A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

And we're back! I actually wanted to jump ahead about six months in their lives, but I needed it to be Christmas and for the hockey season to still be on, so I went with three. I considered a year, but that felt like too long. So here we are, three months later. I think a few of you are going to say "I knew it!" before this chapter is done. And to those people I say "No comment." :P

Thank you so much for being here! Hope you enjoy this. :)

THREE MONTHS LATER

"Tell me what you want."

A violent shudder surged through James at the tone, Kendall's voice in his ear enough to have him on edge. He whined before managing, "You know what I want." There was barely enough strength in his legs to keep him standing, the wall providing support for him to lean against as he trembled.

Long fingers traveled from his lower back and down, teasing him as they made the trek to where he wanted them most. James felt Kendall pressing against the entrance and moaned, his hips thrusting back in invitation.

And when had he become naked? He didn't remember that at all.

But did it really matter? No, he'd worry about that later. Right now all that mattered was—

Oh god, it's not his fingers. It's...

"Yes!" James yelled before reaching back to spread himself open for Kendall. It was right there, so close, one hard push would have Kendall inside, what was he waiting for?

"Look at me."

Instead James' head fell back onto Kendall's shoulder, and he didn't know when Kendall had gotten naked either. Hadn't they literally just been in the staff lounge? Why were they in the living room of his old apartment now? Where was all the furniture? And why—

"No. Like you used to. Turn your head and look at me, show me with your eyes how much you need me."

A whimper slipped free, James still trembling and needing, God had he ever needed anything so badly in his life? He followed the command with a desperate "Please."

He was rewarded with a hand around his length, gripping tight before stroking once. He almost came, probably one more stroke would do it, but then Kendall's face started to fade. The weight of Kendall's body pressing him into the wall lightened so that he could've stood up straight had he wanted to.

He didn't want to. He wanted to be fucked so hard he couldn't stay upright without Kendall's help.

"No. No, don't go, don't...no!"

James came awake with a jolt, body a live wire and his breathing uneven while sweat beaded his forehead. One hand was wrapped around him, only it wasn't Kendall's; it was his own. And if that hand didn't do something quick, James was going to be suffering a massive hard-on until morning.

He'd had one of the dreams again. It was the only explanation. Those horrible dreams where Kendall took the place of Rush and left him feeling empty upon returning to reality.

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath, surprised that Logan hadn't stirred. But no, one look over told him that Logan was still fast asleep, probably dreaming about algorithms and integers, whatever the fuck those were.

James would give a lot to have boring dreams like that.

He didn't even consider waking Logan up to help with the "problem." He'd done that once after a similar dream, and Logan had allowed the act to happen but only after some coaxing because "We have to get up early, James." James had felt pathetic and inadequate as Logan laid on his stomach and let James satisfy himself, then was cranky until noon the following day due to a "lack of sleep."

Seriously, ten minutes out of his night for sex was a lack of sleep?

At one point James had begun to worry about himself; maybe he was too obsessed with sex. Though Logan was usually where he went when he needed information, it was Google James turned to this time because obviously Logan was too close to the subject. He felt a little better upon learning that sex drives are different for everyone, and it didn't make him a freak. Nor did Logan's lack of interest in unbridled, wild sex make him a freak. Logan put up with James' libido because it made James happy, and James took advantage of those moments when Logan was in the mood because they didn't come about nearly as often as James wished. Still, what they had was perfect, and James wasn't going to let his overactive sex drive ruin this. He'd just suffer until Logan was in the mood or until he had moments like this where he thought he'd go crazy without it.

But James hadn't bothered with Logan the next time he woke from the dream. He did what he was going to do now and escaped into the bathroom, where a series of just-right strokes took care of the problem in twenty seconds flat. Now maybe he could sleep.

The warmth of the blankets called out to his now-boneless body as he slid into bed. He turned onto his right side so he could spoon Logan, but then immediately rolled back to the left in order to check the time. He hoped he'd have at least a few more hours of sleep before having to face the world.

His phone laid on the bedside table, and just as his hand closed around it, the screen lit up. James tilted the display in order to read what was most likely an incoming email offering a "can't-miss deal" at his favorite sandwich place.

When it was instead a message from the chat program he no longer used, James' breath caught. It was only then he saw that there'd been another message prior to this one, about ten minutes before.

Rusherone: Are you there? I'm sorry, I know we swore we were done but I'm going crazy right now I need you I can't stand this please talk to me nobody makes me feel like you do please I NEED YOU.

James swallowed hard, his breathing stilted and hand shaking slightly.

The second message, which had just come in, was more coherent.

Rusherone: Oh my god, I'm so embarrassed. Please ignore that. I wasn't thinking clearly. The moment passed and I'm so sorry. I won't bother you again. I'm going to delete the app right now so I'm not tempted to do this ever again. I hope you're well. Bye.

Kingofdiamonds: Don't delete it. I can't talk to you like that, but don't delete it. Please.

Rusherone: Why are you awake?

Kingofdiamonds: Doesn't matter. Are you okay?

Rusherone: Yeah. Just a momentary lapse of reason.

James frowned. He'd heard that saying before, but for the life of him couldn't remember where or when. And did it honestly matter right this second?

Kingofdiamonds: It's okay. I have them, too. Try to get some sleep.

Rusherone: You, too. Night.

There were so many things James wanted to say. One glance behind reminded him why he couldn't. Logan was snoring gently, the sound reassuring in the dark. He couldn't do anything that might hurt Logan or risk losing him.

So instead of saying all of the things on his mind, James sent a simple heart. He figured that would say everything he couldn't put into words.

As usual, Rush understood him loud and clear. James smiled at the red heart that popped up on the screen, then set down his phone and turned over. Logan made an adorable noise in his sleep before hugging the arm that wrapped around him, and then they both returned to slumber.

"Babe, come on, if you don't get up now, we won't have time for breakfast."

"Can't we just call out today?" James groaned, face hidden under a mountain of blankets.

Cool air attacked him as the covers were ripped away. "No. If you're not in that shower in two minutes, I will eat your French toast and leave without you."

"Mmm, I do love French toast. Is that the heavenly aroma I smell?"

"There won't be any left if you don't hurry. Shower. Now."

Finally James cracked open an eye. "Ugh, you're already dressed and ready to go. I was hoping I could convince you to skip breakfast for a quickie."

Logan rolled his eyes but couldn't fight a smile. "I keep telling you, there is a time and place for sex, James. This isn't it."

"This is definitely the place. And I keep telling you, every time is right for sex." He yawned before stretching. "But fine, pass up this gorgeous body like you do every morning. Suffer until tonight."

"I'll survive somehow," Logan chuckled. "Want a banana?"

"Yes, I thought we just established that."

A pillow came crashing down over James' face. "I meant with your breakfast, jerkface! Is sex all you ever think about?"

James finally sat up, rubbing his eyes so he wouldn't have to talk. Logan probably wouldn't like his answer, anyway.

"You've got four minutes to eat that," Logan warned as James took a seat at the table.

"School doesn't start for almost an hour."

"I'm meeting with a student this morning, so I need to be there by 7:15."

James watched Logan clean up the breakfast dishes as he ate. "Do you ever miss the mornings where I'd show up and bring you coffee? Tease you a little in the classroom?"

Bent over the open dishwasher, Logan tossed James a knowing look. "Don't even think about it. Sex in that classroom is never gonna happen."

"I wasn't even talking about sex! I'm just asking. Do you ever miss that?"

"Of course not. Waking up with you and riding in together is so much better. Except for the days when I stress because you almost make me late."

"Which is every day."

"Just most days," Logan conceded. "You done with that plate?"

"Dude, I just sat down."

"I've seen you devour a plate of nachos in less time than this."

"Yeah well...you don't have to cut nachos, do you?"

Logan closed his eyes and prayed for patience. "What time do you think you'll be home tonight?"

"Knowing Lucy, it could be midnight," James joked. "But most likely before your movie ends. I'm hoping, anyway."

"I was going to ask if you guys wanted to meet up after the movie. Kendall mentioned getting ice cream."

"We'll see. I'll run it by Lucy. Depends on how late we're stuck at school decorating that gym."

After starting the dishwasher, Logan sank into a chair next to James. "Are you sure it isn't because you're avoiding Kendall?"

"Oh god, not this again. I'm trying to enjoy my breakfast."

"James, if you'd just—"

"Babe, get over it, it's never gonna happen. We're never gonna be buddies, okay? We're fine with it, why aren't you?"

"Because I want my boyfriend and my best friend to get along."

"We do!"

"No, you snipe at each other. You sit there at lunch and purposely push each others' buttons, and that's only when you do talk. Which is rare."

"So?"

"So, it would be nice if you guys would just be civil once in awhile."

"Logan...I don't know how to explain it. It's how we are. Yeah, we argue, but...it's not like...you know how much I detest Plotz from the history department?"

"Oh, don't remind me. You two can barely even be in the same room without your blood boiling."

"Right, because he's a homophobic dick who thinks you're going to Hell and I won't allow him to insult you like that." James left out the fact that the man only directed it at Logan because James still hadn't officially come out. Half the school now assumed James was gay but rumors weren't fact.

"What's your point?"

"That it's totally different with Kendall. We get off on it. Not in a sexual way," he added hurriedly. "But it stimulates us. He'd never admit it, but I think he likes messing with me."

"And you definitely like messing with him."

"So what if it doesn't make sense? It's still better than us hating each other, right?"

"I just...why can't you two be nice?"

"I don't know, Logan. This is just how it has to be, okay?"

Logan sighed, giving in for the moment. "Fine. But I think you should spend some time together alone. I think that would help you bond."

"And I think that's a bad idea. I'm sure he'd agree."

"He does," Logan admitted. "Every time I bring it up to him, he says the same thing. That you two do better from a distance."

"There, you found something we agree on. Can we drop it now?"

"I guess. Damn, there's no way we'll have time to stop for coffee now."

"Go on. Let me finish my breakfast in peace and I'll stop and get us coffee."

"You don't want to ride with me?"

"I want coffee and I don't want you to be late because then it'll ruin your whole day." James leaned over to kiss Logan's lips briefly. "I'll meet you in your classroom."

"You're sure?"

"Positive. Go."

"Okay." Logan didn't need any further prodding. He rushed into the living room and picked up the new leather bag James had surprised him with a few weeks before "just because I love you." "I grabbed lunch for us. Don't go back to bed!"

"I won't!" James laughed. "See you soon! Love you!"

Logan had one hand on the knob when he changed his mind and ran back into the kitchen to press a kiss to James' cheek. "Love you, too."

James took the opportunity to grab Logan's arm and drag him down for a real kiss, Logan allowing it for five seconds before pulling away. "I have to go. You taste like syrup. Don't forget to brush your teeth!"

"When have I ever even done that?" James muttered to himself. He checked the time, figuring he had just enough left to wolf down a piece of the chocolate cake they'd made together the night before. Logan would of course notice it was missing and scold him for it later, but James didn't care. Logan owed him that after denying him sex this morning.

And pretty much every morning for the past three months.

Kendall looked up from his phone when James slid into a chair, as always choosing the one furthest away. Though he knew there'd be nothing more than the usual grunt or at the most a "hey" in return (that was always the case when they were alone, unless a "Where's Logan?" was necessary), Kendall tried anyway. "Hey."

Today it was the grunt as James looked around the staff lounge for his boyfriend.

"He's at the microwave."

"I see him."

Three months later and they were still right where they'd started. Kendall knew why, knew it was absolutely a horrible idea for them to be alone because his attraction to James was still there and showed no signs of fading. Then again, James' obvious lack of interest in him went a good way toward quelling that.

But James surprised him by saying more. "He told me you want us to meet up after the movie tonight. It's obviously not going to happen. I thought we agreed to keep our distance when we have a choice."

"We did. I wasn't aware Logan had invited you. I just wanted ice cream."

"Oh." James sighed and shook his head in frustration. "I should've known. When is he gonna give up on that?"

"I doubt he ever will. It's important to him that his boyfriend and best friend get along, he told me that back when I was the...well, I guess I was never quite the boyfriend."

"I'm still trying to figure out when I lost the 'best friend' status."

"I would assume when you took on the other role."

James shrugged, that not really making him feel any better.

Lucy seemed to appear out of nowhere, sinking down between them. "What up, studs?"

"Hey," they greeted in unison.

"James, what time are you meeting me here?"

"Is there any sense in going home?"

"Yes, because the gym won't be clear until five. Basketball practice."

"Oh, right. I guess it's five then."

The scent of enchiladas preceded Logan, James letting out a delicious groan when a steaming container was set down in front of him. "I love you."

"I know," Logan grinned. He placed a second dish before Kendall and settled in between him and James to reach into a bag for forks. A bottle of water appeared next, followed by two cans of soda that were passed to his boyfriend and best friend, respectively.

"Hey, why don't I ever get leftovers?" Lucy wanted to know.

Kendall spoke through a mouthful. "What, your girl doesn't cook for you?"

"Not in the kitchen," she winked, causing Logan to make a disgusted noise.

"We're eating here," he reminded her.

"We do that, too."

This time it was all of them making the noise. Logan found his voice first. "Sometimes I don't understand how I ended up with the three most dirty-minded people on the planet as my inner circle."

"You got lucky," James teased, reaching under the table to squeeze Logan's knee. "We keep you from being too stuffy."

"You definitely do something. Can we please change the subject?"

"Fine," Lucy answered. "Let's talk about Kendall's dating life."

Kendall groaned. "This again?"

"Yes, because we want you to be happy. Are you bringing a date to the dance tomorrow night?"

"I wasn't planning on going."

"Of course you're going. If for no other reason than to admire the gym James and I are going to spend hours decorating."

James frowned. "It won't be just us, right? Isn't there some student committee that's in charge of that stuff?"

"Yeah, they'll all be there tomorrow. But since we can't be there until after the game, I wanted to get a head start tonight. I have big plans for the gym and it'll take more than a few hours to get it all set up."

"Should I be scared?" James asked.

"Totally. I'm gonna have you on that ladder more times than Logan's cracked open a book."

Kendall snickered, but James blanched. "That's like...more times than the sun has risen."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Oh fine, let's all make fun of the nerd. Can't we get back to Kendall's love life now?"

After lightly smacking Logan's arm, Kendall said, "Thanks a lot, buddy. I thought you were on my side."

"Well, Lucy's right. We want you to be happy. I think you should come to the dance and bring one of your dates."

"You act like I have so many."

"It would be nice to at least meet one of them for a change."

"Agreed," Lucy nodded. "So. Are you bringing anyone?"

"I really don't want to go."

"Too bad, I'll need someone to hang out with when these two lovebirds get all sappy and dance to slow songs or start making out under the bleachers."

"That's never gonna happen," Logan snorted.

"Heaven forbid," James whispered under his breath, Kendall the only one catching it and glancing over at him, but James was looking down into his food. As usual.

Noting that Lucy was finished with her sandwich, Logan slid over what was left of his enchiladas. She brightened and smiled a thank you before digging in. He asked, "Jo doesn't want to come?"

"That would be highly inappropriate. It is a school function."

"True."

Kendall shrugged. "Why not bring her anyway? I mean, Logan and James are coming together."

"We're also both teachers," Logan reminded him. He added in a quieter tone, "And James isn't even out."

"Half the school knows by now," Lucy commented.

"It's still just speculation."

"And it's best that it stays that way," James agreed.

Logan turned a patient gaze on him. "Even though you've already had three fans tell you they heard the rumors and it doesn't change how much they admire you?"

Lucy gasped. "This happened? Where?"

"On Twitter," Logan answered. "Apparently the rumors have reached social media."

"But that's great!" Lucy exclaimed. "See, they accept you!"

James rolled his eyes. "Yeah, Logan didn't mention the many others who were rude about it. This could really negatively impact my future."

"Or it could be the catalyst you need to come out publicly."

When James shook his head at Lucy's words, looking as if he'd rather die than continue discussing this, Kendall asked, "Can we get back to my love life now? We're already halfway through the lunch period."

"Oh, right! So then you're coming alone, which is perfect. Have you met the new shop teacher?"

They all stared back at Lucy blankly. It was Logan who asked, "Wood, auto, or metal?"

"Auto. You guys heard about Ingram, right?" Three heads shook. "He was in a bad car accident. They brought in a guy to sub while he's out. He's young, handsome, and I'd like to make him feel welcome here. Kendall? That's your cue."

"What? Why me?"

"Because he's gay and you're gay and you're both single."

"Oh, right, because if two people are gay that means they have to date each other. I forgot."

Lucy smacked his shoulder. "You don't have to be so sarcastic all the time. I'm just saying, he's new and doesn't know anybody here. He's nervous about not fitting in."

"He said that?" Logan smiled. "That's kind of cute."

"He just knows this is temporary but really needs the job so he's hoping to make some friends who will speak up for him and convince Kalvert to keep him on once Ingram's back."

Logan wondered, "Does he have any other skills?"

"Apparently he can dance. And he's great at building things. Really good with his hands."

"Always a good thing in a boyfriend," Logan teased, nudging Kendall.

Kendall was not amused. "I actually have decided that it's best to not date someone who works here." Noting that Logan was about to be offended, he added, "Don't take that personally, it's nothing you did wrong. It's the fact that my job could be at risk if I'm out."

Both Lucy and Logan disagreed, Lucy stating what they were both thinking. "They can't fire you for being gay."

"They can make it happen if they want to that badly. And you can't tell me every parent of my hockey kids will be ecstatic to know a gay man is spending hours getting physical with their sons."

"I think you're exaggerating," Logan replied. "It's not like you touch them or anything, right?"

"Sometimes I do. Not intentionally, but hockey's a fast-moving game. It's brutal. When I'm on the ice with them, shit happens. And there are a few guys who come talk to me about their personal stuff, we spend time alone in the office. I can already see how that would be blown up and twisted."

Lucy sighed. "Logan's right, you're overthinking it. Most of the parents would be fine with it if they knew."

"It only takes one," Kendall pointed out. "I need this job. It's made me feel whole for the first time since my accident. It's just not worth the risk."

Logan started, "Kendall, I think—"

"Let him be. Coming out is hard."

Three heads turned in surprise to James, who'd been quiet for most of the conversation. Logan raised an eyebrow at his boyfriend. "Says the guy who still hasn't come out."

"Exactly. It's different for you guys, your entire life wasn't on the line."

"Excuse me?" Lucy demanded. "You think it was easy for us?"

"No, of course not. I'm just saying that it's different. Lucy, no offense, but you never wanted this job. So if you lost it, it wouldn't be the end of the world for you. And Logan...even though it's not exactly common knowledge among the students that you're gay, the faculty knows and nobody cares. They accept it in you. They wouldn't in Kendall, and the public wouldn't accept it in me as a star. This is all we have, you guys. It's our dream. Do I wish I could just grab Logan and kiss his brains out at the grocery store sometimes? Sure. But I don't, because all I have in life that keeps me going is the dream and one day I'll get there. Not if I'm gay, though."

Logan didn't know which of James' points to address first; some of what James had said offended him. Lucy, as usual, had no trouble finding her voice. "That's where you're wrong, James. Plenty of people will accept you, and if they don't? Fuck them. You don't need them."

"He does, though," Kendall interrupted. "It sucks, and it's not right, but he needs them. I need those parents. For now, this is how it has to be."

Logan finally managed, "Babe, your career isn't all you have to live for."

"I know," James smiled. "I didn't mean to make it sound like you don't matter. But you know how important this is to me. I'm so close, meeting with producers pretty soon to put my lyrics to music, and I can't afford any kind of public scandal right now. Kendall can't either. That was my point."

Trying to get them all away from the heaviness that had settled over the table, Lucy looked at Kendall. "I at least expect you to meet the guy and be nice to him. He's fun. You need a little fun in your life."

"I'd be happy with just sex," Kendall joked.

She winked. "He might provide that, too."

Fifteen minutes later, James was about to enter the arts building when a voice called his name. His first instinct was to run, or to at least pretend he hadn't heard Kendall. He thought he knew what was coming and was unprepared for it.

"Don't even think about it, I know you heard me."

Fuck. James spun away from the entrance and waited for Kendall to approach. He wasn't slow by any means, but James knew he'd been faster at one time and that it would annoy him for the rest of his life that he couldn't be again. Arms crossed over his chest, James moved aside so they weren't blocking the door and braced himself.

"Hey," Kendall began quietly. James said nothing. "I just wanted to thank you. For defending me in there."

God, it was what he'd thought it would be. James hated it when Kendall was nice, it was so much harder to pretend he didn't exist. "That was more for me than you. I love them, but I get sick of them shoving that shit down my throat every day. They don't get it."

"They can't, because they haven't lost everything the way we did. We both spent our entire lives working toward a goal, and overnight our dreams were crushed. We found a purpose again at this school, and they don't understand how much it means to us."

"It isn't even the school I care so much about as the public. Those kids on Twitter are fucking mean."

"Not all of them though, right?"

"No, not all of them. But enough that it would keep record companies from wanting to sign me because of the bad press. I can't take that chance."

"I know, and I understand. I have nightmares sometimes of standing on stage in the auditorium with the school board and a crowd of parents yelling at me that I'm disgusting and should die. They usually end with me in a hangman's noose."

Without meaning to, James reached out to lightly grab Kendall's arm. "You're not disgusting. They're blind and stupid."

"Thanks," Kendall smiled, taking advantage of the opportunity to stand closer to James because it was so rare. "In the light of day I remember that. When I'm alone at night, though..."

James nodded. "That darkness is a bitch."

"Yeah."

God, did Kendall have to be so relatable? So understanding? So...fuck, he's still so hot. "I know what you did just now and I want to make sure you know it didn't work."

Kendall's lips twitched. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, yes you do. You made up that part about the hangman's noose, right? Just looking to get a rise out of me with that word?"

Kendall leaned in and whispered, "Did it work?"

James' eyes fell closed. Kendall hadn't tortured him like this in months, since...

Since I started dating Logan. He's been so good about it, why bring this back now?

"I just said it didn't."

Kendall swept his gaze down between their bodies and James knew what his next words would be. Sure enough, "Tell that to the boner in your pants."

James stepped back in a hurry. "What the fuck is wrong with you? I've asked you to stay away from me. Why do you do this to me?"

Kendall's voice was tiny when he answered. "I miss you."

The reply made little sense to James, as they'd never been close. Maybe Kendall just missed the head games. If James was honest with himself, he missed them, too. It was so hard to be around Kendall.

"Hey, Coach! I've been working on that play and I think I've got it down."

Somehow Kendall found a smile for the student entering the arts department. "I'll decide that after school, Pete. We'll see if you can get the puck past me."

"You're on," Pete grinned, then held the door for James. "You coming, Mr. Diamond?"

Thirty more seconds alone with Kendall and he would've been, that's for sure. "Yeah. Thanks."

He left Kendall without saying goodbye, fearing that in his current state of mind even looking at the man would test his willpower.