag, the biggest one that Sakura had ever seen this close. His behaviour was nothing short of that of a visiting royalty. He watched them all, and his presence stopped all the others in their stride. The picture was frozen. Sakura couldn't move either. The stag kept on walking toward them, unhurried, unscared, head held high. When he was only a few steps away from them he stopped and looked first at Shikamaru, then at Sakura, his nonhuman, strange gaze sweeping over them.
Sakura could almost hear him in her head. 'I see you. You don't count. I do. This is my forest. This is my meadow.'
Then he turned his head to one side and looked at Sakura from one eye, a long, inscrutable, not quite unfriendly look, then turned and walked back a few steps. No one moved. He looked back again then with a mighty leap started to run and disappeared in the forest, the hinds and fawns slowly following.
Sakura was still just standing there, enchanted, when Shikamaru asked, his voice full of surprise, "Now what the hell was that?"
Sakura looked at him and laughed, a sudden burst of happiness.
"Well, if you don't know, who does?"
Shikamaru was still watching the edge of the clearing.
"Blessed if I know", he murmured.
After the deer were gone, they started climbing the hill. Sakura stopped every few steps to identify plants and bombarded Shikamaru with questions. She shouldn't have been surprised that Shikamaru knew all these plants, their names and uses, complete with the usual dosage and ways of preparation, but she was. She knew that Shikamaru's knowledge was extensive in most areas but, like most people, she supposed that most of this knowledge was centered around warfare, weapons, strategical and tactical planning and such. Funny, but it has never occurred to her before that he came from a family of healers.
There was a little cold spring hidden under some hawthorne bushes on the hillside that Shikamaru showed her on their way up. The spring trickled out into a small stone basin, then, overpouring from the basin, it first formed a tiny little pool under the bushes that reflected miniature portions of sky and clouds, and then disappeared without hardly a trace in the grass, where only the deeper green of the grass leaves showed the abundance of water.
"You can drink from it, if you want to", Shikamaru said. "The water is very clear."
They both washed their hands in the pool then drank from the spring. The water was freezing cold and tasted sweet.
"It's lovely," Sakura said with a dreamy look in her eyes.
"There are quite a few springs nearby, both hot and cold," Shikamaru said.
Sakura was trying very hard not to turn green with envy. To have your own forest and your own meadow was in itself wonderful, but having not one but several hot springs of your own, that was over the top.
Anyway, this was not Shikamaru's property, Sakura thought. It was clan property, and Shikamaru's family probably worked a lot to maintain everything as it was.
They climbed straight to the hilltop. The minute they arrived, Shikamaru threw himself down on the grass with a satisfied grunt and stretched lazily. Sakura sat down next to him, watching the long grass lying down in silky, silvery waves as the wind blew over it.
"I envy you sooo much," Sakura said.
"Because of this place?"
"Yes. I mean, I love my apartment but it's just an apartment. It has no garden. It's silly, really, I'm out on missions a lot and it's not like I live in a concrete jungle anyway, but a garden… If I ever get married, I want to have a house with a big garden. Not something like this, of course – that would be impossible. This is like the ancient forefather of all gardens."
"Yeah, there's something about that," Shikamaru said. "And you know the best thing about this all?" He made a sweeping gesture with his hand to include the whole hillside.
"What?" Sakura asked, curious to see what other wonders may yet be in store.
"I never have to mow the lawn."
"Lazy man," Sakura said, giggling.
At times like this she couldn't quite figure out why she worried so much about what Shikamaru might be thinking. He was the epitome of nonchalance. Except…
Except, Sakura thought, she should keep in mind that she saw him fight several times and even then he looked indifferent, to say the least, but his plans belied this indifference. Nothing was ever done in a hurry; chance or luck played no part in his successes.
There was also something lurking under the surface that Sakura couldn't quite grasp. It was there ever since he left ANBU. No, that wasn't quite true – it first became perceptible to her when he was still with the Black Ops.
She wasn't sure she was right. It was just a passing feeling, a whiff of something she couldn't identify. Something like when the Kyuubi didn't quite take over Naruto's personality but was still there, looking at her through Naruto's eyes.
Kakashi had the same thing in him, this lurking strangeness, this awful cold. He was always polite to her, nice even, but there were times when Sakura thought about whether Kakashi would ever kill her if she turned rogue, and the answer was always yes. It was logical and understandable, but it wasn't a very comforting thought.
"This was what I missed the most while I was in ANBU," Shikamaru said quietly, as if he had a way to listen in to a few fragments of Sakura's thoughts.
"This place?" Sakura asked. "I can understand that, it's beautiful. But why couldn't you just come here sometimes, and…"
Shikamaru propped himself up on one elbow. "Sakura. You don't understand."
"Explain, then."
"It's a long story."
"We've got time," Sakura said. She took a long look at Shikamaru and carefully said, "It seems to me you could use a friend right now. So I'll lend you an ear if you want me to."
Shikamaru looked at Sakura and sighed.
"It was all Tsunade's idea, you know," he said slowly. "I had no intention of even trying to get into ANBU. But she said she needed someone with a fresh eye to solve some problems."
"What problems?"
"I knew you would ask and unfortunately I can't tell you. Basically I was around as a troubleshooter and I had to see everything for myself. This implied that I had to serve at least for a short time in all the divisions."
He sighed again.
"The reason I was willing to do this is that in tactical planning it's a big advantage if one has not only theoretical but also practical knowledge about an area. Different divisions and squads in ANBU have different approaches and different abilities, skills, weapons, plans, you name it. It was really great to have firsthand experience about it all. But unfortunately this meant that each time I was at a new division I started from the beginning."
He lied on his back and for a while he was silent. Sakura lied down next to him, their bodies almost touching.
"I thought it would be hard, and it was hard," Shikamaru said slowly. "I thought it would be useful, and it was, so that was ok. What I didn't count on were the trivial things. It wasn't always noisy, but there was never complete silence, and I was never alone. For the rookies who just start ANBU it is obligatory to stay in their division all the time, sleep in the dorms, eat in the mess. After a while I went almost crazy with desire to go somewhere, anywhere, where I'm alone and not surrounded by people all the time. I literally couldn't hear myself thinking. And that was just the start - there were other things, too."
"Like what?" Sakura asked.
Shikamaru turned toward her and smiled at her. His smile was a bit sad. He hesitated a little before he spoke again. "I don't really want to talk that much about ANBU. Not here. Not now. I thought I could, but I can't. I love this place too much and I brought you here because I thought you would appreciate the beauty of all this."
"I do," Sakura said, turning her head toward him. "Thank you." She wondered what she could say to express her gratitude but the first thing that came to her mind were not words but imaginary snapshots of the deer with their very un-deer-like behaviour. Sakura could quite imagine those hinds now discussing Shikamaru and her somewhere deep in the forest – 'That young female, she should have brought us a few carrots at least, but these human beings are so stupid!' 'Really, darling, she's just besotted with that boy. Nothing wrong with that, even if I say so. Instead of criticising everyone else, maybe you should have taught your son not to be so impertinent!' 'Oh really? You're one to talk about impertinence, darling! I saw you gobble up not one, not two, but three lumps of sugar! The cheek!'
In the end she just said, "Those fawns were just so cute!" She laughed, feeling the same joy again as she remembered the deer scuffling around them to have another lump of sugar and Shikamaru, distributing the goods with the serious look of a father who adores his noisy and not very well-behaved children and does not care too much that others may not share his opinion.
Shikamaru said, 'oh, you' and leaned towards Sakura, gave her a small peck on the cheek then flopped on his back again.
It was just as Shikamaru had said. This was a place that made it easy to find one's peace. Time seemed to go slower here. One eternal moment, stretching toward the invisible borders of the magic wood, washing grief, pain and sorrow out of the soul.
"Sakura."
"Hmm."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Hmm. You already did."
"Another one, then."
Sakura was lying on her back, her head on Shikamaru's arm. The sun was shining and the sky was blue and the clouds were of the kind that made one think of whipped cream. Or candyfloss. Or cream puffs.
Sakura wondered if Shikamaru ever thought of sweets when he watched the clouds. No, she decided. If he did, he wouldn't be so thin. Nobody could stay so thin who thought of cream puffs every day.
"Ok. Shoot."
"What was the matter between you and Lee?" Shikamaru asked. After a second, he added, "I know it's none of my business. It's just… I can't even imagine what could have gone wrong. He was so in love with you. You know."
Sakura frowned. She didn't mind talking about Lee, that memory wasn't painful anymore, but she couldn't imagine why Shikamaru would want to know. Probably somewhere in that genius brain of his he found there was a piece in the puzzle that didn't fit, and Shikamaru hated it when he couldn't figure something out completely.
"Part of the problem was that he was not in love with me. He was in love with an ideal me, so to speak," Sakura said, thinking.
She wondered how she could put it in words so that Shikamaru would understand.
"Sometimes he talked about me in third person singular even when I was there with him, without looking at me," she said slowly. "And I just sat there, listening. I wasn't proud or flattered or anything like that. I just kept looking over my shoulder, you know – because as God sees my soul, I would have liked to meet this Sakura person he was talking about. She seemed so competent and sure of herself and stuff. Which I wasn't, not all the time."
Sakura stopped for a moment, then added, "It got worse and worse. I couldn't turn to him for help in anything, you know. Either he got angry and started shouting that he would, in the name of honour, kill the offending party – that's fine if someone threatens me, say, but what if they just borrowed my lab coat without asking, that sort of thing -, or he just said that I was so clever and everything, I would surely manage to solve this problem… and then hooray, back to square one, let's praise Sakura, she's such a wonderful girl."
Shikamaru chuckled and shook his head.
"It sounds funny, but it wasn't," Sakura said with a small sigh. "After a time I felt so completely alone. Not lonely, just… It's hard to explain. He didn't see me. He didn't hear me. He was living in his own world. I tried and tried so hard, but everyone said how he loved me and how happy I must be, and…"
"You just felt trapped," Shikamaru finished for her.
Sakura nodded. "Ino never understood why I was willing to take a chance with Sasuke. She thought I must have suffered some brain damage I wasn't aware of or something. She even wanted me to have a brain scan. Don't you dare to laugh!" she said angrily. Shikamaru was watching her without a word, his eyes full of merriment.
„Oh, it's ridiculous enough, I agree. But the point is, Sasuke was kind of the opposite of Lee, you know. I was rather fed up with big words by then. Sasuke isn't the kind who dresses things up. He's easy to deal with in a lot of things. He wants to be left alone. He hardly ever interfered with my work or told me what to do or what to wear or who to see. Lee was everywhere. I mean, the only people I could see with him in tow were his own team who were used to him, or my teammates because he and Naruto sort of negated each other, and Sai was thrilled to spur them on, whatever they did. Also, Sasuke is rather blunt, but when it's about something important, he always comes through. There was a limit to what he would do for me, but within those limits I could count on him."
"Doesn't seem very romantic," Shikamaru said.
"I didn't want romantic, Shikamaru. I wanted someone who would stand by me. I know who I am and where I stand and I never wanted him to be something he wasn't. Ino could never understand that."
"It just seems strange to me that you would want so little from life," Shikamaru said quietly.
Sakura looked at him. "Don't forget, Shikamaru, that you come from one of the important clans," she said just as quietly. "I'm not very much more than a civilian. I like you and Ino and Chouji, but I don't think you know that much about me."
"What are you talking about?"
"There are different layers of the truth, you know. Sasuke sometimes treated me like shit. You think I didn't know? But there's a mitigating factor: he treats everyone like shit, not just me. He's just the opposite of those guys who suck up to me now because I'm the Hokage's apprentice and one of the best medics in Konoha and made my life a living hell when I was a kid."
"I don't understand…" Shikamaru began.
Sakura looked at him. "Of course you don't. Of course. Ino doesn't understand, either. Every time I had a very real, very serious problem with Sasuke, she began to bleat about my low self-esteem."
"You don't have low self-esteem?" Shikamaru said.
Sakura's lips were shaped into a strange smile. "No, I think I know exactly what I'm worth. I think it's you and Ino who have no idea about how things really happen in our beloved little village."
Shikamaru gave an unbelieving little laugh. "You really think there are things in this village I know nothing about?"
"Nothing is too strong a word. I'd just say very little, to be exact."
There was a momentary silence, then Sakura asked, "Do you remember when we were at the academy? What you were like? Sleeping through class or playing truant with Naruto, Chouji and Kiba whenever you could? And do you remember me, what I was like?"
"Tsk," Shikamaru said.
"Don't you tsk me, Shikamaru Nara. Just answer me."
"Sure I remember. You were the bane of my existence. I made a nice little plan to get myself out of some extremely boring and useless activity, and you just took a look at it and found the only weak point."
Shikamaru imitated Iruka sensei's voice, "'and now we're going to gather those autumn leaves in the park…' and then you chirped in, 'Iruka sensei, Iruka sensei, shouldn't Shikamaru come with us, too? He's asleep under that bench!' Gosh!"
Sakura smiled. "Yes, I remember that, too. So the question I'd like to ask is this – why were you able to do it? To get out of school and not care a button?"
"I told you, I was bored."
"No. I'm not asking why you wanted to. I'm asking why you could."
Shikamaru frowned.
"I'll tell you, Shikamaru. Naruto lives in a different world of his own. He always did. He's another cup of tea altogether. But you and Chouji and Kiba could do this because you could afford to."
Sakura sighed. "You were all from prestigious shinobi families," she said gently. "You all had kekkei genkai."
"That had nothing to do…" Shikamaru began.
"On the contrary, it had everything to do with it," Sakura interrupted calmly. "I, on the other hand, come from a small clan. I had no kekkei genkai. No special shinobi skills. No talent. I realized very soon that all I had was my intelligence and even that wasn't unique. I managed to stay in class because I worked twice as hard as anyone else. Accordingly, I was a nonentity in school. Talent and skill are very important at the academy. We all wanted to be jounins, and there was a pretty clear general opinion on which people would be top dogs later."
"Tsk. The general opinion about me was that I'd spend my time watching clouds and, let me tell you, even I agreed on this. And look at me now," Shikamaru said.
"I'm still saying you could afford it. I couldn't. I had no magic wand and no fairy godmother. I still work twice as hard as anyone else in the hospital, and things haven't changed that much since the Academy."
"Sakura, you're about one of the most sought-after medics! Everyone knows by now that you're just as good as Tsunade!"
Sakura looked at Shikamaru. Really, he is so sweet. He really believes he's right, she thought.
"Shikamaru, that's not enough to change my place in the pecking order," she began slowly. Was it a wise thing to tell him this? Well, he should know how things happen here, she thought. It's his village, too. "Listen to this. A few months ago, just before Sasuke and I started to date, the clan leader of one of the famous shinobi families sent me a message. Basically they offered me a lot of money for getting impregnated by one of the clan members. Before you misunderstand and say something about arranged marriage and such, this wasn't an offer of marriage. This person would get me pregnant, then they would pay me for my services, and if – remember this, Shikamaru: if – the child shows the family's kekkei genkai, they will adopt him or her. If not, they would pay me a nice, hefty sum to raise the child. Without bothering the father with our existence, of course."
She raised her eyes to Shikamaru's face.
Shikamaru was white with anger. "Who were they? The Hyuugas?"
"It doesn't matter, Shikamaru," Sakura said tiredly. "By that time, I knew what to expect, you know? You and Ino will never have this problem. Tenten, on the other hand, knows what I'm talking about. We are all right for warming someone's bed. As to marriage, we still have a lot of people to choose from. Only not from the big clans. There are equals and there are more equals. You know."
Sakura looked straight into Shikamaru's eyes. "I know you hate Sasuke. I understand that. You don't have to like him. But he asked me out, he tried hard to treat me nicely. It's just not in his nature to be warm or caring or nurturing or whatever. But he has no family, and he was spared only because the village didn't want to lose his bloodline. When the council started to pressure him toward getting married and hint at my shortcomings as a possible wife, Sasuke told them to get stuffed and stuck up for me. I'm sorry that things turned out this way. I don't really know what to make of all this. Sometimes I think that he's a real bastard, sometimes I feel awfully sorry for him."
"You know that this is all bullshit, Sakura," Shikamaru said evenly. "If anyone told you that the council would have a vote in who should marry whom, they are completely loony."
"I didn't mean there was a rule or something about it," Sakura said. "I only meant people know what's good for them. Do you doubt that I got that letter and the offer was just as I described it?"
"No," Shikamaru said reluctantly. "I can't see what good it would do for you to lie about something like that and it wouldn't be hard to check it anyway. But I… I still find it hard to believe."
"Do you doubt that the elders tried to persuade Sasuke? If you do, you should ask Kiba. Sasuke never told me anything about the whole business. It was Kiba – he was waiting in front of the council room to get his well-deserved dressing down for some kind of misdemeanor when Sasuke appeared on the corridor, ripped the door open and they all started shouting."
Shikamaru pursed his lips and looked at Sakura.
"Why didn't you tell me about this offer at the time?" he asked. "Hell, why didn't you tell Ino? Or Kakashi. Did you even tell Kakashi? Or Tsunade-sama?"
"And what on earth could any of you do?" Sakura asked. She felt the pain and humiliation again, and then the fear in her bones. She could always read between the lines. "It wasn't meant to be an insult. It was a business offer, very politely worded. How could anyone do anything about it? "
"If I were your father…" Shikamaru said.
Sakura turned to him, scared. "Please don't say anything to him. He'd be terribly angry and hurt… and he wouldn't be able to do anything about it, either. Sometimes it's wiser not to say anything."
"What do you mean?" Shikamaru asked slowly. "What else is there that you aren't telling me?"
He was sitting there, all poised, his posture alert, ready to fight, but his eyes were heavy-lidded, his voice almost sleepy.
He was the most dangerous when he looked like this.
"It was because of shishou and Kakashi sensei and because of my friends that the offer was made this way," Sakura said. "Do you realize that I said it was a very important clan and if they insisted, then the council would probably try to appease them, and I could be ordered to do something like that for the sake of the village?"
"No," Shikamaru said with a finality in his voice. "No, that would never happen. Not as long as I live. Not ever."
He looked at Sakura and said, "I never knew about any of this, but I'll take a closer look now – very quietly, of course. If something like this is going on, I'll put a stop to it." He took a deep breath and said, "I'd also like to know why you've decided to tell me now. Not then, not ever since, but right now. Why?"
"Because not long ago I realized that there might be others," Sakura whispered. "Other girls. Other children."
She looked at Shikamaru. "It's none of my business what other girls do or don't do. But the children… If anyone accepted an offer like this, the children will grow up having only one parent – or losing both, if the clan decides they don't want the father to interfere, either. They would be raised as perfect little warriors, a lot of skills and no emotions. Just like Sai…"
She turned her head away from Shikamaru so he wouldn't see her weak, afraid, wouldn't see her eyes getting wet. Then she felt an arm around her shoulder, gently pulling her closer to him and for a second she resisted, but he was stronger.
"I'll take a good, hard look at all this, sweetheart," he said. "I promise. No child warriors and no broken families in my village, not if I can do anything about it. Don't cry, sweetheart. Don't you cry."
Sakura could only nod and she tried to swallow all her tears, but it was rather difficult because she always cried easily and the feeling that someone else suddenly came to her help and shouldered part of this burden was overwhelming. Shikamaru was holding her and his voice was as if he were talking not to another adult, but a small, scared child.
"Hush, sweetheart. Hush. It's all right now. Really, there's no reason to cry. It's my fault, too. I should have known something like that was going on. Shhh. Everything's all right now."
He cradled her in his arms and Sakura slowly relaxed until she felt she could go to sleep right now, right here.
After a few minutes Shikamaru broke the silence again. "Was that why you were saying all those things yesterday – that if you ever get to have children, you will fight for them till your last breath?"
Sakura nodded.
"Oh, baby," Shikamaru sighed. He looked down at Sakura and Sakura looked up into his face.
"You try to take care of everyone. When was the last time anybody took care of you?" he asked.
Sakura frowned, then tried to smile. "You made me breakfast this morning, remember?"
She let go of him and wiped her eyes. She felt extremely vulnerable and stupid. She wasn't sorry that she told Shikamaru everything, but she would have preferred to do so with dignity and with her hair perfect and her skin not blotchy with crying.
"About the breakfast…" Shikamaru began slowly. Sakura squinted at him – there was a magnificent expression of hauteur and dignity on his face, quite different from his kind words just a minute ago. "I hope you don't think that I'm always going to do that. It wouldn't be democratic. Now we could take turns and in a bi-weekly meeting decide on the person of the Officer in Charge of Breakfast, but as in these circumstances, being only two of us, it is impossible to ratify the decisions by simple majority, not to mention two-thirds majority, the only viable way to decide this is to appoint a committee which, in the normal way of things, would be responsible for the preliminary decision and then…"
Sakura was now half-crying, half-laughing and Shikamaru carried on, relentlessly, "then, once the preliminary decision is verified, the question will be put up for a debate and then it will be once again discussed by the committee, which, I must say, is a pretty damn slow way of getting breakfast anywhere so I'm only saying that next time it's your turn."
Sakura turned her head toward him, laughing through her tears, confused, surprised. Every time she tried to pull back, to withdraw, Shikamaru did something, some kind and small and unexpected thing and her defenses crumbled around her. Sometimes it was even before she realized that she was building up her wall again.
Shikamaru was already lying on his back in the grass, looking once again sleepy and content.
Incredible.
"You are one tricky customer," she said.
Shikamaru raised an eyebrow. "Not me, miss," he said with a grin. "I'm sweet and simple. I cannot be bothered, you know. What you see is what you get."
"Bullshit," Sakura said shortly and decisively. "You can pretend all you want if that makes you more comfortable but you can't fool me. You're all depth and hardly any surface."
"That," pointed out Shikamaru, "is physically impossible."
Sakura eyed him warily then suddenly pounced and landed on top of him, trying to pin him down. "I hate know-it-alls, you know,"she said, eyes flashing. "Probably because I'm one of them and…"
Shikamaru flipped her over in one movement and said, "unfortunately, righteous indignation does not guarantee physical victory so I strongly recommend that.."
The sentence never got finished as Sakura pushed him and tried to get out of his grasp, but Shikamaru pulled her back, laughing.
"I could collect chakra in my fist, and…" she said, trying to escape.
"What, you'd need chakra for a friendly little tumble? You can't be so weak!" Shikamaru teased her.
Sakura doubled her efforts to get away and without chakra, too, but Shikamaru parried all her attacks. Sakura fought hard and slowly realized that she liked this. It was the perfect antidote for analyzing that awful thing they'd just finished talking about. It was not quite like sparring, more like what puppies did when they played with each other. Of course, without using chakra she was still strong, much stronger than a civilian, but Shikamaru was not a civilian. At the same time, though, he didn't use all the advantages he had – like his longer arms and stronger muscles. He gave her space to use all her skills and only stopped her if she was on the verge of getting away. He was trying to foresee all her attacks, and win a victory based just on that, Sakura thought, amused, while she half turned and bent forward to get out of his hold again. It was like shogi in three dimensions.
After that she played better and the game was a lot more fun. Once she managed to get out of Shikamaru's hands altogether but then with a shriek she threw herself on him again, trying to force him down. Then Shikamaru seemed to rearrange the limits constantly, letting her move less and less until she was pinned down completely, her hands next to her ears and his face was hovering over hers.
"Got you," he said slowly and his voice sounded deep and raspy in her ears.
A lot of things seemed to happen at once. Her stomach contracted almost painfully and she remembered Shikamaru's words last night, "like a grip," and she felt hot all over. There was only one thought in her head, like a headline all in capitals, HE'S GOING TO KISS ME HE'S GOING TO KISS ME JUST LIKE THAT, and she couldn't understand herself, they spent the night together, what was so important about this… and then all her thoughts scattered when Shikamaru really kissed her and his mouth was soft and gentle on hers and her eyes fluttered closed and she heard the wind singing in the grass.
She had no idea how much time had passed until she opened her eyes and he raised his head, his mouth wet from hers and slowly let her hands go. Things happened in slow motion - he was rising up, letting go, watching her eyes, her face intently all the time.
It was all instinct without any conscious thought that made her clutch at his vest with both hands, to not let go, to hold, to keep.
The second kiss was wilder, hungrier, she kept on pulling him closer and he responded eagerly. Sakura's thoughts were foggy with desire and the only thing that she could remember was the half-sentence that always appeared in romances and that she always found ridiculous before, 'their tongues battling for dominance', but they were right, the writers were right, because she wanted more of his mouth, his heat, his taste and she wanted to take it all for herself and he did the same, almost eating her alive, how else could anyone call this?
The kiss never ended, it was just a short break when they were both catching their breaths when Sakura suddenly blurted out, "Untie your hair."
He laughed and did so, shaking his hair loose, and it was just like Sakura had imagined last night – when they kissed, his hair covered her face like a tent. She ran her hands through it, mystified, aroused, helpless – what was it about this guy that made her behave so unlike her usual self?
Well, what wasn't?
When he started to pull down the zip on her shirt she felt so hot she was glad she was already lying. There was no way she could fall anywhere from here.
"What if someone sees us?" she asked, desire and fear mixed in equal amount, hot and cold, red and black.
He laughed aloud. "Nobody will see us," he said. "Have you forgotten what I said? This is forbidden territory for everyone except us."
She was too weak to say no again. He started to undress her, just like she started to undress him and they were in a hurry as if the universe would collapse in a minute and all they had was now, now, now.
This time making love to him felt different. Once they were both naked, he was very gentle. This wasn't about pleasure. This was consolation, assurance, comfort, this was to lull her, to quiet her fear with tenderness.
When it was over, she wanted to ask if he felt the same way, if it was different for him each time, too, but she wasn't sure how to ask something like that.
She couldn't remember the last time her feelings changed so fast. One moment she was crying, the other laughing, as if Shikamaru had the power to throw her into the fire one moment and then push her into ice-cold water the very next second.
The previous day at this time they had been still in the lab, sharing some sandwiches and coffee and trying to figure out the measurements on a scroll that was almost illegible with age and dirt and water stains. And now…
"I'm hungry," Sakura said suddenly, thinking aloud.
"Yeah, me too. Let's get washed and dressed and go back to the village."
Sakura looked around, trying to decide which way the little spring was.
"Not that," Shikamaru said, as if he knew what she was thinking about. "We've got hot springs, too, haven't I told you?"
He swiftly rolled all their clothes up in a bundle and took hold of Sakura's hand.
"Be careful where you step," he said. "The deer don't come up here often, but when they do, they leave some souvenirs lying around."
They started down the hill, naked, Sakura following Shikamaru obediently, not even thinking of how they must look or if they would meet anyone. Too many things happened in a short time and right now, after a whole week when she ordered herself every day not to feel anything, she was pushed and pulled by her own emotions so much that she finally gave up and put aside thinking for later.
The high grass, green, yellow, silver, lied down under their steps, then, as the wind combed it again, stood up slowly, leisurely, not caring who stepped on its leaves a minute ago.
Sakura looked back and saw the landscape as it must have been before they arrived: old, powerful in its beauty and indifference, changed by but unaware of the flow of time or the men it carried on its back.
She followed Shikamaru down the hill.