A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

Merry Christmas Eve if you celebrate it! If not, Happy Monday! I was going to post this tomorrow but decided to just do it today instead. There are still either two or three chapters left of this, I haven't decided how to break it up yet, so while things are wrapping up there's still a few things to get through before we can send these characters off. I'm so grateful you guys are loving this! Thank you for reading!

Kendall's apartment wasn't huge by any means; the draw of the place was that it was set up like a hotel, where each dwelling was inside the building, and that it offered certain amenities whenever needed. The home itself, however, consisted of a small bedroom, bathroom, living room, and kitchen that extended into the entry way.

The first thing James noticed upon entering was that the dim but warm light flickered against the walls. He saw quickly that this was due to candles placed throughout the kitchen/entry area, with a large one sitting in the middle of a dining table that was far too big for a small place like this. An aroma of broiled meat greeted James next, his mouth watering while his stomach grumbled; lunch had been so many hours earlier. He heard the door close gently behind him, then a few clicks as Kendall picked up a remote of some kind to bring music to life around them. The soothing tones of "Moonlight Sonata" began to play at a soft volume, warming James' heart.

He spun around with a tender smile on his face. "When did you have time to do all this?"

"I didn't," Kendall admitted. "Lucy and Jo rushed over after school and...I outlined what I wanted. That was what I was checking on, to make sure everything was ready. They even cooked for us."

James would have to remember to buy them dinner in the near future as a thank you. "I can't...you did all this?"

"Well, I planned all this. There should be some...hang on."

He watched Kendall move around the kitchen toward a refrigerator, where he pulled out a bottle of sparkling cider to place on the long table, which was set with small plates and glasses at each end. "Please, sit. Dinner should be in the oven."

The romantic in James wanted to cry a little, but he held on as he shrugged out of his light jacket and set it on a chair they wouldn't be using. Once seated, he reached for the bottle and cracked it open while stealing furtive glances at Kendall, who was busy removing plates of food from the oven. One was set down before James and he inhaled the scent with a pleased sound. A perfectly-cooked steak, baked potato, and asparagus spears tempted him.

"It hasn't been sitting there for hours," Kendall promised. "Lucy said they made the meal last and it's only been about ten minutes."

"I'm not worried about it. This...it's perfect."

"Yeah?" Kendall asked, finally relaxing enough to smile.

"Yes. Stop moving around and join me."

"Right." A nervous laugh followed, Kendall wrapping his hands around the back of his chair. "I just wanted this to be perfect."

"And I told you, it is. Sit. Have a romantic dinner with me."

Kendall was about to lower himself to the chair but then jumped up again. "The salad!"

James chuckled and stood to move around the table and grab Kendall's glass. Once both glasses were full, he settled in again and waited until a bowl of salad had been set between them to speak. "You're fucking adorable."

"What? Me?"

"Yes, you. I've never seen this side of you."

"The insecure, terrified side of me?"

"Yeah," James answered honestly. "It makes me feel a little better about my own fears of inadequacy."

"Oh, please. You have nothing to worry about in that area."

"It's just nice to know I'm not the only one who wants this to work so badly that I'm afraid of fucking it up."

That got Kendall looking up from the small plate he was dumping salad onto. "I don't want you to be scared with me. Ever. Don't be afraid to be yourself and to ask for what you want. Always tell me what you want. Show me what you want."

There were so many things James wanted with Kendall that it made breathing suddenly difficult.

Kendall's lips curved up slowly, reading his thoughts. "Later," he promised. "Butter? Sour cream?"

"Thanks," James grinned, for the first time not embarrassed by his body's incessant need for attention.

They doctored their plates, quiet through most of that but stealing glances at each other as if neither could believe this was finally happening. "You even got the song right," James pointed out.

"Okay, I admit I had to ask Logan about that," Kendall blushed. "I texted him after lunch and asked him what your favorite piano song is. He knew right away, and I was relieved when I played it and it was the same one from earlier. It's on a loop, but we can change the music if you get tired of it."

James shook his head, chewing through a bite of steak so tender he could have cried. "Logan's right, it is my favorite. Of course he would know that."

Kendall nodded slowly. "Is it weird that I'm excited to learn all that stuff?"

"What stuff?"

"Like...Logan knows all of your favorite things. He knows your habits, he knows your likes and dislikes, he knows how to cheer you up when you're down. That sort of thing. He knows exactly what you need."

James sipped at his cider and wiped his mouth before replying. "I think if that was true, I wouldn't be here right now."

Kendall stopped in the act of lifting a bite of salad to his mouth. "I hadn't thought of it that way."

"Logan does know all of that stuff. He's been...I don't even have words for it. I don't know what I'd do without him." Sitting back in the chair while he thought about it, James continued, "But at the same time, there's something so vital to my happiness that he can't give me. He can do anything for me. But what I need is what you can do...to me. With me. In me."

Kendall's food lay forgotten on the table. His tongue peeked through his lips and he looked as if it hurt to even breathe. "I can't do this."

James swallowed, eyes darting away. He'd pushed it too far, probably ruined a perfectly romantic meal.

Suddenly Kendall shoved his chair back. "You're too far away. Come."

James' breath hitched. "W-where?"

"Here." Kendall patted his lap, and James wasted no time. There was just enough room between Kendall and the table for James to straddle his lap, and once in place they both hissed when they were lined up just right. "I swear I planned to make it through dinner with you."

"Food can be reheated."

Kendall's hands slid up James' thighs as he laughed. "This is why we're perfect for each other. You don't make me feel like a monster for wanting you so badly I can't even wait until we're done eating."

"Logan would tell me this is so inappropriate," James breathed.

"Logan's wrong." A thumb stroked slowly up over the bulge in James' jeans, bringing a shivered moan from him. The fact that even that small touch affected James so deeply only made Kendall hotter, but there was a discussion they needed to have first. "So...I don't really know how to say this."

"Wait, we're gonna talk? Now? You want to talk now?"

"I just don't want to disappoint you."

"Kendall, I'm sitting on your lap at the dinner table with a hard dick. Trust me, you're miles away from disappointing me."

"I know, but...it's...I'm sure you have this vision in your head of what it's going to be like once we make it to bed."

James blushed. "I admit I've had a few ideas about it."

"And because you never knew it was me, you pictured someone...whole."

"Whole?" James frowned. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"You know. Someone with two feet, for example."

"Oh. Well...yeah, I guess I did, except...I mean it was always you. Even when it was Rush in my head, it was always you I pictured."

"But with both legs, because you didn't know..."

"Kendall, what's your point? Please make it so we can do this."

Kendall braced himself and took a deep breath. "I'm not as...sturdy on my feet as I could be. I know one of your things is to be fucked up against a wall and I'm just warning you now that I don't know how well that will work. My balance isn't..."

James blinked a few times, trying to understand where Kendall's head was. "You skate."

"Yeah?"

"If you can skate, you can sure as hell fuck me. Who needs a wall?"

Kendall wasn't sure if James meant it or was just trying to be nice. "Really?"

"Whatever you can't do up against a wall you can do just fine on the floor. Right?"

"I...hadn't thought about it."

James sighed and used both hands to force Kendall to look up into his eyes. "I'm not worried about it. When you want something, you find a way to make it happen. I'm counting on you to do that right now. Do you want me?"

Kendall swallowed. "You have no idea."

"Then take me."

With no more hesitation, he reached around James to shove the dishes out of the way, then lifted James up onto the table. James' breaths were quick and shallow; Kendall could practically see the pulse jumping rapidly in his neck as James' head fell back. After putting his hands to work and getting James to lift his hips just long enough, Kendall had the clothing down to James' knees. It only took a few more seconds to get his eager mouth into place, and the sound James made when it got there was the same one that had fueled all of Kendall's fantasies since the night he'd last heard it over a phone.

"Oh god," James whined, now leaned back and using only his elbows to prop himself up. Kendall's mouth knew exactly what to do, as if he'd read some sort of "How to Make Sure James Diamond is 150% Satisfied in Bed" manual. And bed? They weren't even there, they were on a fucking kitchen table and Kendall wasn't worried about their food getting cold or the dishes breaking or even the table being too weak to support him—HOLY FUCK KENDALL KNIGHT IS SUCKING ME OFF AT THE DINNER TABLE LIKE NOTHING ELSE MATTERS—and it was exactly what James needed in life.

It was everything. He was home.

With a loud cry James stiffened under the assault, angry that he hadn't been able to hold on longer to enjoy this. His orgasm alone was so strong that he could've wept from it, and then he realized Kendall hadn't pulled off. Kendall wasn't grossed out by the idea of swallowing, he was...

Is he...?

He was. Kendall used his hand to squeeze every last drop out onto his tongue, then sucked at the head again in case he'd missed anything. James could only stare in awe before whispering, "I'm going to marry you."

"Mmm," Kendall hummed, then pinned James with an evil stare. "I'm going to fuck you first. Right here. It's an old table, passed down from my great-grandfather, but I like it because it's sturdy. Turn over."

James' entire body shuddered. "I love you."

The evil glint wavered until it became a look of such tender devotion that James wasn't surprised to feel a gentle hand cupping his cheek before it pulled him closer for a kiss that promised safety and security, in the form of thousands of nights spent holding each other and being the buoy James needed to keep him from sinking into the darkness again. "I love you, too. You are, in every way, my king."

James crushed Kendall to his chest in a desperate hug. "Don't leave me."

Kendall slowly extricated himself from James, pushing the chair back even further so that he could kneel before him. Kneeling was something that would always be awkward for him now, but Kendall didn't let it bother him this time because he knew James didn't care about any of that. In James' eyes, he would always be that powerful warrior on the ice who didn't let anything stop him from getting what he wanted. Though he'd lost part of his body, it wasn't going to keep him from this.

"Oh my god," James whispered, tears crowding his eyes. "Oh my god oh my god oh my god." He hadn't thought Kendall would actually do it.

"You once called me a knight," Kendall smiled. "I remember that moment, and how I thought it was funny because of my name and how you didn't even know that, yet...you still saw me that way. You knew nothing about me, but you sensed that I would be a protector to you."

A nervous chuckle left James' lips, his gaze dropping before it met Kendall's again.

"As a knight, it is my duty to profess myself to my king, to lay down my life and make it yours. To serve you in times of need, to protect you from anything that has the power to hurt you, to shield you and keep you safe. I swear all of these things to you." Kendall reached up for James' hand, kissing the back of it as a knight would have in olden times. If James hadn't been so enthralled, Kendall might've felt silly at the cheesiness of it all; instead, he was emboldened and pressed on.

"I offer my life to you."

It was all James could do to pull his hand free and wipe at the tears streaming down his cheeks. "Jesus, Kendall, you scared me for a second. I thought—" His words cut off when Kendall suddenly held up a ring he'd snuck out of his pocket, and then James' mouth and eyes fought to see which could open wider.

"There is nobody who makes me feel like you do. Nobody who reads me so well, who makes me laugh so hard, who just...sees me as I am and loves me anyway. I said it the other night without thinking it through, but I've spent the past two days thinking hard about it and knowing that there's nothing in life I want more. Am I crazy to do this when we've only known each other a few months? Probably. Is that enough to stop me? Hell, no. Because when I want something, I go after it. I want you. Every day for the rest of my life, I want to wake up next to you and talk to you about nothing and...watch you make your dreams come true. Help you, if I can. Whatever it takes, James, we'll get you there. Just don't leave my side and promise me the same thing, that no matter where life takes us, we do it together. I'm yours. You're mine. Let's make it official. Marry me."

The tears had dried up, but probably only because James was in too much shock to cry. He looked as if even breathing was a task. Kendall waited it out, finally having to command softly, "Talk to me. What are you thinking?"

"That you're right. You're crazy."

Laughter bubbled up. "You've known that from the start."

"Three months, Kendall. How are we supposed to know if it's gonna last?"

"We don't," Kendall shrugged. "But do you want to miss out on even a second of the journey to find out? Because...what if it does?"

How badly James wanted that was clear in his eyes. His teeth were practically chattering with nerves as he moved a shaking hand toward Kendall. "I want it. I want forever with you."

"You shall have it."

Kendall slid the ring into place before bending his head to kiss it, then he pushed himself up to kiss James properly. The shock was just starting to wear off enough that James kissed him back with the same fierceness. "Are we really doing this?"

"Hell, yes. Whenever you're ready. I know it may be awhile, and that's fine as long as you promise it will happen."

"Yes," James said hurriedly. "Yes. Yes! Oh my god, I'm engaged. I'm going to marry you. You're...you actually love me that much."

"I actually do," Kendall chuckled.

They were kissing again when James broke away to whisper, "Did you just propose to me with my pants down?"

"I sure did."

"That is so inappropriate," James laughed. "I fucking love it."

"I fucking love you. Now why don't we get the rest of these clothes off and see what other trouble we can get into?"

"Mmm, I love it when you say things like that. Just promise you won't let go until morning."

Kendall pressed a kiss to James' nose. "And then only because I have to."

"We should call out tomorrow. Fuck the world. Oh wait, no. The concert's tomorrow."

"And my boys are in training for state."

"They're gonna win, too. I can't wait."

"Would you mind if I come to the concert tomorrow night?"

James leaned away, skeptical. "Really? Since when do you do school functions?"

"Since my future husband is performing and it's important to him. It's what you do when you're in love." He grinned when James seemed to melt. "What time does it start?"

"Seven. Logan can pick you up."

"It's a date."

"Do you have a minute to talk? Is this a bad time?"

Cuddled up next to Carlos under a blanket, Logan glanced down at his phone on the coffee table. He frowned when he saw that the text was from James. "Uh oh. James is texting me. He said he was shutting his phone off until morning." He sat up and reached for the device. "This can't be good."

Carlos watched Logan open the message and couldn't resist peeking over at it. "Should I go?"

"What? No! No, I won't be long. I promise." Logan leaned in closer for a kiss that said he was looking forward to more later. "I'll tell him it's a bad time."

"No, we said he could call if he needed us. I meant it. We're just watching a movie anyway."

Logan smiled at Carlos and kissed his cheek. "You're really amazing."

"Glad you think so," Carlos grinned. "Call him. How about I get that pie and ice cream you mentioned started for us?"

"I think that's...perfect. You're perfect."

"Tell me that again after I rock your world," Carlos winked. He squeezed Logan's knee and paused the movie before whistling his way to the kitchen.

"How," Logan whispered to himself. "How did I find this man?" Louder, he called out, "You are staying the night, right?"

"If you'll let me!"

"That's a yes!"

"And Bob's your uncle!"

"Bob's your uncle?" Logan echoed under his breath. It took him a few seconds, but then he remembered where he'd heard the lame saying before. How many times had his father said that to him and he'd answered, "I don't have an uncle Bob, Dad." His father purposely said it to mess with him, usually following it up with a laugh and a ruffle of his hair. Logan's chest suddenly ached for the man he'd forcefully shoved out of his mind for too many years, and spontaneous tears had him standing from the couch. "I'll be out on the patio!"

"Okay, but don't take too long or the ice cream will melt!"

James' voice on the other end of the line was like sanity returning. "Hey, I didn't mean you had to call. Texting would've been fine."

"I only have a few minutes. Are you okay?"

There was a pause before, "I'm great. Are you okay?" When Logan didn't answer right away, James pressed, "Logan? Talk to me."

Next to him, Kendall sat up straighter in bed and muted the recap of scores he'd been listening to. He silently questioned James, who shrugged.

"I'm fine," Logan finally replied. "Just..." He cleared his throat. "Carlos...sometimes he reminds me of my dad. A lot. And it's...does that make this weird?"

"Weird how?"

"You know. Is it weird to be attracted to a guy because he's like your parent?"

"Um. Honestly...maybe a tiny bit." Before Logan could freak out, he added, "But that doesn't mean it's wrong. If Carlos makes you happy..."

"He does. Oh my god, he's so perfect, James. I don't think I've ever been this happy. I had no idea what I was missing."

James nodded slowly, reaching out for Kendall's hand and squeezing it. "I know exactly how you feel. But are you...?"

"I'm fine, I promise. I just had a weird moment and suddenly missed my dad like crazy but...are you sure? It's not something I should seek a therapist about?"

"Oh my god, Logan, stop. You're not crazy. Stop overanalyzing this like you always do. Does he like you?"

"He seems to. He wants to stay the night. He loved dinner."

"And you like him, so who fucking cares about anything else? You can't help what you're attracted to. I know you, and I know that for you to do the things you did in that classroom without thinking them through first is a good thing. I mean, exercise a little restraint in the future if you want to keep your job, but the point is that he made you crazy enough to go for it. Wait, crazy is the wrong word to use. You don't need a therapist."

Logan looked through the glass door and into his living room, where Carlos was setting down two heaping plates of pie before grabbing their glasses for a refill of iced tea. The sight warmed his heart, reawakening that yearning to be near the man again. "You promise it's not creepy?"

"It's...the way it is, Logan. I couldn't fight my feelings for Kendall, and you can't change the way you feel about Carlos. Some things don't make sense. That doesn't mean they're wrong."

"I think I'm falling for him. I mean, really falling hard. It's too soon for this, I shouldn't be wanting to tell him I love him on our first date." When James snickered, Logan chastised, "It's not funny! Stop laughing at me!"

"I'm not! Babe, no, it's not that. It's...I mean, at least you didn't get engaged on your first date."

Kendall beamed next to him, lifting up his hand to kiss the ring again. "I love you," he mouthed. James' radiant smile was an echo of the sentiment.

"Well no, of course not," Logan replied. "Only a crazy person would do that."

"Okay, but...that doesn't make it wrong. Just not...logical or traditional. Sometimes when something's right, you just know it."

"I guess. I should get back in there, my ice cream is melting. Wait, why did you call? I thought your phone was off for the night."

"Well, Kendall was waiting to hear about one of his kids, I guess he's been out due to an accident and had to be cleared to play again. So he needed to check that. I just...you know. Needed to talk. Hey!"

Kendall's voice was suddenly on the line. "He's dying to tell you that he's engaged but also terrified you'll be mad at him. Ow! That hurt, asswipe!"

"Then give me back my phone, dickhead!" Suddenly it was James again. "Babe? You there?"

"Oh my god."

"Look, I know you're going to say all this shit about how it's too soon and we're crazy and—"

"James...you've only known him for three months."

"I know."

"You're that sure?"

"I know how insane it sounds, but...I've never been more sure of anything in my life."

"Oh. Okay. Well...congratulations?"

"Thanks?"

"Sorry, I just...you blindsided me with this."

"I know. This morning we were kissing each other goodbye and suddenly I'm engaged and...life moves pretty fast, as my mom would say."

Logan opened his mouth a few times, finally asking, "Are you happy?"

"I am. He's everything I ever needed. And I think if you let him, Carlos will be that for you."

A tap on the glass had Logan spinning around. Carlos held up a plate bearing a slice of apple pie and way too much ice cream, lifting his brows as if to say "You know you want it." Logan couldn't help but laugh, holding up one finger. "You know, James...you're right. You are crazy."

"Yeah."

"But...I think you're also smarter than me when it comes to love and relationships. I'd be nuts to let this one get away."

"Absolutely. Is he staying the night?"

"Yep."

"Are you gonna fuck him?"

"Yep."

"That's the man I always knew was in there. Go get him."

Logan nodded, fortifying himself. "Okay. I'm...congratulations. I mean it. I just want you to be happy."

"That's all I want for you, too. I love you."

Logan smiled. "I love you, too. Um, no more calls tonight. We'll be in bed soon."

"Fuck yes. See you in the morning."

"Night, James."

James tossed his phone lightly across Kendall's body to the nightstand after turning it off. Kendall took advantage of James' position to pull him down for a kiss. "Still pissed at me?"

"You know that never lasts."

Kendall grinned. "He okay?"

"He was freaking out. Apparently Carlos reminds him of his dad so he's convinced himself it's creepy."

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Leave it to Logan to turn something beautiful into a puzzle to be solved."

"Right?" James settled down onto Kendall's chest, loving the way Kendall's arms snuggled him in.

"Is he mad? About the engagement?"

"He thinks we're nuts."

"Do you?"

"A little," James admitted. "But the difference between me and Logan is that I wouldn't let that stop me. I'll do whatever it takes to keep this happening for the rest of my life."

"This? Which part of our current situation are you referring to?"

"All of it. Every time we talked about our happy place, I wanted to be there. I finally am."

"How does it feel? As good as you imagined it?"

"Better. This is real."

"Mmm. Do you have any idea how many nights I laid in this bed wishing you were here with me?"

"Before or after you knew it was me?"

"Both. Probably more once I knew it was you. Instead I had to try to block out visions of him getting what I always wanted from you."

"He wasn't getting it all that often," James chuckled.

"His mistake. Now it's too late, you're mine."

James kissed Kendall's neck and whispered, "Say that again." He felt it when Kendall's body kicked into gear just from those three little words alone, rubbing his knee against the growing erection.

Breathless, Kendall said, "You're mine." His fingers dug into James' skin where they touched it.

The intense reaction was an aphrodisiac to James, who shifted until he was straddling Kendall's hips. "Remember that time we talked about me riding your horse?"

"Oh fuck, James. Where's the..." Kendall rolled to the side, taking James with him in his haste to search for the lube.

"I think you threw it on the floor in your desperation to fuck me last time." James peeked over the side of the bed. "Yep. There it is."

"Well don't just sit there, get it already!"

James smiled at the urgency in Kendall's voice. It was music to his ears. He leaned down to grab for the bottle, then settled into place on Kendall's thighs again. "Are you tired? I understand if you'd rather just go to sleep, I know we have to wake up early and—"

"Oh shut the fuck up and do this already! Better yet..."

Kendall snatched the lube away and shoved James off him, James letting out an involuntary whine at the realization that Kendall was at that point where nothing would stop him. The fact that he was worthy of being needed like that... "Hurry," he begged. He heard the snap of the cap before slick fingers thrusted inside him, causing him to arch his back before dropping his head to the mattress. "Please, I can't wait anymore, just..." Suddenly he needed to see Kendall, to witness the hunger on that beautiful face. He twisted his head back and their eyes met, Kendall shivering at the urgency in hazel eyes filled with longing. It was every fantasy he'd ever had come to life, and it was real. It was happening.

It was everything.

The words "I love you" were on the tip of his tongue, but that wasn't what James needed right now. There would be time for that later. He gave James what he wanted, James crying out with each hard push but begging for more in between, and eventually James collapsed to the bed where Kendall continued to pound until he felt James stiffen under him with a sound like he was being driven out of his mind. The contraction of muscles around him when James reached orgasm was more than Kendall could take, and he succumbed to bliss before letting himself fall onto James.

Through harsh pants James managed a weak, "I love you." Kendall reached up to twine their fingers, bringing James' hand close enough to kiss the ring. Tonight they'd fall asleep together in their happy place, and in the morning he'd wake up with that gorgeous body wrapped around him. It was everything he'd ever wanted in a man. In this man. Whatever name he went by, he satisfied every single one of Kendall's needs.

"I love you, too. And I promise you, that's not gonna change. In fifty years, we'll be waking up next to each other."

James smiled at the vision. "I bet you'll be a cranky old man."

"Me? You'll be the little bitch whining that your joints hurt." James chuckled, melting when Kendall added more. "And when you do, I'll be the loving husband who rubs that disgusting smelly cream on you to take away the pain."

"You're an asshole."

"Because I want to help you?"

"Because you just made me cry."

Kendall slowly pulled out of James, then lifted himself up enough to turn James over onto his back. He kissed the tears away before doing the same to James' lips. James reached up to hug him closer as they kissed softly, and Kendall knew all of the agony and waiting had been worth it.