A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

Not a lot to say about this chapter, but as always I thank you profusely for reading! :D

After saying their goodnights to Kendall and Lucy, Logan followed James into the lot and toward the car. James had come back into the theater a few minutes after Lucy ran out, and for the rest of the movie he'd seemed fine other than keeping his hands in the pocket of his jacket. Knowing that James sometimes got cold in movie theaters, Logan tried to tell himself that was all it was.

Deep down he knew better, though. Something had changed.

Logan turned on the car and buckled in, but didn't put it in gear. He needed to know they were okay. "So can we talk about whatever that was in there? Are you okay?"

"What...?" For a second it seemed as if James was going to play dumb. Instead he answered, "Oh, you mean me running to the bathroom?"

"Is that where you went?"

"Yeah. I uh...you know me. I ate my candy too fast again."

Watching James blush in the dim light from overhead lamps, Logan chuckled. "You do do that."

"Those Sour Patch Kids get me every time. I don't know why I always go back to them."

"Well, you know the saying. First they're sour..."

"Then they're sweet," James laughed. "Yeah, it's usually the opposite for me. They're great at first but I eat them too fast and..."

"So you threw up?"

"Nah, not this time. False alarm."

"Okay. Good." Logan reached out to squeeze James' hand, noting that even though he allowed it, he didn't squeeze back and moved his own hand away the second Logan loosened his grip. They weren't okay. Panic started to suffocate Logan. "Does that mean your stomach can't handle a stop at the ice cream shop on the way back to my place?"

James hesitated, and Logan knew what was coming. He braced himself.

"Actually, I was thinking you could drop me off at home tonight."

"But if we're going to the game together tomorrow, it makes sense that you just stay over again."

"I know, but...I mean, I only brought enough clothes for—"

"Since when has that ever stopped you?"

James still wouldn't look at him. "I just need to be alone right now."

Logan closed his eyes, feeling the rift between them widen. "Is it because of Kendall?"

Yes. He's driving me insane and I think he knows the truth about me and it scares the fuck out of me because he could ruin everything. "No. I honestly just have some things to figure out."

"James, I'm here. Please talk to me."

"I will, Logan. When I'm ready."

"You've never hidden things from me before and it scares me. I don't want to lose you."

Now James slid his hand over to find Logan's across the console. Once their fingers were twined, he promised, "You're not going to. We agreed we'll always be best friends, right?"

"I don't know if we ever said those exact words."

"Then let's say them right now. No matter what happens with Kendall or...whoever I meet. Let's agree that we will always be best friends and nobody can come between that."

Logan swallowed over the lump in his throat. "Not even Lucy?"

James' head tilted in confusion as he stared at Logan. "Lucy?"

"You guys seem pretty close. I don't where it came from, you hated her eight hours ago, but suddenly you're BFF's and it—"

"Scares you? Makes you jealous because it's hard to share me?"

All Logan was capable of was a shrug.

"Hey. That's exactly how I feel about Kendall. Like he's going to replace me."

"He can't. A boyfriend will never be what you are to me."

James looked away.

"And what we have is better in a lot of ways, right?" At least that's what I tell myself when I wish I could touch you.

After squeezing Logan's fingers, James pulled his loose. "I need to go home tonight."

Hyperventilation was fast approaching. "Just promise me you're not leaving me. Please, James, I need to hear it, just say the words."

A gentle hand came up to cup Logan's cheek. There it was again, that look James had given him just before they'd left his apartment earlier. It stole Logan's breath away. James' thumb moved across his lips, leaving Logan trembling as he leaned in close to whisper. "I will never leave you."

This was torture, even worse than the night James slept with him on the couch. James' lips had never been so close, his touch so gentle. Knowing that if he didn't back away now, he might ruin everything and kiss James, Logan forced himself to lean away. It was the hardest thing he'd ever done, but he didn't trust himself. At this rate he'd be attacking James the second they got in the door. "I think it's best you go home tonight."

James nodded slowly, a touch of sadness coming into that intense gaze. "I think so, too."

Without another word, Logan put the car in gear.

# #

Kendall was stepping out of the car when he felt his phone buzz against his hip. Probably Logan letting him know they made it back okay. He found it sweet that Logan did that sort of thing.

"I still can't believe you didn't kiss him," Lucy grumbled.

"Hey, I tried." He leaned in the open door. "I'm starting to think he's got feelings for James. Was he the guy you said Logan's into?"

Lucy made a zipping noise across her lips.

"You suck."

"I can't speak on what is only speculation."

"But you think I'm right."

"I think if you are, this is a colossal mess."

"Why do you sound happy about that? Does the misery of others bring you joy?"

"You really think I'm a horrible person, don't you?"

"Sometimes, Lucy. Sometimes."

She shrugged. "See you tomorrow?"

"I'll find you in the bleachers and give a wave."

"The team's gonna kick ass."

"I'll be satisfied with a lose as long as it isn't a total shutout. I just want my boys to get out there and believe they can do it, you know? To find that fire inside."

"It'll be fine," Lucy grinned. "Night! Thanks for letting me come along!"

"Thanks for trying to get me alone time. It was useless, but I appreciate that you tried."

"Let me know how tomorrow goes. The real date, I mean."

"Yeah, I think that's going to determine whether or not this is going somewhere."

"I'm a phone call away. Later, skater."

Kendall chuckled as he shut her car door. He hadn't heard that one in years.

It wasn't until he was inside the building that he let loose with a shudder he'd been holding in for the past hour, then sank down into a chair in the lobby to compose himself. He couldn't get that face out of his mind, those eyes that were so full of longing in the dark. He had no idea why Logan didn't see it, why nobody seemed to see it, but it was there.

James Diamond was gay. Or at the very least curious.

He'd wondered a few times, because the boner had been a reality that day he'd teased James about it. Then there was the silent battle during the meeting, where they'd done nothing less than foreplay via a piece of paper. James had strutted out as if it had been nothing to him, just a way to pass the time and torture Kendall while doing it. Kendall had felt it, though; James was turned on by what they were doing.

And then tonight, they'd had that...what could he call it? A moment? Kendall wasn't sure why James had allowed him to do something so blatant in front of Logan; the why didn't matter, though. What did was the way he'd caught James staring at him.

The same way I imagine King staring at me when I'm about to fuck him. Impatient, desperate, begging. Like he'll die without it.

It was the hottest thing Kendall had ever seen.

Logan. Think of Logan. You can't have James, and King's not around tonight, so just calm the fuck down and think of Logan.

Kendall whipped out his phone to read the text he knew was waiting.

It wasn't a text, though. It was an email.

"Please be here, I need you. I NEED you."

Kendall's dick twitched violently, that shudder back. "Oh thank god," he whispered, then sent a reply.

"Let me get upstairs to my apartment. Three minutes."

An answer came back as Kendall was selecting his floor in the elevator. It was one word that set him on fire.

"Hurry."

He wouldn't even try to chase the vision of James from his mind this time; tonight it was just what he needed.

Rusherone: I'm here.

Kingofdiamonds: I'm naked.

"Ah, fuck," Kendall breathed, already on edge.

Rusherone: I will be in a minute. Want to talk about your day?

Kingofdiamonds: Nope. Just want to close my eyes and imagine you fucking me.

Kendall let out a whine.

Rusherone: Okay, I'm ready.

Kingofdiamonds: Stroke it.

Rusherone: Fast or slow? Tell me what you like.

Kingofdiamonds: I like both. Right now I'm so wound up I can't take it slow.

Rusherone: Good, we're on the same page. Faster.

James complied, whimpering at the rush of sensations running through him. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, mind full of Kendall doing the same thing.

Kingofdiamonds: close. Not gonna take long

Rusherone: I'm between your knees. I'm sucking you deep into my mouth.

"Oh god!" James yelled, hand pumping faster. He could see it, feel it.

Rusherone: Can you feel it?

Kingofdiamonds: yes YES

Rusherone: me too come for me in me scream

That was all it took. Shudders of ecstasy ripped through James in waves. "Yeah yeah yeah yeah," he whined, finally falling back into the sofa weakly until he was able to type again.

Kingofdiamonds: Did you?

Rusherone: close make me

How was this guy so HOT? James caught his breath and focused on the screen again.

Kingofdiamonds: I'm bent over the back of your couch. Waiting. Needing. Begging.

"Fuck yes," Kendall muttered, his hand doing half the job while his mind did the rest.

Rusherone: more

Kingofdiamonds: You bury yourself in me and I stand up, arched like a cat against you. I move your hand to my cock, and together we stroke it in time to your thrusts.

Rusherone: yes more

Kingofdiamonds: I beg you to fuck me harder and when you do, I scream so loud the walls shake.

Kendall gasped, seeing and hearing it so clearly in his mind that he couldn't fight the orgasm any longer. It was even more intense than the night before, leaving him panting.

Rusherone: Fuck.

Kingofdiamonds: You're telling me. My neighbors probably think I'm being murdered in here.

Rusherone: I wish I could hear that. I'd give anything to hear you scream when you come.

Kingofdiamonds: I'm sure it's nothing compared to the way I'll scream when being fucked. ;)

Rusherone: I hear that in my dreams.

Kingofdiamonds: You've dreamed of me?

Rusherone: Sort of. It's kind of jumbled in my mind but last night I definitely dreamed about you.

Kingofdiamonds: What was I doing?

Rusherone: Running from me.

Kingofdiamonds: Seriously? I'd never be stupid enough to do that.

Rusherone: In the dream it was like I kept trying to catch up and I couldn't. I'd hear you screaming and know where you were, but when I got there you were gone.

Kingofdiamonds: That sounds horrible. Was I screaming because I was scared?

Rusherone: Nope. It was the good kind of screaming.

Kingofdiamonds: Damn. For what it's worth, I wouldn't run from you in real life. If things were different, I mean.

Rusherone: Yeah, I know. Anonymity really is for the best with us.

Kingofdiamonds: Yeah. It sucks, though.

Rusherone: Really does. If I was there right now and we'd just had sex, what would you be doing?

Kingofdiamonds: Right now?

Rusherone: Right now. We fuck, we recover...then what?

Kingofdiamonds: What would I actually do or what would I want to do?

Rusherone: There's a difference?

Kingofdiamonds: There might be. Depends on the vibe I was getting from you.

Rusherone: My vibe is relaxed bliss. I'm totally satisfied and lying next to you.

Kingofdiamonds: Truth?

Rusherone: I demand nothing but from you.

Kingofdiamonds: Okay. I'd turn over and cuddle up to you. Run my hand down your side, kiss your shoulder. Then your neck.

Rusherone: I'd lift your face and kiss your lips for a long time. Not hungry, just...well, maybe a little hungry. But also just lazy and happy.

Kingofdiamonds: That sounds amazing.

Rusherone: Yeah.

Kingofdiamonds: I'm sitting here imagining it and I've never wanted anything so badly in my life.

Rusherone: Really? Nothing?

Kingofdiamonds: Nothing. I've never felt so much peace as I do right now, just imagining that in my head.

Rusherone: It really is nice.

Kingofdiamonds: Yeah.

Rusherone: So do you want to talk about your night before we go?

Kingofdiamonds: No. A lot of shit happened and I can't think about it right now. Don't shatter my peace.

Rusherone: You got it.

Kingofdiamonds: Do you need to talk? I'm always here to listen.

Rusherone: I appreciate that but I don't want to think right now, either. There are some things I need to figure out and now is not the time. I'll deal with it tomorrow.

Kingofdiamonds: Same. So then...should we just lay here and cuddle?

Rusherone: I'd like that.

Kingofdiamonds: What if I stayed the night?

Rusherone: I'd like that even more.

Kingofdiamonds: Yeah?

Rusherone: Yeah.

James smiled, a feeling of warm affection rushing through him. It wasn't an ideal situation between them, but it made him happy.

Kingofdiamonds: What if I told you there's a way you could hear me scream?

Kendall sat up fast, heart clamoring in his chest. Was King suggesting they meet in person? Would Kendall even want that?

Rusherone: I'd say that's dangerous for both of us.

Kingofdiamonds: Even if we still hide our identities from each other?

Rusherone: I'm listening...

Kingofdiamonds: So...it would be a huge risk for both of us and require A LOT of trust. Which I'm not very good at. But I think if we both had something to lose, it would keep us from crossing the line.

Rusherone: You mean like figuring out each others' identities?

Kingofdiamonds: Yeah. Because if I'm ever tempted, I know that the second I do, you'll know who I am and I can't allow that to happen. It puts me in too much danger with my career. So it would keep me from trying to find you.

Rusherone: What's to stop me? I'm already out.

Kingofdiamonds: Totally?

Rusherone: Well...no. Only a few people at work know and they're not going to tell anyone.

Kingofdiamonds: Right. So then we agree to remain anonymous. If I give you my phone number, you swear not to use it to try to find me.

Rusherone: You want us to exchange numbers?!

Kingofdiamonds: What if we called each other during nights like tonight, but we didn't actually talk?

Rusherone: I'm not following.

Kingofdiamonds: The whole point is you want to hear me scream, right?

Rusherone: I SO want that.

Kingofdiamonds: So what if we had a call going but we didn't speak at all? We use this program for words, and the phone for...sounds.

Kendall licked his lips, knowing what a bad idea that was but also needing it to happen.

Rusherone: I could hear you come.

Kingofdiamonds: Exactly. We could hear a lot of things.

Rusherone: Oh god, I'm already hot again.

Kingofdiamonds: It's a bad idea, right?

Rusherone: Horrible.

Kingofdiamonds: I know. I shouldn't have said anything.

Rush's next message was a series of numbers. "Holy shit," James breathed. "Holy shit!" He was tempted to call the number right now, just to hear Rush's voice, but then he recognized the area code.

Rush was way too close for comfort. Why had he assumed Rush was far away?

Kingofdiamonds: Are you sure? I can close this window right now and pretend I never saw it.

Rusherone: Do you want to?

James hesitated. He was taking a huge risk here. Could he really trust that Rush wouldn't figure out who he was?

Kingofdiamonds: Do you swear you won't try to find me?

Rusherone: I swear. I won't do anything to jeopardize this. As pathetic as it sounds, I need you.

James needed him, too. After saying a silent prayer that he wasn't making the worst mistake of his life, he typed his phone number and sent it.

Rusherone: Oh wow. We're in the same state.

Kingofdiamonds: Yep. I had no idea.

Rusherone: I didn't either. Well, it doesn't matter. We're far enough away that I won't run into you.

James kept quiet about the fact that he no longer lived in his area code and had in fact moved to the one Rush occupied; he was afraid it would scare Rush away, and that was something he wasn't willing to risk.

Kingofdiamonds: So then. Phone call Monday night?

Rusherone: Sooner if we can manage it. I don't know how late I'll be out tomorrow night. But honestly...if things go the way I'm hoping, there won't be any phone calls at all.

Kingofdiamonds: Right. Because then you'll be official with your guy.

Rusherone: Yeah.

Kingofdiamonds: We can still talk like this no matter what, right? We agreed on that?

Rusherone: Of course. I'll always be your friend.

Kingofdiamonds: Thanks. I really need that. You're the only person in the world who knows all my secrets and loves me anyway.

Rusherone: Others will love you, too. I promise.

Kingofdiamonds: Still not convinced. It's weird to have your number in my phone. It makes you real.

Rusherone: I know how you feel. Should we say goodnight?

Kingofdiamonds: Do we have to stop cuddling if we do? This might be our last night to do that, you know.

Rusherone: Go to bed and pretend I'm there. Feel my arms around you, keeping you safe.

Kingofdiamonds: God, I want that. I want that so bad.

Rusherone: Imagine we're laying there watching some stupid show and I lean over to kiss your lips and say goodnight.

Kingofdiamonds: I kiss you back and hug you because I never want to let you go.

Rusherone: I whisper that I love you, and that no matter what happens in the real world, we will always have this moment and this place.

It was a moment he never wanted to leave. Tears filled James' eyes. Rush probably meant it in the same way Logan did, more of a friendship thing than feelings of romance. Still, it felt good to hear the words and as long as he was already pretending...

Kingofdiamonds: I love you, too.

Rusherone: Goodnight, King.

His heart was ripping apart.

Kingofdiamonds: Goodnight, Rush.

Neither said another word, but it was still a long time before the message came across.

Rusherone has left the chat.

Terrified he'd never hear from the man again, James dropped his phone onto the couch and blindly moved toward the bathroom.

Rob was a sadist for encouraging him to embrace feelings. This was a living hell.

And yet two hours later he had a third song completed in his notebook. Love really did inspire creativity.