Sakura rested her forehead against the door and sighed deeply as she listened to her team coming up the stairs.

Then she smiled. She thought of Shikamaru, his intense way of looking at her as if she was the only person, the only thing that mattered in the world, his sudden, unexpected smile, his gentle touch, and happiness was wrapped around her like a warm winter cloak. It didn't matter what her team thought. She loved Shikamaru and Shikamaru loved her and they would always be together and on Monday they would work together in the lab and they could kiss each other as many times as they wanted to.

Hell, they could kiss each other as many times as they wanted to this evening! They were going out together and then she would probably spend the night at Shikamaru's place – in his bed, to be exact.

There was just one more thing to do - just have a talk with her team, to make them understand that she was capable of making decisions on her own and although she was touched by their concern, really, they had no right to question her or judge her or decide anything about her. Then everything would be fine.

She sighed again. She could admit to herself that she was a little afraid of this talk. Naruto and Sasuke argued a lot but they usually agreed when it had anything to do with her. And Sai cared about her, too – in his own way. Which meant that there would be some unexpected turns in the discussion and the situation might get out of hand as she would have to deal with a loose cannon.

Three loose cannons, to be correct.

She wished that Yamato were back already. He was always reasonable and he never liked Sasuke that much. Yamato kept all his concerns to himself and he and Sasuke were never openly hostile with each other, but he always looked at Sasuke with a certain detachment.

She thought of Shikamaru again. Was it wrong that she started to lean on him so much in such a short time, even if only emotionally? Was it, in some way, making her clingy and stupid that she wanted him to stand by her, to be next to her right now?

No, she thought. Shikamaru was on her side. Always. Without a question. If this were a battle situation, she would be insane to dismiss a strong, capable, trustworthy member of her team for no better reason than shortsighted vanity.

So she could admit that she wished, not for the first time, that Shikamaru was present.

If that was impossible, then she really would have preferred this day to be a normal day. A normal, boring, usual day.

Normal, on the other hand, held a slightly different meaning with her team.

When she opened the door, Naruto was already leaning against it, which meant that after a tiny little push he just stumbled in. Luckily, the sofa stopped him before he broke anything.

From the self-satisfied look on Sasuke's face, Sakura suspected that the tiny little push was administered by Sasuke. Then Naruto stood up and started hollering about the bastard shoving him in, and Sai said that it was stupid to lean against a door which one expected to be opened, and Sakura knew that her guess was probably correct.

For a second she almost forgot about all her troubles and smiled. It was one of the usual variations of team 7 entering any room.

Then Kakashi ambled in with a look of complete innocence on his face, partly covered by the mask, and Sakura felt the tension return.

"Hello, sensei," she said with a too-sweet smile. "You left so suddenly... But your tea is still warm. If the taste is a bit off, that's just because of the arsenic."

"You put arsenic in his tea?" Sai asked with mild interest.

"Yes, it's good for the skin," Sakura said.

"But isn't arsenic a kind of poison?" Naruto asked with a frown. "Or is that anemic?"

"You're an idiot," Sasuke murmured absentmindedly. He was looking at Sakura with something in his eyes that was close to...fear?

Nah, it's impossible, Sakura thought. I can't remember Sasuke looking afraid. Ever. Not even when we were kids.

Sakura looked at Sai who was happily listing all the poisons that she could have put in Kakashi's tea without any of them being aware of it, and when she looked back at Sasuke he was his usual boring, stuffy, arrogant self with the usual condescending half-smile on his lips.

"Would you like some tea, boys?" she asked.

"I want ramen," Naruto said without thinking. "I don't think I like arsenic, so I want my ramen without it," he added.

"You can't have ramen now," Sakura said, her patience waning fast.

"Why not?" Naruto asked with eyes open wide, aiming for a sad puppy look.

"Because you've just eaten ramen, and..."

"How do you know?" Naruto asked, dancing around her excitedly. "Sakura, you're a genius! Isn't she a genius?"

Sai and Sasuke looked at each other and in a rare show of agreement rolled their eyes in exactly the same way.

Sakura stifled her laugh.

"Naruto, you still have pieces of boiled egg and noodles on your shirt," she said as gently as possible.

You shouldn't bother with trying to tell him things in a polite way, Inner stated. It's a waste of time.

Sakura had to agree. Naruto, instead of being embarrassed of wearing part of his meal on his clothing, was already trying to lick his shirt without pulling it completely off which meant that his shirt was on its way of getting a very peculiar, sari-like look by being twisted this way and that.

Sakura could foresee in the near future the moment when Naruto would first find the perfect position for licking off the last piece of noodle, then would find his shirt wrapped around his head and then he would be trying to free himself desperately and in the meantime would be stumbling around blindly, breaking and scattering objects in his path.

It wouldn't be the first time, Inner said. The last time he did this, it was pretty funny. And that vase was butt-ugly anyway.

Sakura agreed with Inner but now she really could do without any more problems. If Yamato couldn't grow her a bed, she would have to buy a new one and that would cost a pretty penny. It would be better not to get anything broken, torn, shredded or shattered in the meantime. She might not be able to afford a replacement.

She sighed. She loved Naruto but she would never be able to understand how it was possible that a man who was that strong, that cold-blooded and dangerous in battle could be such a perfect imitation of the village idiot in his private life.

She guessed it was just that the balance had to be maintained in some way.

Like Kakashi, she thought. She never knew anyone who would be late so often and provide such ridiculously flimsy excuses for it. On the other hand, Kakashi was never late on a mission – he had this uncanny ability of arriving at the most opportune moment, sometimes even being right on the spot where something important happened without any logical reason.

Or like Sai. Sai was always smiling and was generally considered a nice guy. By strangers, that is. All the stupid questions and the hair-raising explanations and the conversation stoppers were aimed at team seven. Sakura could see how Sai slowly started to accept Sasuke's presence when he returned – at first Sai was painstakingly polite with Sasuke, and then after a few weeks she heard Sai explain to Sasuke that Naruto had a small penis but Sasuke, too, had very little to be proud of in that department, and then Sasuke called Sai a dickhead, and the usual melee followed, and that evening the three boys got so drunk together that the next day all the time they were supposed to be training, they were lying under a big tree on training ground three instead and groaning pitifully while Kakashi was mercilessly pummeling Sakura into the ground on the pretense of "perfecting her taijutsu."

Naruto was now well in the process of fixing the shirt around his head in a way that, as much as Sakura could see, would either stop his breathing completely and asphyxiate him or would permanently flatten his nose.

Sakura sighed again. Taking deep, calming breaths was advisable whenever her team was around.

With one accurate, strong but careful pull she twisted the shirt back to its original shape and growled in a way that stopped Naruto in his tracks.

For almost a whole second.

"I'm still hungry," he said and started toward the kitchen.

Sakura pulled him back.

"You can't have ramen now," she said again. "Anyway, you have a date with Hinata this evening. You're taking her out, and..."

"Yes, we're going to Ichiraku!" Naruto said, his face glowing.

For a second Sakura felt sad. He was so perfectly happy with Hinata, and Hinata was so perfectly happy with him... Then she remembered Shikamaru.

She had Shikamaru now. She smiled.

For some reason the memory that came to her mind was an older one, a moment they shared in the lab. It was late, almost night, but they wanted to finish the next series in the experiment, so they stayed longer than usual. Sakura looked out the window and when she turned back, she caught Shikamaru watching her with a gentle little smile on his lips. She wanted to say something but couldn't find the words, and Shikamaru just didn't take his eyes off her, and she looked back, and it wasn't as if time stopped but as if that one moment was pulled out further and further until it was not only longer but somehow deeper and slower and heavier, too. They watched each other in silence and there was something in the air, almost tangible but still unnamed, unchartered, unknown, and it had something to do with heat. Sakura felt like the flame of a candle, burning brighter and brighter until she was all fire, and then Shikamaru suddenly turned and left the lab and closed the door behind him. She wanted to go after him, talk to him, but somehow knew that she wasn't allowed to, that it was something that was best left undiscussed.

When he came back a few minutes later he was his usual cold, reserved self, and they started to talk about the next experiment. Whatever it was, it was over.

But now – oh, now she knew all the hows and whys.

He loves me.

Every time she thought that, there was something to give weight and substance to the words. There was no need to ask questions and consult friends. It was all there, like one of those pictures that showed one thing if you held them this way and another one if you turned the picture upside down or looked at it more closely.

She raised her head and saw that everyone in the room was watching her.

"You can have an apple," she said to Naruto with a smile.

Naruto shook his head, slowly and gravely, as if he was saying no to something else, not to her offer, and he looked at Sasuke.

Sasuke looked back and there was something in his eyes...

Sasuke and Naruto glanced at each other one more time and then looked away, and there was nothing in that look but a mutual understanding.

They are talking, Inner said, interested. Like they used to. They don't need words.

Then both of them looked back at her and Naruto said slowly, sadly, "There's something we should talk about, Sakura-chan. You won't like it. I'm so, so sorry..."

For a second Sakura felt terror clawing at her with sharp, heavy claws.

"Did something happen?" she asked in a high, nervous voice. She looked at Kakashi.

Oh, God, not him. Not Shikamaru. Or my parents. Or Ino.

Kakashi knew what she was really asking. He needed no explanation.

"No," Kakashi said curtly. "Nothing's wrong."

Sakura closed her eyes and her lips trembled.

Kakashi knew about Shikamaru and her. If he said there was nothing wrong then nobody was dead or hurt or...

Oh, thank God. Thank God.

Now this was something they all understood – how the simplest words like "sorry" and "I have something to say" would usually be followed by words that would shatter lives, never to be repaired.

Naruto didn't meet her eyes, but Sai and Sasuke looked at her and Sai said in his precise, unemotional voice, "Nobody is hurt."

Sakura nodded.

Naruto said, "But we're afraid that you will be."

There was such misery in his eyes that for a moment she was scared that what he had to say would be something really terrible.

Then Naruto started talking again and his sentences were very much like his dry, short, to-the-point commands on the battlefield.

Gossip. Shikamaru Nara. Gossip. Bars, girls, missions. Girls. ANBU. Girls.

Sakura. Sasuke. Rebound. Emotionally vulnerable. Not the right person. Try one more time.

Sakura automatically kept nodding until now, but now she felt she had something to add to her side of the discussion that, until now, was mainly providing a background of silence for Naruto's monologue.

"No," she said plainly.

"What?" Naruto asked, and rubbed his face tiredly.

"I just said no," Sakura said patiently. "I'm not going back to Sasuke. It's over. The sooner you accept that, Naruto, the better it will be for all of us."

"You can't just end a relationship like that, Sakura," Naruto said. "Just because of a stupid quarrel. You always loved him, and he loves you, I know he does..."

What was Naruto talking about? What? Really, now. Sasuke still didn't have the guts to tell Naruto what really happened? Well, maybe telling him about the in flagranti thing was unnecessary, but about the other girl...?

She looked at Sasuke, but he was now scrutinizing the floor with such rapt attention as if there was something written on it that might change the fate of mankind.

Sakura looked at him more closely.

Sasuke was ashamed, she could see that. Unhappy, too... And... yes. He was afraid.

Sakura's thoughts were moving fast.

Naruto could always protect me as long as I was with Sasuke. He could destroy Sasuke in a heartbeat any way he chose... Oh. So that's why Sasuke didn't tell him why we broke up. Oh... oh, dear God... is that why he didn't tell me he wanted to leave me, either? The idiot. He thought that if he made me unhappy, we would just drop him like a hot potato – Naruto, too. Sasuke came home because he realized that he only had us... and if he made the princess unhappy, he could lose everything. The way they glanced at each other just right now... it was just like when we were genin. "Don't let Sakura get hurt." Oh, the stupid asshole. He doesn't know me at all. But then why did he let me find it out that way? Why? Oh. I see. Acting out. Just like when he was a kid. When he couldn't solve a situation, he kept pushing it away until the pressure became too big. And then he just let things shatter. Never explain, never complain, never show you're hurt. Push away, strike out. Go with a bang, not with a whimper. Except this time things didn't quite happen that way...

She opened her mouth to tell the truth to Naruto and then she looked at Sasuke again. And then at Naruto.

The last time, she thought. For Naruto's sake, for the sake of our childhood together, for all the times Sasuke protected us both. And for the clean break, as Shika said. A final gift. I won't tell Naruto anything – nothing about that girl, or what really happened. Go, Sasuke. Go freely. No resentment. No righteous anger.

"Naruto," she said softly. "We... quarrelled, yes. But that was... that was only making the end obvious for both of us. Sasuke and I both knew that this thing between us wasn't working. It's not his fault, and it's not mine, either. It just happens sometimes. Don't you remember when the last war ended and you still wanted to date me and I said yes, and it all felt so strange?"

Naruto watched her and then nodded and smiled softly.

"Only because you don't like ramen," he said.

Sasuke looked at Sakura, and Sakura smiled at him, her usual gentle, understanding smile.

Sasuke opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but then he didn't. He blushed and looked the other way.

Naruto didn't notice. He was still thinking about what Sakura said.

Sai, on the other hand, was watching everything with sharp-eyed interest.

Kakashi was sitting in the armchair behind Sakura, and she had no time to take a look at him to see if he agreed with what she was doing, but she was sure that he would not interfere. He almost never did.

"And you know that Hinata dated others before you. Ino dated a lot of guys, too," Sakura argued. "Things don't always work out the way they were supposed to. Only sometimes it's obvious after a few dates, and sometimes it... it just sort of cracks a bit later. That's what happened to Sasuke and me. It's finished. There's nothing we could do or want to do about it."

Naruto slowly nodded, but he didn't look happy.

"And what about Shikamaru?" he asked. "You're with him now, aren't you?"

Sai interrupted the discussion before Sakura had a chance to answer.

"There's something I'd like to know," he said. "Shikamaru sleeps a lot around. Guys who do that usually have either a very big or a very small penis. Now, which one is it in his case?"

Sakura, for a second, wasn't sure if she had been breathing in or breathing out before Sai asked his question. She hiccuped once.

Naruto started shouting so loud the windowpanes shook - something about Sakura-chan being a nice girl and not a tramp and Sai being an idiot and obsessed with dicks, but Sakura got sort of stuck with the first half of the sentence.

Oh, Naruto, if you only knew, she thought guiltily. No, I'm not a tramp, no, but oh, Shika, oh... He knows what to do with what he's got, and I have no idea how he compares to other guys, but I don't think I care...

She remembered being filled so completely, his arms around her, his face buried in her neck, his scent, his skin, the way he laughed and said, „Frosty sheets..." as if it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard in his life, and then she thought of all the things she wanted to do with Shikamaru, only with him, never ever with anybody else, like going to a bookshop and choosing books together, and going dancing, and watching clouds, and playing shogi, and yes, making love again on that hill on the Nara estate, surrounded by all those flowers, and staying in bed on a Sunday morning, listening to the raindrops on the roof, and...

There was so much beauty in the world, she thought, amazed and grateful. And it was so simple. She was always trying to do the right thing all those months with Sasuke and before that with Lee, always aiming to be kinder, softer, more understanding, reining in her temper, cooking and cleaning and wearing make-up and smiling, and then doing her job at the hospital, the sweet, kind, efficient Dr Haruno, being nice to patients and colleagues, never letting the strain show...

The last time someone took care of you...

No. She was the one who took care of others. It was her job.

She looked at her team. After a short, mutual, surprised silence when Naruto finished shouting, now they were happily and loudly arguing about penis sizes (Sai) and women's rights and their right to choose (Kakashi) and prices in a brothel in Mist (Sai again, what on earth had he been doing there? And what did that have to do with anything?), meddling idiots (Sasuke), and nice girls who deserve better (Naruto), and she shook her head.

She had been so tired, so unhappy, and for such a long time. This whole situation was such a perfect example! She loved her team, loved them all, but it was always her who had to be the adult – mature and understanding and kind and forgiving. Her team didn't use her, they weren't evil or small-minded or selfish, but they felt she was theirs, and while the boys relaxed and felt happy when they were with her, she felt like a china figurine that was adored and handled around by a bunch of clumsy four-year-olds. She always had to be on guard.

With Shikamaru, she could be a child again. No, that wasn't true, either. She was a whole person and he knew that. Sometimes she was a child and she was allowed to throw a tantrum and behave stupidly and shout and cry and laugh, and sometimes she was the adult who protected and healed and understood, and Shikamaru knew this instinctively and let her be like she was anyway – clingy and too emotional and shy and violent and caring and everything, and he never expected her to behave.

This was like a dance, too, but not something with set steps like a tango. It was their own dance, and they could choose the steps.

The members of her team were still arguing, and, as usual, they all heard and understood each other but did not seem to be interested in anyone else's arguments but their own.

There was a knock on the door, but it sounded too shy to be Shikamaru's.

Sakura opened the door and found Hinata on the doorstep.

"H-hello," she said demurely. "N-naruto left me a note that he would be coming here and we should meet at your place, but I hope I'm not a nuisance..."

Sakura looked back at the boys. Sasuke and Naruto were glaring at each other and Naruto was shouting something about training in mud(?) while he was trying to hit Sai's head who kept pulling away, and Sasuke was saying that he didn't care and the idiot had exactly five seconds to get off his back or else. Only Kakashi was sitting there as a perfect gentleman, his legs crossed, drinking his tea.

Hinata, who was always polite and always attentive to detail, said, "Oh, you look wonderful. What a lovely dress!"

"Thank you," Sakura said happily. "It was a gift."

She realized that none of her team noticed her new dress, except Kakashi, and even Kakashi did not praise her looks. She felt a little sad.

Then Kakashi looked up and said to Hinata, "Hello, come in and have some arsenic tea with me."

"Arsenic tea?" Hinata asked in a muffled voice.

Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Just his peculiar sense of humour. Come in. You're never a nuisance, and I'm always glad to have another voice of reason with me in this madhouse. Shut UP!" she shouted at the boys.

The resulting silence was almost deafening – for about ten seconds. Then Naruto started whining.

"Sakura-chan, you're evil! You're always shouting at us, and hitting us, and making us eat vegetables, and... and..."

His indignant outbreak would have carried more weight with her, Sakura thought, if Naruto did not have Sai's head under his arm and was not trying to suffocate him while complaining, and also if he and Sasuke were not trying to aim furtive kicks at each other while she was watching them.

Hinata coughed softly and it had a magical effect on everyone. Kakashi straightened his back, Naruto let Sai go, and the boys all sat back on the sofa as if a minute ago they had not been participating in a tumultuous scene that looked like as if it was meant to be a tableau titled "Three Shinobi Fighting in a Room, or Madness in Motion."

Sakura suppressed a smile. Hinata generally had this effect on her boys. She was sweet and gentle and good-mannered, and Naruto loved her, but also, for some reason, none of them wanted to seem ridiculous if Hinata was there.

"We were talking about my new boyfriend," Sakura said evenly. "I told them that I did not want to go back to Sasuke, and what's more, Sasuke does not want me back, either, and I'm with Shikamaru now. But Naruto doesn't seem to..."

She couldn't finish because Naruto went red in the face and he said, "You can't do that, Sakura! You can't be with Shikamaru! He'll just use you, like all those girls! In the last few months whenever I walked into a bar, I swear he was always there – and it was always with a different girl!"

Sasuke looked at Naruto grimly.

"You miss the point, as usual," he said slowly. He turned to Sakura. "Sakura, I know I have no right to tell you what to do. Maybe not even to offer advice. But Nara is dangerous. Please, believe me. You may not believe me, but I..."

He sighed and seemed to struggle with the words.

"I never meant to hurt you," he said. His voice sounded scratchy. "I wouldn't like to see someone else hurt you, either. The Naras can do in Konoha whatever they please. We won't be able to protect you, no matter what happens. No matter how much he hurts you."

For a moment everyone was silent, then Naruto whispered, "You were always naive..."

Sakura stood there, watching him, watching them, and had no idea what they were talking about.

"You're so naive, Sakura-chan..."

The sentence now sounded like it was said in Kakashi's voice, but Kakashi was just sitting there and his lips were not moving under the mask. Where did this sentence come from?

And suddenly the walls were a lot further and the floor was redwood with beautiful medallion inlays and there were people around, laughing and whispering and drinking, and there were big crystal chandeliers sparkling over them because it was the big ballroom in the daimyo's palace.

Tsunade-sama had sent her there with a message (and an undercover mission) as her ambassador, and when the message was answered and the mission was completed, Sakura was invited to a soirée in the palace.

Tsunade told her to expect that; in fact, the Hokage would have been affronted if her (temporary) ambassador had been treated with anything less than full respect. People were very polite to Sakura but she saw that that was just good manners, not real interest - in court she was a nonentity. She didn't mind. There were lots of things to see and hear and taste and there was lots of champagne, and the ladies' dresses were a sight for any sore eye, and the best thing was, Kakashi arrived the night before and he was invited to the soirée, too, and he wore a tux, which was something that most girls in Konoha would have paid to see, thank you very much... but, unfortunately, he still had the mask on, too.

Sakura enjoyed herself a lot and watched Kakashi with pleasure but she could see that although they were both invited, and she as temporary ambassador was treated with utmost politeness, Kakashi was still different. He was in a class of his own. He could belong here – if he wanted to.

"Hatake," she heard the whisper. "The White Fang's son."

She always knew that her sensei came from an old and distinguished family, and she was so proud of him, so proud. Not that she was a relative or anything, but still...

And then she saw a beautiful young woman wave at her husband and disappear through a door to the balcony, and then one of the courtiers went through the same door a minute later.

Sakura wouldn't have given it a thought if the courtier had not looked around with a furtive glance before he was gone from the ballroom, too.

She shrugged and had another glass of champagne. Her mission was over, she was having fun. All the courtiers and all the pretty ladies could do as they pleased.

Except that half an hour later she saw the lady appear in the ballroom again, and at the same time the young courtier came through another door... and Sakura knew exactly where they had been and what they had been doing.

And then she saw the husband – an older courtier, his rank lower than that of the young lover. Sakura knew that he saw it all, too, and there was a lump in her stomach.

And then the older courtier smiled, a wide, satisfied smile, and nodded to his wife who came to him smiling and put her arm through his.

"Stop staring, Sakura," Kakashi said in a hiss.

"But they..."

"I know," Kakashi said and his arm was around her shoulder, like an iron band, and he was walking her out to the balcony, and he was smiling and whispering to her, and when they were out, she tried to push his arm off, but he just turned her to look at him. They were alone.

"What did you think?" he whispered.

"She's his wife!" she whispered back indignantly.

Kakashi shook his head. "Some people would do anything to have more influence, but it's none of our business. Don't make a mess here. Don't say a word, don't even look."

"But..."

Kakashi sighed.

"Sakura-chan, you're so naive."

Now Sakura looked around her living room and tried to make sense of what her friends said. This memory came to her mind for a reason – maybe not a clearly visible, logical reason, but for a reason nevertheless.

There was something here that she didn't understand, something that she overlooked – but her friends knew what they were talking about, they understood the unspoken sentiment, the words that were never said.

She looked around again.

Kakashi was looking grim. Naruto's mouth was pursed, but his eyes were sad, not angry. Hinata covered her mouth with one hand. Sakura remembered this back from when they were both children – Hinata always felt for anyone who was hurt or scolded or ridiculed, and she covered her mouth as if she were the one who made a blunder, and her eyes, yes, they went wide just like this.

Sasuke was looking at the floor, there was something bitter and ashamed in the way he was sitting, his shoulders looked so tense.

Sai looked up at her for a minute, gave his artifical smile then looked back at the pen in his hand. He was drawing something in his sketchbook.

He's the only one beside me who doesn't know what they mean.

She looked back at Naruto. He sighed, then said very quietly, "Compared to them, we are powerless."

His voice was even, calm, quite unlike his usual happy outbursts.

Then he added, "When you were with Sasuke, I could always stand by you. But with Shikamaru and his clan..."

Sakura couldn't understand it at first. If Shikamaru cheated on her or made her unhappy, she was quite capable of dealing with that on her own, thank you very much, but her team, of course, would not leave it at that.

About three years ago there was a guy who was very insistent on asking her out. She said no – there was something in his eyes, in his look she didn't like. He tried again. She still said no.

The next day she saw the guy on the street and resignedly got ready for another verbal struggle, but when the guy saw her he scurried away without a word, his face a study in terror.

Ino, of course, supplied the details gladly. The man in question, it seemed, made a bet concerning Sakura and a hot night. The next day Naruto and Kakashi knocked on his door. Nobody knew what else happened but when the guy let her teammates out, he was white as a sheet and sweating profusely.

Sakura doubted that her teammates, especially Naruto, would ever be afraid of Shikamaru, and nothing, nothing would hold back Kakashi once he decided she was hurt.

Sasuke had been a safe bet because he was in Naruto's power and they both knew it. Poor Sasuke, to do as he was told, because he had no other home but this village and no family but his first genin team.

But that wasn't what Naruto was talking about.

Sakura furrowed her brows.

The Kuramas.

She told Shikamaru that she could be ordered to do their bidding, and it was true – not something that happened often, but not unheard of, either. But Shikamaru said she had nothing to fear, the Kuramas would be sorry they ever bothered her.

Now Sakura asked herself the question that had been hovering in her mind ever since, somewhere just outside her conscious, lucid, logical thoughts.

What if the clan in question were not the Kuramas but the Nara clan?

She knew the answer at once. The Naras would not have messed it up, they would have had their way eventually - but they would operate in a different way.

The message was clear. Don't make the Naras angry.

Shikamaru, on his own, could easily manipulate her into anything he wanted her to do. He only had to lie. He chose not to, but the possibility was there.

Her teammates were afraid she would get hurt in a way that was more than just a heartbreak. The Naras could destroy her easily, with a smile, with a nod, if they didn't like what was happening.

If, for some reason, Shikamaru's parents did not want Shikamaru to date him... Or if Shikamaru got bored with her and decided that the whole thing wasn't worth the fuss...

It wasn't hard to imagine Shikaku Nara suggesting to the Council that it might be better in the long run to send Haruno-san for a while to another country as ambassador or to border patrol, maybe, as a med nin, after that ugly little affair with Uchiha-san. She wouldn't have to watch her ex parading around with another woman. It would be in her best interests. Poor little girl, and such a talented medic...

He could send her anywhere and the Council would not only approve – they would applaud.

And Shikamaru? He would have to go along with his father's decision. Clan leaders were like kings. Their rule was absolute. Sakura knew that if she ever had a dispute with the Nara clan, she would not stand a chance. What could she say anyway? From an outsider's point of view this wasn't a case of star-crossed lovers. Shikamaru and Sakura were nothing like Naruto and Hinata. Hyuuga-sama never ever wanted Naruto to be his daughter's boyfriend, even less a possible future son-in-law, but Naruto was a war hero and Hinata, once in her life, was very definite and articulate in her opinions and wishes, and her father thought things over and agreed to let them date. His smile looked a bit forced, but who cared?

But Shikamaru... Sakura took a fleeting look at the whole thing from an outsider's point of view. Shikamaru told her he loved her, but even he admitted that it all happened in a few weeks' time. She, on the other hand, had been dating another man a week ago. She was a talented medic, yes – but she had no money and her clan wasn't big or distinguished. It all came down to one thing – what Shikamaru would do when his father pointed out that he could do much, much better.

The question was, what weighed more – the things they all knew about the Nara clan or the things only she knew about Shikamaru.

She had to think this over. If Shikamaru didn't come this evening to pick her up, if he sent a message that unfortunately he had some important business elsewhere... maybe another time... or if he took her out and then said he was sorry, it was a mistake...

The very idea filled her with dread.

Everybody in the room was silent, even Naruto. They said what they came to say. Now it was her turn to weigh the arguments.

In one pan of the scale there was a heap of pebbles that looked small but Sakura knew they could weigh a ton.

In a shinobi village everyone was measured the same way – according to their ability to fight and win. If you were a shinobi, you were an asset only if you were a good warrior. Civilians were treated with politeness but they had no value as such. They were liabilities, not assets.

But there was, of course, another measuring stick. The clan.

There were famous clans and rich clans and historical clans in Konoha, but that again was something that only civilians would have thought important.

The shinobi had other traits to consider.

What should a clan be like to be respected by them? Oh, there were quite a few things to mention.

It should be a big clan. A clan of useful talents. A clan where the members were a close-knit community. A clan that was ruled with an iron hand.

A clan that possessed all these traits was a private army. Like the Hyuugas. Or the Aburames. Or the Naras.

The Nara clan was like a neutral country. Sakura knew from her history lessons that they carefully avoided taking sides in most conflicts, but if they did, it was always on the winning side. They didn't want power, they didn't want a leading role. They preferred to work from the shadows. Just like Shikamaru. Naras also thought that revenge was a dish best served cold. Ice-cold, if need be. They chose the weapons and the scene of the fight and the timing to their advantage, and the only thing that a Nara's true enemy could be sure of was that the Naras never forgot anything.

Consequently, people did not bother the Nara clan if it could be avoided. Everybody knew that some things were best left in peace. The Naras never meddled with anyone else's affairs, and they preferred that nobody meddle with theirs. Their clan disappeared from view whenever it was possible and grew in silence.

People understood that quite well. Men are like animals and they know it. Some people fight like lions, others are cunning as a snake or strong as a bear. That is all well and nice.

People instinctively left the Naras alone. Very few people are foolish enough to bother a nest of wasps just for fun.

Sakura thought of the last time when she was ordered to appear before the Council. She had to present the results of her research about an epidemic - a new type of flu that had very unpleasant side effects on anyone who had a certain level of chakra, but was very often deadly for those who didn't.

Sakura was used to talking in front of an audience but while she presented the problem, the process, the results of the research and the possible treatments, she was unusually nervous. The daimyo's representatives looked like stone statues. No sign of interest in the faces, no spark of enthusiasm when she announced that her research team was finally able to find the original source of the outbreak and identify the virus and consequently would be able to provide the necessary vaccine.

She remembered that when she was finished, a short break was announced and the council members went out to the corridor to have a smoke and a chat, just like any other people would between talks in a conference, and one of the daimyo's ambassadors turned to Shikaku Nara, Shikamaru's father, and asked with a friendly smile, "And how is your family? Your charming wife? And your son, I hope he's healthy? We still hope that one day we may persuade him to become one of the daimyo's guards!"

Shikaku Nara answered him and it was obvious that this wasn't just polite chitchat, this was a dialogue between equals.

His father is a member of the Council. And when he retires, Shikamaru will be the head of the clan – and he'll be a Council member, too.

Oh, another thing. Aoi. What did Shikamaru say? " She married a paper-pusher in the damyo's court."

Of course, court officials sometimes did marry pretty little girls just because they were pretty.

Yes, and sometimes landlords let a family with six children stay in the house even though they can't pay the rent, Inner said. It just doesn't happen often.

Aoi was pretty, but she wasn't that pretty, and courtiers and officials liked power and influence more than they liked beauty.

Money, on the other hand, could come quite handy if one wanted to have a career as a palace official. Nothing so crude as a bribe, of course. Oh no. Not in the daimyo's court. But quiet little parties with the appropriate guests... A nice house with carefully selected furniture to advertise the owner's impeccable taste... Some small presents for the colleagues and the bosses and, occasionally, flowers for the ladies... Yes, money could help a lot.

Sakura took a deep breath. She was starting to get scared.

Shikamaru said that Aoi's family had money but Aoi's father still wanted a closer relationship with the Naras. They had money. Not "they were rich", or "they had a lot of money." But she had a dowry that was sufficiently large for a courtier. How much money are we talking about here? How much money do the Naras have that Shikamaru was not only unimpressed by her family's wealth, he never even gave a conscious thought to it?

Sakura took another breath. Her hands felt cold.

Shikamaru never asked the price of this dress that I'm wearing, she thought. I didn't, either – I knew that it was a designer dress so it was not for me and that was it. There was never a discussion about prices or money or a bill in the shop. Not even a number was ever mentioned. I should know, I was there. And he paid without a thought for all that stuff, the dress and the shoes and the rest. He just gave them that card and he never even thought about whether he would have enough money. He knew he would.

She looked around and counted the members of her team, one by one. Naruto, the offspring of parents who were famous and popular, but not rich. Being a Kage did not, in itself, bring wealth – a leader was usually too busy with the troubles of the community to spare a lot of time for their own affairs or make a lot of money. Naruto basically only possessed the clothes he wore. There was Sai, who had no family, no memories of them, not even a family name. Yamato, now out on a mission, another orphan, the only survivor of genetic experiments. Kakashi and Sasuke, both of them the last of their clan. Sakura didn't know if Kakashi had anything at all beside his personal possessions, but she strongly suspected he didn't. All he had left was his name and his reputation. Sasuke... he had the whole Uchiha compound, yes, but that was because no other clan was willing to move into a ghost town, and even like this, although he still had the land in his possession, the Council could have taken it all away with the flourish of a pen. They probably would have done so, and executed Sasuke, weren't it for three things – at first, it was his brother's deal with Konoha that protected him as long as Itachi was alive, then there was the need to preserve his bloodline – but the decider was the sheer stubbornness of Naruto who could be very insistent and who had the uncanny ability to make friends everywhere at the drop of a hat and also to destroy a village completely, once he set his mind on it, and the council wisely decided to let sleeping dogs lie and not to open a debate over something that nobody really wanted anyway.

Then she thought of her own family – her sweet, short-tempered, generous mother, her father with his slow speech and good humour and their small house and the things they never had and never missed.

Sakura-chan, you're so naive... Yes, I am. I never thought about this. I never thought that Shikamaru was in any way different from us. He was just a friend. When I realized I was starting to fall in love with him this was something I never thought about. It's easy to forget that some families have more and others have less when we all live in the same way. But there are lots of people in Konoha who never forget this... I guess Sasuke was right in a way – I'm still childish and immature. I have no idea how things happen in real life. Just think of Shikamaru, his easy assurance, how he said, "oh, they will hold our table, no problem." Of course they would. All night, if need be. And of course Chouza could get him a table. He only had to say whom it was for.

All the things she knew about the Nara family, all the information that she was able to recall in a second was irrelevant to Sakura until now, not something worth consideration. Now it was different. It was all different.

Shikamaru wore the jounin outfit day in, day out, just like his father. His parents were silent and reserved, but in their way friendly and very polite. The house they lived in was big, but not enormous. Everything in their life was understated and downplayed – low-key, low-cost, low-maintenance.

But behind the façade they presented to the world they were a big, wealthy, powerful clan with enormous influence. And Shikamaru was the next in line - he was going to be the head of the clan, and he took all his responsibilities seriously.

In one pan of the scale there was an enormous, terrible weight. Everything was there. Wealth. Influence. Power. Strength. Even his family was there, all the love and respect he felt for them and his clan. What was in the other pan, if anything?

I love him.

It wasn't enough.

He loves me, too.

This was a last, desperate thought. At first it was worth about as much as "and we have the same friends, and we both like tempura, and I read about it in my horoscope!" But...

Like small drops of water, one by one, the memories came.

Sweetheart, I'm not like him at all. Trust me. I won't break your heart...

I don't play games, not like that...

I'll take a good, hard look at all this, I promise. Don't cry, sweetheart...

When was the last time anybody took care of you?

I don't want to keep secrets from you. Not anymore...

As God sees my soul, I'll help you with all I've got and give you all I have!

The drops were small and transparent and almost invisible but they were there.

I have to make a decision. Again. I have to decide not only who I believe, but what I believe in. And I believe in Shikamaru and his honesty and his love for me more than I believe in anything else.

Of course, there was something else she had to consider - her own stupid, mindless behaviour, the way she just threw herself at Shikamaru. Like a tramp.

He didn't have to promise me anything, Sakura thought and she almost laughed. Because I gave him all I had before he could even ask for it! Sex without strings? He had it. One-night-stand? He had it. He could have left things as they were. If he just wanted to spend the night with me, he could have. He could have played his cards in such a way that I would have been pleased to be his secret lover as long as he wanted. But he never did. On the contrary. Whenever I wanted out, he held me back. Whenever he could have aimed for unobtrusive, he chose to flaunt me, us, the two of us being together. He told me to stay and took me to his meadow and shouted at me and cursed me and broke into my apartment and held me with his shadows and bought me a dress and told me I was stupid and kissed me breathless.

Sakura was calm again. There was one last drop she needed to counterbalance all those terrible weights in the other pan.

"Naruto," she said quietly. "Just tell me one thing. I know you've seen Shikamaru with lots of different women. I believe you. But tell me one thing – have you ever seen him with a woman, any woman in these last few weeks? You know what I mean. Not colleagues or teammates or something like that. You know."

She waited. Naruto bit his lower lip, then slowly said, "No. Not in this last month or so. But..."

Sakura's sight blurred and she smiled.

It was all true. Everything Shikamaru said was true. Five weeks ago he fell in love with her and stopped. Just stopped.

The pan with the drops of water was moving down, slowly, triumphantly.

Naruto was still speaking and saying that Sakura had to think things over, and Sai said that he saw Sasuke with another girl several times, so maybe what Naruto thought did not matter anymore, and Sasuke grunted, then Naruto called Sai an idiot, and then Hinata said that Naruto was sometimes quite like her father who could never believe that he could be wrong, and then Naruto said that that wasn't true at all, and Kakashi said that they were making such noise that the neighbours would surely complain and Sakura would be evicted, and then everyone went silent at the same time.

The knock on the door came as an afterthought and Sakura was so lost in her thoughts that she just stood there with unseeing eyes, not moving an inch. It was Hinata who went to open the door.