A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

For those of you who celebrate it, Happy Halloween! Not much going on over here, so I thought I'd post a chapter. Hope you all have a fantastic night/morning/whatever time it is where you are!

Though Logan had offered to pick him up, Kendall hired a driver to take him to the quaint building Logan resided in. He was nervous as he searched for the right apartment, but for what reason he couldn't put his finger on. Maybe because he felt like tonight would be the determining factor in how their relationship would progress.

He liked Logan a lot; there was no question of that. He also found Logan attractive. He was discovering, though, that there was a certain something he needed in a boyfriend and so far, Logan had been holding back.

It's just because we've always been in public. Tonight will be different.

On his mother's advice, Kendall had picked up a couple of pies at the grocery store near his place. He'd asked what was good to bring along for dessert, and she shot down the idea of cake or ice cream. "You're a man now, you need something a little classier than children's party food." Kendall didn't see what was so wrong with cake and ice cream, but he took his mother's words to heart and knocked on the door bearing a cheesecake and a chocolate pie. It was as close as Kendall got to classy.

Logan greeted him with a bright grin, looking relaxed in a pair of black jeans and a gray sweater even though Kendall sensed nerves beneath the smile. "Hi, hot shot. Ooo, you really did bring dessert."

"I said I would," Kendall winked, and they laughed as Logan ushered him inside.

"I'll put those in the fridge. Uh...this is my living room. Obviously."

Not a thing seemed to be out of place, which didn't surprise Kendall; he'd sensed Logan was an organized, tidy person. A couch took up much of the room, facing a large television with a gaming console underneath. "Oh, you've got an Xbox."

"James plays that more than I do. I'm usually too busy grading papers or planning lessons."

Thirty seconds into the date and Logan was already talking about James. An uneasy feeling settled in Kendall's stomach. "I thought you did that in the dining room."

"Only when I'm alone. Come on in here, dinner's almost ready."

Kendall shrugged out of his light jacket, revealing the long-sleeved tee he'd chosen because it accented his eyes (or at least his mother said it did). Feeling that it would be wrong to toss it onto the pristine couch, Kendall hung his jacket over the back of a chair in the dining room. "It smells incredible."

"I went with a recipe my aunt makes for the holidays. Have you had Cornish game hens?"

"I actually have not," Kendall admitted. "I imagine it tastes like chicken?"

"Yes, but it's got a stronger flavor. And the sauce really brings it out. I know you like rice, so I figured I'd serve it over that."

"Sounds amazing," Kendall smiled. He watched as Logan set the pies on a shelf in the refrigerator, shoving a carton of chocolate milk out of the way to make room. "I wouldn't have pegged you as a chocolate milk man," he teased.

"What? Oh, no, that's..."

He didn't need to finish the thought; Kendall thought he knew exactly who the milk was for and wondered why it bothered him. He knew they were close. Knew that James spent a lot of time over here. He hadn't quite guessed that James practically lived here, though. Were there two toothbrushes in the bathroom? Did James have a drawer of his own in Logan's bedroom?

Was it normal for two dudes to be this close? That was the problem, Kendall had no idea. He'd never been close to anyone except his family. Maybe he'd ask King later.

Logan cleared his throat and opened a cupboard. "Can I get you something to drink? Water or juice or...I think there might be some soda in there, too, if you'd rather that."

Because that's what James drank. Why did Kendall suddenly feel suffocated by James?

"I'm good with water."

"Sure."

Logan wouldn't look at him. It was as if it was their first date all over again, and Kendall had thought they were past this. They'd kissed, for Heaven's sake. Why was Logan acting like he was...

He's scared. He's still scared you're going to drop him.

"Hey," Kendall said softly.

"Yeah?" Logan replied without turning around. He was pouring water from a jug into a glass.

Kendall laid a land on his shoulder, not missing the way Logan's head bowed. He used the exposed skin as an opportunity, pressing his lips to the back of Logan's neck. Logan gasped, quickly setting down the jug and moving away.

Okay, maybe that was too much. Kendall tried a different approach, spinning Logan slowly until they were looking at each other. "It's good to see you. I missed you."

"You see me every day," Logan reminded him, but he was grinning shyly.

"Not like this." Kendall tilted Logan's chin up with a finger and leaned down until their lips met. Logan's mouth was as warm as he remembered, and at least Logan wasn't fighting him on this. Kendall pressed in a little harder, trapping Logan against the counter, and let his tongue gently run over soft lips. Though Logan shivered, he bent his head back to break the kiss. "I need to get the hens out of the oven."

"Sure."

Disappointed, Kendall reached around Logan's waist for the water before heading back toward the dining room. What had changed since their date? Logan was the one who'd kissed him, right? Where was that bravery now?

"Can I help with anything?"

"No, you just sit at the table and let me do the work. It'll just be a minute."

Kendall watched Logan move around the kitchen with grace and familiarity, finding it adorable when Logan started humming with the movement. "Is that the theme song from the horror movie we saw last night?" he asked, amused.

"It actually is," Logan laughed. "I wouldn't have expected a scary movie to have such an upbeat theme."

"That's part of the creepiness. Kind of like how clowns are scarier when they smile and laugh."

"I can't argue that." He set down a plate of hot rolls next to a large bowl of salad. "Ranch or Italian?"

"I actually like—"

"Let me guess. Honey mustard."

Kendall's jaw dropped. "How did you know?"

For just a second the twinkle disappeared from Logan's eyes, then the moment passed. "Lucky guess. I have some of that, too."

"Great. Thanks."

Once everything was in place and Logan had grabbed a glass of lemonade, he joined Kendall across the table. "Hi."

"Hi, cutie."

The nickname did the trick, Logan blushing but seeming to relax. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me, too." Before Logan could look away, Kendall leaned across the table and grabbed for his hand. "Please don't be nervous. It's just me."

Logan inhaled a deep, bracing breath. "I really want this to work."

"I know. Let it happen, okay? Stop thinking so much about everything and just...feel."

"I'm trying." He licked his lips. "I know I talk about James a lot."

Kendall hadn't expected that Logan was aware of it. "You do," he agreed. "It makes me understand why this is so hard on him. He's here pretty much every day, isn't he?"

"Yeah," Logan admitted. "Not on Saturdays but...yeah. I know it's weird."

Kendall shrugged. "It works for you guys."

"I know, but...it's not gonna be like this forever. He's dating, I'm dating...we have to stop being each others' security blanket at some point, right?"

"I suppose. I'm jealous that you guys have that."

"Oh, there's nothing to be jealous of, we're not—"

"I know," Kendall assured Logan. "I meant even as friends. I don't have that."

Logan nodded, letting out a breathe before sliding his hand out of Kendall's so they could eat. "Looks like Lucy could be that for you."

"She's something," Kendall laughed. "She has a good heart."

"Well, James seems to really like her, so she can't be all bad."

"She's not bad at all." After dumping dressing on his salad, Kendall continued, "She has her moments, but she really does try to help people. I mean, she's out trying to distract James tonight because she knows how difficult this is on him. She doesn't have to do that."

Logan's chewing came to a halt. He swallowed and asked, "She's...out with James?"

"Yeah. He didn't tell you?"

"No. I wish he had."

"Why?"

"Because I was feeling guilty. I kept imagining him at home eating a bunch of candy and shooting up enemy soldiers on his favorite game."

"You're not responsible for his happiness, Logan."

"I know, it's just hard. If he was the one out dating while I sat at home, it would be tough on me."

"I thought you said he is dating."

"Sort of. He's meeting people, getting up the courage to date. He found one girl he really likes a lot, but apparently it's not going anywhere. The point is I don't know why he didn't tell me about Lucy."

"Probably figured you had enough on your mind."

"Yeah." Three bites later he asked, "Do you know where they were going?"

"She said something about an arcade and miniature golf."

"Oh. That's...actually perfect for him."

"Do you golf?"

"Not real golf. He forces me out to Adventure Zone sometimes. He does love to whack a ball with a stick."

"It's fun," Kendall grinned. "I bet you beat him every time. Since it's 'just physics'."

Logan threw his head back and laughed. "You'd be surprised how often he bests me. I'm good with angles, but he really knows how to handle a stick."

Kendall chewed through his lip, the words slamming a vision hard into his brain. "Ow! Fuck!"

Logan glanced across in concern. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just...damn. Bit my lip. Sorry. Hate it when I do that."

"Is it bleeding?" Logan was already standing. "I can get you some—"

"No, it's fine. Sit. I'll just have to be careful chewing for the rest of the night." They needed to stop talking about James. Immediately. "So Mom liked you."

"Did she?" When Kendall nodded, Logan added, "I wasn't sure. We hardly talked. I'll be honest, the second I realized who she was, I was too nervous to speak. She spent most of the game talking to James."

And here they were again. Always James. Kendall grasped for patience. "Katie did say you were very quiet."

"I was just nervous. I talked to her a bit after the game. Did you um...you were going to have that talk with her?"

"I did," Kendall said slowly. "She said she didn't see it coming, but when she thought about it, it made sense."

"How so?"

"I guess because I never had girlfriends."

"But you never had boyfriends either."

"Still, she said it made sense. She's more mature at thirteen than most of my students."

Logan nodded. "I can see that. So it went well? She and your mom are fine with it?"

"Mom was shocked at first, but then she was excited about meeting the guy I was seeing," Kendall winked. "She really wants to get to know you better."

"I know, and I'm so sorry I can't spend time with you guys tomorrow. But the truth is that rather than do all the schoolwork I was supposed to do this afternoon, I spent the time cleaning this place and getting dinner planned out and...I just can't—"

"It's okay," Kendall assured him. "She understands. And so do I. Oh my god."

"What?"

"Holy crap, Logan. This stuff is delicious."

"Oh! It is, right? It never sounds good when you tell someone about it, but the tastes just explode in your mouth."

Kendall choked, the words again bringing visions to mind. This time it was himself kneeling between King's thighs while he (James) did exactly what Logan had described.

Stop it. Stop it right fucking now, you're on a date and this is wrong. This is so wrong.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked again.

"Fine," he managed, sucking down water until he could breathe again. He was just horny, that was all. Being around all these hot guys was winding him up and he had no outlet for it. "Really, though, the sauce and the rice...it's so good."

"I know! I was nervous about making it, but it turned out great. I made enough to bring leftovers for lunch Monday, if you're interested."

"Totally," Kendall nodded. "How hard is this to cook?"

"It's so easy. That's what I love about my aunt's cooking: the food always tastes like it was made in a gourmet restaurant but the recipes are incredibly easy. I think even James could—" Logan stopped himself, rubbing a hand over his face. "Wow. I just keep bringing him up, don't I?"

Seeing the misery Logan was trying to hide, Kendall took pity on him. "It's okay. I know he's a huge part of your life."

"I never realized how much. It shouldn't be this difficult to spend an evening with someone else and not bring him up every five seconds."

Kendall slid his hand across the table until their fingers were intertwined. "Maybe I just haven't distracted you enough."

Logan got the message; it was clear in the way his gaze heated up. A firm nod followed as he seemed to come to some sort of resolution in his mind. "How would you feel if we watched a movie together after dinner?"

Kendall smiled. "Do we get to cuddle?"

"What sort of date would this be without some cuddling on the sofa?"

Yes. Please, let me get some of this out of my system before I go insane. "Suddenly I'm full."

Logan chuckled, squeezing Kendall's hand. "Finish your dinner. We've got all night."

The words were music to Kendall's ears.

Though Logan tried to argue against it, Kendall helped him clean up the mess from dinner and only when that was finished did he follow Logan's command to "go pick out a movie for us." Both agreed they were too full for dessert just yet, and Kendall smirked when he had the thought that pie would be a fantastic treat for after...

He didn't think it would be sex. Kendall wouldn't argue the idea if Logan brought it up, but sex felt like something Logan wasn't ready for and Kendall respected that. He'd told King that this guy was a keeper, someone worth the wait, and he'd meant it. Just because he was going crazy in the meantime due to out-of-control hormones, that didn't mean he was going to insist on sex during the second date. Kendall didn't even expect pants to come off (though again, he wouldn't argue the idea) because this was Logan and Logan took things slow. But as long as there was evidence that Logan was attracted to him and willing to take things further, Kendall thought he could hold out. All he really needed was confirmation of his desires being reciprocated. Maybe a little necking, possibly some grinding, and if Logan's hand came into the general vicinity of his crotch? Kendall would call that a successful date.

He might even bring up the conversation about exclusivity because as much as he didn't want to admit it, Lucy was right. King was right. Kendall was not one to be content with casual dating. What was it King had said?

"If I take you out, it means I want to be with you and nobody else. And I'd want you to feel the same."

He'd come to accept the same thing about himself over the past week. He wouldn't be happy with anything less.

The living room was suddenly plunged into semi-darkness that was relieved only by the light of the television; Kendall's heartbeat sped up.

Finally.

Logan settled in under his arm, snuggling up against his side. A blanket had appeared out of nowhere, kicking Kendall's pulse into an ever faster rhythm as Logan spread it over them.

"What did you decide on?"

"I found a scary movie," Kendall smirked. "I'm hoping to entice you into cuddling."

"I think we're already there."

Kendall grinned, shifting until he got his prosthetic into a more comfortable position. "You good?"

"Start the movie."

It was there in Logan's voice, a mixture of determination and anticipation. Logan definitely had more on his mind than a movie.

Fuck yes.

They spent the first twenty minutes paying attention to the story, Kendall occasionally making comments while Logan scoffed at the fact that so much of the premise was impossible.

"That's why it's just a movie," Kendall teased. "You're supposed to enjoy it and forget reality for a little bit."

"But how am I supposed to enjoy this when it doesn't follow logic?"

"Forget logic. Just...let it happen."

Kendall thought that was good advice in more ways than one. Logan seemed to agree, and when he tipped his face up toward Kendall's, Kendall met the kiss eagerly. He was relieved that Logan leaned into it and took that as an invitation to take it to the next level.

When his tongue begged entrance, though, Logan backed off. Instead he kissed Kendall's jaw, then his neck, and it should've been intoxicating. It should've been making Kendall so hard he struggled to control himself. The kisses were off, though. Something about them wasn't...

They were pecks. A press of lips and nothing more. Kind of like...

Grandma kisses.

The phrase dropped into his head and he shoved it away, mentally shushing both King and Lucy. These were not grandma kisses. Grandmas didn't kiss your neck before snuggling back up to you.

Patience, Kendall. Patience. He's trying. Maybe something traumatic happened to him, you don't know. Take it at his pace.

The problem was that Logan's pace was like a snail's compared to what Kendall needed. He just needed to calm the fuck down.

A few minutes later Kendall tried a different tactic. He let his fingers trail up and down Logan's arm, then his shoulder. He felt Logan tense against him and hoped it was a good thing. When he lightly caressed Logan's neck, he was rewarded with a shiver.

Okay. Okay, so he's feeling it. It's fine. It's gonna be fine. Let him make the moves at his own pace.

Logan never made the moves, though. Halfway through the movie, Kendall was actually struggling to stay awake after the long day of mental exhaustion brought on by the game, his coming out to his family, and the fear that this date was going to fail.

What the hell was he doing wrong?

Fuck it. This is either going to happen or it's not. Make the move.

Praying Logan wouldn't hate him for it, Kendall used his fingers in dark hair to pull Logan's head up and back. He went for it, invading Logan's mouth with his tongue and letting instinct guide him. Logan froze, but only for a few seconds. It wasn't long before he was engaging in the kiss, giving back what he was getting, and when Kendall awkwardly pushed him down onto his back, Logan went with it.

Yes. Fuck yes! This is what—

"I'm sorry."

Kendall was shoved up and away, shocked more than disappointed. He'd thought Logan was into it. "What...? I thought..."

"It's not you." Logan stood up suddenly, eager to put distance between them. He reached down to shut off the television before switching on a lamp, looking as if he'd never hated himself more and was about to cry. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, it's okay. I pushed you too far, this is my fault."

"No, it's..."

Kendall shrugged off the blanket and rose from the sofa, stepping close enough to lay a hand on Logan's arm. "It's what? Talk to me."

"I want this to work. I need this to work. You're amazing, Kendall. You're the kind of guy every man dreams of."

"I don't know if I agree with that, but...what did I do wrong?"

"Nothing." Finally Logan met his gaze, sorrow staring out from deep brown eyes. "You're perfect."

"Far from it. I can't stop thinking about sex. It's becoming a problem."

"It's normal at our age. We're at the height of our sexual peak. Don't feel weird about it."

"Okay but then..." Kendall trailed off, at a loss.

"I know I'm giving you mixed signals. One second I want you, the next I'm pushing you away..."

"Yes!" Kendall exclaimed, relieved he wasn't crazy. "That's exactly how it feels and I don't know if it's because I'm coming on too strong or maybe not strong enough and—"

"You're perfect," Logan said again. "If I wasn't so screwed up, I'd be in that bedroom right now letting you bang me into the mattress."

"Oh holy fuck," Kendall whispered, having to bite down on a knuckle until the surge of lust passed. "Have you...?"

"Yes. I've had sex."

"Okay. Was it...did something traumatic happen?"

"No. I enjoyed it. I definitely want to experience it again."

"Okay." Kendall still didn't understand. "I'm sorry, I just..."

"I know." Logan scrubbed his face hard in both hands, then held out one of them. "Come sit with me in the dining room. Please. I don't want to lose you."

Still confused, Kendall reached out to take the offered hand. He allowed Logan to lead him into the kitchen, where Logan dragged out the cheesecake and a fork. "You want the chocolate?"

"Cheesecake's fine."

Logan pulled a second fork from a drawer, then lightly dropped all of it onto the dining room table and took a seat. Once the plastic cover was removed, he dipped a fork directly into the thick pie and shoved a bite into his mouth.

"You okay?"

"I will be. Cheesecake solves everything."

Kendall shrugged; chocolate usually did the trick for him, but he wasn't going to be picky right now. "What's going on? Are you attracted to me?"

"Very," Logan admitted. "I don't want you to think you're doing anything wrong."

"I am, though, or we'd be breaking your bed right now."

"I want you," Logan promised.

"Then what's stopping you? Something's holding you back, I feel it every time we kiss. I thought for a minute I'd broken past that but then you stopped me."

"I know. It's...complicated. And really pathetic."

Kendall blinked slowly as the answer dawned on him. "It's James."

Logan said nothing, instead taking another bite of cheesecake. Taking that as confirmation, Kendall did the same. Finally he asked, "If he wasn't straight, would it be him?"

"It doesn't matter. He's not gay."

Kendall wasn't completely convinced of that. "But if he was?"

"Kendall, you're not listening." There was an edge to Logan's voice. "He's not gay."

Another bite gave Kendall time to decide how to continue. "I don't think that matters."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you."

"No, you're not understanding me. Whether he is or isn't means nothing."

"Of course it does."

"No, Logan. What's important here is how it would affect your actions if he was."

"But he's not," Logan emphasized. "So it isn't even worth thinking about."

Kendall sat back in the chair, his fork resting in the pie tin. "You're in love with him."

"He's not gay."

"Logan...stop. I don't care if he is or isn't. What matters here is that you are in love with him and it's keeping you from pursuing a relationship of your own."

"No." Logan shook his head adamantly before scooping up a huge chunk of cheesecake. "I won't let it."

Well, there it was. The admittance of his feelings for James. Kendall wanted to smack himself for not seeing this sooner. Then again, hadn't he said something to Lucy just the night before about it? The thought had crossed his mind. "It already is," Kendall said softly. "You can't kiss me because you can't stop thinking about him."

"Fuck him!" Logan roared, throwing the fork down with a clatter before standing suddenly. "I'm sick of him keeping me from finding someone who makes me happy!" Kendall was up and embracing Logan in seconds, knowing what would come next. Sure enough, Logan dissolved into sobs in his arms. "I don't want to be alone."

"You're not alone," Kendall soothed. "I'm not going anywhere."

"He is, though. And he should, he deserves to find someone who makes him happy just like I do. I just..."

"I know. You wish it could be you."

"I wish I'd never talked to him that first day. I wish he'd just remained a heartless stuck-up asshole not worth my time."

"Is that how he was when he first came here?"

"Pretty much," Logan sniffled. "He's grown a lot. He has a heart now."

"I think a lot of that has to do with you. Without your influence, he'd be a dick all the time instead of just half the time."

As an attempt at humor it was weak, but a chuckle broke through a broken sob. "He takes such good care of me. I'm so scared that when he finds someone, he won't care about me anymore."

Kendall sighed deeply. Though James had never said the words, Kendall sensed that he was afraid of the exact same thing. "He's not going to forget you or leave you. I have a friend going through the same thing, you know. I'll tell you what I told him."

"What?"

"He obviously finds value in you if he's still here."

"It's because he has no one else."

"That's what my friend said, but he's wrong. I know he's wrong, because I know you and I know him and you're both amazing people. Incredible friends. James isn't going to give that up just because he starts dating."

"I know, but everything's going to change. I don't want to be left behind. I'm not going to let that happen. You really are the kind of guy I've dreamed of dating and I refuse to let him hold me back." Logan clutched at Kendall's shirt with both hands and lifted wet, pleading eyes. "Please don't give up on me. I just need a little time. I know it's a lot to ask, I come with so much baggage, but I think this can work. I just need practice."

Kendall brushed away tears with his thumbs. "I'll be honest. I don't know if I have the patience right now to be what you need. I like you, and I think I could definitely fall in love with you, but I feel like..."

Logan closed his eyes, not wanting to hear the rest and asking anyway. "Like what?"

"Like something's missing."

Brown eyes locked onto his. "That's my fault. You're right, I'm holding back. I was trying so hard to keep all of this inside and it's been killing me. But I'm ready to let it go. I just need someone to help me break the chain that keeps me tied to him."

Thinking back to James' comments about flirting with Logan to "mess" with him, Kendall's stomach turned over. "Does he know?"

"Know what?"

"That you're in love with him?"

"No. Please don't tell him. I don't want him to look at me differently."

"Okay," Kendall nodded. "But when he fucks with you, does things like whisper in your ear or tell you how gorgeous you are..."

"It's harmless in his mind. He doesn't realize what it does to me."

"What a dick. You need to tell him."

"No. No, Kendall, please, just...let me deal with this my way. Give me a chance. I feel better about it now that I actually admitted it and I think I can do this. Please, just don't give up on me."

"What are you asking?"

"One more date. Let's do this one more time with no secrets between us and if I still can't let go, you can walk away from me with my blessing. I won't hold it against you."

"I don't want to walk away, Logan. I meant what I said on our first date. What I said tonight. I'm not going anywhere. I'll be your friend as long as you need me to be."

Logan swallowed hard and licked his lips. "But as far as anything more...?"

"I don't know. It's a lot to think about."

"I understand that." Logan nodded, stepping back from Kendall. "I shouldn't pressure you."

"Can I have a little time? Maybe we can talk tomorrow?"

"Of course. I'm sorry this turned into such a disaster."

"You're not a disaster. You're going to make a wonderful boyfriend one day."

"Just not...for you."

"I didn't say that. I don't want to make any promises right now. Please, let me give it some thought tonight and figure out where my head is."

"Okay."

"Okay? This doesn't mean I'm never talking to you again or that I hate you. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Promise?"

Kendall couldn't help but smile at the fear behind that one word. It wasn't a laughing matter, but he found Logan's need for reassurance adorable. "Promise," he whispered, deciding to give their future a test run. He bent his head for a kiss. Logan pressed up into it, and Kendall could tell he was trying. Logan wanted so badly to find whatever it was that was missing between them. He let Kendall open his mouth and search for it, not fighting it when Kendall pulled him closer by a firm grip on the ass.

Logan's reaction told Kendall everything he needed to know.

Kendall declined a ride home. Logan didn't press him, knowing Kendall needed space to think. He shoved what was left of the cheesecake into the trash and then lasted all of three minutes before caving and calling James.

He needed to know that what Kendall said was true, that James would always want him around no matter what.

"Hello there, my favorite little nerd. Is your date over already?"

James was in a good mood. This could go either way. "Yeah. We're gonna see each other sometime during the week. Hopefully Monday."

"So it went well, then."

"It...was interesting. Where are you?"

"Home. Kicked Lucy's ass at miniature golf. She sucks."

"You didn't tell me you were going out with her." Logan knew by the silence on the other end that he'd said the wrong thing. "Not that it's a problem, you just...usually tell me things like that."

"Well, you were busy getting ready for your date. I didn't want to bother you."

"You know you're never a bother, James. Please tell me you know that."

"Lately I wasn't sure," James admitted. "I've behaved like an asshole since Kendall came into your life."

"I get why, though. You're afraid to lose me, right?"

"Do we have to talk about it?"

"Yes. We already have."

"Then why bring it up again?"

"Because I think it's important that we both say what's on our minds instead of acting like everything's fine. It's not fine, James. I'm worried that once you start dating seriously, you won't care about me anymore."

"Jesus Christ, Logan, how could you think that?"

"The same way you could think that about me. I know it's what you're afraid of." Again, James' silence spoke volumes. "So let me just say right now and make it crystal clear that you will always be my best friend and I will always make time for you."

"Even when I'm not number one?" James asked in a tiny voice. "We both know it's gonna happen, Logan."

"Even when I'm not number one either. Will you do the same for me?"

"Of course." James was near tears and it broke Logan's heart, but it also reassured him that James took this just as seriously. "I'm trying to learn how to let go without...letting go. Which makes no sense."

"On the contrary, it makes perfect sense. It's what we both need to learn."

"You know I'll always love you, right?"

Logan closed his eyes against the sudden lurching of his heart and stomach. It was everything he wanted to hear, and yet it wasn't. "As long as you know the same. I love you, too."

Here it was again, that need to go to James now and touch him. To kiss him. To belong to him. Logan was never going to get over James if he kept running to him. Maybe Kendall had the right idea about needing space to think. "Listen, on that note...I can't make it tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" James echoed. "But it's our Sunday. You said that was the one thing that wouldn't change."

"I know. It's just that I got no time at all today for schoolwork. With the game and then the date...I'm sorry. What if we just do dinner?"

"Sure," James finally answered. "What time?"

"I should be caught up by four. Meet me here then?"

"Okay."

"Thanks for understanding."

"Anytime. See you then."

"Okay. Goodnight, James."

"Night."

James set the phone down on the cushion next to him, his movements slow and deliberate in an attempt to keep his emotions from exploding outward. Logan could say a thousand times that he'd always be there and things weren't going to change, but they would. They were. It was happening.

Logan had never broken a Sunday date. It might seem like a little thing, but James knew it was huge.

The walls started closing in on him. It was hard to breathe. He needed someone.

Rush.

Rush was out, though. Rush was on a date, probably fucking some lucky asshole's brains out, and if that wasn't the most unfair turn of events...

Happy place. Go to your happy place.

James leaned back against a cushion and closed his eyes, calling to mind the vision from the night before of Rush holding him close. Their naked bodies were pressed together under a blanket. Rush's fingers caressed his hair. Lips searched out his, teasing and soothing at the same time. James could feel them against his own, so soft but also gently demanding.

Claiming. Possessing. Owning.

The panic eased until he could breathe again. Rush would probably tell him Monday that they couldn't do the sex stuff anymore, and he'd live with it. Nothing could take this from him, though, and he was grateful Rush had given him the gift of peace to call upon when he needed it.

Now if there was only someone to get him through the day, because tomorrow would be hell until 4:00. And maybe even after, if he was forced to listen to Logan recount every detail of his perfect date with Kendall.

Kendall.

Just like that, he knew how to make it through the morning. Hoping he wasn't being too forward, James called up the number and sent a text through.

"Hi it's James from today. My plans fell through, is that invitation to breakfast with you and Katie still open? If not it's okay. Let me know. It was great to meet you today!"

It was an agonizing five minutes before she replied.

"Of course, we'd love to have you! 9:00 at The Breakfast Spot on 7th St. Are you sure you don't want to come along to the prosthetic place?"

Hell no. Kendall was still the last person he needed to be around.

"Positive. Just give me the amount afterward. And tell me how he reacted to the news. See you at 9. Thanks!"

"You're welcome!"

So what if it was Kendall's mom and sister? He didn't hold it against them that Kendall was so maddening.

Tempting.

Walking sex.

Probably relentless in bed, not letting up until he'd sent them both through a firewall of ecstasy.

Stop it. Stop it right now, he belongs to Logan.

And that just made him sad all over again.

Where was Rush when James needed him?

His phone chimed. "Are you around? I really need to talk."

The incoming email was like an answer to his prayers. James could have cried from relief.

"I'm here. Talk to me."