Hello there with another chapter. I didn't have a chance to tell you about my nationality and my interest in writing. So I come from Poland, which is the reason for my not always perfect English, but I'm still improving myself. My interest in writing comes from reading a big amount of furry fandom books, mostly Kyell Gold's ones. That's everything from me, enjoy.
In the shadow of the father
Chapter two: Nick's thoughts and returning to home
Nick's point of view
The downtown of Zootopia, 21st November 9.07 am
Wow. Is all I can say after this short talk with my mother. I say wow because it has inspired to think more deeply about my life.
Am I really the child of misery?, I know that my mom exaggerated a bit like she always does, but still, she has the point. I mean am I really that pathetic in her eyes? Don't I have any value in this world? No, no I can't think like that, it only gets me depression.
I'm just like normal other teenage kid after 18, well maybe with the exception of swots. I drink alcohol, I smoke weed, sometimes I do a little harder drugs...hmmm but I don't think that calling heroine and others as 'little harder'. Ok Sometimes I take hard drugs but it's only at parties, so it doesn't count.
Of course, it counts you stupid fox. You are harming yourself and your family. Your mother didn't give you her time and herself so now you are wasting it with your lifestyle. I'm hearing my good, like this angel's side which often appears in the movies side.
Then I let myself to hear the bad, say demonic side that says: stop thinking like this Nick, as you said, you're just typical teen living his youth years, there's no need to worry. You'll get through high school to college, get some education and end somewhere with some job. Everyone has to have a job right?
Well no, my bad side told me that I'll 'get through high school' which is completely true because my mark isn't all promising, precisely saying I'm barely making it to next classes.
Maybe I should wake up when I still have time? But nah, I couldn't quit my friends, they're the ones who keep my mind in one piece, but at the same time, they are the reason for my possible degeneracy.
Oh my, I don't know what to think anymore, so I buck myself up and get back from the fresh-air-filled balcony into stinking, almost demolished apartment.
I sat on the damp couch, probably someone has spilt something over it, I don't care, it's not my piece of furniture.
The place is completely ruined. Ripped pieces of clothes are tossed everywhere, walls...all stained with remnants of yesterday's alcohol and pukes, furniture almost all broken except couch I'm sitting on.
„Shittt...what have we done. Salim's gonna be mad." I said to myself admiring the destruction we made the previous evening.
As looking at my friends cleaning our party loft, it reminds me of extract from „Great Gatsby", when Nick, yeah another Nick, as if a reflection of myself, has been invited by Tom who wants to party and cheat on Daisy. In the book, they went to almost the same, at first neatly tided room, which now has transformed into party battleground. They did all the mess, but unlike now, in Fitzgerald's book, it ends with Tom hitting his female paramour.
Maybe I'm another Tom, who wants to show everybody his awesomeness, meanwhile hurting his mother's feelings and driving her mad. My mom would have been Daisy in that scenario. As my train of thoughts goes further, I take a look at my now all woken up comrades and see how they're getting things together in the room.
„You're going to help Wilde, or what?" Brenly asked me a rhetorical question, of course, I have to help my buddies, loyalty first, always. I wonder if we're gonna face the consequences of our hard party and demolished the place, and by that, I don't mean any juridical ones, I'm worried about Salim's reaction.
Salim is not a guy to be messed with. He's knee-deep related to one of the most powerful mob organisations in the world. He may not be a kingpin right now but surely has killed many mammals.
He's the culprit of an old but very once touted case, when a bunch of cops found four, gored kid's corpses. Their eyes were out of their eye sockets, instead of them he put there two bottles by the side of its necks. Their hands and legs were fractured with their bones hanging from sides. On their stomachs, he wrote with kid's blood „Fuck Me" sign, though he has never had any paedophile tendency, at least not toward us.
Someone asked me once. Why do I stick with such a dangerous person? Well, the answer is easy. For the money, what could be the other thing, right? We have a deal with him that he gives us the stuff: cocaine and heroine decks, sometimes but rarely weed. And we bargain it away around our school, often going to another school as well. We get five percent of those trades and this apartment to party from time to time, frankly talking, every week. But he's said to not mess this lodging of him, because he often uses it to hold illegal immigrants and hetaira. I have no idea what he would do with us if we messed his place. I don't want to contemplate about it.
I got up and went to help my friends, grabbing a broom I start sweeping floors, while the rest of the group take care of shattered glass and cans. While cleaning I can see other guys, a wolf by the name of Seito, cougar twins named Tod and Greg, and the last one is timber wolf Garth, who's talking to his ermine date. Mentioning these two I wonder how they fit together. Not my concern.
„Yay Nick, you doin' somethin' after we clean up?" Tod asks me
„Nah, probably going eat something and head home. I promised my mother to be there by 6"
„And from when do you keep your promises? Especially to your mother?" he asked me with some cogitation in his voice
„Man, I have to. She's mad at me because I didn't call her last night"
„It's better you didn't. You were so worked up with all that stuff and your sweet vixen" Tod said while smiling his feline grin.
„Yeah maybe you're right with that"
„Or maybe your mom has a right to be worried and mad at you"
Brenly chimes into our conversation
„I told you to mind your own business and let me take care of my family relations" I responded, adding a bit of emphasis on 'my'
„Your mom is just worried about you. I think you should care about her concerns a bit more if you want to make your relation easier, like normal cub should have with its mother.
„Thank you for another amazing piece of advice Mr cocky-head, what would I do without you by my side" I responded, mocking that I care about his in-word
„Think about it for a while. I only want good for you Nick, you don't want to end up like your father, do you"
This makes my blood reach its boiling temperature. I say through gritted teeth
„Don't you ever mention my father any more with my presence"
Everyone in the room goes still, I stare at the floor, then at the scared animals all looking at me wide-eyed
I cough and say
„I...I'm sorry...I...I got carried away"
At this, the nerve gets lessen but still, everyone is tense. I feel an arm on my shoulder and voice saying
„Nick..we all want the best for you, so does your mother. You should talk to her and make an agreement with her. She's tearing her veins for you, for your future, and you toss it apart. I know that your fa-...that his absence doesn't make it easier but at least try."
Bren's words reassure me a bit and give me hope because hope is the most needed feeling nowadays.
Everyone goes back to their jobs. I keep sweeping the floor, while Tod is hoisting smashed cans and trashed bottles with Gregory.
I wish I had a brother. This thought remains in the head for a while, principally when I'm looking at those two. Everything could have been better with a brother or sister, well any sibling as support at hard times. Maybe my father wouldn't have ended in a way he has.
Maybe I as one and an only kid wasn't enough for him and I'm the reason of him seeking pleasures in different ways that taking care of family and raising a son.
I'm being offended by my thoughts one more time, so I wave them off like dust from the floors with my broom.
„We got crazy yesterday" Seito mentions our party while examining the state of the loft.
„Some of us got laid too..."Garth adds, looking his deep green eyes on me
„What? It is a strange thing, a thing that none of you has ever done? Or you Garth, yes, Garthy Garth with his ermine girl?
„We didn't get into action last night"
That stops everyone for the second time. We settle our looks on this big timber wolf and wait for him to say
„She said that she has some morals, like moral principles and she doesn't get into those things at first date"
After that Garth receives a couple of laughs from us
„My my, what a primness," I say, rubbing the tear, that my laughter caused me to shed. Of course, Garth said that because his girl isn't around here any more, but after listening about her attitude to sex life I don't think so that Garth will have another date with her
„Okay guys, hurry up, I don't want to root here all day"
says Greg, talking for the first time today
So we get more into cleaning the apartment, during a couple of guys go to the bathroom to puke, whom I don't wonder why, because the hangover and soreness are excruciating.
After cleaning up the place we gather our thing from the party. When everyone is ready to go out of the room Brenly asks one more time
„Everone has everything? We don't expect to be around here soon, especially after Salim visits the place. I hope he doesn't get mad"
The last sentence is muttered because not everyone of our squad knows about Salim's mob stories.
Everone confirms that we have everything that is ours and we head out of the building into the pavement.
The first thing that hits me directly in my fox muzzle is a warm, fresh breeze, the same as on balcony. It is essential for foxes to refresh themselves in view of our thick coat, especially winter one. On winter at its onset, the fur is often problematic, because we foxes lose it like like snake loses its skin.
Once we accommodated ourselves to the new surroundings, we head down the sidewalk toward some park. A bunch of smug teenagers, who think that they know everything about life, they don't need school, parents, anything except good toke from a joint
and pretty lady at his side, but the truth is contrary.
The weather today is good, no rain, no clouds, as my grandma would describe it
As we're heading down the city someone mentions about breakfast
„Yeah...I need one, If not I'm gonna starve to death" said Seito, rubbing his now empty and growling stomach.
„You're that hungry because you were puking half hour. You need to watch yourself with alcohol next time, dumbass" responded Bren. I haven't mentioned yet, but Brenly the swift fox is the one most sensible I think. Always knows what to say and how to react, well...maybe not always but most of the time. Despite him being not the red fox he acts like one. Damn, I should act like one and not let my friend take my role. I said with a little grin
„Yeah, everything you say is right. Right? Mr big-head?" Seito responded with much of enthusiasm even with his hangover.
„Whatever wolfy"
„Ohh did I slap you down foxy, foxy" There's no reply from Bren so Seito, being the on humorous and frivolous, goes straight to me
„And what's up with you, Nicholas the Wilde" he says, word-playing with my name and surname
„I'm being myself Seito. I try not to puke on the pavement and keep myself restrained with words. Ohh my head" I say while attaching my right hand to my throbbing now head
„You're not being yourself, Nick. The Nick I know would be probably hitting girls right now" Seito responds, mentioning the girls because of young, sexy she-wolf passing by.
„Not in my current state. God grhh...I need painkillers"
„We can go to drug store and get you ones"
„Drugstore, hehe. What can you buy there? Drugs!" everyone's eyes are now on laughing Seito, who made a silly joke
„What? Can't I joke a bit you misery guts?"
We're going to some drug store to buy some painkillers for me while talking, mostly discussing last night's party we had.
After that, we head down to some dinner place and we find a convenient one where they serve burgers and stakes. Everything we need for now.
When we're in there, a nice coyote waitress comes to us and asks
„What for you boys?"
„Fries and burger for me," I say first
„Same for me but with enlarged fries and coke. Oh and double meat to my burger" Seito says as we all look at him, so does the female coyote
„You sure you'll bolt that? We have large portions."
„Trust me miss, I know what I'm doing" he responds
Each one of us mutters "Yeah he does" half chuckling
We keep ordering our meals when Tod shows his smug, toothy grin and says
„And beer for me sweetie"
We look a the waitress revulsed face and waiting for her response
„Firstly, I'm not your sweetie youngster, and secondly I think you're a little too young for alcohol, don't you think?"
We put our eyes on teen cougar one more time and he says to the coyote
„I'm old enough for everything" he lies himself back
„Ok, coke for you as well. That's all? everything else?"
„ca-.." Tod tries to chime something but is fast enough interrupted by Bren
„That's all. Thank you"
As the waitress starts to walk back in the kitchen Tod tries his chance one more time.
„Can I have you instead of coke" as he said it, we can't believe he did. The female coyote turns herself toward us and says.
„Kiss my ass you turd"
„Will do, with a pleasure" Tod is now all worked up and laughing
Now the waitress is backing for good but not without showing her middle finger in our direction.
„Do you have to be frisky and mess with people all the time, cougar?" asked irritated Bren, sounding reasonable as always
„No, you are always uptight and fossil, winding down sometimes won't make you harm, you know," Tod said, trailing his look on waitress's ass
„I'm not tense or anything, I'm only trying to act mature and solemnly, and that won't me you harm Tod" Brenly put some emphasis on you and harm to intensify his utterance
„Anyway, we need to figure out how we tell Salim about his place. We need to find him as soon as possible" Tod dropped the topic about coyote and focused himself on a more serious problem
„Or he will find us sooner than we do" Seito chimed his sentence which has made everyone anxious and alarmed
„Don't say that" Bren allayed everyone around the table"We'll talk with him at the school and nothing's going to happen"
That makes the talking mammals less tense about an upcoming encounter with the ominous mobster.
„Where the fuck is my food" Greg yells to ease the mood
„Jesus fox, you ordered it five minutes ago, what do you expect from a cheap slum, huh?"
We're talking a bit to kill the time, then our meals arrive, being brought by the same coyote waitress. I wonder if she spat in Tod's burger for his disrespectful words before.
While eating we try to make the talk go on, even with your muzzles full of delicious and nutritious meat and fries.
Our awful hangover makes the food tastes like a sanctifying grace on sinner's soul.
I grab one of Bren's fries on which he responds defensively
„My food" we giggle at that, he acted like a ferocious animal defending his kill
Once we've eaten everything we got, I signal with my hand that we want to pay. Our, I would dare to say 'befriended' waitress brings us the receipt, while we are desperately seeking throughout our pockets for money. We get the sum to pay the bill, as we hand the money to the coyote, Tod starts to pierce the girl with his feline eyes, but the only feedback is the coyote's disgusted face.
„She's mine, I tell you guys" Tod sums up his action with the waitress, as we're going to the exit doors of the canteen
„In your wet dreams, maybe you stand a chance" Tod receives the response from his twin brother
„har, har. Very funny, maybe I mention your night actions and wet bed sheet? What do you say?"
We all laugh and Greg says
„Can't you take a joke in for just one time"
After dinner we all go for a long walk, reconsidering the events of last night as we're adoring the view of breath-taking scar precipice.
I haven't mentioned, but Zootopia is placed on the brink of the Pacific Ocean so that we can admire the beautiful and picturesque landscapes.
During our ramble, we talk a bit about our families too. I stay quiet for the sake of my mother. It's not that I'm ashamed of her or anything but I don't want any more dispute with the guys, especially Brenly.
Our bunch starts reaching the end of the jutty, and also it's getting late, so I take a lot at my watch and say
„Sorry guys, I'd love to hang out a little more but you know, mother, home at 6 sharp, Right?"
I say, mostly aiming the 'right' word at Bren who just rolls his eyes and just gives me his hand to shake as a goodbye. I shake the others hands as well and say my farewell before I head down toward the bus stop to catch the last bus home. I hope I still have one to ride with.
After reaching the nearest subdepot I start to search for my bus ticket but fail to find it anywhere in my jacket. So now I'm seeking for some money, but unfortunately, I spent the rest of it at dinner place. I have no other option than riding without a ticket.
I'll probably get a ticket for that, yeah, a ticket for a ticket, what an irony, shitty and miserable life.
When the bus arrives, I get myself in it. After passing the first five stops I gain the hope of save ride without being penalized. But my effervescence doesn't last for long. On the next stop, the ticket collector enters the vehicle.
Shit. Is all I can say right now. Another fine this month. Mom Will be pissed. I can't even fly out of the bus because the driver closes the doors immediately after the entry of the ticket collector.
I try to look cool by pretending to look at some passing building, but as the bus drives away, the collector slowly gets himself nearer me, checking the others passengers' tickets. Finally, he goes to me.
„Ticket please, sir" Nobody has ever called me sir, not a ticket collector
„Eh, uh...nice weather, isn't it" I'm showing him my full tentative grin. He raises his eyebrows and says,
„Do you have your ticket sir or not?" the collector asks me looking frustrated that another young'un tries to check out If he's dumb or not.
„I can't deny your statement, but at the same time, I wouldn't affirm that I don't have my ticket" what the hell I am talking about. Can't I just say that I don't have one so he can write my penalty ticket and we're over this masquerade?
„I assume you don't have one?" he says and takes out his writing pad to give a penalty. I don't say anything and he writes a ticket. The hell, I say loudly
„Ohh come on, can't you just let me be and ride this two fuckin' more stops?!" frustration overcomes me.
„Please calm yourself down or I'll call the police"
I can't do much more about it and soon he gives me my fine.
„You have a week to make a payment"
I stay silent for a bit and then say"Yeah, yeah, fuck off"
The last part I say in a mutter so he doesn't hear me, but as he heads down to the rest of the bus he turns back to me and asks.
„What did you say to me kid?"
I respond"I said nice day to you officer" I put on some fake flattery but he buys it
„Good" is his only response. The rest of my ride is silent. I don't have anything to say to myself except 50$ fine to pay, probably by my mother. Oh God, I don't want to think about her now.
I reach my destination, last bus stop near the place I live. My mother can only afford a small flat, kitchen small bathroom and two modest rooms to provide us at least a bit of intimateness.
As soon as I stand in front of the main doors to enter the stairwell, I'm seeking for my keys but I have no luck to find them. Must have left them somewhere. Another thing to the list of the shit I received today: afficio myself new keys.
I have no other choice than call my mother to open doors for me through the entry phone. I pull the right button with the number of our apartment and wait. Waiting is purgatory because
I don't know If she wants to have a sass through the intercom. Thank goodness she sounds still but sensible at the moment and lets me in.
Passing the janitor, he gives a look of despise, to show me that I'm untrustworthy in his eyes, probably in all the neighbours' eyes.
Staying in front of the door of my home sends me tingles through my back. I don't want to enter this den of suffering and bovver. Not for the sake of my mother, I equate my now absent father to those painful memories of the past. Fortunately long gone past.
I look at the placard saying „M. Wilde", I can easily espy the empty space after M letter and lack of 's' in the 'Wilde' surname. A few years ago those lacks of letters were occupied by the first name of my father's name and 's' which makes the 'Wilde' plural.
But before I have a chance to think a bit more, I hear some rumbling behind the door and in a flash the door are open.
I look at my mother, directly into her sore eyes. She works in the near workhouse as a labourer. The work is very weary but she doesn't stand any chance for other employment. Anyway, I look at her, she's wearing an old, ragged pair of jeans and some shabby pullover, having nothing on her feet.
„Good you're here" she starts with quite an odd statement right now, I expected her to yell at me and we have an argument, but the old saying is 'Don't count your chickens before they hatch' so I pull myself in the apartment and find a place to sit. I don't bother taking my shoes off, because now the most important thing is to have an understanding with mom.
„You said that you would be at 6" she says and I take a nervous look at my watch, but al I can see are hands showing the time, it's 4.29 pm. I'm earlier than I should've been.
„Yeah, I made things went faster than we expected them to be"
I say, still feeling tentative about my mother's strange behaviour, she takes a long breath, settles her look on me and prepare her muzzle to make a word. Here it comes
„I'm aware where you were last night and what you were up to because converting it countless times I don't expect any other option than you partying with your asshole-friends in that rookery of yours.
„They're not-" I try to chime in but it's impossible with my mom's loud and clear interjection.
„Anddd..." she puts a lot of emphasis on this 'and'
„Today is Sunday, so shoving away any other circumstances tomorrow's Monday and as far as I'm concerned students go to school at Mondays, right?" ok, now she's pretending that nothing happened, so I respond to her
„Right bu-" another, louder interposing shuts me up.
„So I assume you go to your room, do your homework, study."
I'm shocked, whether it's some mocked attention toward my school and education because my mother has never been so concerned in me before.
„If you have another opinion, you can pack up your things and get out" oh right, that's it. I didn't expect her to so harsh this time but like she said, after countless of times we were arguing about my decadent lifestyle she has enough of it and decided to say one but a firm word to me. I don't have any other choice than obey, so I curl my tail between my reddish legs and like a chidden cub I make my route to my room.
Right after the entrance I toss my bag aside and lay on the bed without any movement. Various thoughts start to flow in my mind, giving me not the most pleasant feeling.
I try not to think about my mother, about all her sacrifice for me, that I can't appreciate it, and how I make her life more hopeless than it's now, well precisely, our lives, because my lifestyle affects me to in some ways.
Avoiding the things about my mother makes me think about something more terrible. About something that I thought I have left far away in the past.
My father overwhelms my thoughts.
He was a quite average red fox, looking at him someone might have thought that he's working some normal work, likely he has a family, raising a son or a daughter. One adjustment has to be done.
Indeed he had a family, but he was not raising them. He depriving them of their happiness as a normal family.
I remember him, returning to home all drunk like a fish, swearing and spitting everywhere on the floor, then he used to have an argument with my mother about God knows what. Oh, no, once I've eavesdropped on their row, father said that it's unacceptable for a mother to not be asleep by 11 pm. He always went apeshit after alcohol and stronger drugs. Not mentioning the beating he often gave us. Many times I had to go to school with my eyes swollen and black, same with my mother to work.
This shit was going on and on, but one special night, when he was drinking in a bar, a guy came up to him. From what I've heard he proposed him a job, a well-paid job. Of course, he took it, this kind of occasion may never happen again. Back in the house, he was talking with some guy through the phone, probably with the same from the bar. And then I overheard the pivotal word, 'mob', precisely the full name of the organisation 'Sanctifying Angels'.
He took his full suitcase and said 'I'm leaving and I don't know when I'm back' was all he managed to stutter in his drunken state. We didn't say anything to that, avoiding another argument with him. He didn't even say goodbye or any farewell, but took a swing at the main door and left. That was the last time I saw him. At first, it was kind of hard for us, due to the lack of money he used to bring, even with his drinking. But soon enough we got accustomed and everything went back to normal. His leaving has stopped all the beating and hard arguments for good. Well, my mom doesn't beat me but we argue a lot.
I stop myself and try to get rid of those nasty and painful memories of him. For now, he's somewhere knee-deep into mob world, maybe still as a doormat or maybe a kingpin. Noone knows.
I look at the little-cracked ceiling of my shelter and fall in deep and peaceful sleep.
Seito- big, white wolf who likes girls and joking around. Goes with Nick to the same school.
Tod and Greg twins- playful teens cougars. They play football in school varsity. Also, attend to the same school as Nick does.
Garth- brown timber wolf, likes girls but is curious about gay's lifestyle
Brenly- the swift fox, reasonable one in the squad. Doesn't have any girlfriend, nerdish type, but his chemical knowledge gives him a bit of ability to produce a few kinds of drugs.