A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

A few notes this time. This chapter mostly introduces Kendall's backstory, and you learn how James and Logan are faring a year later.

My beta mentioned that she wanted to know what happened to the dog (this will make sense when you get there), so just know that the dog was safely reunited with its owner and both were very happy about that.

Also, EpicallyObsessed, when I said you'd like Jake, it was actually Coach I was thinking of. I'm blaming exhaustion for that mix-up.

Lastly, I just want to thank my beta, the Guest who never signs in but always says such nice things, Side1ways, annabellex2, and EpicallyObsessed for encouraging me on this one (and all of them, really). I was having a hard time figuring out where this story was going and just like I hoped, posting and reading your reviews was exactly what I needed. I now know how it's going to end up and have mostly figured out how it's going to get there. So thanks all of you for your awesome feedback, it really does keep me going. :)

ONE YEAR LATER

Kendall Knight was six years old when he played his first hockey game. He decided then and there that it would be his life's calling, that he would grow up to be the best hockey player in the whole wide world.

As he aged that dream didn't die, but the struggle to achieve it became tougher. School got in the way of practice time, puberty caused him a lot of unwanted grief as he grew into a gawky teenager and eventually passed that stage to settle into a tall but lean young man, and then there was the constant urging from his mother to "do something besides hockey with your life. Don't you want a girlfriend at some point?"

He didn't, though; girls weren't interesting to him in the slightest, and if he'd paused in his pursuit of the hockey dream long enough to think about that it might've clued him in that he was different in that aspect. He didn't pause, never took his eyes off the prize, and when he was wooed by no less than five universities for a hockey scholarship, Kendall knew it had all been worth it. His coach sat down with him to discuss his options, reminding him that if he chose to go for the National Hockey League rather than a university, he would undoubtedly be considered the top draft pick. The question was, did he want to go straight into the NHL or get a few years of college under his belt before taking that step?

For Kendall, it was a no-brainer. His dream was just over the horizon and nothing would stop him.

Kendall was indeed the top pick, unable to believe his luck when it fell to his favorite team, the Minnesota Wild, to get first choice. He was snatched up in a heartbeat, walking on air for weeks before packing his bags for the move to Des Moines, Iowa, where he would join the Iowa Wild for his official training and when they were ready for him, he would be moved into Minnesota's rotation. Kendall was assured it wouldn't be more than a season before he'd be on the ice with the "real" team, and in the meantime he honed his skills and made a few friends, but none that took his focus off the prize. He was on the verge of a long career doing what he loved most.

The only thing to put a damper on his spirits was Lance. Lance was also on the farm team and insanely jealous of the attention Kendall was shown, complaining to anyone who would listen that it wasn't fair Kendall was fawned over. They were all talented, what made Kendall so special?

Someone once told Lance it was because of Kendall's heart; his heart was in the game. He had a fire that was rare among athletes in a time where many were in it for the fame and money. It was about more than just drive, it was passion. Kendall had that passion and it radiated from him in everything he did. He was also just a plain old nice guy, liked by everyone, and someone the league could be proud to call their own. Kendall Knight had it all.

It was that heart, however, that was his downfall. Walking back home after a practice session one night, Kendall was just in time to save a little girl from being struck by a car. She had run across the street upon seeing her lost puppy, having been out looking for it with her mother. Kendall saw it in slow motion, could envision the child flying into the air as the vehicle struck her. Without a second thought, he dove into the street and pushed her out of the way, immediately being struck himself and thrown into opposing traffic. His body was tossed like seaweed in the ocean, the doctors later amazed that all he'd ended up damaging beyond repair was his left leg, which would have to be amputated below the knee.

Everyone said he was lucky. The mother of the child he'd saved came to his bedside and cried, thanking him profusely for his selfless act, and Kendall didn't regret it. He couldn't, he'd saved a life.

Yet in doing so, he'd lost his own. Hockey was all he'd ever known, it was all he'd ever loved. He didn't feel lucky—didn't feel anything, really, for months after the accident.

After a year of depression, his mother finally yelled at him that he needed to move on and find a new purpose in life. What other purpose could there be, though? Hockey was where his heart resided.

Where could he possibly find a new home for his heart?

It was Kendall's mother who in fact convinced him that he didn't have to live without hockey. He couldn't see joy in a career doing anything other than playing for the NHL, but his mother reminded him that the pro circuit is the final destination; there were many roads that led to that end. She suggested he talk to Coach Teague from his high school for advice on the matter.

Initially shooting down the idea, Kendall tried to forget about it but of course it seeped into his mind late at night when he laid in bed with his stump aching from the day's activities. He'd begun to pack on pounds a few months after the accident, eating junk food mostly from depression and having no outlet to work it off. He'd discussed adding some kind of workout to his physical therapy, but the therapist could only do so much. He suggested Kendall join a gym.

At first Kendall scoffed; he didn't even like going out in public, embarrassed by his prosthetic leg extension. His mother helped him get past that eventually, stating that he couldn't hide forever, and his sister Katie's teasing remarks actually encouraged him because she pissed him off enough to prove her wrong—as she'd known he would. Together Katie and Mrs. Knight did more good for him than his sports psychologist because they knew him best, and after six months he ventured out to a gym for the first time. It was hell getting his muscles to work again, but Kendall was nothing if not persistent, and six months after that he found the courage to take his mother's advice.

Kendall Knight was ready to live again.

What Kendall discovered during that fateful lunch date with his former coach was that the man was planning to retire. He'd been locked into another year that he didn't want to finish out because the district needed him and had been unable to find a replacement, promising to spend the following school year scouting for one. So far there had been no luck and Coach Teague had nightmares of being stuck at the school for another ten years. Kendall laughingly joked that he was perfect for the job, except for the fact that he was missing half a leg and had no degree.

Coach Teague, on the other hand, didn't laugh at the idea. He actually considered it and decided Kendall was, in fact, perfect for the job.

"Coach, are you crazy? They can't hire me, I don't have a teaching degree. Even if I did, you can't coach a team if you can't even skate."

"Says who? How often do I lace up, Kendall? I do my best work from the sidelines because real coaching comes from up here." He pointed a finger at his head before continuing. "And here." He shoved a finger across the table and into Kendall's chest. "You've got the head and you've got the heart. Plus, a lot of the kids on the team still remember you. You'd have automatic respect."

"Coach...no. Look at me. I'm a joke."

"You are still the same young man who looked at me the first time we met and said you were going to be the best hockey player in the whole wide world. You still have that fire, I know you do."

Kendall chuckled, shaking his head. "I was six, Coach."

"But you knew it then and nothing stopped you. Your dedication was like nothing I've ever seen. Do you know how many kids I've coached? Of all ages?"

"I always considered myself lucky that you got transferred whenever I did. When I got to junior high, you took the job there after peewee. Then I moved on to high school and you were there, too. I don't think I would've made it as far without you."

"Kendall, Kendall, Kendall." Teague sighed and flagged down the waitress for a refill on his coffee. "Haven't you figured out yet that it was no accident? I went where you did. I saw a future in you and knew what you needed to do to get there."

"Coach...that's impossible. How...I mean..."

"The superintendent of the district is my best friend. You know that. He made it happen for me. And I bet he could work a miracle in your case, too."

Kendall gaped across the table. "You're serious. He got you the jobs."

"All of them. He's old like me, won't be around much longer. He told me if the state ever looked into my background he'd play dumb and I was fine with that. Obviously it never happened. Seven years of teaching and I have no regrets."

"Oh my god. Coach...all that work, all those years you put into me and it was for nothing."

"Nothing? Kendall, don't ever say that. Because of you a little girl is alive. When I went to see you at the hospital once, the mother told me her daughter wants to grow up to be a doctor and save lives because hers was saved. Think of all the lives you saved by extension. I know this has been hard on you; hockey is the only thing you ever cared about, but don't say the training and coaching was for nothing. You were where God wanted you."

Though Kendall couldn't argue any of that, he still felt Coach Teague's teaching career had been in vain and somehow that made him feel indebted to the man. "I'm sure the school wouldn't want a coach with my handicap in the athletics department. You know how big they are on winning and if the team sucked, they'd blame it on that and get rid of me the second your buddy was gone."

"To be honest, the team sucks now. We've only won a few games, and that was mostly luck."

Kendall's eyes bugged out. "What? But we were the best! Nobody could beat us!"

"With you on the team, yes. I'm telling you, it's more than skill that makes a team succeed. Your passion drove everyone to try harder, to want to win. You have no idea what a natural leader you are, how many of those guys you boosted up every day. The team needs someone like you. I can only do so much."

Kendall was silent, thoughts spinning. Was it possible? Did he have it in him to inspire a team when he could hardly find inspiration for himself?

"I'll tell you what, Kendall. Give it some thought. I'm tired. I need a break. Let me talk it over with Jake, see if this is something he'd be willing to do. Will you think about it?"

As if Kendall would be able to think about anything else. Now that the idea had taken hold, it was hard to drop. His mother told him he needed a purpose, something to live for. What better than a hockey team?

"I...let me know. I'll think about it."

"Great! I know Jake would love for me to slow down. The idiot worries about me," Teague said fondly.

Something in the tone had Kendall's head tilting as he studied the man. Coach Teague smiled at Kendall. "I don't suppose there was anyone special in your life before all this happened? Or even now?"

Slowly shaking his head, Kendall replied, "There was never time."

"You've got time now. Don't let life pass you by, Kendall. There's more to it than hockey, you know. Find something else to put your heart into, because nothing brings you joy like love does. Not even hockey."

Uncomfortable, Kendall looked away. He hadn't given thought to romance in...well, ever. Girls were boring. Guys were...okay, so there had been some hot ones, Kendall could admit that much, but he'd never wanted to take it past that. He figured there would be time for that later in life.

What fate had taught him, though, is that there may not always be a later. Life was full of surprises, not all of them welcome. What if he died tomorrow and never knew love? Never knew what it felt like to have his heart flutter just from a smile? He'd rolled his eyes at notions like that for as long as he could remember, but he couldn't deny the hint of longing he felt listening to Teague speak of Jake, who was obviously much more than a best friend.

Maybe it was time. He couldn't live with his mother forever, and with a job he would be able to afford a place of his own. A new life, new prospects, new people. For the first time Kendall understood that he could have those things without losing his beloved hockey; he could bring hockey with him.

The next day Kendall received a call from Coach Teague. The position was his if he wanted it, and Jake wasn't worried about anyone raising hell over the fact that he had no degree; Kendall was loved by all who would remember him, teachers and students alike. Even if someone did raise the red flag and Jake was dismissed over it, he didn't care—he was close to retirement anyway. The only catch was that Kendall would have to pick up P.E. classes as well, but as Coach Teague reminded him, how often did the teachers actually get physically involved in the activity? Kendall could do this, and do it in a way that he would be welcomed and appreciated—or so Coach Teague assumed.

After discussing the idea with his mother, whose only caution was that it might not last if someone pushed his lack of education, Kendall decided to do it. What, really, did he have to lose?

James carefully balanced the cardboard container of coffee cups on his arm, holding a bag of pastries in one hand while opening the classroom door with another. This week it was his turn to buy breakfast, and today he'd been in the mood for a lemon danish.

Unless Logan wanted that; raspberry wasn't a horrible back-up, he supposed.

He found his best friend already writing a set of questions on the chalkboard under the heading "Calculus Pre-Test" and grinned. Of course Logan gave pre-tests to his students, believing in being prepared at all costs. Logan was dressed in his usual school attire, a collared button-up shirt that was always tucked in, along with black slacks (though sometimes he snuck in dark jeans if they looked classy enough). James set down the coffee and said in a lovesick falsetto voice, "Mr. Mitchell? Please tell me how I can pass your tests, they're so...hard."

The chalk stopped moving in mid-word before Logan spun around with a smirk. "Not funny. You're lucky we're alone in here."

"Give me some credit, I would never have said that if we weren't. Lemon or raspberry?"

"Both sound good, but I can tell by the way you said 'raspberry' that you're hoping I take that one."

James blinked and stepped back. "That's impossible. You can't tell what I'm thinking by one word."

"Of course I can. You put just a little more emphasis on raspberry than lemon."

"I did no such thing!"

"You did, and it's fine. Raspberry sounds better anyway." Logan plucked the coffee cup with his name on it from the cradle and sipped at it with a satisfied sound. "Just the right amount of cream and sugar. You're so good at that."

"It's called paying attention and practice. I gotta get to class, but are we still on for the movie tonight?"

After reaching in for the correct danish, Logan answered, "Yeah, did you decide what we're seeing?"

James frowned. "I thought it was your week to pick. I get the first and third Friday of each month."

"No, that was thrown off when we had to miss last week for my mom's visit. Sorry about that."

"It's cool, she was sweet. And repeatedly reminded you I deserved to win that stupid show. Thanks for inviting me along to dinner."

"She wanted to meet the guy I'd decided was worthy of being a friend," Logan shrugged.

"Which she made clear is a rarity. And I'm pretty sure she was angling for me to be more than a friend."

"Yes, well...Mom thinks I'm lonely. I tried to tell her you're straight but she didn't want to listen."

James was almost to the door when he spun back. "Are you?"

"Straight? You know I'm not."

"No," James laughed. "I meant lonely. Are you lonely?"

"With a friend like you? How could I be?"

That caused James to grin widely. "I'll figure out the movie."

"See you at lunch." Logan turned back to the board but suddenly gasped. "Wait, I almost forgot! Did you hear about—"

His sentence cut off when a student shyly excused herself past James and into the room. "Hi, Mr. Mitchell, I'm sorry I'm early but I was wondering if you'd help me with a few problems I'm stuck on? I really need to pass this test!"

James peeked around the door with a smirk, then made googly eyes at him behind the girl's back. It was clear on Logan's face that his finger was itching to flip his best friend off, but instead he smiled at her and gestured toward a desk in the front row. "Of course, I've got about fifteen minutes. As long as you don't mind me eating while we study?"

"No, that's fine!"

"Great, just get yourself set up and...I'll be right back."

He rushed through the door and called out just in time to keep James from turning a corner. "Dude, wait! This is big!"

James halted, then spun back while being careful not to drop or spill any of his breakfast. He waited until Logan was close before saying quietly, "That's what she said."

Logan let out a reluctant laugh that he attempted to stifle. "You're so immature."

"Yet you laugh every single time."

"Okay, be serious for a second. Did you hear about Teague's replacement?"

"Oh, is he starting today? Thank God, our hockey team is a joke. I hope the new guy can do something about that."

"Well, I'm sure he can, considering who he is. You don't know?" At James' blank stare, Logan nodded. "No, because if you did, you'd have a stick up your ass about it. I have two words for you, and I need you to remember all the manners your mom taught you when you meet him."

"Manners?" James echoed, baffled. "You think I'd be a dick to someone I just met?"

"In this case...yeah." Logan braced himself and then said, "Kendall Knight."

Logan did know him well; yes, they were two words, but they packed a punch. "No."

"Yep."

James shook his head in denial. "No way, the guy disappeared after his...whatever you call it."

"It was an accident."

"He made the choice, there was nothing about it that was an accident."

"Oh, so he was supposed to just let the little girl die?" When James looked away, frustrated, Logan added, "We've had this discussion a million times. I know you don't believe that."

"No, of course not, I just...he let the team down. He was going to take them to the Cup, I know he was. And because of him, they don't even have a chance now."

"James, he wasn't even on the pro team."

"He was about to be, though! He was so close and I knew, I just knew he would be the one to turn it all around for the Wild. He was like a gift from God and then he just..."

"Saved a girl's life." James said nothing. "Don't act like what he did was a bad thing. It was noble and heroic."

"Yeah, okay, but the team. They really needed him."

"And that little girl really needed a guardian angel."

"Don't romanticize it."

"You should romanticize it. I know you have a heart in there somewhere. Why don't you ever show it?"

James shook his head again, this time at a loss. "You know how much hockey means to me."

"I do, and sometimes I think it's...a little too much. When you put the success of a team before someone's life..."

"That's not what I'm saying."

"Look, James, all I'm asking is that you treat him with kindness. I'm sure he's nervous about coming back to his old high school in this condition. Most of these kids probably idolized him when he was picked up by the Wild, and now he's returning in a...less-than-whole state. Just...try to put yourself in his shoes."

"You mean shoe. Because he only needs one, right?"

Logan's gaze turned hard. "That's not funny. I know you better than this. You're not cruel."

"I know, I'm sorry, I just...how am I supposed to be nice when every time I look at him, I think about how he ruined it for my favorite team?"

"You remember that he saved a little girl's life and gave up his dream career to do it. And you admire him for that."

James gave no indication of his thoughts.

"Fine, how's this? You be nice to him and I'll give you the extra brownie I brought with my lunch."

His face lit up. "The caramel ones?"

"Yes."

"Fine. Deal. But only because those brownies make me want to orgasm my brains out."

"That's not even..." Giving up on trying to understand the words that sometimes came out of James' mouth, Logan turned back toward the classroom. "See you at lunch."

James turned the corner but then peeked back around to call out, "Wait! Did you already plan to give me the extra brownie? Is that why you brought it?"

"Too late, you already agreed to the deal!"

"Asshole," James muttered, his thoughts turning to Kendall Knight as he headed for the music department.

How many nights had he sat in his room and watched Knight hustle on the ice for Iowa? How many of those games had him drooling over Knight? Yeah, he thought Knight was the hottest thing on skates, and his skill only added to that. This was the man who would rescue his beloved Minnesota Wild from their slump and put them on top again.

And then, in one fateful move, the dream was over. Of course James knew Knight had done the right thing, but that didn't mean he had to be happy with the outcome. His idol couldn't skate anymore. His idol ruined everything. How was James supposed to look into his eyes and forget that?

Damn Logan for knowing him so well as to predict how he would have reacted to the presence of Knight on the staff, and even worse, for pre-empting it. If his brownies weren't so fucking tasty...

And, if James allowed himself to admit it, if his smile wasn't so sexy. If those deep brown eyes weren't so warm and accepting of him even at his worst...

Logan was gay. That was probably the hardest part, the knowledge that Logan was gay and would one day fall in love with another man. James couldn't take the risk of coming out, though. It would ruin his future as a pop star, ruin everything he'd worked so hard to build up over the years. So for that reason, not even his (gorgeous) best friend could know the truth.

Nobody could.

When Logan found someone he could fall for, he would move on. James would still be here trying to do what Rob had suggested and learning life lessons. What was it Rob had said?

"Have your heart broken a few times."

Yeah, James didn't see a way out of that because his heart had already opened up enough that when Logan did find someone else more interesting, it was going to hurt like a motherfucker.

Maybe it would be a good idea to have a back-up plan.

Five hours back at his alma mater and Kendall thought it was going...okay. Coach had been correct about everyone welcoming him with open arms, both teachers and students alike (those who remembered him, anyway—those who didn't soon learned what an asset he was to the athletics program and wished they knew him). There were of course those who pitied him as well, and while Kendall understood that point of view and appreciated the kind words of sympathy, he was ready to move on and embrace the new life waiting for him, whatever it might hold.

Because he wore jeans, those who didn't know his background suspected nothing amiss regarding his body. He'd been wearing the prosthetic leg long enough that it felt like a natural extension of his knee, and he no longer limped with it. His doctor had also given him the name of a company that specialized in athletic prosthetics; despite what Teague had said to him, Kendall knew that in order to be an effective coach, he needed to be on the ice.

His mother had put a down payment on an apartment for him before he started the job, she and Katie helping him move in and Kendall promising to start paying his mother back when he received his first paycheck. He really had no other bills yet, as his truck had been purchased used from a former teammate and his phone was included in his mother's plan. She had also offered to pay for half of Kendall's new prosthetic, so now all he had to do was work and save up enough to cover his share, and he hoped that within a year he'd be back on the ice. He'd have to learn how to skate all over again, but he wasn't worried about that; the ice was his second home.

In the meantime, he'd have to coach from the sidelines and though it killed him to do it, it was something to do. He had a purpose again. As he stepped into the staff lounge on his first day, he was greeted with smiles from everyone and it was a good feeling. He'd never imagined himself teaching, and the truth was that he hadn't gotten much reward from running the physical education classes so far. Very few of the students wanted to be there. Hockey would be different, he hoped.

A pair of hazel eyes caught his gaze as it swept around the room, Kendall feeling a jolt to his midsection when their eyes met. For two seconds it was like that moment you see in every cliché romance movie, the one where it seems to last forever. He had enough time to note that the unique shade of brownish green was framed by chestnut bangs that almost hung into them, as well as lashes that were noticeably long even from this distance, before the other gaze tore away and the beautiful man muttered something to a clean-cut guy sitting next to him.

Oh. So it was like that, was it?

Kendall was distracted by two men standing from a nearby table and introducing themselves, not aware that the breathtaking brunet was close until backing right into him as the man was making an escape.

"Oh, sorry about that."

"Just don't let it happen again."

Ouch. Kendall moved aside to allow the guy to pass (and why did he look so familiar?), still having no idea where to sit until a charming smile from the back of the room invited him over. Without a second thought, Kendall gravitated toward it.