A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

I'm so so happy you guys seem to be liking this one. It's that one fic we probably all have that never got finished and keeps coming back to haunt us until we do. It's finally going to be finished. I struggled a lot with the beginning of it, but now a hundred pages in it's writing itself and I can barely keep up with the ideas, which is the best way to be with a story!

I'm a little worried that the chat portion of this story might be hard to follow, so if it is let me know and I'll figure out another way to format it in the future. The chats were actually my favorite parts to write back when I first started this story and what kept me coming back to it.

Since my true vacation starts tomorrow, I won't be posting again until next week. See you then! Love you guys. :)

They'd been discussing their choice for a movie when Kendall entered the room, and Logan wanted to cringe at the way everyone stopped talking to stare. It had to be hard enough for this guy to even show his face here, and now he had to deal with this?

"I've heard that..." James trailed off when everyone else did, his attention going to the main door and Logan hearing a soft gasp.

"Be nice," Logan whispered.

James wasn't paying him any attention, though; James seemed to be glued to Knight, and Logan braced himself to rein in his best friend.

Rather than be rude, James instead leaned in to mutter, "I can't do this."

"Wait, what?" Logan asked quietly.

"Sorry."

James was gone before Logan could say anything else. He watched James attempt to inch around Knight, but the guy suddenly stepped back and right into James. There was an exchange Logan couldn't hear before Knight looked around again.

Wanting to put the man at ease, Logan smiled at him. He really was gorgeous in person. The first night James had forced him to watch a hockey game, Knight had been playing. Logan had made a comment about how it wasn't even a pro team, and James' response had been, "It's the pre-pro team, these are the guys who are in training to be the pro team. And trust me, with the way the Wild's been playing, this will be way more exciting. They picked up a new guy that's going to take them to the Cup. I just know it."

Logan had watched the game, James explaining rules and ref calls as it played out, and by the time it was over Logan had to admit he'd enjoyed it. They'd gone to a few actual Wild games during the season, and James had been right about that—being there in person was more fun. Still, Logan never complained about watching the Iowa games on television with James because those had the added bonus of sweaty, agile, intense Kendall Knight.

At least until the accident.

And now here he was, all of his dreams crushed and returning to the place where they'd probably begun, or at least were fostered into greatness. It made Logan want to hug him.

Not that Logan was usually a touchy person. James was the only one who ever brought out that side of him, and he had to be careful to keep that reined in because James wasn't gay and never would be. Logan had accepted it within the first few weeks of their friendship, when he'd discovered that Diamond did indeed have a heart, then fought hard to keep from falling for that heart. James was off limits. James would run if Logan ever even hinted at anything romantic, and so Logan didn't.

The only time he'd been in danger of slipping was the night James broke down and told Logan the real reason he didn't take the offer for a record deal. James had cried into Logan's shirt as a television show played on forgotten. He'd spilled all of his fears and insecurities and though it killed Logan to do it, he'd suggested that James try to date. When James shot down that idea, claiming nobody would love him for him since he was famous, Logan suggested online chat rooms so he could remain anonymous. James had scoffed at that as well, but it got him talking again and they'd spent the night cuddled up together asleep on the sofa. Logan remembered how hard it was (literally) to lay under James and not act on his feelings, but their friendship was too important to screw up. A cold shower early in the morning worked wonders, and then Logan was able to become the best friend and nothing more again.

He knew one day James would find the girl to steal his heart, and was very much aware that when that day came, he would no longer be the person James spent most evenings with. Logan would have to go back to grading his papers alone at his own apartment rather than while James battled it out in an intense video game on the sofa next to him. He'd have to go back to cooking for himself instead of finding new and interesting recipes to try out for dinner with James. Sure, they'd still be co-workers, and maybe even catch an occasional movie together. But it would be few and far between, and the girlfriend would probably be along for the ride, and...

Logan would learn to live with it. For now, he wanted to enjoy James while he still could. Because even though James sometimes came off like a heartless, immature asshole, Logan knew that deep down he was always worried nobody would love him and that what James wanted more than anything was to be accepted and to know what it was like to fall in love. So until that time came, Logan would be here to accept him.

As long as he didn't keep running out of the room every time Knight showed up, that was. They'd have to talk about this later.

Logan looked up when Knight neared the table he was now seated alone at.

"May I?"

"Of course," Logan smiled. He waited until the blond was comfortable before offering his hand. "I'm Logan. Math."

"Hey. Kendall. P.E., but my main interest is the hockey team."

"Yeah, they need work," Logan chuckled. "I've seen you play, and if anyone can get them back on top, it's you."

Kendall blinked at Logan in surprise, his hand stopping its motion halfway into the lunch bag he'd been rooting through. "You've seen me?"

"My best friend's a huge hockey fan. I wasn't until I met him, but he got me watching the games. You're impressive on the ice."

"I was," Kendall corrected, returning his attention to his food. "I don't skate anymore."

"Yeah, I uh...for what it's worth, I think what you did was noble and heroic."

A twitch of a smile crossed Kendall's lips as he blushed and looked down. "It wasn't really. The truth is I didn't even think about it, I just acted and...had I really thought it through, I don't know that I would've had the courage to do it."

Logan shook his head. "You wouldn't have let her die. I hardly know you but I know that."

Kendall shrugged. He pulled out a turkey sandwich and an apple, then dug back in for a small bag of chips.

"I have an extra brownie if you want it."

"Whoa, really?"

"Yep. It was for someone else, but he bolted, so..."

Kendall nodded as if he knew exactly who Logan was talking about. "Are there nuts in it?"

Before he could stop himself, Logan asked, "Would you like it better if there were nuts involved?" When Kendall almost choked on his sandwich, Logan felt bad for the cheesy line and clapped his back. "Sorry, that was really horrible. I usually have more class than that."

It wasn't until after he'd sipped from a bottle of water that Kendall replied. "It's better than me spending months wondering how to get up the courage to ask that very personal question."

Logan blushed but chuckled. "So...now that that's out of the way..."

"Is it really? I don't believe I ever gave you an answer."

"Oh." He was right, he hadn't. Logan cleared his throat and passed over the brownie. "You can have this anyway. No nuts, just to be safe."

"Thanks," Kendall laughed. "The truth is I don't think I'd mind the nuts, but I can't say for sure since I've never tried them."

"Ah." Normally not one to pry, Logan pushed on because Kendall seemed to be open to the conversation. "Is there a reason for that?"

"Honestly? Too much going on. Hockey was always my life, you know?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry about that."

"It's...hard. It's still really hard but I'm hoping that coaching this team will help me come to terms with it better. I mean, at least I'm not sitting at home eating all the time and getting depressed while my mom and sister nag me to do something with my life."

Logan smiled. "They sound great."

"They are, actually. If it wasn't for them..." Kendall reached for a chip, offering the bag to Logan before taking another. "So I'm assuming you're no stranger to nuts?"

"I've dabbled," Logan admitted. "Definitely prefer them to the brownies with no nuts."

"Why does that give me a vision of...never mind, we won't go there. Isn't it scary to have people judge you for it?"

"It was at first. But I mean, it's easier for me than someone like you, who's so steeped in the manly world of sports. Nobody bats an eye at a math teacher being gay. They just prefer that you don't discuss it or flaunt it in front of the students."

"I can see that," Kendall nodded. "And yeah, I think it would affect the way my students see me. It shouldn't, but it would."

"So...is that your way of saying you do like the nuts?"

"Well...once I try them, I'll let you know."

Logan's eyes sparkled as he wondered if that was an invitation.

"Can I ask you a weird question?"

"You can ask me anything," Logan grinned.

"That uh...the guy you were sitting with. The one who left."

"Oh." His heart dipped. "He's not gay."

"No, that's not..." Kendall laughed, wiping his mouth with a napkin before picking up the brownie. "That's not what I was going to say. He actually looks familiar to me and I can't place him but I could swear I've seen him before."

"He was on that show 'National Pop Star' a few seasons ago. Came in second place."

It was like a light bulb went on in Kendall's brain. "Ohhhh, of course! James something, right?"

"Diamond," Logan nodded. "You watch that?"

"I still lived at home then, and Mom's a huge fan of the show."

"Mine, too! She forces me to watch it so we can talk about it. She wanted James to win."

"So did my mom. My sister couldn't stand him, she liked the other guy."

"So did I! Just...don't bring that up around James, okay?"

Kendall smirked. "So your co-worker has no idea you voted against him?"

"He does, he's just very touchy about it," Logan replied. "We had a long talk one night and I admitted it. I hadn't met him back then, though. There's more to him than what we saw on the show."

"Really? Because the guy I talked to five minutes ago is exactly what I saw on the show."

"He doesn't always come across well. He's actually a nice guy."

"I'll trust you on that." A bell rang and Kendall sighed. "Damn, already? I didn't even get to the brownie yet!"

"Take it with you."

"Thanks. And uh...thanks for being nice to me. It's always good to meet a friendly face on the first day of school."

Thrown back to the day James had arrived here, Logan smiled. Strange how he'd been determined to stay away from the guy, and a year later they were best friends. It made him wonder where he and Kendall might be a year from now. "You're welcome. See you Monday."

"It's a date."

Of course he didn't mean it like that, right? Right? Logan didn't know, and honestly it didn't matter. He was just as happy to be a friend to Kendall.

But he needed to stop befriending dudes that were so gorgeous, because even Logan had his limits with self-control.

As he let himself into his apartment that afternoon, Kendall's mind was on a loop that included Logan and James, both leading him to think about something he'd been considering since the move. The idea had been in the back of his mind for a week, Kendall alternately deciding to try it and then shooting it down as ridiculous and unnecessary. Online dating just wasn't his thing.

Come on, Kendall, let's be honest. No kind of dating is your thing. At least if you do it this way, you're easing yourself into it and won't be judged for your missing limb.

This was true, and yet he also worried that he would be judged on his status as an almost-pro hockey player. He was already fawned over at the high school by those who knew enough about sports to idolize him, which seemed weird to Kendall because he hadn't even made it past the farm team. Then again, he'd discovered that his selfless act added to the romance of it all, some of the female students actually cornering him for an autograph and coming dangerously close to swooning. It scared Kendall a little, especially considering he had come to realize without a doubt that he was unequivocally gay.

The few doubts he'd had on that score dissipated the moment he laid eyes on James Diamond at the school. He'd spoken the truth to Logan earlier, though he left out the part about how he found the young man gorgeous. There'd been something lacking in Diamond that he couldn't put his finger on. He wasn't a fan of the show but remembered a feeling of satisfaction upon hearing that Diamond had lost to the other guy, because while that guy wasn't as polished, he'd seemed to somehow deserve it more.

Had Kendall actually been present for any of the performances, though, his opinion might have changed because in person, James Diamond took his breath away. Maybe it was simply seeing someone so beautiful in such a mundane setting, but he'd been blown away by the hazel eyes that fastened onto his upon his entrance to the staff lounge.

Then James opened his mouth and ruined it. Proving to Kendall that his assumptions had been right, James replied rudely and with that rock star attitude Kendall had sensed from his living room so many months ago.

Still, he and Logan had awakened something in Kendall that pressed him to take the dating step, and in the end he decided on an old-fashioned chat room to break himself in. He wouldn't have to set up a detailed profile or fill out any kind of in-depth questionnaire that might give away too much. That would probably come in time, but for now Kendall was more concerned with the fact that he had no idea how to even go about getting to know a guy with the end goal being romance. He was so inept at this whole thing and couldn't tell if Logan had been flirting or just welcoming. Knowing his luck, he'd take it wrong and end up embarrassing himself over a nice guy who was simply attempting to be polite.

He followed the link to his email program's social network, nervous as he sat on his new couch with one leg resting on the coffee table before him. The laptop silently guided him through the steps, and within ten minutes he had a vague bio created and was searching through a list of chat rooms for gay males. There were so many, where was he to start?

In the end he decided not to over-think it and clicked on the first one. If he didn't like that one, there were others.

Watching the conversations scroll past him, Kendall didn't jump in right away. He wanted to get a feel for this, understand how it worked before making a complete ass of himself. A lot of the comments caused him to roll his eyes and he began to wonder what he was doing, thinking this had been a stupid idea, but then a name caught his eye as someone new entered the chat. He waited and waited, but there was nothing from the man (or so Kendall assumed) with the username Kingofdiamonds.

Five minutes in, Kendall took the plunge. His fingers were shaky as he typed the simple words, unsure they would even be noticed in the mass of conversation running down the window.

Rusherone: Hi, kingofdiamonds.

There was nothing, Kendall watching but deciding a minute later he had in fact been stupid to try this. He was about to leave the room when it popped up.

Kingofdiamonds: Hey, rusher. Come here often?

Kendall's face lit up as he let out a little giggle, then immediately covered his mouth as if someone had heard. It was a cheesy line that normally would've had Kendall rolling his eyes but the knowledge that there was an actual person on the other end of the conversation made him a little giddy. What could it hurt to talk to the guy and see where it led? Probably nowhere, but it might be fun for five minutes.

Rusherone: My first time. You?

Kendall waited a few seconds, heart beating hard, and there it was.

Kingofdiamonds: That makes us both virgins. ;)

A squeal erupted that was like no sound Kendall had ever made in his life. He wondered what in the world was wrong with him and why it was that he kept picturing James Diamond's face in his mind.

It's the name. That's why your brain jumped on that, because Diamond is gorgeous and even if he's a jerk, there's nothing wrong with imagining a pretty face.

Rusherone: Cute.

Kingofdiamonds: Yes, I am. :P

Kendall was no stranger to emoticons, having in Katie a sister who used them mostly to annoy him. He shook his head and laughed, now rolling his eyes.

Before he could reply, the name popped up on the screen as one of the other occupants of the room addressed Kingofdiamonds to ask what he looked like. Kendall found it a rude question, but his eyes were glued to the laptop.

Finally the name popped up again, addressing the one who had asked.

Kingofdiamonds: Magnum328, keep dreaming. You can't handle this.

"Damn!" Kendall exclaimed, eyes wide. Maybe it was Diamond, with that attitude. And then his own name popped up.

Kingofdiamonds: Rusher, you still here?

Kendall replied immediately.

Rusherone: Yes.

There was nothing for a minute, Kendall waiting and reading the other conversations but again having a difficult time following. This chat thing was confusing.

Suddenly a little box popped up on his screen.

"Kingofdiamonds has invited you for a private chat."

There were two buttons below, one for accept and one for decline. Biting his lip, Kendall hesitated while his heart galloped in his chest. What would he say? He didn't even know this guy. What if the guy really was a dick?

Then you log out and never come back. Find another way to date. At least you gave it a try.

Finger hovering over the built-in mouse, Kendall finally dropped it to tap over the "Accept" button. Immediately a new window opened up, leaving Kendall licking his lips in anticipation. He sat up straighter on the couch and stared at the little icon to the left of the chat box. It featured what appeared to be a glittering diamond wearing shades with a golden crown hovering near the tip of the gem.

Kingofdiamonds: Hey.

Rusherone: Hi, there.

Kingofdiamonds: It was a little too crowded in there for me. Is this okay?

It was more than okay. Kendall smiled while replying.

Rusherone: It's fine. I get the diamond and the crown, but what's with the sunglasses?

Kingofdiamonds: The diamond shines so bright it needed something to contain the awesomeness.

Snorting, Kendall rolled his eyes.

Kingofdiamonds: You don't like it? I drew it myself.

Rusherone: Did you really?

Kingofdiamonds: I was twelve. I thought it looked cool with the shades.

Rusherone: You would.

Kingofdiamonds: How can you say that? You don't even know me.

Rusherone: I suppose that's true.

Kingofdiamonds: It's better than your generic one. Why not upload a picture of yourself? That's what everyone else does.

Rusherone: You didn't.

Kingofdiamonds: Of course I did. I'm the King of Diamonds and I'm cool. It's perfect.

Rusherone: If you say so. :P

Kingofdiamonds: I do. :P So this is your first time in the chat room?

Hesitant to appear uncool, Kendall debated lying but decided he had nothing to lose.

Rusherone: Yeah. I'm new to this whole online dating thing.

Kingofdiamonds: Me, too. It's kind of overwhelming.

Rusherone: Exactly! I wasn't quite ready for the big sites. Figured I'd start small, work my way up to that.

Kingofdiamonds: Right? And all those guys talking at once got kind of crazy. This is nice, yeah?

Kendall smiled. It was, actually.

Rusherone: So what's your name?

He was about to add "You don't have to answer if you don't want to" when the sound of a door slamming surprised him before the words "Kingofdiamonds has left the chat" appeared. Kendall blinked at the screen, a lot more disappointed than he should've been.

"What the fuck?" James exclaimed, staring at his laptop in shock. Every time he pressed return or clicked on "send," he was presented with an error message. "Come on!"

Leaning forward to set his laptop on the coffee table, James tried again. And again. And one more time. Still nothing.

"Motherfucker, work already!" he yelled, banging his fist down on the table. Wide eyes took in a little yellow starburst symbol in the bottom right corner of the screen, James groaning in frustration. "Now? Internet goes out now? Fuck!"

It took him a few minutes to go into the network settings and get the connection working, and when he tried to access the chat again the window had closed. "No no no no no," he whined. "I find a guy who seems normal and nice and he disappears?"

Unwilling to give up, James returned to the original chat room and skimmed the names of its occupants, sighing when the one he was looking for was missing.

Rusherone was gone.

"Okay, talk to me. What's going on?"

James snapped back into the moment, realizing just in time he needed to brake and pressing his foot to the pedal hard so that they both strained forward against the restraints. "Sorry. What are you talking about?"

"You're too quiet, what's wrong?" Logan asked.

"What's that supposed to mean? Are you saying I normally annoy you because I talk too much?"

"Stop being oversensitive, James. I'm saying that you're usually the one doing most of the talking, not that I mind that, but tonight it's me and that's just weird for us. I just broke into one of my math lectures to test you and thirty seconds into it, you agreed with what I was saying. As if I was opining something."

"Opining? Is that some new word that's hip with the kids? I haven't heard it yet."

"No," Logan sighed, begging for patience. "It means...never mind. The point is I can tell you're preoccupied and whatever's going on, you can tell me about it. Is it because of Kendall?"

"Knight? Why would I be thinking about him?"

"Why did you take off earlier?"

"You know why."

"You promised to give him a chance."

"I said I would be nice. That's different."

"Well, you weren't. According to him, you were rude."

"He said that?!" James exclaimed in outrage. "What the fuck? You talked to him?"

"I did. After you left, he sat with me."

"Oh, great. So I'm losing my best friend to an asshole."

"James, knock it off, he is not an asshole, and you are not losing me. What is going on with you?"

James didn't answer until they'd gone at least a half-mile. "Swear you won't laugh at me?"

"I won't laugh at you. What happened?"

It was still difficult for James to get the words out, even knowing that Logan would be proud of him. "I...when I got home today..."

"Yes?" Logan reached over and squeezed James' bicep in encouragement, then quickly let his hand drop.

"I went into a chat room."

That was the last thing Logan had been expecting. "Oh."

"Yeah. You suggested it before, remember?"

"Of course. I thought it would be the best place for you to meet someone without being judged."

"Right."

Logan's face turned to the right, taking in sights out the window that he wasn't even conscious of. "How was it?"

"It was actually a little scary at first. Way too many people talking at once and I could barely follow the conversation."

Logan bit his lip while absorbing that. "At first?"

"Yeah, at first. There was this...girl. We ended up going to a private message thing and talking and I thought it was going well."

Logan's heart was beating much harder than the conversation warranted. "What happened?"

"My wifi went out. She had just asked my name, not that I was going to tell her, and then I lost the connection and when I went back in, she was gone."

"Oh. So...you're mad because...?"

"Because I really liked her and I think that might've been my only chance to talk to her."

"Did you guys talk a lot?"

"No, but...I don't know. It was her first time, too, and I think she was nervous but she was...cute."

"Did you see a picture?"

"No, her bio pic was the default. I told her she should upload her pic. Now if she does I'll never know."

"Can you find her again?"

"I don't know. I mean, we both have to be in the same chat at the same time, and..."

"Then go back there tomorrow. Same time."

"It's a weekend."

"So? Maybe she'll be there. And if not? Try again Monday."

Logan always had an answer for everything. It was both a curse and a blessing, as his answers were almost always correct and James had come to depend on them. "You think that'll work?"

"It won't if you don't try."

That was true. "Does it annoy your mom that you're always right?"

"Sometimes."

"Is that why you never had friends before I came along? Because you annoyed them with your...smartness?" Rather than the snarky reply James had been counting on, Logan remained silent. James looked over at him. "What?"

"Nothing. It's nothing."

"No way, you don't get to do that after you made me spill my guts. What did I say wrong?"

"Nothing, it's not you. But...you're right. That's the reason I never found a boyfriend, either. Everybody hates the smart guy."

"I don't."

Logan offered up a small smile, rolling his head to stare at James. "Thanks. Now if only a gay guy would say that."

Thinking of his repeated lying via use of the word "she", James was ashamed. It wasn't that he didn't think Logan would keep it a secret, but more that Logan had a way of making him see things differently and opening his mind. In Logan's hands, that knowledge might lead to him talking James into coming out, and James couldn't risk that. His career depended on keeping up that straight image because 90% of his fanbase would be young girls. Maybe one day after he'd fulfilled his dreams, he could come forward and admit that he was attracted to guys.

For now, the secret had to remain that. It didn't matter that he was half in love with his best friend. It didn't matter that his mind automatically pulled up a vision of Kendall Knight when he tried to picture Rusherone. His future depended on the world's belief that it was girls he was into.

Maybe tonight after the movie he'd try again to write a song. He hadn't had any luck since the one he'd written about his heartbreak over losing the contest. Something had stirred in him today, though, when his gaze met Knight's for the first time. It sucked that he couldn't pursue that any further, but it was probably for the best. Surely Knight wasn't gay, right?

Life was so unfair.

Or maybe this was the life experience Rob had been talking about, because suddenly James felt he could write an entire album of songs about those green eyes.