A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

It's crazy to me that this is chapter 41, especially considering that the longest story I ever wrote only had 37 chapters and about a hundred more pages than this one. Those were longer chapters, I guess haha. We've still got about four more chapters after this one. But here's the chapter you've been waiting for, FINALLY. Thanks for being patient, they all had to get there in their own time. Hope you like it and let me know what you think! And thanks in advance for reading. :)

"Hey, babe. You hanging in there?"

Logan's voice was like being in the eye of a hurricane. Everything around James felt like chaos but that tunnel to Logan was peace. "No. I'm ready to chicken out."

"Don't you dare. I promise, it's gonna be great."

"Lucy said the same thing. Kendall said the same thing. But you guys don't know him, so how can you say that?"

"Because you know him. If this was someone who could pull your focus away from me, your security blanket, then I know he's special."

"But what if he's just all talk?"

"Then you leave. Stop talking to him. Run to Kendall."

"Oh my god, shut up about that! You should've heard him today, he was saying the stupidest shit."

"I heard some of that." James could hear the smirk over the phone. "Hold on, I'm gonna put you on speaker. Gotta get this chicken going."

He waited until Logan gave him the okay to talk again before speaking. "You didn't hear what he said in the choir room. He fucking knows I'm into someone else but he's talking about marrying me."

"He said that?"

"What an idiot." James let out a sigh, shrugging off thoughts of Kendall. "Are you busy? Should I let you go?"

"We can talk, I'm just breading chicken."

"Breading? What the hell are you cooking for this guy?"

"Fried chicken. Mashed potatoes. Corn on the cob."

"Fried chicken?" James couldn't fathom it. "You've never cooked fried anything in your life."

"I know, it's weird, right? But I feel like he'll like this. Got the recipe from Mom, it was my dad's favorite dinner."

"Next you're gonna tell me you're planning an apple pie with ice cream for dessert." Silence greeted that statement. "Logan. You never eat this shit."

"Well...I try to eat healthy. But they say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and—"

"And he's crazy about you. You don't have to impress him."

"It's not about that. It's...I don't know how to explain it."

"You really like this guy a lot," James mused.

"I don't want to mess this up. He's..."

Logan didn't finish, but James understood because he felt the same way about Rush. "I get it. I'm sure he'll love fried chicken."

"I hope so. Oh hey, just letting you know I'll be out Friday night. We're going to a car show."

"A...Logan, who the fuck are you?"

"Look, it's not something I ever talk about, but I was into cars a lot as a kid. Dad and I used to work on them together."

"Really. I had no idea. All you've ever said about your dad is that he died when you were in junior high."

"Yeah. He never got to see me graduate or get my degrees or...any of that. He would've been really proud. Dad was a more...blue collar type. A mechanic."

"Seriously? I always pictured him as a nerd like you, since I know you don't get that from your mom."

"I'm not sure where I get it. Carlos...we talked a little about it earlier and he thinks maybe that's why I threw myself into my studies so much. As a way to escape the grief. I kind of blocked a lot of it out."

"Logan, why didn't you ever tell me any of this? We could've talked about it."

"I know. And I...don't know why. Please don't take it personally. There's just something about Carlos that made me want to talk about it. Probably the fact that he's so much like my dad. I felt like he'd get it."

James sighed, hands gripping the wheel as he turned into the lot of The Breakfast Spot. "I'm sorry I couldn't be that for you."

"Don't be. I wasn't ready. You there yet?"

"Parking. I'm fucking terrified, Logan. What if he hates me?"

"There's always Kendall," Logan singsonged.

"Oh, that is it. I'm hanging up now."

"Text me later to let me know how it goes."

"I might do more than that. Would Carlos understand if you needed ten minutes to console me through my tears?"

"Absolutely. But that won't be necessary. I'm ninety-nine percent sure you'll be too busy fucking this guy's brains out to care about anything else."

"Is that a slam on my overactive sex drive?"

"It's only overactive if your partner can't match it. Get in there. Stop stalling."

"Ugh, fine. Promise my hair looked okay?"

"You're beautiful. Go."

"Okay." After taking a deep, bracing breath, James opened his eyes. "Hey. I know you're nervous too, but don't be. Carlos really likes you a lot. And Lucy already told me I can stay at her place tonight if things go bad with Rush. So don't worry about kicking him out on my account."

"I wasn't worried about it anyway. I'm hanging up now. Love you."

"Love you, too. We can do this."

"We're totally doing this. Text me!"

"You, too! Bye!"

James spent the next two minutes drumming his fingers over the steering wheel, trying to get up the courage to go inside. It was 5:27.

Rusherone: You there yet?

The incoming message sent his heart skittering all over. Part of him had expected Rush to cancel.

Kingofdiamonds: About to walk in.

Rusherone: I'm almost there. Grab us a table and order me a Coke?

Kingofdiamonds: You got it. See you soon.

Rusherone: Can't wait. :)

And now it was real. This was happening. There was no going back.

James locked the car and strutted toward the restaurant, which held too many memories of Kendall. Why had he picked this place? He should've known better.

But he supposed it was because this place had become a safe haven. Jennifer, Katie, and yes—even Kendall—had welcomed him as if he was family. It felt like a safe place to meet a stranger.

"I want your date to work out so splendidly that you don't even go home tonight."

And why was he thinking about Kendall again? Fuck this. Kendall just needed to go away for an hour and let him live his life in peace.

I'm not thinking about you anymore tonight. Tonight is all about Rush, and you can just go fuck yourself.

Feeling better about the whole thing, James opened the door and stepped inside. The mouth-watering scents that greeted him soothed him even more, and he smiled as he asked for a table for two.

When a tall body slid into the booth across from James, he looked up from the menu in surprise. He'd been considering that Rush might go for some pie before they left. There wasn't time for a full meal, but he'd bet they could each polish off a slice of pie in no time.

He also would have bet that the man he was meeting would approach in a more hesitant way, as if needing to be sure he was King before sitting down. The sight of Kendall grinning over a menu at him left him speechless. What the actual fuck?

"Oh my god. You really are insane. Certifiable. Can't you take a fucking hint? What are you doing here?"

"Well, nice see you, too." Before he could say another word, two glasses of soda were set down and the waitress asked if they'd be needing anything else.

"Maybe," Kendall smiled. "I'm kind of in the mood for pie."

James just couldn't believe the audacity of this man. "No. No, we will not be needing anything else, because he is not staying." Suddenly remembering his manners, he thanked her with a nod and then hissed, "Get the fuck out of here! I'm waiting for my date!"

"I'm aware of that." Kendall unwrapped the straw and dipped it into the drink, sucking down a few swallows with a satisfied sound. "God, I was so thirsty."

"You're a fucking moron is what you are. Don't you have your own date?"

"Yep."

"I mean, you did your hair and...wow, I've never seen you in a sweater." Momentarily distracted from his outrage, James studied Kendall's appearance. "Blue looks good on you."

"Thank you," Kendall beamed, shifting to give James different angles of himself. "Mom says so, too. And be flattered. I don't tease my bangs up for just anybody, you know."

"Yeah, it's..." Here came the breathlessness that Kendall always seemed to bring with him. No. Not this time. I'm here for Rush. "You need to leave. My guy will be here any second."

After fixing James with an amused expression, Kendall shook his head slowly. "You're never gonna get it, are you? I was dropping hints all day, thinking that eventually you'd catch on. But no. Apparently I have to spell it out for you. Literally." He slipped his phone out of a pocket and started to tap at the screen.

"Kendall...you don't...you're just...what the fuck is wrong with you?"

James' phone buzzed on the table.

Rusherone: I'm in love with you.

His breath caught. "You need to leave, Kendall."

Rusherone: Not going anywhere.

"I mean it. I need to talk to him, he's messaging me."

Rusherone: So talk.

"You know what? I'm done with you. Stay or go, I don't care." James picked up his phone.

Kingofdiamonds: Sorry, I'm here. Where are you?

Rusherone: Right here.

James looked around the restaurant, but the only other occupant this close to closing was an elderly couple paying for their meal.

Kingofdiamonds: I don't see you.

Rusherone: Open your gorgeous hazel eyes. I'm staring right at you.

James again looked around, finally noting that Kendall's magnetic gaze was pinned to him. Something tripped his heart into a staccato of uneven beats.

"I'm right here," Kendall whispered. "I've been here for three months, just waiting for this day."

Stark fear washed through James. It was starting to make sense, and yet...no. That wasn't possible. "What are you talking about?"

"I broke up with Logan because I figured out you were King. I broke it off with you for the same reason. I thought you two needed each other. I was wrong."

James' head shook violently back and forth. "No."

"Yes."

"No, no that's...no."

"Yes, James."

"No! He wouldn't lie to me like that! He would tell me the truth!"

"He wanted you to be happy." Kendall stopped and corrected himself. "I wanted you to be happy. I thought Logan would do that for you. I didn't know until that day, James, I swear."

"When you kissed me? Right here in this building, did you know then?"

"No. I found out later, when Logan called me from your phone. As soon as I knew it was you, I backed off because you were in love with each other and I was holding both of you back. I was trying to do the right thing."

"By lying to me?"

"By...clearing your path to him. I had no idea he wouldn't make you happy."

It was too much. All of this was too much. "You lied to me. You fucking manipulated me, you—"

"I had to wake you up, James, you were too scared to face the truth and leave Logan. I'm sorry about that, but I said what I had to."

"So the whole marriage thing...that was just a...a method to shake me up."

"Yes, but it was also the truth."

"You don't even know the meaning of that word," James spat. He stood up and angrily clutched his phone from the table. "Fuck you."

He'd turned away before Kendall's voice stopped him. "Go ahead then. Walk away from me the way Logan walked away from you when you showed him your true self. You know as well as I do that we belong together. You storming out of here in a rage isn't going to change that."

James hung his head, not wanting to accept that Kendall was right; he was no better than Logan if he pushed Kendall away for telling him the truth.

"You have two options, hot stuff. Either you can go home and hate me and cry about this, to Lucy and Logan and your mom, or you can spend the night at my place doing all those things we talked about before we cuddle up in bed and fall asleep together. Our happy place. The choice is yours."

After almost a full minute in which Kendall waited silently, James reached into a pocket for his wallet, slipping out a bill and setting it on the table. "I demand romance. You're not just gonna fuck me all night."

Kendall shoved himself up from the booth and stepped closer to James. "Not tonight," he agreed. "We'll save that for another time."

A barely audible whine slipped out of James' mouth. Kendall smiled before resting a possessive hand on James' shoulder. "Lead the way, beautiful."

James' mind wouldn't stop spinning even after they were settled in his car. Deeper even than the feelings of betrayal was the question of "How did I not see it?" He felt like the world's biggest idiot.

"Don't be so hard on yourself. I didn't realize it at the time, either."

And fuck Kendall for as always reading him so easily. James started the car and buckled up, making sure Kendall had done the same before asking, "Where are we going?"

Kendall grinned. "I love that you're leaving that up to me. I was half-expecting you to have a plan in place for dinner and that we'd fight over it."

"I don't have the energy to fight you right now. I can't go home, so..."

"You're not leaving my side until morning. I'd already planned on you staying the night."

"You're so fucking smug. Like everything is just going according to your master plan and I'm some puppet you can—"

"Hey." The word was firm enough that James looked over, and the hint of uncertainty Kendall saw there made him want to soothe James. He cupped James' cheek before leaning across the console to kiss him gently. "You're absolutely not a puppet. If you come home with me tonight, it'll be because you want to. Not because I'm forcing you." When James said nothing, Kendall added, "Of course, if you convince yourself you don't want to, you're just lying to yourself. You've wanted this since the day we met."

"You scared me the day we met."

"You scared me, too."

James launched himself in for another kiss, this one more desperate as if he couldn't believe Kendall was in his car and they were finally going to be together in a way they'd both craved for months. Kendall responded just as eagerly, letting it go on for a bit and then pulling away to command, "Drive."

A shiver worked its way up James' spine. He turned away and put the car in motion, backing out of the spot. They were cruising down the street when James asked, "How could you lie to my face for all that time?"

"I reminded myself you were happy and I didn't want to ruin that."

"Still." Stopped at a red light, James shifted to face Kendall. "You sat in that lounge with me today and were so smug, like you were enjoying toying with me."

"I was," Kendall admitted, a smile playing around his lips. "But it was more that I was excited. Something about the anticipation, the knowledge that I'd finally get to tell you...I was going crazy keeping it all inside but at the same time, listening to you talk about me when you didn't even know it was me..." Kendall shrugged. "It might've been an ego thing. It was so hot when you were going on about all the things you love about me. And I tried to tell you in so many ways without actually telling you."

"I'm such an idiot."

"Stop, you are not." Kendall reached over to twine their fingers. "It was the most incredible feeling. And knowing we'd end up together tonight just made it hotter."

"But how is that fair that you knew and I didn't? You let me spend an entire day panicked that Rush...that you...might not accept me."

"And I kept telling you not to worry about it, didn't I?"

"Okay but so did Logan. That doesn't mean—wait. Does Logan fucking know?"

"No. Not unless Lucy told him. So...he might now."

"Ugh, of course Lucy knows. She's known since the day you figured it out, didn't she?"

"Yeah," Kendall admitted. "I was...well, I'd had to give up both you and Logan the same day. And while I'd already pretty much decided Logan wasn't for me, I knew then that you were. And that I'd willingly walked away and could never touch you or kiss you again and...I was in a bad place."

James sighed in frustration. "Okay, but think about all the time we suffered that you could've prevented. You should've told me!"

"You weren't ready." James wanted to argue that point, it was plain on his face, but Kendall diverted that. "Let me ask you this. Pretend for a moment that our positions were reversed, that it was you who found out first."

"How did you figure it out, anyway? I can't stop feeling stupid for not realizing it sooner."

"I only knew because your number was in my phone. So when Logan called me that day, my phone showed it as 'King or James.' That's when I realized you both had the same number."

"Oh. Okay, even I would've figured that out."

"Exactly. So don't beat yourself up, okay? Now, imagine it was you. And Logan and I were in love. Would you have told me?" James hesitated. Kendall continued, "You would do anything to make Logan happy. You would've kept it to yourself."

"I don't know for how long. I can't lie to Logan, the guilt kills me. Didn't it kill you, too?"

"No, because you were both happy. That's all I cared about. I mean imagine if I'd been a rebound. If we got together and you hadn't had a chance with Logan, you'd always wonder. You'd always think you might be happier with him. So I had to let you go down that path. When it became apparent that you weren't happy with him, that's when it got hard to keep my mouth shut. Because I knew I could give you everything you needed."

"So full of yourself," James teased with a roll of his eyes.

"Am I lying?"

James wanted to say yes. Anything to wipe that smug look off Kendall's face. "I guess we'll find out."

Kendall squeezed James' hand with a smile. "I guess we will."

"Where do I park?"

"Oh, you can use my spot. I never do, left my truck back home." Kendall directed James into the small underground parking structure and to his assigned space.

"That's something I've been wondering. Can you drive?"

"I haven't tried. I don't know that I have enough control over the prosthetic for it to be safe."

"We'll figure that out. You got plans for winter break next week?"

"Well, I'm going home for Christmas. I was gonna leave right after the game Saturday and head back with Mom and Katie, but if I get a better offer I might be persuaded to stay in town a little longer."

"Consider this your better offer. We're gonna go out driving together and see if we can get you back some mobility in that sense."

Kendall bit his lip. "I don't expect you to drive me everywhere, if that's what you're worried about. I'd never—"

"No," James assured him. "It's nothing like that. The truth is I like being needed and depended on, so...that wouldn't be an issue for me. I just...I know how much it bothers you that you can't do certain things you used to. Makes you feel..."

"Pathetic?"

"Yeah," he replied honestly. "And you're not. You're so much more even without that missing limb than most men are with everything. You're absolutely perfect."

Kendall couldn't bring himself to speak. James sensed that he was overwhelmed and unbuckled his own restraint, then climbed halfway out of the seat to properly reach Kendall for a deep kiss that put everything he was feeling into touch. Kendall melted under it, that smug expression replaced instead with a fear James had never seen before when they leaned apart. It was a look he'd probably had on his own face many times, and he knew exactly what Kendall needed to hear.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Now Kendall was struggling to breathe. "I never thought about it, what it would be like to have you. It means I can lose you..."

James shook his head. "I don't leave. Not unless I'm no longer wanted."

"That's never gonna happen."

"Logan said the same thing," James reminded him.

"Logan isn't the guy for you. I am."

Sudden nerves returned so that James sat down again. "What if you're not? What if all of this...what if we built it up in our heads and in reality we're not meant to be?"

Kendall's lips slowly curved up into a smile. "I have not one doubt that you and I are meant to be. You'll know it by morning."

James swallowed, anticipation making him squirm. "Promise?"

"The second that door closes behind us, my phone is going off. You are the only thing that matters until morning."

James shivered with the things Kendall wasn't saying; he read them all in that almost-predatory green gaze that sliced through him every time Kendall allowed it to show. His own eyes begged for it.

"Text Logan that you're fine and shutting down your phone for the night."

Hissing in a breath, James did.

Kendall halted inside the building's lobby. "Hang on, I need to check on something."

When he whipped out his phone and sat down on a loveseat, James teased, "I thought we were done with phones for the night."

"Shush. This will only take a second."

It reminded James that he hadn't shut his off either, wanting a reply from Logan before he did so. He knew Logan was nervous about his own date. Glancing down now, James saw that Logan had answered.

"I take it things are going well then. Carlos got here a few minutes ago. He looks so good I don't even want to wait until after dinner to make out. But he's hungry. The plate of cheese and salami was a good call."

James grinned. "Told you." He sent that, then something else occurred to him. "Did you know?"

"Not until today. Are you mad at him?"

"I want to be."

"Don't. Apparently he's been suffering for months wishing he could be with you. Don't make him suffer anymore."

Feeling Kendall's gaze on him, James looked over. He couldn't fight the smile that hit when it officially sank into his brain.

He's mine. All this...it's mine. Rush and Kendall, I don't have to be torn between them anymore, it's ALL mine.

Perhaps reading his thoughts, Kendall pressed a kiss to his lips. It was brief, Kendall obviously aware they were in public, but that wasn't enough for James. He pulled Kendall back in, loving the way Kendall molded to him without hesitation.

"Phone off," Kendall whispered.

James nodded, then responded to Logan as they walked toward the elevator. "I won't. Have fun tonight. Talk to you in the morning."

"Will you be home before school?"

"Yeah, I need to change clothes and stuff."

"Okay. See you then. Love you!"

"Love you too. Night."

"Are you quite finished over there?"

"Shut up, Logan's nervous about Carlos!" James powered off his phone before handing it over to Kendall. "There, are you happy?"

"I don't even know how to answer that question. I never thought I'd actually have you."

James leaned into Kendall as the elevator rose. "All those nights we talked and wished we could actually be together..."

"And then we'd see each other at school and get even more worked up..."

"I hated you for that."

The doors slid open and Kendall pulled James along with a smile. "Let me start making up for it now." They stopped in front of Kendall's door, and he suddenly grew serious. "Look. Just because I'm positive this is going to work, that doesn't mean it will or that you'll feel the same way. I know you're scared that my feelings will change once we settle into a routine but...there's something I want you to understand. You mentioned feeling like a puppet earlier, like I'm pulling your strings. The truth is I'm just as much of a puppet when it comes to you. You've been controlling me since the day I walked into that lounge and saw your face. You hated me and I knew it, but I couldn't stop thinking about you. Every word from you, whether it's in person or online, pulls my strings and I'm just as much a prisoner of you as you are of me. I tried to get over you, for three months I tried. I couldn't do it. Do you understand that?"

James could hardly breathe, let alone answer.

"Even with all that being true, I know nothing is guaranteed. So let me just say now that if you decide I'm not right for you, I want you to tell me. Don't be afraid to hurt me. All I ask from you is honesty. Whatever happens after tonight, we can move on and at least know we tried. Right?"

Hearing that Kendall was just as nervous and unsure went a long way toward soothing James' own fears. He tipped Kendall's chin up just enough to kiss him and whispered, "I meant what I said last night. In this moment, I love you. Whether we'll still feel the same in the morning...just know that right now I love you and there's no one else I want to be with."

It was enough. Bracing himself with a deep breath, Kendall unlocked the door and swung it open. Then he stood aside so that James could see what awaited him.