A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

More thanks to you guys who are reading this. Annabellex2, I miss you and hope this is giving you something to do until you can get back. :)

Lucy opened the door to usher a student out, smiling at the girl in a gentle way Kendall hadn't witnessed before. "You got this," she promised. "Don't even worry about it."

"I'll try," the girl sighed.

"No, you'll do it because you're awesome and you know nobody's better at it than you."

A smile lit up the girl's face, her cheeks going red. "Thanks, Lucy."

"Come talk to me tomorrow."

"Okay. Bye!"

Kendall grinned at Lucy once the girl had turned a corner. "Wow, you do have a heart. I've seen her in the gym. She's shy."

"Yeah, we're working on that. Come on in, I had a feeling I'd be seeing you today."

"Why is that?" Kendall stepped inside and closed the door, then sank down into the chair that was beginning to feel like his even if many others used it.

"Because I figured you'd be lonely."

"I'm just glad Logan stayed home. He was really sick yesterday, I was afraid I'd have to bring in James to keep him home. That's actually why I'm here."

"Because of James?"

"Yeah. Eating lunch with just him is a bad idea, so I wondered if I could join you instead."

"You do realize James never came in today, right?"

Kendall blinked slowly. "He didn't?"

"Nope."

"Oh. Well he must be at Logan's then."

"And doesn't that bother you?"

"What?"

"The two of them spending the day together?"

Okay, that actually did bother him even though he knew it shouldn't. "Well...whatever. I mean, knowing James, he needed to make sure Logan's okay, so it makes sense. And there's nothing to worry about anyway, James is straight. It's not like he's going to make a move on my territory."

"Which isn't really your territory, since you two are just...'letting it ride.'"

Kendall rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."

"Admit it. It bothers you."

"Only because I just got off the phone with Logan and he didn't tell me James was there. Which is surprising since he knows that would've made me feel better. To know James is taking care of him."

"Look, it's not my business. But when your...casual date? Starts lying to you, there's more to the story. That's all I'm saying."

"You're ridiculous. I'm sure he just...didn't..."

"I'm waiting."

"You know what? Fine, I'll just take care of this now and show you it's nothing weird." Kendall whipped out his phone and put a call through to Logan. "He's going to be pissed if I wake him up again."

Lucy sat back in her chair and smirked.

"Hey you. What's up?"

Kendall smiled at the tired voice coming over the line. "Sorry to bother you again, but I just found out that James is sick too and I wanted to make sure he's okay. You two are taking care of each other, right?"

There was dead silence for long enough that Kendall started to wonder if Lucy was right and he should be worried about this. Then, "James isn't at school?"

"Uh, no. He didn't come in. He's not there?"

"No, of course not, I would've told you if he was. What the hell, how did he not tell me he was staying home? Did he say why? Is he sick?"

"I...assume so? I just thought he was there."

"No, he's...thanks for telling me. I'm gonna call him right now."

"Sure."

"Sorry, I don't mean to brush you off. But for James to not tell me that...and to not be here taking care of me when he worries so much about me...he must be really sick. I gotta go."

"It's totally okay. Call me later, let me know."

"I will. Thanks, Kendall."

"Bye."

Kendall hung up, wondering if he'd just made a weird situation worse.

"Well?"

"Logan had no idea."

"Really? Are you sure?"

"He sounded sincere. He's honestly worried about James."

"Okay, fine. I was wrong. It happens." She waited a few seconds to add more, seeing that Kendall was lost in thought. "You're not worried about James too, are you?"

"No, I just...it's weird."

"How?"

"Logan's right, it's very strange that James isn't over there with him. He'd kill for an excuse to take care of Logan. I wonder if he really is sick."

"Well, you're welcome to have lunch with me, but all I do is sit in my car and catch up on my phone."

"It's better than sitting with the gossip gang. I'll probably call Logan and check in, so you have to listen to that."

"Just don't make kissy noises. Meet me here at lunch."

"Thanks, Lucy."

"What are friends for?"

When three phone calls went unanswered, Logan could no longer keep in the panic. Something was very wrong.

It pissed him off that he was sluggish, his body's weakness slowing him down in the process of getting dressed. He'd made it as far as one shoe on when James called back, and the relief left him even shakier. He didn't bother to hide the fear when his first words were, "Are you okay?!"

"What do you care?"

The scathing tone rocked his head back. "What are you talking about? Don't do this, I don't know what's wrong but don't do this. I just found out you stayed home and I called because I'm worried about you."

"Let me guess. Kendall told you."

"Yes, Kendall told me. James, I can't...don't..." Logan was close to tears of frustration, why did James have to act like he didn't care? Like neither of them did? "Please talk to me. Are you sick? Did I get you sick?"

"No."

"Why didn't you call me? Or at least text and tell me that you were staying home?"

"I didn't think you'd care."

And there it was, the hint of fear in James' voice that what he was saying was true. James was barely holding on. "Why in the world would you think I don't care about you?"

"Because you made it clear last night. You would've ignored my calls but got excited about Kendall's. I guess I'm lucky you answered me at all."

"I was tired, James! I was trying to sleep!"

"Then why not ignore Kendall, too?" Now James was yelling, and while it made Logan cringe it was better than him crying or falling into that pit of despair. "You made me feel like shit, Logan. Like I'm nobody."

Logan closed his eyes, barely remembering the conversation from the night before; he'd been loopy from NyQuil and his brain was still trying to catch up. "I'm sorry. You know that's not the case. You're still number one."

"Am I? You wouldn't be ignoring me if I was."

"James, I..." Logan rubbed a hand over his forehead, praying for patience. This was a talk they'd been needing to have, and while he'd hoped it would be more civil when the time came, he supposed it was best to just get it over with. "I don't know how to explain it."

"Try. Please try. Because right now it just feels like you found someone way more exciting and I can't measure up and I'm...nobody."

"You're not nobody. Your friendship means everything to me, you know that."

"I thought I did."

"You know that. But...look, I need...there are things you can't give me. And I'm not mad about it, I'd never try to change you. You're straight and I respect that and I love you the way you are. But one day you're going to start dating, and you'll understand. There are things we can't do for each other so we have to go looking elsewhere for it."

Silence on the line.

"James? Are you there?"

"Yeah." It was barely more than a whisper.

"I don't know if Kendall's the guy I'm meant to be with. Right now we're just trying this out, seeing if there's something there. But whether it's him or another guy, there is going to be someone one day who gives me those things you can't. That doesn't mean I won't want you in my life. It doesn't mean my feelings toward you will change. Can you understand that?"

"What if they do? One day I'm not gonna be number one anymore."

"What you don't realize is that one day I'm not gonna be number one anymore, either. You can deny it all you want right now, but you'll find the girl who completes you and then it'll be all about her."

"No, that's—"

"Yes. You know I'm right. What about this girl you're talking to now? Is that going somewhere?"

"Sort of. She's practice."

"And you talk to her every night, right?"

"Almost."

"Then why is it so wrong for me to talk to Kendall?" Logan could just picture James pouting as he realized Logan had a point. "Nothing's going to change between us, James."

"It already has! You're inviting him to the movies with us! Our movie date!"

"I'm trying to include you!"

"In what was already mine! He's the intruder here, not me! Don't make it sound like you're doing me a favor by inviting me to what was already mine."

"Okay, you're right. Maybe movie night wasn't the best way to get you two spending time together. I didn't think of your feelings when I invited him, I just...in a way I did, though, because I'm doing this all for you. I'm doing everything I can to go after what I want without losing you in the process. James, can't you feel it? Can't you see how terrified I am to lose you? We talked about this, I thought you understood."

"I did, I just...I get scared. And then last night when you said you were ignoring me but then got excited to talk to him..."

"I know. I'm sorry about that, there's really no way to make that better. But I mean...don't you get excited to talk to your girl?"

"Yeah, but...I don't ever make you feel like you don't matter, right?"

"No. I guess it's just that...with you, I know that if I ignore a few calls, you're not going anywhere. Maybe that's wrong, maybe it's me taking you for granted, but it means a lot to me to know that about you, that you're not going to leave me if I'm too tired to talk. Kendall...I'm still afraid to scare him away. So I'm more careful with him. Does that make sense?"

"I guess a little bit. It's not fair, though."

"I know. I'm sorry I ignored you. Tell me how I can make it up to you."

"Are you feeling better?"

"Obviously not since I stayed home. Which I texted you this morning. I should've known something was wrong when all I got back from you was 'ok.'"

"You should've."

"I went back to sleep. I am feeling somewhat better, actually. Just...needed a day to recover."

"You sound like shit."

"Thanks, James, you always know what to say to cheer me up."

"I think you need some cuddle time."

Logan hesitated, but finally replied, "I think I do, too."

"I'm bringing lunch with me."

"Nothing too heavy. Maybe just some chicken and rice, or a sandwich."

"I know how to take care of you. I learned from the best."

Logan let out a shaky breath. They were going to be okay. For now. "Come spend the day with me. Just you and me."

"Pick out a movie."

"I love you."

It was the first time Logan had said the words out loud, and he said them with the feelings he'd kept hidden for the better part of a year. James had said them many times, but never in the same manner. Logan had come to accept he never would.

"I love you, too."

Except that he did, and it was torture because Logan knew it would never go anywhere. Maybe in some weird way James did love him the way Logan wanted him to; would he have stuck around this long if he didn't? In the end it made no difference, though, because James wasn't gay and never would be. Logan needed a man who was.

"Bring your clothes for tomorrow. I want you to stay the night."

"Okay."

"Hey! I hate to do this to you, but you did it first so I don't feel as bad. I'm not gonna be able to meet up tonight or tomorrow. Life's busy. Are we on for Saturday?

King"

Kendall stared down at the email, more disappointed than he would've thought possible. He hadn't realized just how much he'd come to look forward to his sessions with King. After last night, though, they were hard to forget. How to word this so that King wouldn't find him pathetic?

"I understand about life. I'm actually not free Saturday, and I think you said Sundays are out for you, so...Monday? Can we for sure make plans to meet up then? That feels like so far away and I'm gonna be going insane in the meantime.

Rush"

Okay, so that was a little pathetic, but hopefully King wouldn't mind knowing he would be missed.

"Damn, not until Monday? What am I supposed to do without you that long? I guess I'll just have to use my imagination at night instead. ;) Promise you'll do the same and think of me?

King"

"Hell, I'm thinking about you right now. In my mind you're looking back over your shoulder at me and begging for me to touch you. What would you say to me?

Rush"

"I need you. Right here against the wall, just fuck me until I come but then don't stop, keep fucking me so hard I scream."

"Fuck," Kendall muttered under his breath, squirming in the passenger's seat. He was barely aware of Lucy's questioning stare until she spoke.

"Who are you talking to?"

"What? Nobody."

"Bullshit, you're about to split your zipper over there. Are you talking to Logan?"

Kendall's face turned beet red. "Nothing, it's no one, it's—"

"Give me your phone."

"No, Lucy, it's—"

"Don't make me take it from you."

"Lucy, it's not your business. Just back off!"

"Oh my god, it's that online guy, isn't it? The one you're 'just friends' with."

"Shut up, there is nothing—" He gasped when she snatched the phone from his hand and tried to read it while avoiding his attempts to get it back. "Lucy, knock it off! That's private!"

"Wooooooooow." She let Kendall have the phone back, having seen enough to get an idea of the email's theme. "There's no way in hell that's Mitchell. Damn, Knight!"

Kendall hid his face in his hands. "Please, Lucy, don't...oh my god."

"Dude, it's okay. You're allowed to talk dirty with someone."

"No, I shouldn't be, I'm dating Logan."

"Letting it ride. Totally different."

"Is it?" Kendall wanted to know, suddenly facing her and begging for an honest answer. "Tell me the truth. Is it wrong to be doing this with someone else when I'm dating Logan?"

"If you two have had the talk about being exclusive, then yes."

"We haven't. It still feels wrong."

"Yet you're still doing it."

"I can't stop. This guy is fire, he turns me on with just words. How is that even possible?"

"Chemistry, I guess. He says what you need to hear. You've never been fucked, right?" When Kendall attempted to hide his face again, Lucy grabbed at his hands to keep them away. "Stop being embarrassed to talk about sex. I'm just asking, this is all new for you, right?"

"Yes."

"It's okay to experiment and be curious. Right now you don't have any other options; it makes sense that you're exploring it this way."

"And it's not wrong?"

"Would Logan be hurt if he knew?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Well, trust your gut on that. But let me ask you one very important question first."

"What's that?"

"Can you stop? With the online dude. Do you really want to end it?"

Kendall bit his lip. "No. I'm going insane just waiting until we can talk again."

"I think that says a lot. Logan can't give you what you want just yet, so you're finding it elsewhere. When are you seeing him again? Outside of work, I mean."

"Tomorrow night. Movies."

"Oh, right. Which I'm totally not invited to. Maybe try more than grandma kisses this time, see if he's receptive to it. If he isn't, maybe he's not what you need."

"But he's worth the wait."

"Doesn't mean you have to suffer while you're waiting. Not until he makes it clear he wants you and only you."

"Fine," Kendall sighed. "I'll see how tomorrow goes."

"Good. And in the meantime? Don't leave your dude hanging. Poor guy is probably afraid he went too far."

"Oh, shit!" Kendall looked at his phone again, wondering how to reply to that.

"Need my help composing a reply?" Lucy teased.

"Shut up. And no, you can't read it." Kendall went over the email again, trying not to let it overheat him as he pictured exactly what King had said. And fuck Diamond for being such a perfect stand-in. Those hazel eyes begging for him were enough to have him biting down a moan.

"I'd continue that but I have to go back to work soon and I'd rather not do it with a raging boner. Trust me when I say that's an image that won't be leaving my mind anytime soon. I know we won't talk again until next week, but if you feel the need to email me, I'm here. I'll write back when I can. And I'll miss you more than you know.

Rush"

"I'll miss you, too. I hope if you see your guy that it goes well. Give me details! Have a great weekend. Think of me late at night. ;)

King"

"I always do. Just so you know, I jerked off again when I went to bed last night. I couldn't stop thinking about you.

Rush"

"How are you so hot? Next time you do it, email me. Let me share that moment with you.

King"

"Will you do the same?

Rush"

"What's wrong?"

James looked up from his phone, having forgotten where he was for the moment. Logan's head was on his thigh, turned to look into his face. "What? Nothing, why?"

"Because you're fidgeting. Every time I get comfortable you shift your legs. Are you playing a game? I can put on a different movie if this one's boring."

"No! No, sorry, just replying to an email. I'm almost done, though."

"Good, because this is supposed to be our time. Even I'm ignoring work for once."

"Which I appreciate," James chuckled. He sent one last message to Rush.

"Every time. Later, hot stuff. :P

King"

James slid his phone into a pocket before resting a hand on Logan's shoulder. As usual, his left hand moved up into Logan's hair. He watched the screen, but his mind kept drifting back to Rush. Just what would Rush do if James did look back at him and beg? The possibilities had him biting down hard on his lip while Logan rested peacefully under his hands.