Author's note
Dearest readers,
Sorry for the delay. Life isn't easy, at least mine isn't. But now I'm back.
Sniveling mode now switched off.
I don't like author's notes but now I read all the reviews and I think I need to clarify a few things.
I, as the author of the critically acclaimed Great American Novel of the twenty-first century...
Oh. Sorry. Wrong speech.
So. This is fanfiction – a short story that I keep writing only because I love to write and I'm a selfish, shallow human being and I prefer to spend my time doing things I like doing.
That does not mean that I know how to write.
The plot is improbable, the timeline is impossible, the characters are out of character.
Unfortunately, everything is going to stay that way.
DON'T READ ON.
Still doing it? Oh, well, you're one of those.
I should have given all of you this warning at the beginning of the story, but I thought, oh, what, just a bit of lemon, some fluff, anybody who would want some real drama and social issues and muckraking could surely find a reality show to watch.
WARNING
This short story contains adult material. There are people thinking in it. And they discuss their thoughts and feelings.
Weird.
The male protagonist is a man who's both sensitive and intelligent and the female protagonist is more interested in healing and other people's feelings than in fashion and make-up. (You all remember the part where I emphasized that this was fiction, right? Right.)
We all know that soldiers don't have feelings – why would they need any? They are invincible, and those who die, die a noble death. That should be enough for them, they don't need to have a private life. (As one of my colleagues said once, "What do you mean, stress management? What's wrong with alcohol?")
People don't need complex personalities. That only means trouble. Having "the emotional depth of a teaspoon," as Ms. Rowling said, is an advantage hands down.
Naruto's world, as we all know, is completely realistic. In my neck of the woods people killed in a war are always suddenly revived, too, and we have shadow clones, people spitting fireballs and demons walking among us, too. Oh, so you don't? How strange. On the other hand, I'm sorry for being such a fantasist as to suppose that two people who are immensely interested in each other can walk and talk at the same time. Please bear with me, I know I'm pushing the limits here.
And yes, there will be a happy ending. I'm selling my soul for cheap success and appealing to my readers' baser instincts instead of giving them the deep, cleansing and liberating catharsis they paid for.
Oh, so this is a free site?
Good to know.
Well, consider yourselves warned. The story begins.
The shop where she intended to look for a dress that was fancy enough to dazzle everyone in the Golden Dragon wasn't that far from her apartment, but Sakura's steps were slower than usual. She needed time to get herself together. Every time she thought that things were, surely, starting to be less complicated, she was wrong. She almost wished she were back in phase one, trying to figure out her date's intentions with a mixture of dark apprehension and giddy relief. But Shikamaru was very clear on all this: he meant business. He wanted it all, dating and sex and a serious relationship and love and… was there anything else in the package? No, thank God. It was more than enough for now.
Sakura started biting her lower lip. She struggled with herself, trying to define the problem.
Ino would love this, she thought. She'd revel in this – the drama, the excitement, the romance. The glitter. I'm a much more down-to-earth person, and the only thing I really want to know is – who's paying? Because there's no such thing as a free lunch, and it was my own bloody fault that I was taken in two times – once by Lee with all his feverish promises and then by Sasuke, with his brooding good looks and two-dimensional personality, like a cardboard cutout.
"I should do something to stop you thinking," Shikamaru said suddenly. "Because every time you have this expression on your face, it means trouble. Are you second-guessing your decision to go out and have dinner with me?"
"No," Sakura said truthfully. "Nothing like that."
She looked at Shikamaru and again felt that sweet little tightening in her chest.
This is real, she thought. There's no need to dress it up and put frills on it and paint it pink. It is good in itself. I don't even need the Golden Dragon or the new dress – if he said he wanted to have dinner with me at home, we could have takeout and watch TV and I'd still be happy. But then what is the matter?
She looked up at the big clock on the corner of the tiny marketplace where she usually bought her vegetables.
"Funny," she said. "First I thought that the clock must be late and now I think it must be early… or I don't know what to think."
Shikamaru shrugged. "The clock is on time," he said. "We got up early, even if we count the second time, but then we've had a very busy day. We came back from the meadow about lunchtime, if you remember."
"But the things we did after…" Sakura said hesitantly.
"Sweetheart, I may owe a big thank you to your previous boyfriends," Shikamaru drawled. "If we have sex for more than five minutes, you think it's over the top and are suitably grateful. I'll have to show you one of these days what it's like to make love all night, or else you'll really think that this is the best I'm capable of."
"You…!" Sakura began, then Shikamaru's words hit her full force and she felt a small, idiotic smile bloom on her lips. It was impossible to be angry with this smartass, she decided. Anything he said and did pushed her back into a daze of well-being where further consideration of anything unpleasant was impossible.
"Sweetheart, when does that shop close?" Shikamaru asked.
"Don't worry, Kagura is a very, very good businesswoman," she assured him. "On Fridays and Saturdays her boutique is open until nine o'clock, so every wardrobe emergency can be solved even at the very last minute. She has a tremendous amount of customers in both evenings, she says."
The Elegant Kunoichi was Ino's favourite boutique that Ino visited at least once a week, sometimes more. She was on first-name basis with most of the salesgirls – a community of the truly devout in the church of Fashion with a capital F. Ino always had money to spend - she still lived with her family, and her clan was rich, and if she wanted to buy a new pair of shoes every week, she could. Sakura did not allow herself to feel hurt. Ino could keep all her earnings, her daddy bought his little princess everything that she yearned for, and now even Chouji was willing to toe the line and take care of Ino's real or imaginary needs – but all this wasn't Ino's fault. It was simply a given situation, like being born with genes that gave one a wonderful figure or long, silky hair.
Now, on the other hand, Sakura thought, she was going to buy herself a beautiful dress, and nothing, nothing would stop her.
"What a smart woman she is," Shikamaru said. "I was just worried that her shop would close at five, in which case we would have had about ten minutes to get there and find the perfect dress for you, then pay and leave before they let the dogs out."
Sakura laughed.
"Luckily there's no need. I'll have a lot of time to choose the dress."
Shikamaru rolled his eyes.
"Worried is not the proper expression, then. I would have preferred the ten-minute scenario," he said. "Is there something that might make you consider it? Remember, you are a smart, modern woman who doesn't need to spend hours in silly shops."
"Go on, go on. Don't stop. This is very amusing."
"Oh, I could list your good traits all day and hardly mention any of your faults – the latter, of course, are small and negligible and only add to your charm."
Sakura snorted.
"And people say flattery won't get you anywhere. Oh my, how they are mistaken."
Sakura wasn't vain. The way she saw it, most of her life she simply wasn't pretty enough to be vain and she never had money to burn, so she was never tempted to accept the illusion that beauty could be bought – that a dress or a new hairdo would not only make a girl look better but would help her to become another person entirely.
Sakura didn't want to be another person, not even if that other person could have better hair or bigger breasts.
Inner couldn't agree more.
Sakura's parents were shinobi, but not from a famous or rich clan and not very skilled either. Her father was a chuunin but he would never become a jounin and he'd decided long ago that he wasn't going to try for it. He was happy with his family and his mates and his small house and once he told Sakura that the secret of life was to aim for more but be satisfied with less, and Sakura understood at once what he meant.
She was comfortable in her small flat and with the money she made in the hospital and on missions, but she realized quite soon that she would never have as much money to spend as Ino.
Nevertheless, they still went shopping together quite often. This meant that Ino tried on dresses and shoes by the dozen and bought quite a lot of them and Sakura held Ino's coat and purse and they discussed the merits of each dress – and the strange thing was that they both had fun. Sakura liked to see all those lovely things, even if she didn't get to buy any of them, and she didn't mind praising Ino in particularly stunning outfits. Why should she be jealous? Ino was truly beautiful and although they were still rivals in a lot of things (last year the sneaky cold war for getting the same assistant, a hardworking, no-nonsense nurse, nearly made them get into a fight, the first one since they were twelve), this rivalry was now way past the question of men and dating and clothes.
Ino. Oh, what would Ino say about Shikamaru dating her? Oh, and Ino didn't even know... well, a lot of things, Sakura thought.
Ino wasn't very happy with either of us this morning. Of course, if two of your friends had fun for one night and then they quarreled and never wanted to be in the same room again, that was disaster.
But if it was love?
"What did Ino say when you went to see her?" Sakura asked.
"We didn't talk a lot, the shop was still open. I told her the basics – yes, I asked Sakura out, yes, I like her, yes, she knows, for God's sake, Ino, stop screaming now, my ears are bleeding."
Sakura giggled.
"But you didn't tell her you loved me, did you?"
"No. That was before The Great Mutual Confession. I was still guarding my secret. But she knew that something was going on. I had to promise that I'd talk to her later."
"Uh-oh. I can't believe that you never told her. You must be harder than steel. Or she's starting to lose her touch."
"The funny thing is, ever since I left ANBU she was very carefully not asking anything about my private life. I think she saw that I was still trying to fit back into my previous life."
"Or she decided that she wouldn't be able to remember so many names anyway."
Shikamaru didn't say anything. For Sakura's ears, each second of silence was more oppressive than the previous one.
Sakura bit her lip and caught Shikamaru's hand. He resisted her for a minute, then his hand opened and closed again around hers.
"Sorry," she said. "It's just... This is all rather complicated. It's strange that you slept with lots of other women and never even once asked me out."
"Sakura, you were always a hard nut to crack," Shikamaru said. "You don't do casual, you don't do one night stands, you're pretty hard to get to. I had no reason to suppose that Ino could give me any clues that would help me. When it comes to love affairs and dating and such, you are easily scared. The number of times I saw guys sauntering up to you, trying to get a date... The harder they pushed, the sooner they got the shove, or you just said something like 'oh, I forgot, I have to feed the Hokage's goldfish, they are very angry little beasts, half piranha actually, if they don't get fed in time they might try to eat Izumo when he opens the office in the morning, so I have to fly, bye!' "
Sakura rolled her eyes, but he was right. She hated to be pressured. The men who asked her for a date often behaved as if she owed them a date just because they deigned to ask.
"So was it my fault?" Sakura said. "I should have been more... I don't know, available? Easy?"
"I don't know, Sakura," Shikamaru said. His eyes darkened. "I don't know what to do anymore. It just makes me wish I could turn back time."
"Why?" Sakura asked, trying to understand. It was not the first time he said that.
She looked down slowly. His hands were in fists again, one of them still a little bruised, with smears of dry, flaked blood on the knuckles.
"Because this is all my fucking fault, that's why," Shikamaru said in a sombre voice and rubbed his face tiredly. "I was always a very selfish man. I liked low maintenance relationships because it was easier that way. And now I'm completely out of my depth. I love you and I want to make you happy but I have no idea what I'm doing. I only know that in your eyes I'm probably not very heroic and it fills me with shame. If I could go back, maybe I'd have a slight chance to get it right from the start. There now, I said it."
"What do you mean?" Sakura asked uncertainly.
There was an angry flash in his eyes.
"Look at all this mess. The missed opportunities. I could have asked you out a hundred times in the past few years, and I never did. I could have given you the time you needed and do things by the book and spare you all the hurt and embarrassment – and I didn't. I was too tired or too lazy or too afraid to mess with the status quo. And then I got back from ANBU, and fate played this dirty trick on me. You know I never liked Uchiha and suddenly I found myself falling for his girl, no warning, no way out, no solution. I spent a lot of time wishing I were in his place. And then he just threw it all away! I couldn't believe my eyes. So when I got my chance at last, I decided to be very, very careful. And then, just for a change, you started rushing things like there was no tomorrow."
"I know. It's not like me at all, is it? I think it was because I felt I was falling in love with you, and I wanted you to love me, too," Sakura said, her voice all eagerness and innocence.
"You just knock me off my feet, every time I look at you," Shikamaru whispered. "I feel like a minor character in a comedy. You know, the nerd or the fat guy who's living next door to the bombshell and is following her around hopelessly while she dates all the hottest bachelors in the office."
"You're the hottest bachelor in the office," she said.
"Yeah, because right now I'm the only one there. Thanks."
Sakura looked at him questioningly. Was this for real? Could he really think that way about himself?
"Shikamaru," she said gently. "Please listen to me. We can't change the past, but there's no need. Sasuke isn't your rival. He never was. What happened between him and me was something that had to be played out. To the bitter end, if you like. I think it was something like you had with Temari – you didn't want to let her go until the very last minute, until you were sure that all you could salvage from that relationship was being friends of a sort."
Shikamaru's face showed no emotion now whatsoever.
This still hurts, doesn't it? I'll have to be very careful.
"Sasuke is a very cold and distant personality," Sakura continued. "People at first only see that beautiful face and the skills and the intelligence, and they persuade themselves that a loving, gentle heart must be part of the package, but it isn't. He isn't evil, but he's very confused and very unhappy. The only reason he asked me out was, I think, that with me he was on familiar ground and he knew I wouldn't expect him to be emotional and lovey-dovey. I admit that initially I thought there would be something more between us than just a casual relationship, because I didn't realize just how deep this lack of emotions went, and I felt angry and hurt when he cheated on me but I wasn't crying into my pillow every night since he left me."
She looked up at him, his serious face, his warm, troubled eyes.
"Trust me on this, Shikamaru. The worst thing you could do to me, to us, would be trying to be like him. If he's the hero in your movie, I'd rather go with the fat neighbour. Ino was right, you know? She could have chosen any other man, wealthier, more skilled, more handsome, but she wanted Chouji. You know him, better than anyone else. He has a gentle heart, he's a good man and a loyal friend. He'll be a good husband and father. I want the same for myself."
"Fine," Shikamaru said grudgingly. He cleared his throat. "I think I understand what you're saying. It's just… it felt such an awfully long time while I stood there, flattening my nose against the glass, wanting something I couldn't have. I think I forgot that you weren't a child anymore and you didn't need sugar roses and paper hearts. I never questioned that you wanted him as he was, riches and psycho traits and all."
Sakura smiled, relieved that now he understood her correctly.
"He's not that bad," she said quietly. "If he were, the Hokage would never have let him come back. I know there was a squad ready to be dispatched, even to the very last minute."
Shikamaru watched her, his face filled with that eerie calm, that unearthly peace - near the killing edge, ready to fight.
He doesn't trust Sasuke and doesn't like him, and he remembers it all - when Sasuke left, and the years that followed when we were all sent out several times to deal with him. I haven't forgotten that Sasuke wounded me and tried to kill me. I haven't forgotten that I still loved him. I haven't forgotten that he wanted to destroy Konoha, and how people still hate him for that. But I haven't forgotten all those times either when he risked his life to save mine, when he had to make a choice and he killed Konoha's enemies instead of accepting an alliance with them. He's a dangerous man and always will be – but aren't we all dangerous? I have to make Shikamaru understand that things have changed – not when Sasuke left, but when he came back.
"You've never been to the Uchiha compound with him," she said slowly. "He can tell you stories about everyone - who lived where, their names, their looks, their habits. All through a four-year-old's eyes. 'Auntie Amaya used to live here. She always gave me a piece of candy when I was sent there with a message.' This type of thing."
She was silent for a minute, then said, "I never have to ask him where all these people are now. Because I know."
Shikamaru's eyes widened.
Yes. They are all dead.
This was hard. She didn't want to hurt Shikamaru, but she had to make him understand why she was willing to put up with certain things. If they were going to be together, really together, not just for a short fling, Shikamaru must understand that Sasuke would always be family, whether he wanted it or not. Whether she wanted it or not.
"After Sasuke came back and once the dust settled, Naruto badgered him into cleaning up parts of the compound. By the time Sasuke said yes, I thought we'd need a team of builders, too. They flattened quite a lot of things. But Naruto never gave up. Anyway, we stayed there for the night, and we all slept in the same room in sleeping bags. It was like old times, you know? Then I woke up in the middle of the night and I saw that Sasuke was not with us. I went out to see what happened."
Sakura still saw it all, like a scene in a movie – she, alone, wary and cold. A lonely figure on a dark, moonless night in a ghost village.
She swallowed noisily.
"We cleared up the family dojo the previous day – the one where... where his parents were killed," she whispered. "The blood had seeped so deeply in the floorboards we couldn't scrub them clean. He was sitting there alone on the floor... and he was stroking that piece of the floor where the bloodstains were. Because that's all he's got left of his parents. Of all his family."
She looked at Shikamaru, trying to plead without words for understanding, for forgiveness.
Shikamaru made a sad little grimace and held her close, and Sakura felt him kiss the top of her head.
"Fine," he said. "You're a much better person that I am, and I'll try hard to accept him as he is. Okay? But I won't let him hurt you. That's where I draw the line. If he tries, he deals with me, not you. Is that acceptable?"
"Yes," Sakura said.
Shikamaru and I never met like strangers, she thought. We think we know each other but that's not quite true.
"I don't want to think any more about this," Shikamaru said. "I'll just say one last thing, okay? He doesn't make it easy for people to empathize with him."
"He hates to be pitied. I know a few others like him, by the way."
"Hmm."
"Hmm. Let's return to your movie. You're not the fat neighbour type, you know."
"Who am I, then?"
"The cute neighbour. The one the casting directors always have problems with – because it's hard to find an actor for the role who's handsome but not too handsome, and any girl can see anyway that he is much, much cuter than the main character, and we all want to see him get the girl in the end. So he's the real hero."
Shikamaru gave a relieved sigh.
"I might be able to manage the not-too-handsome part."
"What about the cuteness factor?"
"I might have problems in that department. What about some secret skills instead? I make really good coffee, for example."
"Yes. But that skill isn't very secret anymore. I tasted your coffee this morning."
"Damn."
"Well, we'll see tomorrow morning if you can repeat the performance and then I'll decide."
Shikamaru looked as if he suddenly got a letter from the Hokage informing him that he was officially appointed as Konoha's First Watcher of Clouds. There was a stupid grin on his face and his eyes were sparkling.
"What?" Sakura asked.
"It's just... from now on it will always be like this, won't it?" he asked.
Sakura knew what he meant.
"Yes. We'll have to go to work, of course, and there's my team and your team and our families and everything..."
"...but we'll be together," Shikamaru finished. "I still wish I asked you out sooner."
"Oh, never mind. In the end you invited me for a drink," she said. "So there, you get a bonus point. You set the ball rolling."
"You know I like to plan things well in advance. I kept telling myself that it was too soon, that there was no rush, that I should wait… But I wanted to be with you so much that I just blurted it out."
Sakura looked at him.
"Actually, I never would have thought that it would matter to you either way. You were so cool, so collected… With your hands in your pockets…"
Shikamaru chuckled.
"Yeah. My hands were in my pockets because they were shaking so much that I knew I couldn't light a cigarette, and God, I wanted to have a smoke so badly. Or rather run out and throw up somewhere on the corridor. And you just kept me waiting, never saying yes or no."
"Oh dear," Sakura said, amazed. "This is so romantic. I mean that you were secretly in love with me and you wanted me and never said a word and in the end it still happened…"
"You call it romantic, I call it ridiculous," Shikamaru said moodily.
"There's nothing ridiculous in it!"
"Yes, there is. Me, in the first place. Pining after another guy's fiancée, the guy being not only a jerk but the ultimate jerk. In fact, he could write The Complete Handmanual of Jerks, if he wanted. Maybe he already did. Maybe it's already in the shops and it's a bestseller."
"I'm not his fiancée! I never was! And stop talking about yourself that way or I'll hit you! You're not ridiculous and you never were!"
Shikamaru looked at Sakura, her eyes blazing, her small hands in fists.
"What, not a thought spared for Uchiha? I just called him a jerk."
Sakura shrugged.
"I don't date him anymore. You can call him anything you want."
"That's not what you said on that rooftop just a few hours ago," he pointed out.
"You weren't my boyfriend then and he's my teammate. Now you are, and you get name-calling rights," Sakura said matter-of-factly.
"Oh. So when I became your boyfriend I gained power? Like it happens in shogi?"
Sakura grinned. "Something like that. A big part of a figure's value consists of its position on the board, correct?"
Shikamaru grinned back, relieved.
"I can see that our evenings together might be even more fun together than I supposed."
"What, is shogi more interesting for you than sex?" Sakura asked indignantly.
Shikamaru looked at her, his eyes shining with amusement.
"I said evenings, child, not nights. I supposed that we might have a few minutes to spare every day when we come home and…"
"Fine, fine," Sakura mumbled.
Shikamaru grinned again and shook his head.
"And this from the girl who was supposed to produce frosty sheets galore. I was planning to switch off my air-conditioner in the summer and send you to bed instead, and now…"
There's a limit to everything, even to his bloody cheek, Sakura thought and pinched his ass.
"Ouch! I thought you'd just punch my arm!"
"Always expect the unexpected," Sakura said with a sweet smile on her face.
It's funny how we fall from one mood into another. Well, he probably didn't have a lot of laughs in ANBU. And then Sasuke and me – God, all those evenings when we were having dinner together and I only heard my own voice and he was sitting there and eating like a robot or a life-size model of a human being!
Suddenly something caught Sakura's eye in a shopwindow that made her stop in the middle of the street and exclaim, "Oh! My mother's birthday! I forgot it completely!"
Shikamaru frowned.
"No, that's impossible," he said slowly. "You mentioned it a few weeks ago and said that it was in the summer – June, if I'm correct. How could you forget it? That's more than two months from now."
Sakura shook her head impatiently. "No, you don't understand! It's the paisley scarf! Oh… oh! And your lab coat!"
"And a sewing machine and a fishing rod and a dozen pounds of rice," Shikamaru said drily. "Sure, now it's all clear."
"Oh, don't make fun of me!" Sakura said, too surprised to be really angry. "I mean I can answer your question that you asked me at least five times today – I know when I started to fall in love with you, except that I didn't know then, and I…"
"Wait, wait," Shikamaru said. "Tell me in plain words, will you? I'm just a man."
Sakura laughed. The way he was standing there, trying to seem cool and reserved but so unsure, so eager to know…
"I love you," she said and beamed at him, unaware of the people passing them and slowing down, and their amused smiles and headshakes. "I love you so much and I'm so happy that you love me, too…"
Shikamaru blushed and then very gently cupped her face in his palms.
"Yes," he whispered, every word a caress. "Yes. I love you, too. Although I'm still afraid that I'll wake up soon and realize it was all just a dream."
They were watching each other, everything else forgotten for the moment.
"So, the scarf," Sakura said in an excited almost-whisper. "About two weeks ago I saw a paisley scarf in a shopwindow not far from here, and I thought, what a great present that would be for mother! And then… then I thought that I should ask someone else's opinion, maybe show them the scarf… and I thought of you first. Then I thought of Sasuke, and I remember thinking, he wouldn't be interested, and I don't mind, because I don't really care about his opinion, but I care about yours… and then…"
She looked away.
"I got into the lab early," she whispered. "I kept thinking about the scarf and whether you'd like it, and then I realized that I only had a few weeks left with you, maybe a month, if I was lucky, and then… then you'd be back in the code department and I'd be back in the hospital and you'd never ever come to see me – I'm just an acquintance, not a teammate, a close friend… and I felt so scared and unhappy and…"
"And?" Shikamaru asked softly.
"Your lab coat was hanging next to the window where you always put it," Sakura said miserably. "I was so unhappy that I… I just buried my face into it and cried and cried. Silly, huh? I should have known that I was… I was starting to… but it was different, it was nothing like before…"
She couldn't look at Shikamaru. This was about as far from romantic and as close to simply idiotic as she could imagine.
"I had a good cry and then I thought that it was probably because Sasuke and I were having problems and I was overreacting to other things, too…"
"Oh, sweetheart," Shikamaru whispered. "My darling. Did you really think that you didn't mean anything to me, that you were just a casual acquintance? That I cared so little about you that I would never come to see you?"
Sakura looked up at him, remembering the doubts and the fear and the resigned sadness – Why should he care about me? Why? – and saw plainly in his face the dark hunger and the passion and the will to possess, and her knees felt weak.
How on earth could he keep all this from her all the time they worked together?
"Why didn't you ever tell me before?" she blurted out.
Shikamaru didn't try to pretend that he had no idea what she was talking about.
"I didn't want to fall in love with you, I told you. It just happened. If denial was a country, I wanted to live there, thank you very much."
"Oh. Why didn't you want to fall in love with me?"
Shikamaru looked at the sky and then looked back at Sakura. There was no bitterness or hate in his eyes.
"Because you belonged to somebody else," he said quietly. "And it looked as if it was going to stay like that for a long, long time. I wanted you, Sakura. You. Not your pity or your understanding or your sympathy. You. If I couldn't have you, I didn't want to be a subject to be discussed at your dinner table for your boyfriend's amusement."
"I wouldn't have…!"
"No? Well, excuse me, then. But I still can't see what good it could have been if I told you. I don't like Uchiha but I can see the way women look at him. A situation like this, falling for someone who is already engaged to a man who's rich, handsome, talented and…"
"We weren't engaged," Sakura interrupted him.
"No?" Shikamaru asked, surprised. "Oh. Naruto told me weeks ago that you were – to be exact, he said that Uchiha had already popped the question, you two were just waiting for a special occasion to tell everyone else. Every day you came in, I had to steel myself – you know, if maybe this was the day when I'd see that damn ring on your finger."
"Oh Naruto," Sakura sighed, more exasperated than embarrassed. "You should know him by now. He always believes what he wants to believe."
"So you didn't…?" Shikamaru asked.
"No," Sakura said. "I have no idea why Naruto said that. The only thing I can think of is that he's thinking about marrying Hinata. Naruto always supposes that the rest of the world must want to do the same as him in any given situation."
"Fucking hell," Shikamaru said angrily. "I was so jealous and unhappy and angry and... Oh, that's the last straw! I might have tried to do something otherwise, but trying to seduce another man's fiancée... Oh God! I want to kick Naruto! Hell, I want to kick him nine times, once for each tail!"
Their mouths were close and then Shikamaru's eyes flashed and he pulled her even closer and his mouth was on hers and he was full of fire and need and want and she opened her mouth to him and he took for himself all he wanted.
When he let her go they heard a wolf whistle and someone clapping.
Sakura's face was burning and Shikamaru raised his head in a way that was meant to tell anybody nearby that they had better mind their own business or else, but then he gave a little half-smile.
"I should have known it was you. Say, I would never understand how a lady like her with good taste and good manners would choose a useless git like you," Shikamaru said with a wink. "Life, indeed, is full of wonders."
"I'd like to make some new holes on you with my senbon and not all of them would be on your ears. The only thing holding me back is that Sakura would then probably tear me to pieces," a man's voice answered, followed by a laugh.
"Don't mind him, Shikamaru," a female voice said. "I only keep him around because he opens the bottles of wine when we have guests and he can reach the upper shelves of the kitchen cupboard. I don't actually listen when he speaks, and I advise you to do the same."
Sakura turned to see the people standing behind her.
"Oh, hello, Shizune," she said happily. "Hello, Genma-san."
"See, Nara? Just like I told you, huh? The best thing in the world is a med-nin in your…life?" Genma said with a leer.
Sakura was sure that the word he originally wanted to use was not life. Arms, maybe. Or bed.
Shizune probably thought the same because, fast as a rattlesnake, her hand appeared and smacked the back of Genma's head, then disappeared behind her back again. It took only a second and her face didn't change a bit, her peaceful, smiling expression stayed the same.
"Ouch!"
"It seems to me you don't need my girlfriend to beat you, Shiranui," Shikamaru commented. "You've got your own."
"Oh, just shut up, Shikamaru," Sakura said. "Stop riling him, it's unfair."
"But I just…"
"What did I just say?" Sakura asked. She and Shizune exchanged weary looks and shook their heads.
Really, it's as if they were both twelve, Sakura thought with a sigh. And I used to think that Naruto and Sai were immature!
"Thank you, Sakura," Genma said with a bow. "You are a wonderful woman and a gentle soul. Nara doesn't deserve you and I will remind him of that simple fact every possible time I can."
"You will just shut your mouth now," Shizune informed him with a smile and turned to Sakura. "I haven't seen you for a while."
"Yes, it's all this lab work. We keep long hours. But in two weeks' time at the most I'll be back on hospital duty."
"Oh, I think we have some catching up to do till then. Would you and Shikamaru like to come to dinner at my place some time next week?"
"Oh yes, we'd love to," Sakura said, beaming. She hadn't seen Shizune for weeks, not even passing, and she missed her company. Then she realized that Shikamaru might not want to go – Sasuke preferred to stay at home whenever it was possible, except if it was some extra training with Naruto. Maybe Shikamaru felt the same. "Oh, Shikamaru, I hope you don't mind – if you don't want to, it's…"
"I'd love to," Shikamaru said, looking at her. His voice was gentle, his touch on her arm even gentler. "When?"
"Oh, I'll have to take a look at my hospital schedule," Shizune said. "Either Tuesday or Wednesday, I'll let you know."
"Either one is okay with us," Shikamaru said. "Thanks for the invitation."
Genma and Shizune said good-bye and they started walking again.
"How did they know we were a couple?" Sakura asked.
"Oh, you mean beside watching us making out in full daylight in the middle of the street? I think that might be a pointer in itself but, of course, I might be wrong."
"No, really!" Sakura insisted.
Shikamaru looked at her, raised an eyebrow and started to count on his fingers. "Ino. Chouji. Tenten. Hinata. And all the people who saw us this morning and then saw us again this afternoon. What Genma and Shizune saw was just confirmation of the latest village news."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
He chuckled and shook his head.
"Most of my ANBU buddies would just throw a fit if they saw me like this – laughing in the street and kissing a girl and everything!"
"Oh, so I'm cramping your style, am I? Shikamaru Nara, cool as an iceberg, king of whatever, suddenly looks almost human!" Sakura said happily.
"I don't mind," Shikamaru said. He looked around furtively as if making sure nobody saw him act like this, then he put his hands in his pockets and raised his face toward the sky with an expression of utmost indifference and started to whistle.
Sakura laughed and punched his arm.
"Ouch!"
"What now? Last time you wanted me to punch your arm," Sakura said innocently.
"Is this how you intend to make me happy?" Shikamaru asked. "Beating me up in public? Kinky."
"Oh no," Sakura said. "I would never do that. But talking about happiness, there's the boutique that we're going to visit. Cross the street with me, there's a good boy."
"Oh, the fun," Shikamaru said and grimaced. "The only thing that will keep me alive while I suffer in there is the thought that no matter what you choose, after dinner I can take it off you."
"Oh, you'll help me choose the dress, mister such-a-drag, don't forget that," Sakura said. "So you can start thinking about whether you want me to wear something long with a complicated design that will take ages to remove or one of those dresses that contain hardly more material than a ribbon but the price seems to be based on the amount of the material missing from it."
"Choices, choices," Shikamaru said with a grin.
The Elegant Kunoichi sold all kinds of outfits of quality. Kagura, the owner had her own views about how and what to sell and the merchandize was arranged according to her taste. She insisted on calling the shop "her tiny boutique" – never mind that it was a shop that offered all kinds of goods on three levels of the same building, selling anything and everything a kunoichi would need.
It was on the ground floor near the entrance where the evening dresses and other pricey items were on display – it was the equivalent of those restaurants where celebrities were always seated near the windows. The kunoichi outfits and special equipment were sold on the first floor and the second floor – Kagura's reasoning being that a kunoichi would probably want assistance and audience for choosing a dress for a grand occasion, but would prefer to select mission and training clothes and equipment in relative peace and silence. The ground floor was full of mirrors and gilded ornaments and chandeliers and marble floors and red carpet (it looked, in Ino's words, "a cross between a museum and a bordello"), while the upper floors were much simpler, more businesslike. Even the shopping bags were different – the shopping bags for the kunoichi clothing and accessories were nondescript beige bags, strong enough to hold any kind of equipment, while evening dresses and other fancy items were always packed in golden shopping bags that proudly sported the characters and logo for Elegant Kunoichi.
Most customers agreed with Kagura's philosophy and frequented the shop just as much for the fun of it as for the actual purpose of buying a dress. The shop now had the usual amount of girls looking for the perfect dress on a Saturday afternoon in a haste, in the only shop whose owner was clever enough to have it open – in other words, it was a controlled chaos. Kagura-san, the owner was sitting behind her desk in the corner and directing the salesgirls with only a look or a nod or a headshake.
Sakura didn't buy dresses often, but Ino did, so Sakura was familiar with the shop. Shikamaru also came here sometimes – not of his own free will, of course, but when Ino wanted him to help her, he was dragged here without mercy for all his cursing and whining. The fact that now they came here very much together also meant that there was a morsel of juicy gossip for the other customers to relish, Sakura thought. She wasn't surprised when the heads turned toward them and people started whispering.
"We are still news," Shikamaru said quietly.
"Yes," Sakura said happily. "You are mine and I love it and if we meet any ANBU girls, I have the right to go up to them and tell them that now you're my boyfriend and you're off limits and if anyone thinks otherwise..."
"You can meet them on ground three for a little sparring," Shikamaru cut in. "Fair enough. I'm going to do the same with men. Any problems with that?"
Sakura shook her head.
"There aren't any men here beside you, but when we get out of here you can start beating up anybody who even looks at me. I couldn't care less."
"Blood-thirsty little chit."
"But don't get your pretty face bashed in. I want to have a good time at the Golden Dragon instead of putting ice on your bruises at home."
"Blood-thirsty, heartless little chit."
Sakura looked around and saw Kagura nodding toward them. She nodded back. Kagura whispered something to the salesgirl standing next to her who disappeared in the crowd then, a minute later, miraculously appeared next to them and greeted them by name and offered her help.
Shikamaru didn't waste any time.
"We'd like to choose a nice dress for the lady," he said. He didn't seem nervous, his behaviour was calm and polite. Ino must have brought him here as unpaid companion and personal manservant more times than she was aware of, Sakura realized.
"A coctail dress would be best," Shikamaru continued. "No black and no white. Most pastel shades don't do justice to her natural colours, if you see what I mean, so let's skip those, too. Her favourite colours are red and green. She doesn't like too short or too long skirts, her taste is more conservative than extravagant, and she doesn't like sequins. Could you help us choose something within those limits?"
The salesgirl flashed a smile at them and nodded, then glided away in that peculiar smooth way that only flight attendants, aristocrats and salesgirls of elegant boutiques are capable of.
Wow, Sakura thought. Is he channeling Ino or was a course on women's fashion part of the seduction squad training?
That's not the most important question you should ask, Inner said in a bored voice. The most important question is, is he the coolest guy on this planet or what? Enjoy your fifteen minutes of fame, girlie. Although the way I see it, some of these bitches would kill you this very minute and grab him if they thought they could get away with it.
Sakura glanced around furtively and realized that Inner was right - as usual. Some of the women were watching Shikamaru, but lots of others were watching her with a calculating look.
What does she have that we don't?
Sakura briefly considered standing on a chair and announcing that she had no idea what Shikamaru saw in her, it was just a touch of fluke, really, but concluded that this might have just the opposite effect than what she intended and she didn't want to die in a spontaneous outburst of female rage. What's more, it would really spoil Shizune's evening if she had to examine Sakura's corpse.
Suffocation by a dozen evening dresses. What a way to go.
She shook her head to clear her thoughts.
In a minute the salesgirl returned with a bunch of dresses that she carefully laid out on the counter in front of them. There was a short crimson dress with a ruffled skirt, a deep blue evening gown that had practically no back and a light violet silk dress with spaghetti straps. All the dresses were Sakura's size, she could see that - the salesgirls here were really, really good at what they were doing. Sizing up a customer both literally and figuratively was part of their job, and Kagura only wanted - and hired - the best.
Sakura eyed the dresses uncertainly. Any of them would do, but…
From the corner of her eye she saw Shikamaru take a long and careful look at each dress, then give a definite shake of his head.
He doesn't like them. Now what?
"I have something that you will like," the salesgirl said. She wasn't looking at Sakura but Shikamaru when she went back to the rows of dresses.
The dress she returned with was a beautiful colour. She offered the dress to Sakura - it was a mêlée of green, turquoise and blue, and as it was hanging down from the salesgirl's arm, it seemed to flutter like the sea in a breeze. It was a very simple design, a tight V-neck top with a floating skirt, but the material of the dress was twisted in several places, and little wisps of some very light, veil-like material covered the skirt so that it seemed to bathe in a green-and-blue mist.
Shikamaru nodded.
Sakura took the dress from the salesgirl and walked into one of the dressing cubicles, pulled the curtain closed, took off her cotton dress and put on the new one, then took a deep breath and looked in the mirror.
She thought that it would be one of those transformations like in the movies – perfect hair, perfect skin. But in this dress she still looked like herself, except she was somehow more herself. She seemed more like the girl that she used to be before she became a kunoichi – shy, sweet, innocent, trusting. There were all the scars and all the uncertainty and every little flaw and every weakness that she could still see in herself, but at the same time in a strange and special way these were all part of this beautiful young girl who was Sakura Haruno, and she could see how Shikamaru could fall in love with her.
He loves me as I am, Sakura thought. He can see me for what I am.
She stepped out of the cubicle.
Shikamaru's eyes went wide but he didn't smile. He was looking at her in a way that was closer to fear that anything else.
"Is it that bad?" Sakura asked in a shy voice. I looked good in the mirror, I know I did, but his face... He doesn't look happy. I thought he would be happy.
"Sakura," Shikamaru whispered. "Oh my God. Oh my dear God."
"If you don't like it, just say so," Sakura said with trembling lips. It didn't matter that she loved this dress. If he didn't like it, that was it. Maybe the light was different out here.
"What are you talking about?" Shikamaru asked, surprised. "I never saw anybody in my life quite as beautiful as you. I can't believe that you're willing to date me. And this dress... if it could talk it would whisper 'I was waiting for you all this time, take me home or I'll die here!' "
"Really?" Sakura asked.
Shikamaru nodded and turned to the salesgirl.
"I think we'll take that," he said.
"It's a wonderful dress," the girl agreed and automatically pulled the back of the skirt down a little so that the hem would be straight. Sakura felt like a little girl, getting her first real 'grown-up' dress.
She'd just have to say 'my, how you've grown, Sakura!', and it would be perfect.
"... and no wonder, it's a Misaki dress, but not everyone has the figure to wear it, that's all I say," the salesgirl said.
"A Misaki?" Sakura interrupted. She wasn't that familiar with fashion but she knew this name. Misaki was an up-and-coming designer, and Ino had wanted a Misaki dress for ages. She felt all the joy pouring out of her, as if there was a tiny hole somewhere on her skin and she could only watch helplessly as her happiness was draining out and disappearing into nowhere. If Ino wanted a dress like this but couldn't afford it, Ino, who could spend her whole salary on clothes and make-up...
"Oh, but I..."
Shikamaru and the salesgirl both looked at her, frowning.
One of the women behind her back whispered something to her friend who giggled.
It doesn't matter, Sakura thought. They can probably spend as much on a dress as they want. I can't. This is a designer dress. I should have known. Well, the ball was nice, Cinderella, as short as it was, but now it's time to return to reality.
"I'm sorry but I can't afford that," she said quietly. "It is a lovely dress, but..."
Shikamaru interrupted her. "And who said you were going to pay for it? That's what I'd like to know."
Suddenly the shop became much less noisy than a minute ago, then the whispering started again.
Shikamaru pulled a credit card out of his vest pocket and handed it to the salesgirl over Sakura's shoulder.
"We'll take it. And she'll need shoes and an evening bag, too. And maybe a scarf or a shawl? Something in harmonizing colours, if you please."
Whispers, whispers, whispers.
Then, looking at Sakura, Shikamaru added with a wicked smile, "One. First of ten, if I remember correctly. The rest we'll keep for a more appropriate time and place."
Whispers again. Questioning looks on some of the faces. Shrugs. Whispers, whispers, whispers.
Sakura blushed, then laughed, then blushed again, then said, "But you can't buy me something like that! It's terribly, terribly expensive!"
"Woman, I hope you don't think you can tell me what to do," Shikamaru said, and added darkly, "I have my mother trying to do that all the time, and it's a drag."
Sakura flew to him and kissed him several times and said, "Oh thank you. Thank you very much. This dress is so beautiful, it's just so... so... Oh, thank you!"
And you are going to the ball, Cinderella! So there!
She took the dress off in the cubicle and put on her rose-coloured one and then the salesgirl took the green dress away to put it in a box with a thousand sheets of fine paper and then she was shown all kinds of sandals and shoes and bags and a beautiful light green scarf embroidered with tiny golden flowers... and she was nodding and smiling, but all the while she was watching Shikamaru's face from the corner of her eye.
It wasn't just the dress. No. It was also the way he bought it for her – he wasn't telling her what a nuisance it was, he wasn't impatient or condescending, he didn't say anything about vanity and women and all the superfluous, useless things they were willing to pay for.
She was happy and he did everything in his power to make this happiness last.
She knew this face, this look. It was just a few months ago that Kurenai asked her to babysit Aiko for a day, and she was glad to - her team was not in Konoha and she happened to have a lot of free time with Sasuke absent -, and when she mentioned that to Ino, she said she would come, too, and then somehow Shikamaru appeared unexpectedly in the last minute and Kurenai shook her head and laughed, but Sakura could tell that she was glad that they all loved her baby girl so.
They went to the park together and then had lunch and in the afternoon they took Aiko to the fun fair. When she saw the carousel she started shouting. She was so excited that half her words came out in babytalk, and Shikamaru laughed and said that yes, she could sit on a horsey.
After the sixth time Ino and Sakura felt both dizzy just watching her, but Shikamaru just smiled and said that as long as the child was feeling happy, he would keep paying. And he did. The first stars already appeared in the sky and Aiko still didn't get bored and didn't get dizzy and didn't get tired. In the end she finally decided to get off, slightly bow-legged and still rapturously happy, and said very politely, "Thank you, Uncle Shika, but I'm hungry now, can I have some ramen?" Shikamaru smiled again and said yes, of course, and praised her for being such a good girl.
The look on his face then was exactly like the way he looked now.
He loves me, Sakura thought, and she was surprised that with this thought there still came a sudden rush of joy that filled her heart. He loves Aiko too, just as if she were his own child. But he doesn't love Kurenai. He likes her, but he doesn't love her.
She never saw Shikamaru look at Kurenai with longing, she could see that now. There was gentleness there, yes. Friendship and understanding, yes. But no longing.
When everything was chosen and swiftly and efficiently packed and paid for and even Kagura herself stood up and strolled up to them with her elegant walk and perfectly made-up face and shrewd eyes and wished them a very pleasant evening (which, Sakura thought guiltily, was in itself a sure sign of what a hair-raising amount of money Shikamaru must have spent on her), they left the shop and Shikamaru said in a satisfied voice, "Well, that was over sooner than I thought. I was sure I would have to drag you out of there kicking and screaming."
"Oh, don't be silly," Sakura said, still trying to find her balance both physically and emotionally. Going shopping with Shikamaru turned out to be a lot more glamorous than she was ready for. "I wanted a dress and I got it and thank you very much again, but thank you, that's all. I'm not Ino."
"And for that I am truly grateful. Is it all right if now I walk you back to your place or do you need to do something else?"
"Like what?"
"I have no idea. Hairdresser? Beautician? Emergency session with your girlfriends?"
Sakura stopped and looked at him.
"Huh?"
He seemed to be serious but with Shikamaru it was impossible to tell for sure.
"I already washed my hair," Sakura said carefully, wondering what deviant thoughts he had on his mind. "And I usually don't wear that much make-up, so I can manage that on my own. And my girlfriends already know that I'm with you, so if there's a gossip session that will come tomorrow or the day after. Was this a tricky question of some kind?"
Shikamaru grinned like crazy.
"No, it wasn't a tricky question. So, I'll walk you home then let you get ready in peace and solitude because I, on the other hand, have something important to do and it can't wait."
"Huh? What?" Sakura asked, still unsure if this was all a joke.
"I have to buy hundreds of joss sticks and burn one in every temple on my way home. You are clearly the gift of the gods and I had better show all of them how grateful I am," Shikamaru said in a serious voice. There was a funny glint in his eyes.
Sakura had no idea what to say.
They started walking back to her flat. The Weekend of Love Songs was still in full swing, as the radio blasting in a grocery store nearby made it obvious to everyone.
It's the light that just keeps shining day after day
When other loves have come and gone
I'll be here with open arms to take you in...
Some of the shops were still open. There was something in the back of her mind, wanting to come out, something to do with… joss sticks? Temples? Luck? Love songs?
"Oh! There! Come on, Shikamaru, it's still open!" she cried and pulled Shikamaru after her. "Hurry up!"
It was a tiny jeweller's shop, and Shikamaru's eyes grew enormous when he saw where Sakura was heading but he had no chance to protest.
Sakura looked at him, saw his eyes darting this way and that and laughed. "Come on, you don't have to spend any more money on me!"
She pulled him into the shop. The owner, a wizened old man whose broken thumb she had once healed ("I dropped a hammer on it! Not hit it with a hammer, mind you – I wanted to put the damn thing in its place and I dropped it and it broke my thumb! How on earth am I supposed to work like that? Can you heal that, miss?") recognized her at once. "Haruno-san! What a pleasure to see you!"
"Is the shop still open, Matsumoto-san?"
"My shop is always open for you, Haruno-san," the old man said chivalrously. "What is your heart's desire? A necklace? A bracelet? A… ring, maybe?"
From the corner of her eye Sakura saw Shikamaru stiffen.
"No," she said hurriedly. "It's not for me, you see. It's for my boyfriend."
"Oh! Oh! What did you have in mind, Haruno-san?"
"But I don't…" Shikamaru began hesitatingly but Sakura already found what she wanted. She remembered these small pendants from one of her previous visits. There were a lot of them, all kinds of shapes and designs and symbols that people usually love to wear for luck, among them the Chinese characters of the most important words of Tao Te Ching.
Sakura always liked the more ornate original Chinese characters more than the modernized Japanese equivalents with their clean, simplified look. The Chinese characters were more alive, more real, although they were less elegant.
The pull was so strong, so undisputable that she felt it unthinkable to try and rationalize it. She had to buy one of these for him. One day it might be important, or maybe it would be just a memory in the years to come. It didn't matter.
Now the only important thing was to choose the right one, the one that was his.
Which one should it be? Something connected with him, something that appeals to him.
Harmony. Insight. Simplicity. Oh, here was Subtlety – this also meant mysterious or profound.
He is mysterious all right, but he doesn't need me to tell him that.
There were other characters that seemed popular – there was more than one kind of those, different sizes and materials. Power. Leader. Influence. The ever-present Love.
Then Sakura saw a pendant that her heart seemed to recognize sooner than her eyes – her hand closed around it before she had time to think it over. It was a silver pendant on a thin unadorned silver necklace that looked as if it were made of water.
Sakura held the pendant between her hands and closed her eyes for a minute. When she was a child, she often saw her mother do the same thing with small objects, gifts for Sakura or her father – earrings, a watch, a belt. Always something they would wear, but never a weapon, never something that could kill.
It was as if her mother wanted to pour some of herself into the thing, to turn it into a magic object, a talisman that would protect them.
Sakura never understood it until this moment but now it was as if there was some hidden power pouring into her from these memories and, through her, into the pendant.
Listen to my prayers, oh gods. I love this man. Please, light his path in the dark and protect him from harm. Please.
She opened her eyes then unclasped the necklace and stood on tiptoe to put it around Shikamaru's neck.
His eyes flickered to the pendant, then back to her face and his expression softened.
Sakura secured the clasp and stood back to see it better.
The character Home glittered in the artifical light.
The pendant looked very small and vulnerable on the rough material of the flak vest.
"It's not a big thing," she said, her voice uncertain. "But sometimes a small thing may mean all the difference in the world. We're both shinobi and we go where we are sent. But this will remind you that I'm here and waiting for you, that you are in my thoughts and in my heart. Always. When there's nothing else left, I hope this will bring you back to Konoha. To your family, to your friends… and to me."
Shikamaru opened his arms and pulled her into an embrace that almost crushed her.
For all his politeness Matsumoto-san was probably glad that now he could close the shop, because as soon as Sakura paid and they left, the door was closed behind them and the blinds rolled down on the shopwindows.
The moment they stepped out on the street, Shikamaru took hold of the pendant and quickly pulled down the zip of his vest a little. The pendant disappeared and the zip was up again and he was as always – calm, bored, distant.
Sakura watched him lovingly.
That's Shikamaru Nara in one move, she thought. He'll wear my gift next to his skin and never take it off. But he'll never show it to anyone, either. My darling.
Shikamaru turned back and took one more look at the shop, his face inscrutable.
He's thinking fast. What is it? Is something wrong?
Then he turned back to Sakura, saw her expression and shook his head a little.
Everything's fine.
There was a look on his face that Sakura just couldn't figure out. His eyes were sparkling but he looked neither happy nor sad. The best way to describe it was intense.
Is it some kind of plan? A decision he finalized?
The way he looked was the same kind of look as when he figured out a difficult problem and decided what steps to take – a combination of inner satisfaction and resolution, the will to see something to an end.
Shikamaru looked in her eyes and slowly shook his head again.
I could solve the riddle. The parts of the puzzle are here somewhere – but he doesn't want me to. He'd like me to leave it well alone.
Somehow this reminded Sakura of Lee and the first weeks when they started dating. Lee wanted to know everything about her, all she thought or felt, be with her all the time. It was a lucky thing that he understood that work for her was of utmost priority, just like training was for him. Otherwise the situation would have become unbearable in a few short days.
I'll leave him alone. He doesn't have to share all his secrets with me.
She smiled at him and said, "So you'll walk me home now?"
His smile was sweet.
"But I'll just say goodbye on the steps."
"Ooooh," Sakura said, a wicked look in her eyes. "You're afraid that I'll seduce you again and we'll be late for dinner."
"Afraid isn't the best word, but yes, you do have a tendency to crash all my plans in a heartbeat."
"You said something like that before, I remember… but I have no idea what you meant."
Shikamaru obviously found this very funny.
"Look at all that happened since yesterday. Do you think that it was me, evil genius strategist that I am, who planned all this? Hell, anything I planned, you turned it upside down, broke it to pieces, and then built a fire on the ruins and started to whistle!"
"What?" Sakura shrieked. "I never…!"
"Yes, yes, you did. And stop shouting, all the people in the street think I've made an indecent proposal."
"None of your proposals can be indecent, it's logically impossible! You're my boyfriend!" Sakura shouted, still irked by his remarks.
Heads turned toward them and Shikamaru grinned.
"Thanks for clearing this up, Sakura. My virtue is unblemished and stands as an example for all generations to follow. Now, would you please lower your voice?"
"You're impossible!" Sakura fumed. "And I want to know what you meant with all these plans and fires and whistling."
"I'm irritating, I'm willing to admit that, but I'm not impossible. And I'm sorry, for a moment I forgot that you think in images and metaphors tend to mislead you. Ask away in plain terms and I'll answer."
Sakura furrowed her eyebrows. Was Shikamaru saying that he was just as surprised by this turn of events as she was? But he had weeks to ponder about all this, did he never make a plan? That was unlikely, to say the least.
"So when you invited me for a drink, was that a seduction squad plan?" she said slowly.
Shikamaru was horrified. "God, no," he said. "It was just... it was Friday evening, we were working late, and you seemed even sadder than usual. I only heard what happened with you and Uchiha about three days ago or so. You never said a word, and…"
"I was so embarrassed," Sakura murmured. "I didn't even tell Ino."
"I see," Shikamaru said quietly. "I was sure your heart was broken. I thought maybe you could use a shoulder to cry on. That was all, I swear. I wanted to hold you in my arms and tell you what an idiot he was, but I was afraid to do even that. And before you ask something stupid again, no, I didn't use any tricks to get you in my bed. No secret techniques, I can assure you. I just wanted to talk to you, cheer you up a bit, and then... Bang, surprise number one. The girl of my dreams in her usual innocent way tells me sex is something she never considered pleasant and asks me to teach her how to do it properly. Thinking back, it seems strange that I didn't fall on the floor writhing and foaming at the mouth."
He coughed and looked Sakura in the eye.
"I was even thinking of refusing to... to get intimate with you but I couldn't see how it could go wrong, and... well, by then I was surprised I was able to think at all, if you know what I mean."
"I can imagine," Sakura whispered and couldn't hold back a giggle.
"Yes. Then, surprise number two. Last night I was lying next to you, thinking about how to go on, maybe tell you that I kind of like you, maybe just offer... I don't know what, my heart, my soul, or any other less noble part of my being that you might be interested in, including free usage of all my body parts, at your service, with the possibility of you walking all over me afterwards with a free kick in my ribs if you feel like it - and then you say you want to date me. Seriously, you could have knocked me down with a feather. I mean, if I weren't lying already. And then this morning..."
He looked at Sakura again. "I just didn't want to let you go," he said. "I didn't. I was sure that if I did, then the gods would look down from their abode and realize that you weren't supposed to be here, with me, not like this, and something awful would happen. And then, bang, third surprise, this time from my own creative impulses. Hell."
He scratched his neck, embarrassed. Sakura just listened.
"...Ibiki has been pestering me for ages about this new coding system he wanted for the Interrogation department, and last week that asshole sent me a kunai, and there was a message with it, something like if he didn't get at least a taste of what this new system would look like, he would put this kunai somewhere so deep where not only the sun doesn't shine but my own shadows would be lost in the darkness... anyway, there we are, sitting at the breakfast table, our first morning together, and then I just see Ibiki's goddamn fucking system in front of myself, clear as daylight! There goes my plan to spend the morning with you, just because you said something about dreams a moment ago."
"So that was what you were scribbling about this morning!" Sakura exclaimed. "I see!" She added as an afterthought, "Ibiki surely does have a strange system of incentives."
Shikamaru chuckled. "You could say that. But my point is, I was ready to throw the whole idea away, you just had to say the word, but you were so sweet, patient and silent and everything, reading that damn book next to me, and it was as I always imagined things should be with a girl."
Sakura looked at him, not quite sure what he meant. "I could see that it was something important," she said. "I know how these things go, if you don't catch it while it's fresh in your mind, then it just disappears."
Shikamaru kissed her brow.
"That's exactly what I mean."
He took a big breath.
"For the first time in ages, I wasn't alone. I don't mean without-people-alone, but nobody-understands-me alone. I didn't want to mess it up. So after that every time I felt the urge to push things a bit, I held back with all my might, because I didn't want to frighten you away."
"Is that why you told that blonde waitress in the teashop that I was your friend?"
Shikamaru sighed.
"What I really wanted to say was, 'she's my girlfriend and if you put your hand on my arm again, I'll break your fingers', and she knew it, I'm sure."
Sakura laughed. This was like re-reading a detective story and contemplating all the clues.
"So you don't like her?" she teased him.
Shikamaru's eyes flashed dark fire.
"Do you find that funny?" he asked coldly. "Is she my type, do you think? Someone who wears a low-cut blouse without a bra so that she would get a bigger tip from male guests?"
Sakura tipped her head to one side.
"I have no idea," she said sweetly. "How many girls did you say you had in the last six months?"
Shikamaru blushed, embarrassed.
"Never mind," Sakura said. "I'm not going to hold that against you. It's just funny. I wish I had a thousand lovers, too."
"No," Shikamaru said. "No, no, no. Very bad idea."
Sakura found this extremely amusing.
"Well, then I'll have to trust your judgement on this," she said and fluttered her eyelashes. "You're older and more experienced and you're a man. I'm just a young girl, what do I know of things like that?"
Shikamaru looked at her suspiciously.
"What now?" Sakura asked.
"I like it better when you're angry," Shikamaru said sincerely. "Then I know I can dodge your fist if I'm quick enough or apologize and just disappear from view. But this is scary."
Sakura burst out laughing.
"Well, maybe one man will be enough, after all. I can't say I'm bored."
She thought a little, then added, "I wasn't very happy with Sasuke but he wasn't happy, either. Maybe he was just as bored as I was. I hope he'll be happier with that girl."
"Well, in a minute you'll be able to see for yourself whether that's true or not," Shikamaru said, his voice strangely colourless. "Because here they come."