John didn't know what he was expecting the afterlife to be like, but he sure didn't expect it to look like a dim room lit by grey lighting; He didn't expect it to smell of iodoform or other fresh chemicals. That's when he finally decided to make an effort to get a better look to see if there was more to his surroundings. Gathering a bit of internal movement, John fought the urge to close his eyes again, finding a motivation to lift his neck just enough to look down his body, which was covered by a rough, thin blanket, and in the corner of his eyes, he spotted a figure leaned up against a chair. He looked over only to discover that it was none other than his older brother, looking as if he were asleep. As he strained himself to look around some more, John could now hear his own heartbeat, a sign that this was no afterlife. He was still alive.

John let out a heavy sigh as he dropped his head against the pillow underneath him, and the breath seemed to have caught Jacob's attention because he was starting to stir from his half-conscious state, "John…?"

The Baptist didn't respond at first, now wishing that he didn't wake up because now he'd have to talk to Jacob; He knew he had to tell him about the earlier event that occurred. "Hey, brother," Jacob moved his chair closer to the bed, an unreadable look on his face, but a sense of relief in voice, "How're you feeling?"

It took long for him reply, as John had thought too much about it. My arm hurts. My hand is a little bit numb. Nonetheless I'm still alive. Mentally, on the other hand, I'm pretty fucked. "I feel bad…" He finally said, not having the energy to go into detail.

"I bet. You lost a lot of blood once we got you here… For a moment, I really thought we were gonna lose you."

John didn't respond; He didn't know what to say, or where to begin with all of this. He slowly brought himself into a sitting position with the help from Jacob. "I guess I've got some explaining to do?"

Jacob was silent for a moment as he debated his choice of words, "I knew what was going on midway through your broadcast, but I think a lot of us want to know why you did it… You don't have to talk about it right now though."

"But I'll need to do it eventually."

"Yeah… I don't know what's going on with you to make you do what you did earlier, and being silent about it doesn't seem to be making you any better."

John nodded, feeling his eyes grow heavy, "I know… Even before this, I still knew. I just didn't think it was important. But I think really crossed the line this time."

John's eyes grew wet and hot, and he turned away so Jacob wouldn't see the weakness he was expressing. If he weren't his family, he probably would've been scolded for being weak, and his brother knows exactly what to do to the ones who aren't strong or can't take the heat. But since he shared the same blood, he could imagine that Jacob was only disappointed.

"I understand where you're coming from," Jacob began, "I think we all reach a point in our lives when we fall down to rock bottom. I guess the only difference is how we reach it."

John looked back at him, eyes and cheeks now a light shade of red.

"I know you're in that point, John. But I'm not going to pretend to know what you're going through. If you need to talk, please do it. Joseph, Faith and I are right here, and are ready to listen. I'd appreciate it if you tried." His eyes fell dark for a moment, "I don't want to see you hurt yourself again."

The heaviness came back once more, and this time it not only affected John's eyes, but his chest as well. As he inhaled, he quivered with emotion. He let his tears slip from his eyes, covering his face as he did so as he sniveled and wept.

Jacob laid a hand on his back, rubbing circles as he cooed, "Deep breaths, John. Deep breaths."

John was allowed to go home a few days later, with Jacob driving him back and staying with him. From there, he eyed him like a hawk, making sure that he wouldn't make another attempt to take his life again. That same afternoon, Faith came over as well, wanting to let John know that she was there for him too. She had even volunteered to cook meals and do whatever it took to make John smile. It was an annoyance at first, and John felt worse as he was now getting attention like some toddler, making him think that he became a heavier burden on everyone around him. That evening, the last Seed came to the ranch, and it made John freeze up upon seeing Joseph in his home. He was the one he tried not to disappoint the most, as he was practically the leader of Hope County, and it intimidated him to some extent.

By Joseph's request, Faith and Jacob left the room for a moment so he could be alone with John, who almost seemed afraid to meet his gaze at first. "John," He began, "Look at me, please…"

Reluctantly, the youngest brother did so. Joseph looked him over, as if he were searching for answers in his body language and current emotion. John finally opened his mouth, stammering to get his words out, that to him seemed necessary to say, especially in front of the Father himself, "I-I know I said this before. But I'm sorry. I know that you expected better of me… I know that this isn't who you wanted to see-"

He stopped talking when Joseph dipped his head, sighing for a moment, and all John could do was brace himself for what his brother had to say. "You don't have to apologize, John," He finally said, looking up, "If anything, I'm sorry…"

John stayed silent, and as he waited for him to continue, he caught Joseph's gaze on his arm; The one that he sliced open. He held it to his stomach, covering up the stitches with his other arm.

"I had no idea that you were hurting," Joseph continued, "I had no idea that you were in this much pain…"

"I didn't talk about it much. So it's really my fault for not-"

"And I can only imagine you still are, and I wish you weren't," From behind the glasses, John could see that Joseph's eyes were starting to get a bit more glassy. "Do you know you're loved?"

John blinked, and when he didn't say anything, Joseph took his silence for an answer. "You are loved," He began, his voice cracking a bit, "You are loved by me; By Jacob; By Faith; By everyone… And it breaks me to know that you can't see that."

John soon began to cry, "Maybe I don't deserve it… Why should I when I constantly let you down-"

"Those are your demons talking…!" Joseph seemed to have raised his voice a little, but toned it back down as he spoke again, "You do deserve love; Every drop of it, no matter how big or small."

"Joseph…"

John was pulled into a brotherly embrace, with his head buried in Joseph's chest, and his arms wrapped around him so tightly as if he were to let go, he'd lose him. He wept, trying to keep his sobs down. "You are doing such an amazing job…" Joseph whispered, "With everything you've done for the Project, to fighting this battle and making it this far. I'm proud of you, John. I'm glad you've accomplished so much… I lost you once. I don't want to lose you again."

The Baptist held onto his brother for a little while longer until he was ready to let go. Once he pulled away, his face was wet with tears, and Joseph, with his head still leaned in to John's, began to say a short prayer that he seemed to be spoken from his heart—

"Father Lord, I come to you with a heavy heart for my brother. He battles his own personal demons, and it has driven him to a moment of heartbreak and hopelessness. I ask that you show him a way out of the dark. Show him that there is a different path, and it's a better one to take than the one he was on. Show us how we can be his light. Bless him with love and comfort. Let him know of his importance on this earth. I pray in your name. Amen."

"Alrighty then," Faith began, "What sounds good to you right now?"

"I dunno…" John replied, unenthusiastically.

"Hmm, okay… I could make you waffles?"

"I don't have a waffle maker."

"What about some eggs? Maybe with a side of bacon and fruit?"

John sighed silently, "Faith, I appreciate what you're trying to do here. But right now, I don't think I need it-"

"Okay, hush up."

"Excuse me?"

"I know you don't think you need this, but you do. I heard a little bit of what Joseph was telling you last night, and he's right. You deserve every bit of love no matter how big or small. This is how I show that I love and care about you. I could give you the biggest bear hug ever."

John chuckled, "That's okay-"

"That isn't an option." She walked around the table and then proceeded to wrap her arms tightly around John's chest.

"God, you're strong," John exhaled heavily, surprised at the strength that he didn't even know if this was a hug or not.

"And I'm not letting go until you feel better, or make a decision on what you want to eat."

John relaxed a bit, finally attempting to put some thought into what he wanted for breakfast. While thinking, Faith spoke again, "I'm gonna be real cliché here… It's gonna get better— And I know, you hear it a lot; You're probably sick of hearing it. But I think people say that because it's true."

"For some people—"

"For everyone. I mean, look at me. I was pretty much a mess when I first got introduced to the Project. If it weren't for the Father and every single amazing person here, I probably would've taken my life in a heartbeat."

John made a sound of acknowledgement, as if to say, "Glad you managed to recover."

"I'm serious, John!" Faith loosened her grip a bit, gazing down at the Baptist, "It'll get better for you too. You'll have your bad days, but you'll have really good ones too. If today doesn't turn out to be so good for you, there's always tomorrow; And the next day, and the day after, etcetera."

John nodded, managing to smile a little bit and patting Faith's arm as if to return the hug. In response, she let out a hum and hugged him tighter once more, "It'll be okay."

"Thanks, Faith…"

"Have you figured out what you want?"

"Eggs and bacon sound good to me."

Faith smiled, letting go of him to settle her hands on his shoulders, "Does coffee sound good too?"

"Coffee sounds great."