A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

I know I say it a lot, but I just really want to thank you guys for giving me a place to go when real life sucks. I think writing and posting keep me sane, and knowing that my words make people feel things just makes it all so much better. So if you've ever laughed, cried, been angry, or even just wanted to hug these characters (as I know some of you do) as you read my stories, thank you from the bottom of my heart. And special thanks to those who let me know that. :)

Next chapter we will finally get to Friday, which is movie date day. That kicks off a whirlwind of a weekend for all involved, so enjoy the calm before the storm now haha. And again, thanks for reading!

James figured it was probably a good idea to just ignore the ringing of Logan's phone; when he glanced down at the display, he knew it was.

Kendall. You are the last person I need to be talking to right now.

Logan had gone in for a shower, leaving James happily eating a second helping of the ice cream he'd picked up on the way over. As before, his thoughts had turned to Rush, and since he was alone he'd let them flourish in his mind. Kendall's call had interrupted a fantastic daydream where Rush was bent over him and about to...

Well. Best not to think about that right now. Especially while Kendall was calling.

Because even though he didn't want to admit it, he knew Kendall was concerned for Logan's health, and knew that if their positions were reversed, he'd want Kendall to answer.

Sort of.

James finally sighed and set his bowl aside on the couch to pick up Logan's phone. He braced himself. "Hey."

"Hey, did I wake you?"

And damn if the concern in that voice wasn't genuine. "Nope, I'm just sitting here pigging out on ice cream. If it melts, I'm never speaking to you again."

"...James?"

"Yep. Our favorite nerd is in the shower. I'll have him call you when he gets out."

The response was slow to come. "Is he really better? I never know if he's telling me the truth."

"He does exaggerate when it comes to his health," James admitted. "Acts like he's fine when he's not."

"Exactly! So is he okay?"

"Yeah, he should be back to work tomorrow."

"Good. Great. So...the movie date is still on?"

James' stomach turned. "Yes."

"Cool. Um...I'm actually glad I have you alone for a second. Are you sure there's no way Lucy can come?"

"No! I told you, it's not happening. Quit asking!"

"Okay! Sorry, she really wants to come along and—"

"Wait, she wants to? It's not that you want her there?"

"Well...I mean, it would be a better balance. But she does want to come. I'm not sure why you don't like her, but she honestly wants to mend fences with you."

"Don't let her fool you. She has alterior motives."

"Ulterior?"

"Shut up, you know what I mean. Don't make fun of me."

"I'm not, James, I just wanted to make sure I understood what you meant. God, why are you always so touchy? Why can we not just get along?"

Because I don't trust myself around you. One day I won't be able to control myself and I'll kiss my best friend's boyfriend and he'll never speak to me again. "Because you're a dick."

"I'm a dick for wanting to make life easier for Logan?"

"You're a dick for being so...you."

"Oh thanks, that clears everything up."

"Whatever. I'll tell Logan you called."

"James, wait, don't..."

"What?" James was barely holding on to his annoyance. Kendall's voice was like sex on the phone.

"Are you feeling better?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I thought you stayed home because you were sick."

"Oh. Yeah. I'm fine."

"Good. I'm glad."

"Are you?"

"Yes. I'm not the dick you think I am."

"You are around me."

"Maybe you should think about that. If you weren't such a dick yourself, I might be nicer."

"Don't do me any favors."

"Dammit, James, can you just be normal for a second? I thought maybe we were..."

James licked his lips, needing to hear the rest of that. "We were what?"

"I don't know. Yesterday I thought we were...you know. Doing better."

Yesterday. Yesterday when Kendall had been tossing around different ways to fuck. Just the memory of it had James shifting to accommodate the beginnings of an erection. "That was..."

"What? It was what?"

Really fucking hot. "Just...passing the time."

"Right, but we weren't fighting. We weren't even mad. I actually thought we were having fun."

"I certainly was. It's always fun to fuck with your head."

"Oh, like I wasn't doing the same to you?"

"Please, nothing you said had any effect on me."

"Really? Because you seemed to be enjoying it way more than you care to admit."

"It was a stupid game! Like the idea of fucking a dude up against a wall is supposed to be appealing to me?"

"Who said it was about a dude? I assumed you meant a chick."

Fuck. "Of course I did. I'm just making a point."

"Look, just because you're straight and I'm not, that doesn't mean we can't both enjoy the idea of fucking."

"Why are we even talking about this?!"

"Because you're determined to hate me and can't even admit it when you enjoy my company! You like me, James! Stop fighting it! Can't you just be my friend?"

No. No, I can't, because when I see you all I can think about is begging you for sex and I blame Rush for that but I. Can't. Do. This. "No."

"No? So that's it? You won't even try?"

"I'll be polite around him. That's all we agreed to, and that's all that needs to happen. Stop trying to make it more than it is."

"Fine. Fuck you, then!"

Oh god, please do it. Yes. "Fuck you, too!"

Not trusting himself to say another word, James hung up the call and threw the phone down on the couch just as Logan cracked open the bathroom door. "Did you say something to me?"

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck I need...I need. "Yeah, are you done? I need a shower."

"Sure, let me just grab my clothes." Logan barely got out of the way before being barreled into. "You okay?"

"Fine. Call Kendall."

"Oh. Did he call?"

"Yes. He's worried about you."

"Okay, thanks. Do you want your—"

The door slammed in Logan's face, and he sighed. Obviously the phone call with Kendall hadn't gone well.

Kendall was pacing his apartment when the phone rang, trying to work off the mixture of rage and need James always seemed to bring to life in him. How could someone be such a complete asshole but at the same time so hot? What was wrong with him that every time he talked to James, he ended up wanting to run into a room and jack off?

It's because of King. It's because you set this up in your head and it's like that dog that drools every time he hears a bell ring. You think of James and you drool because it reminds you of King. That's all it is.

He took a deep breath before answering the call from Logan. "Hey, cutie."

"Hi, gorgeous. I didn't expect to hear you sounding so calm."

"Why wouldn't I be calm?"

"Because James just went into the bathroom pissed off. I assumed your phone call was a disaster."

"It...could've gone better," Kendall admitted. "He's determined to hate me."

"Is he still being an asshole? I thought you guys were past that."

"Apparently only in your company. Which is fine, because that's what matters. We don't have to like each other, we just need to get along for your sake."

"I know, but that makes me sad. You're both great people and I wish he would show his heart once in awhile. Not just when we're alone."

"Maybe one day. For now, we just...only talk when we have to. It's no big deal."

"It is, because he's being immature. We talked things out again today and I thought he would do better."

"Give him time. He's afraid of losing you."

"I know, but that doesn't give him the right to treat you like shit."

"I can take it. He's not scaring me away, if that's what you're worried about."

"I admit, the thought had crossed my mind."

"Well, forget that thought, because I like you and I want to see where this goes. That asswipe isn't going to ruin that."

"Thank you. You have the patience of a saint."

"I don't give up on things I want, even when the obstacles are assholes that purposely try to piss me off."

"I'm sorry about him."

"Stop apologizing for his actions. I'm not a defenseless creature, I know how to fight back."

"He's so much more sensitive than he pretends to be."

"I know. He's like an animal backed into a corner, fighting for survival. Eventually he'll understand that I'm not out to hurt him."

"You're amazing, you know that? Most guys wouldn't be so understanding."

"You're worth the wait."

Kendall sensed that Logan was fighting to contain emotions and gave him time. What Logan finally said was, "I'm bringing you lunch tomorrow."

"Oh? So you're coming back?"

"I'm feeling a lot better."

"I believe that only because James vouched for you. And I can tell if he's lying about that."

"How?"

"Because when he's scared I hear it in his voice. He's not worried about you anymore, so I know you're fine. Or will be."

"I am. The cough will linger for days, and I might be a little weak tomorrow."

"You sure you want to do the movie date?"

"It's all I've been thinking about. Want to see a scary movie?"

"You like those?"

"It's an excuse to cuddle up with you."

Kendall grinned. "Scary movie it is."

"I should warn you, though, that if I sit in the middle James will be doing the same to me. He gets freaked out easily."

"That's actually adorable."

"Isn't it?" Logan laughed. "I'm telling you, he's like a big teddy bear deep down."

"Why doesn't he like to show that?"

"Pride, I guess. Fear of being judged. That show really messed him up and he constantly worries about what other people think."

"That's sad."

"I know."

"Okay, so...lunch tomorrow."

"I'll be there."

"Take care, cutie."

"You too, gorgeous."

"And uh...hey. Could you pass on a message for me?"

"For James?"

"Yeah. He pissed me off and I said some things, and...can you just tell him I'm sorry?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks."

"Thank you for being the mature one."

"It's a curse. Night."

"Goodnight, Kendall."

Logan was loading the dishwasher when James stepped into the kitchen. "You should be resting."

"I'm fine. Are you better?"

"Than what?"

"Than you were when you went into the shower. I know Kendall pissed you off."

James shrugged, reaching for a towel to dry some dishes Logan had washed and set aside. "What's new?"

"He asked me to tell you he's sorry."

James' movements slowed before picking back up again. "Okay."

"That's it? That's all you have to say?"

"He was rude."

"You were rude first."

"Is that what he said?"

"James...can we not do this anymore? I need you to grow up for me and treat him like a human being. He's not the enemy."

"Fine. I accept his apology."

"And?"

"And what?" James asked in frustration.

"And maybe you could apologize, too?"

"Ugh, you're making me feel like a bad person."

"You acted like one."

"Okay. I'm sorry."

"Do you actually mean it?"

James set down the towel and turned to Logan, his eyes a storm again. "I'm sorry that I keep upsetting you. It's not fair to you and I know that."

"Then why do you keep doing it?"

"Because what happens between me and Kendall isn't about you. You can't force me to like him."

Logan nodded. "That's fair."

"I'll get along with him for your sake. But I'm never going to just...be cool with him."

"He's trying, James. He wants to be your friend."

"No, he wants you to be happy."

"Is that so bad?"

"No, it's...it makes me hate him more because when he does that I can't hate him."

Logan offered up a small smile. "I think you do like him. You just won't admit it to yourself."

"He's a dick."

"Right, so you understand him well."

James gasped at the insult, but in a way that ended in laughter. "Did you just call me a dick?"

"Maybe," Logan smirked. "Ever heard that saying 'takes one to know one'?"

"So you're calling yourself a dick now?"

"No, jerkface, I'm saying that's why you recognize it in Kendall. Don't turn this around on me."

"Whatever. He's not even worth thinking about."

The problem was that lately Kendall seemed to be all James could think about. Whether in the form of himself or in his mind as Rush, Kendall had made a deep impression on James that was hard to shake.

I hate you.

The hardest part of it all was that James wanted him, too.

"Are you awake?"

Sadly, Kendall was. He'd been trying to sleep for an hour but his brain wouldn't shut off. He eagerly replied to King's email.

"Yes! Are you free?"

"Sort of. I installed the chat program on my phone so I can do it without a laptop. I'm not alone, but I can chat in an innocent manner. :P"

"I'll take it. Putting it on your phone is so smart. Let me do that and I'll contact you when I'm done."

"Thank you. I'm going crazy inside my head tonight."

Kendall quickly figured out how to access their chat program through an app, then signed in. He grinned when he saw that King was already there.

Rusherone: Hey, sexy.

Kingofdiamonds: Hi there, hot stuff. How are you?

Rusherone: It's been a long night. You?

Kingofdiamonds: Same.

Rusherone: Where are you?

Kingofdiamonds: You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

Rusherone: Try me.

Kingofdiamonds: In bed with my buddy.

Rusherone: NO WAY! YOU TOLD HIM?

Kingofdiamonds: Nope. It just happened, he was going to bed and I was going to bed and he said why don't I sleep in the room with him. So here I am. We had a great day together. Mostly.

Rusherone: What's he doing now?

Kingofdiamonds: Sleeping. I'm trying to sleep and can't.

Rusherone: Is that torture? Are you having a hard time keeping your hands off him?

Kingofdiamonds: He was cuddled up to me for awhile. It felt nice. I love cuddling with him.

Rusherone: I think I'd like cuddling, too. I've never really done that.

Kingofdiamonds: Dude, it's amazing. Maybe when you sleep over at your guy's house you can. ;)

Rusherone: Except that he wants to take things slow, remember?

Kingofdiamonds: Cuddling isn't sex. You should try it anyway.

Rusherone: We did actually talk about cuddling earlier. He said he might do it tomorrow on our date.

Kingofdiamonds: Nice! So tomorrow's the next date?

Rusherone: Yeah. I'm excited about it. We never get time together outside of work.

Kingofdiamonds: I'm excited for you.

Rusherone: I didn't get to see him at all today and it sucked.

Kingofdiamonds: Well, make up for it tomorrow.

Rusherone: I plan to. So how was your day?

Kingofdiamonds: Kind of a nightmare. Parts of it were good but I got into it with my buddy and we had another fight. This guy is killing our friendship.

Rusherone: The hot guy he's seeing?

Kingofdiamonds: Yeah. And to make it worse, I can't stop thinking about him.

Rusherone: The hot guy?

Kingofdiamonds: Yes. We talked today and he pissed me off but I still wanted him. How do I stop wanting him?

Rusherone: I thought you'd decided to keep your distance.

Kingofdiamonds: It's not that easy. He keeps coming into my life because he's dating my buddy, you know? I'm forced to spend time with him. I wish I could just hate him and be done with it. Instead we argue and I end up wanting him to fuck me.

Rusherone: Still having that problem?

Kingofdiamonds: YES! I blame you.

Rusherone: Me? How is it my fault?

Kingofdiamonds: Because I'm exploring sexual feelings with you and it's opening my eyes to things.

Rusherone: Is that bad? Should we stop?

Kingofdiamonds: I don't want to. You're kind of the only thing keeping me from losing my mind lately.

Rusherone: That's mutual. This is nice, though, right? Just talking? Without the sex?

Kingofdiamonds: It is. I hadn't thought of it but you're right.

Rusherone: Tell me something personal about yourself.

Kingofdiamonds: No way. We agreed not to do that.

Rusherone: I know, just something about your past maybe. Something I can't identify you with. Tell me about your family.

Kingofdiamonds: It's just me and mom.

Rusherone: It's the same for me, except I have a sister.

Kingofdiamonds: Yeah, you mentioned that. I'm an only child. I wonder sometimes what it would be like to have a brother or sister.

Rusherone: It's pretty awesome. She's younger than me. Haven't seen them in awhile and I miss them a lot.

Kingofdiamonds: I haven't seen Mom in months. She used to come visit a lot when I first lived on my own, but now she's busy doing her own thing and we talk on the phone like once a week.

Rusherone: Yeah, I call home when I can, too. They might come visit, Mom was asking when I'm free.

Kingofdiamonds: Did you ever tell them you're gay?

Rusherone: Not yet. When they visit I'm going to.

Kingofdiamonds: For sure?

Rusherone: For sure. I'm terrified.

Kingofdiamonds: It'll be okay. Isn't there some rule about how family has to accept you no matter what?

Rusherone: I wish. But they'll still love me. It'll just be weird until they get used to it.

Kingofdiamonds: I still don't know what Mom's gonna say. Probably that I have to keep it a secret.

Rusherone: Your own mom would tell you that?

Kingofdiamonds: It's complicated. Mom worries about anything ruining my reputation.

Rusherone: Ah. Which is why you worry about it, too.

Kingofdiamonds: I have to worry. Not everyone is accepting of it.

Rusherone: I was actually thinking about you the other day. I think some of the people at my work suspect and I realized that it could kill my job. So I get the fear.

Kingofdiamonds: They can't fire you for being gay, that's illegal.

Rusherone: No, but they could find another reason and make it seem legit. I already know what excuse they would use. So I do understand why you're afraid to come out.

Kingofdiamonds: Yeah, it can ruin everything.

Rusherone: When are you planning to tell your buddy? Ever?

Kingofdiamonds: I don't know. Maybe one day years in the future when I've accomplished the things I want to do and he's happily married and we hardly keep in touch anymore. It makes me sad to think about that.

Rusherone: I'm telling you, he's not just going to ditch you over some other guy. Real friends don't do that.

Kingofdiamonds: I don't think he'll do it intentionally. He's made it clear so many times that he doesn't want to lose me.

Rusherone: Then why don't you believe him?

Kingofdiamonds: Because I think he just doesn't realize how much things are going to change. They already have and it's only been a week. Less than a week! Everything's changing and I hate it.

Rusherone: I'm not going to change. When things get more serious between me and my guy, I won't be doing the sex stuff with you, but I still expect us to be friends. You want that, don't you?

Kingofdiamonds: Yes! The last thing I need is to lose someone else.

Rusherone: You haven't lost anybody. I'm still here, and so is your buddy. You have to trust that he's not going anywhere.

Kingofdiamonds: It's hard. Every day he falls more in love with the dude. Which I totally get, because the same thing's happening to me. I can't avoid him or I lose my buddy. But being around him is getting harder and harder. Literally. I have to spend time with him tomorrow and I don't know how to do that without wanting him. The only way I've been able to do it so far is to be a dick to him. I figure that's better than drooling over him, you know?

Rusherone: I guess, but then you're driving your buddy away.

Kingofdiamonds: I know! I can't win!

Rusherone: Can you get out of spending the time with him?

Kingofdiamonds: If I do, I piss off my buddy. And then it's me driving him away and I'm sabotaging myself.

Rusherone: You're just gonna have to suffer through it. Maybe only talk to him when you have to.

Kingofdiamonds: That's my plan. I'd rather them think I'm rude than know what's really on my mind.

Rusherone: I think that's going to backfire on you.

Kingofdiamonds: What else am I supposed to do?

Rusherone: I don't know. Can you be nice to him and hide that you want him?

Kingofdiamonds: Doubt it.

Rusherone: Didn't you say something about performance arts when we first started talking? Do you act at all?

Kingofdiamonds: I do. I don't know if I'm good enough to pull that off.

Rusherone: Try. Just try to be nice but at the same time keep your feelings from showing. It's the only way you're going to save your friendship.

Kingofdiamonds: What if he's nice back and I fall more in love?

Rusherone: You told me before that losing your buddy isn't an option. So I don't think you have a choice.

Kingofdiamonds: Fine. You're right.

Rusherone: Sometimes. ;)

"You still awake?"

James jolted, the phone almost dropping from his grip. How much of the conversation had Logan seen?

But when James glanced over, Logan was only just then turning over to face him. "Yeah, couldn't sleep. I'm sorry, am I bothering you?"

"No, I'm just worried. You've been quiet tonight."

"A lot on my mind."

Logan scooted in closer until he could slide an arm over James' stomach and lay his head on James' shoulder. "I know this isn't easy on you."

"I'm dealing with it."

After a moment, Logan asked, "Talking to your girl?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I won't—"

"No, don't..." James lowered one arm to keep Logan in place. "I was just saying goodnight. Hang on."

Kingofdiamonds: Hey, I gotta go. Cuddle time. :P

Rusherone: I'm so jealous. Hang in there, sexy.

Kingofdiamonds: Enjoy your date tomorrow, hot stuff.

Rusherone: You'll be okay. I promise.

Kingofdiamonds: If not, you'll be hearing from me.

Rusherone: Anytime. Night.

Kingofdiamonds: Night.

Logan waited until James had set his phone aside and snuggled in to ask, "She's going on a date? With another guy?"

James froze. "Yeah."

"I thought you two were...you know."

"We ended up mostly being practice. She's new at dating like me, so I'm trying to give her advice. She's been there for me through my crap. I think it's becoming more of a friendship than anything else."

"Oh. But she calls you sexy."

"Yeah, well...we've had some nice sex talk."

Logan digested that. "So you're telling me that you're not actually going to date her?"

"I'm not." When Logan was quiet, James asked, "Why? Does the idea of me dating someone bother you?"

"No, of course not. That would make me a hypocrite."

"It would," James agreed. "And you're the one who said it was going to happen at some point anyway."

"Yeah. I just thought..."

"Thought what?"

"That it was already happening. You made it sound like you wanted to date her."

"I wouldn't say no if she asked me out. But we kind of agreed to not meet, so it's not even an option."

"I see."

Why did Logan sound annoyed? What right did he have to be bothered by any of this? "I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's fine."

It wasn't, though, because Logan was tense. Hoping to ease that, James pressed a kiss to his hair and snuggled him closer. "We should've been doing this a year ago."

There was no answer from Logan. Assuming he was already falling into slumber, James closed his eyes and tried to block out the visions of Kendall that kept trying to crowd in.