A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

Hello to everyone reading this! Just a quick note for this chapter. To those who celebrate Thanksgiving, I'd like to wish you all a wonderful holiday spent doing what makes you happiest—whether it's spending time with family or friends, or just relaxing at home enjoying a nice day off. I'm thankful for all of you who read my stories. Thank you so much! Love you guys!

Logan smiled when he saw Kendall turn to look back at the young man who'd taken his movie ticket. "Cute, right?"

"He did a double take after telling me to enjoy the movie," Kendall admitted. "Either a hockey fan or gay. I'm going with gay since he gave me a flirty smile. Oh, you already got the snacks for us. You're amazing."

"I got here early," Logan shrugged. He passed over the drink carrier so he could better hold the popcorn and candy. "Maybe you should get his number."

"Are you kidding? With my luck, he's seventeen and one of our students. I'd be fired faster than you can say statutory rape. You ready?"

"Yep." They headed down the hall toward the theater. "You ate dinner first, right?"

"Nah, I'll just pig out on popcorn and grab something on the way home. Unless you still want to get ice cream at the diner?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because we both said no to meeting up. James told me you tried him, too."

Logan sighed. "I just really want you guys to get along."

"Dude, I'm sorry but you need to give up on that."

"I thought you were okay with him. You used to actually try to win him over."

"Yeah well...things change. Oh, right up there." Kendall pointed to a row that was only filled up halfway.

Once they were settled, they set the popcorn between them and divvied up the candy. Kendall smirked when he saw Logan had gotten Butterfinger bites. "I find it hilarious that when James is here, you don't buy candy. Like you don't want it. But when he's not, you always do."

"It's more fun to share his," Logan admitted with a smile. "Back before we were together, it felt kind of...I don't know. Romantic. Is that silly?"

"I don't think so," Kendall grinned. "It's cute. I'd love to find a guy who will share his candy with me."

It wasn't until after the Butterfinger box was broken open that Logan broached the subject. "So why haven't we met any of the guys you've dated? Is the problem us or them?"

"Definitely them. They never get past the first date and I don't want to bring someone around who isn't going to last."

"Why is that?" Logan wondered, thinking about the fact that he'd at least made it to a second date. Even a third, technically. "Are you still looking for that...what was it you called it? That craving for you or whatever?"

"Yeah. No luck so far."

"Are they just not into sex?"

"Oh, they're definitely into sex. I just don't feel like they're into me."

"Isn't that kind of hard on a first date? I think you'd need more time to build up to that level of intensity you're looking for."

"You would think, wouldn't you?" Kendall sighed. "I was worried that my handicap would be a turn-off, but I've discovered there are guys who see it as a...novelty, I guess. Like 'Hey, I scored with a one-legged dude.'"

"That's horrible."

Kendall shrugged. "It's the dating world. But it doesn't bother me because I know they're not keepers once that's done. If I'm not feeling it by the end of the first date, I know it's not going to happen."

"How do you know, though?"

"Because I've felt it before and it was instantaneous. Like the second our eyes met, there was this...jolt. In my stomach. And it only got more intense once we actually got to know each other."

"Why aren't you dating that guy?"

"He's in love with someone else."

"Oh. So then it wasn't meant to be."

"Apparently not." Kendall ate his feelings with a large handful of Sour Patch Kids. "But he's happy, and that's all I care about."

Logan reached over to squeeze Kendall's wrist. "That's true love right there."

Kendall shrugged again. "One-sided, but...I'll just keep looking. He can't be the only one on Earth who makes me feel that way, right?"

The question was just desperate enough to have Logan looking over in concern. Kendall was working hard to bury the panic that his fear was correct, that no one would ever compare to this man who had affected him so deeply. "Hey. There's definitely someone out there for you. And he'll be lucky to have you." When Kendall's response was to sip at his drink as if the straw was a lifeline, Logan continued, "Maybe Lucy's onto something with the new shop guy. I know you don't want to date someone from work, but at least meet the guy and give him a chance before saying no."

"It's not like I have a choice. There'll be hell to pay if I don't go to the dance."

"Lucy wouldn't let you hear the end of it," Logan agreed. "But she's just trying to help."

"I know. Maybe I can sneak him into that corner for a kiss," Kendall chuckled, thinking of Lucy's earlier comment. That reminded him of James' reaction to it, pushing him to ask, "So how are things with you and James? Everything good?"

"Yeah, everything's great. I mean, we have our little idiosyncrasies that annoy each other sometimes, but every couple does."

"Don't judge me, but I have no idea what that word means."

"Sorry," Logan laughed. "It just means sometimes we get on each others' nerves with our habits. Like when he doesn't make the bed or leaves his million pairs of shoes all over the bedroom and I almost break my neck tripping over them. Things like that."

"That is normal," Kendall agreed. "Not the million pairs of shoes, but he is a bit of a diva, so..."

Logan grinned. "He is. But it's not like I don't annoy him sometimes, too. Like when I nag him to get out of bed in the morning or turn him down for sex at 3 A.M. That sort of thing."

Kendall blinked a few times before trusting himself to speak. "Sex at 3 A.M.?"

"Right? I just want to sleep. Why is that so bad?"

After swallowing hard, Kendall admitted, "I wouldn't mind sex at 3 A.M."

Logan glanced to his left to see if Kendall was being sincere. "You're serious? You wouldn't rather sleep when you know you have to get up early?"

"Well, I mean..."

Realizing that Kendall was embarrassed and feeling like a freak, Logan reassured him. "It's okay if that's the case, Kendall. Everyone's different about sex."

"I just...look, I'll be honest. If my man woke me up for sex during the night, I wouldn't complain. But maybe that's because I don't get it as often. You probably get it all the time, with James being so...you know."

Logan didn't know, but ignored that in favor of answering. "I don't, actually. And I'm fine with that. I think it bothers James a little bit, to be honest. He seems to want sex all the time, and I just...don't?"

Kendall stared at Logan in the still-lit theater, not even aware of the commercials and promos being run in front of them. Logan wasn't rocking James' world every second he could? James, who went insane at the mere mention of being fucked? Who'd once told Kendall he'd "do anything he could get away with"? "I guess everyone's different. Like you said."

"It's not like it's a problem for us. I mean, yeah, it gets annoying sometimes when I'm busy and he's in the mood, and then he gets his feelings hurt like I'm rejecting him when it isn't him I'm rejecting at all, but...he knows I love him. And I know he loves me. That's really all that matters."

Kendall nodded slowly. Jesus, was James barely holding on? Was he a powder keg about to go off from a mere string of words whispered in his ear? No wonder he'd been so uptight earlier when Kendall teased him. Now Kendall felt bad. He'd just been missing James so much and it was the only way to be near him. The news that James was probably suffering just as intensely as Kendall was like having a bomb go off in his body. That need was back.

But really, had it ever gone away?

Seeing James every day at work was torture. Kendall had expected it to fade by now, had hoped that he would meet someone who took his mind off James. He'd dated. He'd fucked whenever he could, because finding a date who was open to sex was a piece of cake. Kendall had discovered that he liked sex. A lot.

He'd also discovered that even an entire evening in bed with another man couldn't compare to the satisfaction he got from kissing James. And that scared him.

"Make sure to wear a costume."

"What?" Kendall asked, jolted from his thoughts.

"Tomorrow. It's a winter dance but it's also Halloween, so it's a costume ball."

"How is it both?"

"Nightmare Before Christmas."

"Ah. That's very...Lucy. How did she get Kalvert to sign off on that?"

"Do you know who her uncle is?"

Kendall chuckled. Lucy did use that to her advantage when necessary. Speaking of which...

Kendall pulled out his phone. "She just texted me. She and Jo are gonna meet us at the diner in a few hours."

Logan frowned. "No James?"

"No James. And Logan...you have to stop trying to force him to be around me."

"He hardly speaks to you at school. It's rude."

"It's...just let him be, okay? Let him do what he can handle."

"But it's ridiculous. You're not an asshole, you're someone who could be a good friend to him if he'd just let it happen."

I was that. And I threw it away because I don't trust myself. "He's got Lucy."

"Who is scary."

"James can handle her," Kendall promised with a laugh. The lights went down and he kept the rest of what he'd been about to say to himself.

As far as James was concerned, it was probably best to keep all of his thoughts to himself.

"Babe?"

Logan moved into the bedroom and his frown deepened. All of the lights in the apartment had been off, and James wasn't in here asleep. He tried a text and waited a full minute, but that went unanswered. It wasn't like James to stay out and not get in touch.

He finally found James on their small patio, sitting with his back to the glass door in the weak light from the neighbor's lamp. James was writing in a notebook. Logan hesitated, not wanting to interrupt what was most likely songwriting; James didn't get inspired too often. He suddenly set down a pen and leaned back in the chair, and Logan felt it safe to approach.

He slid the door open, James jumping before settling down and twisting his head back. "Hey."

"Hey, beautiful." Logan dropped a kiss to James' forehead. "We missed you at the diner. Lucy had a double scoop in your honor."

"Right, I'm sure that was all for my benefit," James smirked. "How was the movie?"

"Okay. The plot started out well, but somewhere along the way it lost the main thread and just...went off in another direction I didn't care for. Kendall liked it a lot, though."

"Sounds about right."

"Am I interrupting? I can leave you alone if you're still working on this."

"No, I think I'm done for now. What I really need is some hot cocoa."

"I think I can manage that," Logan smiled. James tipped his face up, and Logan leaned down for the kiss. "Don't go anywhere."

"Never."

When Logan returned to the patio with two steaming mugs, James reached up for his cocoa. "Thanks, babe."

"No problem. Tea is just what I need to settle me for the night."

"My old man's gotta have his tea," James teased.

"Shut up." Logan was grinning as he sat down next to James, though. "I'm glad you're still awake, we need to figure out our costumes for tomorrow night."

"I thought we already did. Aren't we doing Grease?"

"I know, but...promise you won't laugh?"

"I never promise that. But I can promise that it won't be at your expense."

Logan's lips curved up. "Would you be shocked if I told you I don't want to be the preppy goody-two-shoes for once?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, our costumes are both Danny Zuko, only you're the Greaser version and I'm the preppy one from the end of the story."

"Right. You want to do something else?"

"I don't know. It's just that it's Halloween, you know? A time to be...different. I kind of want to be different for one night."

"Oh. Okay, we don't have to do Grease."

"We already put together our costumes, though."

James sipped at his hot drink and studied Logan with narrowed eyes. "I bet I could fit into that sweater you bought. You could definitely fit into my leather jacket."

Logan frowned. "What are you saying?"

"What if we just switched it up? You're the Greaser and I'm the prep."

The idea amused Logan. "You hate being the prep."

"It's Halloween. Let's live a little."

"You're serious? You'd do that for me?"

"Well, I mean, I do get something out of it. I get to see you in leather with your hair all teased up and...oh, fuck, Logan. That's hot. I swear, if you deny me sex after I have to stare at you like that all night without touching you, I'll—"

"It's fine," Logan soothed. "Relax. It's a special occasion, we can have sex tomorrow night. You're always extra horny on Saturdays anyway, so I was already planning on it."

James had no comment for that other than, "Thank you."

When James' eyes returned to the notebook, Logan's were drawn to it as well. Even from the side, he could easily make out the scribbles because he'd come to know James' writing so well. The lyrics had his brows rising. "Wow. That's...quite a song."

"Just kind of...came to me. And before you ask, it's not about anyone in particular. It's more about the feeling."

"You sure about that? 'Can't control these demons, baby you're the reason.' 'You're everything I need, nobody can fix me like you.' 'I need some reminding of how you possess me so good.' Is there something you're not sharing with me?"

"It's not necessarily how I feel. I'm writing a song. Something people can relate to. We all know sex sells."

Logan leaned back into the chair, wondering how to address the questions running through his mind without setting James off. "Babe...are you happy with me?"

"What? What kind of question is that? Of course I am. Who's putting ideas in your head?"

"Nobody," Logan replied. "Sometimes I wonder about that guy, though."

"What guy?"

"The one you were talking to online. I'm assuming you lied about it being a girl?"

James looked away, ashamed. "Yeah."

"You were really into this guy. You said it was just practice, but I saw how much it hurt you when he cut you off. And sometimes I wonder if you only wanted me because you couldn't have him."

"Are you crazy? The opposite is true! I only wanted him because I couldn't have you."

Logan bit his lip. "Really?"

"Yes! If I'd had a choice it would've been you. From day one, Logan. It's always been you. How can you doubt that after everything we've been through?"

Logan shrugged, then nudged the notebook. "Because you write songs like this. Because you get upset with me when I'm not in the mood. Because you don't even ask anymore."

James closed his eyes. "I don't ask because I don't want to push you away. I know your feelings about sex and I respect them. It doesn't make me love you any less. I'm always afraid I'm gonna annoy you with it, so...I just don't bother."

"I'm sorry if I'm not enough for you in that area."

"Logan, stop. You're perfect." James set down his mug and leaned closer to capture Logan's chin in his hand until Logan was forced to stare back. "I love you. I don't care about the sex. It's fun when it happens but when it doesn't...oh well. It's not what we're made of." He gently dragged Logan closer so that he could press a brief kiss to his lips. "This is."

"And that's okay? You don't feel cheated somehow?"

"Out of what? I have the most understanding, accepting boyfriend in the world. He loves me, he takes care of me, he puts up with me. What more could I possibly ask for?"

Logan nodded slowly. "That's how I feel, too."

"Then why are we even discussing this? I wrote a song because I needed one more for the album. Rob said songs like this have a better chance at getting to radio. That's all there is to it."

"Okay."

"And hey, who says the song isn't about you? Maybe I do crave you like that and I just never say it because I don't want to scare you away."

"I don't mind knowing that you want me, James. You can tell me things like that."

"Maybe next time I will. Maybe tomorrow night," James winked.

Logan laughed, feeling a little better about the situation. He pulled James in for a kiss, James smiling into it until Logan broke the connection to speak. "We need to get to bed if we're gonna meet Lucy for breakfast."

"Right." James knew that by "bed" Logan meant sleep, and he refused to let it disappoint him. Lucy was wrong, Logan was wrong, the whole fucking world was wrong if they thought he'd choose sex over the security Logan provided him.

Sex was just an optional cherry on top. Nobody turned down a sundae just because the cherry was missing. The ice cream and hot fudge were what really mattered.

Kendall's alarm went off at 2:45 A.M. He groaned and shut it off with a slap, almost asleep again when he remembered why he'd set the alarm.

It was stupid. Just a vague hope that would go nowhere and he'd feel like an idiot when 3:15 rolled around and he was still sitting there wishing for something that would never be.

Still, thirty minutes out of his night was worth even the possibility that this wish would come true, so he rolled out of bed and secured his prosthetic, then trudged to the bathroom.

By 2:55 he was seated on his sofa and attempting to stay awake with a mug of hot cocoa, his phone nearby and silent.

This is dumb. Even if he does show up, so what? It changes nothing.

But it did, because it would mean James needed him. And Kendall was damned if he wasn't going to be a friend when James was in need.

He'd dozed off when a ding from his phone startled him. 3:03.

Kingofdiamonds: I know this is crazy, and I'm sure you're sound asleep, but would you happen to be around? I need a friend.

YES! Fuck yes, I fucking knew it!

Kendall made himself more comfortable after setting aside the cocoa. He had to be careful with this, because he would be tempted to flirt and that wasn't what James was looking for.

At least not anymore.

It didn't matter. James needed him.

Rusherone: Would you believe I actually am awake?

The reply didn't come right away. Had James given up already? Realized what a horrible idea this was and gone back to bed wishing he hadn't given in to the temptation?

Kingofdiamonds: Why?

Rusherone: Couldn't sleep. You having the same problem?

Kingofdiamonds: Woke up from a weird dream. I've been having them a lot lately.

Rusherone: Anything you want to share?

Kingofdiamonds: No. Not worth thinking about.

Rusherone: Okay. I'm here if you want to talk.

Kingofdiamonds: I know. I appreciate that. I don't really know what to say. I just felt kind of alone.

Rusherone: Well, snuggle up against me and let me hold you. I'll even let you keep the shirt on. ;)

Damn, he was flirting. He needed to stop that. Amazing that when he'd first met King, he hadn't been able to flirt worth a damn.

Kingofdiamonds: I appreciate that. You're already making me laugh, so this was a good decision. Even if it's a bad decision.

Rusherone: We can be friends without the other stuff.

Kingofdiamonds: I know that. You were the one who insisted we stop talking.

Rusherone: I did, because I didn't trust myself. I knew I'd still want you.

Kingofdiamonds: So now you don't want me anymore?

Rusherone: I never said that.

Kingofdiamonds: Are you still with your guy? Things going well?

Rusherone: I'm not seeing anyone. You're still with your dude, right?

Kingofdiamonds: Yep. Three months down.

Rusherone: I'm happy for you. I know how much you love him.

Kingofdiamonds: I do. I'm sorry it didn't work out with your guy.

Rusherone: Wasn't meant to be. But as I'm not getting sex regularly, forgive me if I forget myself and flirt with you. You always were hard to resist.

Kingofdiamonds: Not so sure about that. I mean, I know I'm hot. Everyone's said it all my life. They wanted me to model, for heaven's sake.

Rusherone: Right, so why are you doubting that?

Kingofdiamonds: I don't know. I just don't feel very attractive these days. The only person to show any attraction to me at all is the person I need to see it from the least.

Rusherone: Oh? Does your boyfriend not show it?

Kingofdiamonds: It's just his way. He's not wired like us. I know he loves me.

Rusherone: But?

Kingofdiamonds: But nothing. He loves me. Why does it feel like suddenly everyone doubts us?

Rusherone: I'm not doubting you. You brought it up, I was just following through. Because I care.

Kingofdiamonds: Why, though? You've never even met me.

Rusherone: So I have to meet you in order to care? Like our friendship was nothing because it was only online?

Kingofdiamonds: That's not what I said.

Rusherone: Then explain. Because I'll be honest...your friendship meant more to me than I ever admitted.

Kingofdiamonds: Then why did you just walk away? That hurt a lot. I know that you were in love with someone else and I get that, but what was I supposed to do? Just be okay with it?

Rusherone: I'm sorry about that. There's no way to explain it. I did what seemed best at the time.

Kingofdiamonds: And now that you're alone again you want me back?

Rusherone: I just want to talk to you. I miss you. I'm aware that it's a bad idea and I know I should stay away from you but I miss you so much. I'm not asking for the sex again.

Kingofdiamonds: Good, because sex doesn't matter.

Rusherone: No?

Kingofdiamonds: No. It's not important.

Rusherone: That makes me a little sad.

Kingofdiamonds: Why?

Rusherone: Because three months ago you had a drastically different outlook on sex. I liked that you and I saw eye to eye on that. I loved that I could flip that switch in you with just a few words.

Kingofdiamonds: Well, I grew up. Sex is just the cherry on the sundae.

Rusherone: The what?

Kingofdiamonds: The cherry. Like if you make a sundae, what's the foundation? Ice cream, hot fudge, maybe some whipped cream. Do you really need the cherry to enjoy it?

Rusherone: I don't know about you, but a sundae isn't complete to me without a nice big banana.

Kingofdiamonds: You're a perv. Stop making me laugh or I'll wake him up and have to go back to bed.

Rusherone: I love that you laughed at that, though. I really have missed you.

Kingofdiamonds: I miss you, too.

Rusherone: Yeah?

Kingofdiamonds: Yeah. And I shouldn't, because I have the world's most perfect boyfriend.

Rusherone: Nobody's perfect. We all have our flaws.

Kingofdiamonds: He is. I'd be lost without him.

Rusherone: Does he really not find you attractive? That's hard to believe.

Kingofdiamonds: I think he does. He calls me beautiful all the time. He's just not into sex so much.

Rusherone: And I know you are.

Kingofdiamonds: I can live without it. We do have sex.

Rusherone: How often?

Kingofdiamonds: Enough.

Rusherone: Is it?

Kingofdiamonds: Yes. Even if he decided he never wanted sex again, that would be fine. Sex isn't worth losing a relationship over.

Rusherone: That doesn't mean you can't miss it. Does he give you what you need? When you do have sex, is it as amazing as you always imagined it to be?

Kingofdiamonds: It's great.

Rusherone: Okay. As long as you're happy.

Kingofdiamonds: I am.

Rusherone: Then why are we talking right now? You said you need a friend.

Kingofdiamonds: I don't know why I said that. I don't know why I'm even here right now.

Rusherone: Tell me about your dream.

Kingofdiamonds: I don't want to think about it. I should get back to bed.

Rusherone: Wait, please don't go. I hate not knowing if I'll ever talk to you again. Please give me another five minutes.

Kingofdiamonds: What is there to say?

Rusherone: We don't have to talk. Can you just lay here in my arms and let me enjoy having you near?

Kingofdiamonds: Even with a shirt on? ;)

Rusherone: Wear a jacket for all I care. Just don't leave me yet.

The vision was impossible to fight. James closed his eyes and felt it, those long arms wrapped around him while peace settled in his heart and mind. Longing filled him.

Kingofdiamonds: I need to go.

Rusherone: Okay. Thanks for talking to me. I hope things get better with your boyfriend.

Kingofdiamonds: Everything's fine.

Rusherone: I'm glad.

Kingofdiamonds: I do have one question, though. Before we say goodnight.

Rusherone: I'm here.

Kingofdiamonds: You had sex, right? Since we stopped talking?

Rusherone: I have.

Kingofdiamonds: And it was incredible? As hot as we always used to imagine it?

Rusherone: You want the truth?

Kingofdiamonds: You said always between us.

Rusherone: Okay. No, it wasn't. I tried a handful of different guys, looking for that. I still haven't found it.

Kingofdiamonds: So it's not just me? I'm not crazy to want that?

Rusherone: No. I'm not giving up, though. Somewhere out there is the guy who can make me feel like you do. I just have to find him.

Kingofdiamonds: I'm sorry. I want you to be happy.

Rusherone: I'll get there. Does that mean sex with your boyfriend isn't as great as you pretend it is?

Kingofdiamonds: I'm not complaining.

Rusherone: Maybe you should.

Kingofdiamonds: Look, none of that matters. I told you, sex doesn't matter. I can live without it just fine.

Rusherone: You're sure?

Kingofdiamonds: Positive.

Rusherone: You're bent over my kitchen table, ready for me. Your clothes are strewn across the floor because that's where I threw them when I ripped them off you. I slide in slowly, but once I'm there I'm gone again because what I really need is to fuck you hard. The table shakes under us and we think it might break under the intensity but we don't stop, you just keep moaning and begging for more and I give it because I need you just as bad. The world stops until we come, because nothing else exists. Not time, not space, not even the phone ringing or that meeting we're supposed to be at. All that exists is us and the way we feel.

He'd done it this time; James was silent too long. No doubt he'd shut off his phone and was now running back to Logan, afraid of what the words had made him feel.

Kingofdiamonds: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Or maybe not.

Rusherone: I was making a point.

Kingofdiamonds: WHAT POINT? THAT YOU STILL KNOW HOW TO FUCKING FLIP THAT SWITCH? FUCK YOU! THIS IS NOT WHAT I NEED FROM YOU. I ASKED FOR FRIENDSHIP.

Rusherone: I'm sorry. Please don't go.

Kingofdiamonds: Oh, you'd better believe I'm going. Hope you enjoyed talking to me tonight, because this is the last you'll see of me. Have a great life.

Rusherone: Please, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you away.

Kingofdiamonds: Too late.

Kingofdiamonds has left the chat.

Fuck. Well, Kendall supposed he deserved that. He thought he'd made his point, though—no matter what James said, sex did matter to him.

The knowledge did Kendall no good, however. James was steadfastly devoted to Logan, and Logan to James. As he and Lucy had agreed three months ago, those two belonged together.

Of course, at the time Kendall had assumed James would wake up Logan's dormant sex drive. He'd thought the problem was that he wasn't James, and that was why Logan wasn't into the physical side of things.

But apparently that was just Logan's way. James had learned that and accepted it. James was willing to suffer because having Logan at his side was worth that. It was one of the reasons Kendall loved him so much, that innate loyalty and devotion Kendall would kill for in a boyfriend.

One day, Kendall. One day you'll find him.

At the moment, his only prospect was a shop teacher he hadn't even met. Kendall still wasn't convinced that dating a fellow teacher was a good idea, but it was better than nothing.

Anything was better than the darkness that called to him in times of loneliness.

A/N—The song lyrics James wrote in this chapter are from "Addicted" by James Maslow.