A/N
Eh, what the heck, have another chapter before I go to sleep tonight :)
.:Chapter Three: Compare and Contrast:.
Tsunayoshi was discharged from hospital by the end of the month. At the same time, Sawada Nana was released as Not Guilty on the assumption of self-defence. The Italian attorney did her job thoroughly well, thus no one questioned the decision of the courts.
Of course, being backed by a powerful mafia organisation would help quite a bit. No doubt strings were pulled, bribes were made, witnesses weren't entirely honest and as for the two remaining yakuza… well, their bodies will probably never be found. The Vongola were too smart, too thorough, to leave any trace of their involvement.
Things had changed in the hospital too during the last couple of weeks. What had previously been break-room gossip and idle chatter turned into hushed whispers behind closed doors. The doctors and nurses no longer met Tsuna's eyes and their visits were brief and strictly professional. The major news channels and newspapers suddenly found more interesting stories to cover than the murder case and the impending trail.
All in all, Tsuna was couldn't help but admire how swiftly and quietly the Vongola dealt with the situation.
But anyways, back to the topic at hand… Tsuna had finally been allowed to leave the damn hospital! Yes, she was finally free! (She not he, because it was hard enough adjusting to a world you previously thought was fictional, in a scrawny body half your age that lacks any female genitalia. Just because she was Sawada Tsunayoshi now, doesn't mean she was suddenly going to become completely male overnight…
Besides, she wasn't the real Tsunayoshi anyways…)
It felt good to finally be able to wear something other than a fucking hospital gown. Even though it appeared that most of the clothes Tsuna owned were brightly coloured with very childish designs… Personally she preferred darker colours, but she supposed her wardrobe could be adjusted at a later date, and made do with what she had.
The nurses that came to collect Tsuna looked relieved at the thought of not having to deal with her anymore. Frankly, the feeling was mutual. She never wanted to set foot into another goddamn hospital again… Even though she knew she's have to come back for check-ups every few months…
If the bastard that put a hole in her stomach wasn't already dead she'd be hunting him down herself to make him pay for putting her through this shit!
Still, now was not the time for such morbid thoughts. She had to prepare herself to meet her mother (at last). Tsuna wasn't sure how she should act around Nana at this stage. By the time they reached the entrance, the only conclusion she could come up with was to simply use amnesia as an excuse for any differences between herself and Real Tsuna.
All thoughts flew out of her head the moment Nana came flying over to her, crying her name out joyously.
Next thing she knew, her small frame was being scooped up in a tight embrace, a hand running comfortingly through her hair, and a voice (hoarse and tear-filled) whispering soothingly into her ear.
Tsuna just froze, unable to comprehend this public show of affection from Nana. In her previous life, she hadn't had a good relationship with her mother and thus simply didn't know how to react. So she just numbly wrapped her arms around Nana's neck and hoped it didn't look like she was trying to strangle her…
Nana… er, her mother, just babbled on and on, "We're okay. We'll be okay now. Oh, my baby. My sweet little Tsuna. I missed you so much. Mama's here now. It's okay. It's okay…" And Tsuna honestly couldn't tell who she was trying to reassure…
….
Tsuna spent her first week in her new home aimlessly wandering around the house, comparing it to the one from the anime. It pretty much had the same general layout as she recalled, but she never paid much attention to that kind of thing anyways.
When she grew bored of that, she had taken the time to think over her predicament some more. Mostly she tried to comprehend her newfound masculinity (attempting to refer to herself as "he" had felt weird and just gave her a headache… perhaps it'll be easier when she's older and more accustomed to this body).
She'd also spent some time cooped up in her own room, trying to see if she could reproduce those flames once more (obviously they were Dying Will flames). It was a lot harder than she first thought, even when she pulled together all her knowledge on Dying Will from the manga and anime. At most she could only produce a tiny, weak flame that blew out within seconds.
"Tsu-kun, wake up." Nana (mother) called, opening the door without knocking.
Surprised, Tsuna jolted upright, shifting her blank stare from the ceiling to her mother's shadowy figure in the doorway. Puffy bloodshot eyes returned her gaze, along with a nervous ghost smile painting her pale face.
Now, Tsuna may not have been so surprised by her mother's presence that morning if not for the fact that Nana had pretty much stayed locked up in her room this past week, crying her eyes out. As to be expected with everything that's happened these past few months. Seeing her here, not crying in her room, and even trying to smile was odd to say the least.
Nana's attempted smile faltered and she took a deep breath, "I-I think it's time you went back to school." She stated, no longer meeting her eyes.
Tsuna merely blinked. "Oh. Okay then."
Nana opened her mouth then snapped it shut again, blinking repeatedly at Tsuna as if she expected an entirely different answer. "Right." The word came out slowly and unsurely. "Can you get yourself ready?"
Tsuna gave a single mute nod.
"Right." She repeated and lingered awkwardly in the doorway, occasionally fiddling with her hands. "Okay." And with that she left the room a little too quickly, shutting the door a little too loudly.
Tsuna stared vacantly at the door for a few moments longer before sliding out of bed. School, huh? Well, perhaps it'll be a bit more entertaining than just being stuck at home all day.
Sighing, she sifted through her closet in search of anything that resembled a uniform. She located it easily enough, slipped it on and headed out.
She paused in front of the bathroom, all but glaring at door as if it had done her a personal offence (the bathroom had very quickly become her most hated room in the entire house). Clicking her tongue she stepped inside, combed her fluffy bed hair til it look reasonably neater, and washed her face.
Idly, she wondered if Nana had noticed the way her son would now yell something or sing horribly off tune in an attempt to drown out the sound of water whenever he went to the bathroom.
Shrugging the thought off, Tsuna made her way down stairs somewhat giddy at the prospect of a warm breakfast. She could only make so many different types sandwiches with what was available in the cupboards (and, right now, she didn't trust herself with the stove or microwave). Her tastebuds were already demanding for a change in diet…
Half way down the stairs she tripped and crashed face first on the floor. Evidently it would take a hell of a lot longer for Tsuna to adjust to her new body. But hey, it was hard to judge distances when you're used to a body more than twice as tall and with a completely different body structure…
The thing that really got her was the lack of weight on her chest. It completely threw off her sense of balance and, clearly, Real Tsuna never had much balance to begin with…
By the time she made it into the kitchen (nursing a sore nose), she found a rather dishevelled looking Nana, who for her part seemed not to know what to do with herself.
Stifling a sigh, Tsuna sat at the table and asked in the most childish voice she could muster, "Kaa-chan, can Tsu-kun have pancakes for breakfast?" Even though she preferred waffles over pancakes, and eggs over waffles.
Nana jumped and brushed a hand over her cheek (probably checking for tears). "O-Okay." She smiled a little less forced than before, and Tsuna ignored the way her shoulders sagged in relief.
Referring to herself in third person was merely an act to help her in getting used to her name, but for some reason the childish act seemed to calm Nana. So Tsuna continued to refer to herself as 'Tsu-kun' while in her mother's presence, but that didn't mean she'd have to continue to do so once they were apart…
…
Adapting to a new body is quite difficult. Adapting to a new home, new family, new life was on a different level altogether… But Tsuna found it easier to adjust if she focused solely on what was similar between her and Real Tsuna rather than the differences.
For instance, she had been quite pleased to find that Real Tsuna's bookshelf (while somewhat sparse and lacking the more intellectual novels) contained many of the manga that she had been fond of in her previous life. It made her feel all warm inside to know she shared an interest with him.
Another similarity between her new life and her previous one was the Sawada household itself. The house felt cold and empty with Iemitsu (still) absent and Nana leaving Tsuna to her own devices. Vanessa Smith had pretty much been left to fend for herself by both her parents, so she found it somewhat easy (even going as far to say nostalgic) to slide into old routines.
(Some small part of her, reasoned how Real Tsuna would probably have struggled emotionally during these times, particularly with being left all alone in the hospital…)
School was something Tsuna expected she would not particularly enjoy… Given that Real Tsuna's nickname was "Dame Tsuna" (no good, hopeless, useless… doesn't anyone realise just how emotionally scarring these words can be to a child?) she felt it safe to assume he had neither friends or allies among his peers, or even his teachers for that matter…
Funnily enough, Vanessa Smith had also been a victim of bullying during her time at school. But, for to entirely different reasons…
Nessa had been what is commonly referred to as a "Teacher's Pet", and she was damn proud of it. She had the highest IQ among her year group, and was top of the class in every subject. Nessa relished in the praise and attention given on to her by the teachers (as it had been the only time she was acknowledged), all the while aware of how it irked her peers.
Tsunayoshi's bullies felt better about their own pathetic lives whenever he was around, so they would push him down further as it gave them a feeling of superiority. A rather disgusting and all round pitiful way to improve one's self-esteem.
Vanessa's bullies felt the only way to make pathetic lives better was to pull her down to their level. Isn't it funny how it never occurred to them to study and word harder to become better than her?
Though the methods and motives were different, the concept was the same; wretched, pitiful individuals bringing down others to give themselves a moment to feel like the smarter, more superior one. Vanessa had seen right through them and they were very small people on the inside. She had spent her at school life ignoring the student populace.
This time would be no different. And frankly, Tsuna couldn't be bothered wasting time or energy on giving a fuck about them.
…..
Tsuna's first day at Namimori Elementary had revealed how she had underestimated the level of ignorance and general stupidity of eight-year-olds… and of the Japanese Education System…
In the morning, Nana had dropped Tsuna off at the gates and then proceeded to make a hasty retreat. Not all that surprising considering all the fearful looks and gossip-filled murmurs that had followed them all the way to school. (Tsuna had actually been more surprised by her mother's insistence on taking her to school herself.)
So, with a small measure of difficulty, she went about locating her classroom by herself. She shrugged off the whispered jeers of "Pathetic" and "No good" as she walked through the hallways. She was shoved harshly several times and almost knocked over entirely once or twice (curse this goddamn scrawny body), but otherwise made it unscathed.
Predictably, her desk was the one decorated with badly written, misspelled insults and some rather crude drawings. The most prominent one was the word "LOSER" which had been highlighted and underlined as if to make their point clearer. But the one that caught Tsuna's attention was the small word scribbled in the corner in red ink: "Murderer".
Now, ever since she had left the house that morning, a mysterious feeling of dread had begun to grow in the pit of her stomach. At first she had likened it to a feeling of nervousness and ignored it. But upon entering he school, she found her chest aching with a hurt and sadness she had long since learnt to simply push aside.
She never used to let their insults bother her, but with every condescending jeer the ache in her heart grew stronger and she struggled to squash it down.
What was wrong with her? Where did these feelings come from?
Well, she didn't have much time to figure it out as the bell chimed, signalling the start of class. So she squashed the swirl of negative emotions down again, and instead thought about what the teachers here would be like.
Soon enough, the male teacher strolled in, eyed her with undisguised disgust (and something else… something bordering on suspicion) and Tsuna immediately decided she would not like the teachers here. He then proceeded to start the lesson, which Tsuna thought was for too advanced for their age group.
She had skimmed through all her textbooks just the other day, just to refresh her memory, and the complex equations written on the blackboard were not among the materials they were meant to cover this year. But as much as she would like to ponder over the actions of the so called teacher, she found herself unable to get a coherent thought out.
Out of nowhere she was bombarded with a string of emotions she could hardly make sense of!
Fuck… what the hell is this?
Why did she suddenly feel like running all the way home and hiding under the covers of her nice cosy warm bed? All alone, safe in her room, free to hide from the world… She wanted to cry. She wanted to scream. She wanted Mama to comfort her and tell her everything would be alright—
No. Tsuna didn't want her "Mama". That was the last thing she'd ever want. These feelings were not her own… they belonged to Real Tsuna!
As her moment of clarity came, suddenly the storm of emotions felt very far away. It was like they were a mere memory – or rather, the ghost of a memory – belonging to Real Tsuna. And she was left experiencing a deep sense of pity for the poor child who was forced to live through this nightmare in real life…
With pity came anger. Anger for the unheard pleas for help of a small child, and that he would never have the chance to experience a better life. Anger morphed rapidly into an ugly desire for revenge…
("The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.")
If the people of Namimori only knew Sawada Tsunayoshi as a no good, clumsy child who would grow up to be a no good, clumsy deadbeat, then they were surely in for quite the surprise…
By the time she's through, no one would dare to even think of the derogatory nickname "dame Tsuna" in her presence ever again…
Please do remember to drop a review on your way out.
Love, NyanNyan-suru