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"So I saw the latest figures. We seem to be doing well," Rosalie says over coffee at my kitchen-slash-conference table. The three of us are having our morning meeting. Well, I'm doing business stuff. I think Alice was taking pictures of her boobs for Jasper. At least I hope it's Jasper and not a client.
I'm still too cheap to spring for office space. Besides, these two have been hanging out at my house for several years. At least they're earning me money now.
"Yes. I hired five new people, and I'm looking for more."
"Oh, so are you going to give up your client to one of the new people?" Alice asks.
"No!" I blurt out. "I mean, it wouldn't be right to switch. You know, quality control and all that."
They both share a look. I know they know that I'm way too into Edward. In the last month I've done too much texting that isn't professional and would have gotten any of my employees fired. But I'm the boss, so I'm going to do what I want.
And I want to do Edward. I mean service him. Er, provide him our service.
"Can you keep up with it? You're giving him the deluxe package with the most text messages," asks Rosalie. "You always say how busy you are."
"Of course. Edward's so great it's like I'm not even doing a job. He's so funny and sweet. I can't even understand why he wouldn't have a real girlfriend."
"Edward, huh? Sounds like things are more than just a job," Rosalie says. "Why don't you see if it could be, Bella?"
"I couldn't." I want to, but I can't. But I really want to.
"But you totally could," Alice chimes in. She's not helping my resolve.
"It's totally unprofessional."
"Fuck professional. He's perfect for you. Don't think we haven't seen you smiling everytime he texts you, which is way more than a normal client," Rose says. "People meet at work all the time. It's okay to like him, Bella."
"Why do you think we set this whole thing up?" Alice says, exasperated. Rosalie elbows her.
"What do you mean?"
"Er, I mean I picked Edward especially for you because I knew you'd do such a great job with him."
"And I wrote the backstory so it would be like the guy you met at the gym. So you could break out of your shell," adds Rosalie.
"Don't stop to askkkk...you're gonna find a way to make it last...you've got to find a way... to meet that guy today...Edwaaaarrddd...breakouuuuut..."
"I think you're both hiding something, and Alice is listening to too much eighties' sattelite radio."
"Please believe we did all this for you. Because we love you," says Rosalie.
I stop Alice right when she starts to sing Celine Dion. Because it's enough already. And all Celine's songs make me think of Titanic and I get feelings about Jack not getting on that piece of wood. He would have made it, damn it.
"We do love you, Bella. You'll see. Everything will work out," Alice says.
My phone chimes, alerting me of a new message. I get up and start moving towards my room. "Er, I need to take care of this."
"Right. Like we don't know who that is. You don't have to hide. We want you to hook up with Edward. We've been busting our ass to make-" Rosalie says, before Alice throws a muffin at her head.
Alice adds, "We have all been busting our asses working, and you deserve someone to love like we have. It makes everything better. Right, Rose?"
"Yeah. Cock on the regular makes everything awesome," says Rosalie.
"I meant love, Rose," Alice says.
"I do love cock," she says, wistfully. "Especially Emmett's."
"Please, I can't take it anymore," I say.
"Oh, that's what Rose was yelling last night," Alice says, laughing.
"Liar. I can take all of it - if Emmett gets me really worked up. If not, I get like three-fourths-"
"She coulda had it alll-aaallll...Rosie's taking it deeee-eeeep..."
"Oh my god," I say, rubbing my temples.
"That's a good one, Alice. You should be on 'The Voice,' " Rosalie says.
"Yes. I hear they're going to start a new, shitty version where they only sing bad parody songs. Weird Al will be the new Adam."
"So grouchy. You really need to get laid," Alice says. "Seriously, Bella. Go out with the guy for reals. You know this isn't just a client thing anymore. It's not fair to you or him."
"Geez. I think I need a fake boyfriend so you two will get off my back. Now I know why we're making so much money for our service!"
With that thought, I leave the room. I don't want to talk about this anymore, especially after the lecture they just gave me. And I really don't want to hear anymore songs or about Emmett's cock. I've heard so much about it, I think I could identify it in a police line-up. Some of the stuff Rosalie is doing with it is probably a crime somewhere.
My phone buzzes again. I know it's Edward, and I'm way too excited to read what he's written. I look forward to his every message like a fan girl.
Is it really wrong that I have a tiny crush on him? It's super tiny - like I just think about him all the time and know he's amazing, and I don't even care that I don't know what he looks like.
Yes, he's still my client. The guy that paid for a fake girlfriend and thinks this is just a cover. The one that's unknowingly breaking me. One message at a time.
I really hate it when Alice is right. I do have to do something about this.
Hi, beautiful. I can't stop thinking about you. When can I see you?
See? He texts stuff like that and it seems like we're in a real relationship for just long enough to hurt my heart. I need to end this now before someone gets hurt.
Namely me.
You know we can't.
I don't get it. We've waited long enough. You know we're compatible. The stuff I want to do to you would be better in person. lol
I can't.
Wait. RU Serious? Are you not into me?
It's just better if we stop texting.
Bella?
No. This can't happen.
Oh. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time. Best wishes for your health and happiness.
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AN: Thanks to TLS for the rec.
Yes, I did quote that book at the end. My Edward would know it.
Cosmogirl7481 preread this, but I changed a whole bunch. All mistakes are mine. Go read Scorched. It's super hot.
Next chapter I will gender swap Bella and Edward to Billy Bob and Edna just for kicks.