Note: This story has changed to M I knew I would do so eventually but thought sooner rather than later would be best. Nothing too graphic this chapter, but talks of child abuse occur.

And all of a sudden the year had started Hermione had no idea where the week before the children coming to school had gone, it seemed like a blur of helping Severus with his supply room, and Minerva setting her new classroom up.

With the first start of the year, she began her Monday at the breakfast table smiling at the staff and students and barely eating anything. Severus kept putting various fruits on her plate, and she nibbled, but she couldn't stomach any more than that. She was glad Hagrid was the first place he would ease her into it slowly, and his classes were as laid back as one could be.

Hermione walked out of breakfast beside him. Hermione told the table "good luck" and went on her way. When the class started, she couldn't believe how little the first years were they were just babies. 'Oh, Merlin I'm already acting like a teacher' she thought. She wasn't sure exactly how she would be assisting Hagrid but, she always enjoyed hearing his stories. Today was easy though, and for the 1st years, he introduced Fang and any other animal currently in his hut. He talked about unicorns and Centaurs, and about the class overview. The 2nd years was much of the same, but this time Fang was excited to see the kids he already knew and allowed them to pet and rub him. He told the 2nd years that they would be allowed to see slightly more dangerous creatures and learn of mermaids and the squid in the lake. He even made them write a 2 paragraph paper about a magical creature they wanted to know more about. Hermione knew that Hagrid didn't need much help but enjoyed Hermione's company. Hermione was leaving for a break and knew Severus also had a break during this time. She talked to Hagrid after the class until the 5th years started arriving and she slowly went toward the castle. She went up to his room hoping to find him, she knew as much as he enjoyed potions, he didn't like the classroom. So when she knocked on the door, and he opened it she wasn't surprised.

"How is your first day going?" Severus ask.

"All I did was watch Hagrid talk all morning he was delightful, and asked my opinion on things but, really I'm not sure how much of help I am to him."

Severus didn't respond. Hermione looked at him he seemed stressed out. Hermione walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He relaxed a little which made her smile. "What's wrong Severus?"

"I don't know how to act," Severus said.

"What do you mean?" Hermione ask.

"I don't know what is expected of me. I have been this double spy for so long and don't know what to do. I don't know what the kids expect of me, am I supposed to be the bat of the dungeons, or what am I supposed to do?"

"Severus, this is the first time you can be yourself in front of the students, show them who you are Severus, and whether that is to continue the bat of the Dungeons or something else it is up to you, just always remember to let them know who's boss!" Hermione said.

Severus smiled, she really did know everything. He grabbed Hermione's hand kissed her, Hermione obliged and they made out for the next 20 minutes like they were 15 again and in love for the first time.

Minerva was oddly like Hagrid acting more of a friend and asking her opinion on things while the students were all around. Minerva also made Hermione show a charm she had made herself to remind student's they can only be limited by their imagination. When it was time for the last class, Minerva told her to go back to Hagrid. Hermione realized for the older students that this was more social class than a learning class. The students were asking about animals they had seen in the past, they were talking to Hagrid like he was an old friend, and they were enjoying their time.

Hermione stopped taking Care of Magical Creatures in 5th year, and she remembered even then there was a lot more of a social aspect to it. It wasn't that he was a lousy teacher it was just that there was only so many animals you can show students semi-safely. She started talking to the 6th years, and it was a great ending to the day.

Hermione smiled when as she went to go tutor potions. She loved potions, and even though she would never be making them, she would be talking about them which was close enough. Only a few children showed up mainly muggle-born children confused and like a deer in the headlights, but once Hermione explained the basics the students looked satisfied about the answers that were given and went on their way.

Hermione went up to her room one thing she could say for sure was that she was tired. She went to the room and laid down and sure enough, she was asleep. It wasn't until 8pm when she heard a knock on the door she was awoken. She saw the sun was setting. It was just about dark, she popped up out of bed and got the door. Severus looked at her with a worried expression.

"That bad?" Severus ask.

Hermione smiled, "It wasn't bad, I just was so nervous last night I didn't sleep well."

Just then Hermione's stomach growled. "I guess I have missed dinner huh," Hermione said

"Yes, but just call for an Elf they will get you anything you want," Severus said.

Hermione still didn't like using Elves she knew more about them, but still didn't like the fact of how they worked so hard for no payment, but she was hungry. So she nodded her head, and Severus called for one of the elves her name was Leala. Hermione smiled at her, "I'm sorry to bother you but can I get some leftovers from dinner tonight?" Hermione ask.

"Yes mam," Leala said.

Hermione smiled as Leala popped out of sight.

"Severus, are you staying here tonight?" Hermione asked pleading with him.

"I suppose I could do so," Severus said.

Hermione kissed him and smiled at him, she was enjoying time with him, and she honestly thought there would never be enough time with him.

Leala popped back quickly. Hermione sat down with some tea and dinner as she told Severus about her "tutoring." Severus was smiling while she told the story of Shawn, a first year and muggle asking if "when it said eye frog, do I have to touch it!"

After dinner, Hermione grabbed the book she has been reading, and Severus grabbed one as well, they sat together. She was reading a trashy romance novel, she didn't do it often, but she enjoyed the crazy plot, they were something that would not happen in a million years, but it let her have an escape. Hermione started reading an overly enhanced sex scene when she realized her proximity to Severus which made her heart flutter and made her begin touching Severus.

Severus looked at Hermione questionably as she started touching his stomach and moving to kiss him. Hermione quickly started making out with Severus, not to his disproval. Hermione started to touch his thighs moving to his crotch when suddenly he stopped, he was breathing heavy but not because of the all the kissing but because he was panicking.

"Please Hermione stop!" he said quite loudly, Hermoine jumped at the sound and took her hands away quickly.

"I'm sorry, I, I thought, I'm sorry," Hermione said.

She looked in his eyes and saw a worried look in his eye, he headed to the door, but Hermione wouldn't allow him to leave.

"Severus, I'm sorry, please stay," Hermione said.

"I think maybe we need a night apart," Severus said.

Hermione knew she had upset him. She knew of the abuse in the past, but he never went into details, maybe something his father has done really has him scared as well as the numerous torturers of a death eater.

"Severus, if you need space that's fine, but I will miss you tonight," Hermione said.

Severus took a deep breath, he knew he had no reason to be scared of her, but his brain was giving so many mixed signals.

"I'm sorry I just need some time, I'll see you in the morning," Severus said.

Hermione gave a sad smile, "okay I'll see you in the morning."

That night was rough on Hermione, and so wasn't the rest of the week. Severus wasn't quite himself since that night, he would come by, and they would sit and read, and he would kiss her good-night sometimes he would stay in bed but try his best not to touch her. Hermione knew she had done something wrong and she wasn't sure if she could fix it. Finally on Monday after tutoring potions, she decided she was going to confront Severus. If this relationship was going to continue, she needed to talk to him before it was too late.

Hermione went to his rooms not caring as she ran down the hallway almost bumping into Minerva as she ran past her door, she needed to talk to him. She needed to save the relationship if she could. When she knocked furiously on the door Severus answered with a worried look.

"Severus we need to talk!" she said.

Severus looked at her and allowed her into his rooms.

"Severus this whole week you've been different, and it was after we were reading last week and I know you needed some time, but I need to know what is going on," Hermione said

"Nothing is going on; I just need time," Severus replied

"I can give you time, but I need to know why?" Hermione said.

"I just can't do this now," Severus replies

"Can't do what Severus, do us, stay together in each other's rooms, What can you not do?" Hermione screamed in frustration.

"Hermione I can't talk about it, I just I …." Severus didn't have an answer.

"You what?, I deserve to know why you don't want me all of a sudden." Hermione continued back.

"You don't get it I do want you, I want everything about you but, I, I'm afraid I…"

When Severus didn't finish his sentence, Hermione looked in his eyes they for the first time she came in, and she could tell he was hurt.

"What are you afraid of Severus?" Hermione asked as she walked toward him and embraced him.

"This type of relationship," Severus replied.

Hermione guided him to the couch as she allowed both of them to process what and just happened it was several minutes before either of them spoke again.

"Severus you know, I'm not afraid of you, I trust you, I do," Hermione whispered.

"I Know" he replied

Severus let her near him allowing Hermione to hold him.

For the first time in a long time, neither one of them knew what to say they just stayed several minutes on the couch silently.

After the minutes had gone by slowly, Severus spoke up. "I had a horrible childhood that has ruined this type of relationship for me."

Hermione said nothing as she let him express whatever he could to her.

"You see my dad was horrible to my mother, he would act as he loved her, acted as if she was his queen outside of the house. Once he was home, it was like a switch turned on he was a horrible demon from hell. He would go out with us and smile and laugh and tell everyone how wonderful it was to have my mom as his wife. He would act like he was surprising her and his son at a play or a movie. He would take us out to dinner and buy mom a new dress every now and again. He would expect my mother to do something in return for all the nights out, and if she didn't do exactly what he asks he hit her, he told me "this is how a real man acts." He would hit her every night after we went out and sometimes even when we didn't."

He told my mother if she ever said what happened he would kill her and my mom was too afraid of him to use her magic. She tried to run away from him once, right before I got my letter from Hogwarts. That's when he started blaming me for her running away, he found us at my grandmother's house then my mom explained what happened, everyone felt bad for her, but then my dad found us and he explained everything away. He told my grandmother that my mother was overreacting and he was upset it only happened once. Her mother told her she needed to work out everything for herself that marriage wasn't always bliss. Every year when I came back from Hogwarts it was worse, my dad told me I needed to start becoming a man! He would beat my mother until I cried then he would beat me for crying because I wasn't man enough.

At this point in his story Hermione's eyes where letting tears fall as fast they could but she was afraid to sob, she wanted to know more so she didn't dare make a sound.

Eventually, after I stopped crying no matter how hard he would try to hurt her, he actually stopped, at least when I was at home. Then he told me I needed to understand what it was to have a woman. He told me I needed to be in control all the time; he would give me porno magazines to see what "real women" were. And for a little bit of time I believed him, I think it was because I was afraid not too. He made me watch porno videos so I could "fuck girls the right way." This lasted my last three years at Hogwarts. My dad died right after I graduated, due to an alcohol poisoning. But his teachings I couldn't get them out of my head, and I knew it was wrong! I knew whatever he told me was a lie. It was the only thing I knew though, and I'm so afraid that is how I will treat someone once were in bed, at home, in life. I'm afraid I will turn in to him one day. That's why I'm afraid of this I'm afraid I'll hurt you."

Hermione let the cascade if tears continue. She grabbed him around his neck she hugged him tight, and she wasn't sure if she could ever let go.

"Severus, do you realized that is why I love you?" Hermione ask

Severus looked with curious eyes that plead for her to continue.

"You silly man, you're not your father you want to be better, do better, and you already have. You're afraid of hurting me, and that's what makes you who you are. I love you because you love me and respect me enough to know better."

Severus smiled a little smirk, and they laid with each other for the night. Severus was playing with Hermione's hair and her stroking his arms.

After their discussion that night everything went back how it had been. Hermione would stay with him, or he would stay with her, but neither dared to anything more sexual than a kiss. Hermione decided she would let him choose the next move or at least talk to him before they took it to the next step. They were comfortable at that moment.