Thursday afternoon, Sansa met Loras at Nikolina's café. He ordered a cup of tea for himself and a milkshake for her.
"I'm so sorry, again." Sansa reached over to take his hand.
"What was Sunday about? Why did you freak out on me like that?" Loras asked. "I wasn't expecting for you to reply, to be honest."
Sansa smiled sadly at him. "It's not you, it's me..."
"As you can see, I skipped out on Nymeria's birthday party, spending time worrying about you. You looked terrified, I couldn't leave knowing you were terrified."
She glanced away. "I'm sorry."
"Stop saying that," he said.
"I don't think we can pursue whatever this is," she told him, her eyes focused on his own. "I have baggage that you don't want to deal with. Also, I don't think I'm the one you like... Nymeria seems like the one for you."
Loras faltered. "What do you mean?"
She gave him a sad smile. "You and Nymeria seem perfect for each other. I can see that she still cares about you and you care about her. Maybe that's why you didn't want me coming with you to Dorne. I don't mind, honestly. I knew that this wasn't serious."
"Why were you afraid of me?"
"I'm not," she said. "I'm afraid of myself."
He frowned, gently gripping onto her hand. "What have you got to be afraid of?"
"I haven't got the best track record when it comes to relationships."
"Neither have I!" He laughed. "My ex-boyfriend's marrying my little sister and my ex-girlfriend got back at me by sleeping with my ex-boyfriend that I mentioned before."
Sansa's eyebrows raised. "That's messy," she mumbled. She wanted to tell him that it wasn't as messy as her situation but she kept quiet, planting on a fake smile.
"Have you met my older brother, Willas? He was at the stag night but I doubt you'd have even noticed him," he said.
"What about him?"
"Maybe you guys will hit it off-"
"Are you joking? I've just broken up with you and you're setting me up with your brother?" She fumed. "What's with guys being arseholes lately?" She withdrew her hand.
Loras's face fell. "I didn't mean to-"
"No. You don't even know why I reacted the way I did on Sunday and you're ready to plant another guy on me."
"Well, you won't tell me why!" He retorted.
Sansa's eyes flashed but she leant in closer to him. "You really want to know why your touch made my skin crawl?"
The tone of her voice made a chill go through Loras' spine and he suddenly wasn't so sure that he wanted to know.
"Why I felt that I was okay but then I realised that I wasn't and I will never be?" She glanced down at her lap. "Why I like your touch but at the same time, it scares me?"
"Then why are we ending this?" Loras asked, exasperation laced in his tone.
She brought her eyes to his blue ones. "I'm broken. You don't want broken goods."
"Are you going to tell me why?"
She shook her head. "Thank you for the best few weeks I've had in a long while. Goodbye, Loras."
Loras finished his tea and got up, kissing her cheek 'goodbye' and leaving.
She then released the breath she was holding in since the feeling of his lips left her cheek.
Tears were about to spill out of her eyes but she quickly blinked them away, taking a sip from her drink.
She began tracing soothing circles on her wrist and an idea popped into her mind.
A tattoo.
A small smile played on her lips and she waited until Arya was finished at school, spotting her teenage-no adult sister entering the café.
"What are you doing here?" Arya asked Sansa.
"I was meeting a friend," replied Sansa, her eyes dimming. "Hey, are you busy right now?"
Her younger sister shook her head, slipping on some reading glasses. "No. I was going to study here and revise..."
"Let's get tattoos! You have your ID right?" The redhead grinned.
Arya raised an amused eyebrow. "Why do you want a tattoo?"
Sansa shrugged. "I don't know. Just wanted another change."
"All these changes will make you a new woman!" Arya chuckled. "Fine! I won't get one but maybe if you guess my favourite animal correct, I might reconsider."
Sansa beamed, quickly paying for hers and Loras' drinks before following her sister outside and into Jon's car.
When they got to the tattoo parlour, Sansa parked the car and joined Arya inside who was looking around the room.
"I haven't made a pre-booking but I want something small," said Sansa to the artist. "Can you-"
"You're Alayne Stone!" The tattoo artist cut her off. "I've seen you on some online clothing stores."
Sansa turned to Arya with a little smirk. "Yeah," she said, turning back to the artist. "I'm going for an edgy look for my next photoshoot-"
"I can fit you and your guest in right now!" The woman grinned.
"Oh, would you? Thanks so much! I just want some words on both of my wrists."
Sansa found herself giggling as she gripped onto Arya's hand tightly, the tattoo artist getting on with her work amused at the sisters.
"Wow, you're brave!" Arya told her.
"Well," Sansa started. "I've had some practice when it came to pain."
They shared a soft smile between each other and soon, Sansa was finished getting her tattoos.
"Your parents must be really special to you," the tattoo artist said.
"They were..." Sansa sighed.
"And what do the 'R', 'J', 'A', 'B' and 'R' stand for on your other wrist?"
Sansa smiled. "My siblings' initials. Here's one beside us right now. She's the 'A'."
Arya blushed. "Sentimental, much?" She joked lightly.
"...and 'perfection'. That's really fitting for a model who fits the category," the tattoo artist said.
Sansa blushed now herself. "It's a reminder. I don't believe it but my family tell me that. I'll keep looking at it if I ever doubt myself."
"So, what's my favourite animal?" Arya asked her.
"Easy. Dolphins. You always got Dad to donate to charities revolving them and I noticed that you adopted a dolphin when you were eight. Also, Jon got you dolphin earrings for your thirteenth birthday. You're obsessed with them."
Arya laughed. "Okay, you got me!" She turned to the artist. "Can I get a small dolphin done on my shoulder, please?"
The artist happily obliged and the sisters switched their roles, now with Arya laughing her way through the pain as she gripped her older sister's hand tightly.
"You got this!" Sansa encouraged her.
"I wonder what Jon will say."
"We'll convince him to get one too," said Sansa. "He'd probably go for Edward's name or something. Maybe Robb's and Rickon's."
They shared a smile, hugging each other tightly once Arya was finished.
When they got home, they were happy to see Bran wheeling himself around the house without any help.
"You're getting stronger!" Sansa noted. "Let's get some work done, eh? Then we'll have dinner and watch a movie with the Reeds when they get back."
Jojen and Meera had gone to visit a family member before heading back to the estate.
"When will Jon call?" Bran asked her.
"Hopefully before bed. I'm sure he'd like to talk to you," she replied. "Right, come on you two! Work time!"
Her siblings dispersed into their own activities and she headed upstairs to her room but she took a detour and ended up in Jon's room.
Looking around, she noticed that there wasn't that much changed about the room. She noticed that her mother's perfumes had been left unmoved on her vanity table.
Taking one, she sprayed it and smelt the air, smiling softly at the scent of her mother.
Her mother loved her children so much, she was passionate about it, always there with a firm but soft hand.
She sat down and went through her mother's makeup, deciding she might as well share it between herself and Arya and give the ones they didn't want to a charity or something if they could still be used.
She shifted and her foot hit something under the table. Glancing down, she spotted her old sewing machine and set.
Tears sprung to her eyes as she lifted it up and placed it on the desk.
Sansa had been obsessed with sewing and embroidery when she was a young teenager but an old friend of hers had made fun of her and she threw it in the bin outside the day after her fifteenth birthday.
With shaky hands, she unopened the box and was relieved to see everything intact. She spotted some loose black fabric and some grey coloured fabric and a small smile played on her lips as an idea popped into her mind again that day.
...
Jon stared on in amusement as Ygritte kept missing her mark, yelling in frustration before slamming her bow and quiver onto his chest.
"I swear, if it weren't for the bloody wind, I'd be hitting the target every time!" She cried out.
Jon kept quiet, simply loading the bow and arrow before aiming and releasing it. It hit the target in the middle and he turned to face her, smugness on his features to annoy her even more.
"Oh, fuck off!" She muttered. "How did you do that so well? Who taught you?"
"My dad," he replied. "He taught all of us except Sansa. She never wanted to do anything like kayaking on the river nearby or target practice." He laughed a little. "Arya always showed Bran up and they'd end up chasing each other through the manor, knocking over vases and plants. Pissed Catelyn right off!"
Ygritte smiled. "I'd imagine," she replied.
"Do you want another go?" He asked her.
Ygritte grabbed her bow and quiver, loading the bow with an arrow and aiming it at the target. She released it and the arrow hit the target in the middle.
"Maybe I'm a good luck charm," Jon smirked.
"Keep thinkin' that," she mumbled under her breath. "Can we do something else now? Maybe go inside and warm our arses up?"
"I've been inside for a long time; I want to get some exercise."
Ygritte nodded. "Okay, you do that. I'll head inside." She began walking backwards. "Don't stay out too long. Or climb any trees or hurt yourself-"
"I'm a grown man, Ygritte!" Jon said.
"Who managed to freak out when he realised that he needed to get down from a tree but don't worry, I won't hear your cries for help!" She smiled, finally leaving.
Jon finally had peace and quiet and decided to go for a walk. He knew the blizzard was due back very soon so he wanted to get out while he could especially since tomorrow morning, he'd be starting the first five hours of their ten-hour journey back home.
He found himself smiling, something he rarely did but that dream or nightmare really got to him.
He had made conclusions from whatever it was and the first one was to be happier. Jon and his family had spent two unhappy Christmases with him always heading off to work on Christmas Day to give Sam much needed time off to go to see his parents with Gilly and be with baby Sammy. He'd make excuses and over time, Sansa and Arya had stopped asking, making their Christmases miserable with cleaning up Bran when he was sick and studying for school or university.
The second conclusion was that he needed to find his birth mother. His late godfather and late father had been distanced over an unfortunate disagreement. Maybe his birth mother had been the reason why.
His surname wasn't a surname at all, it was Ashara's middle name. Or maybe Roose was playing a joke on him, Ashara wasn't his mother.
He'd heard stories of her, beautiful and strong-willed. All he knew was that she went to the army at one point in her life but she could be dead for all he knew. After Arthur's death, the Daynes had lost contact with Ashara.
If he'd find her, maybe he could understand why she abandoned him or why he came to live with his father. Maybe, Catelyn scared her off but according to the letter, she'd never met Ashara or the Daynes for that matter from previous conversations. The Dayne family were his father's secret.
His phone rang and he looked at the screen, smiling when he saw his sister's name pop up.
"Sansa, hi."
"Hey," she sighed wistfully.
Jon frowned. "What's wrong?"
"I broke things off with Loras. I wasn't feeling the relationship, not after you know," she replied.
"I'm sorry. He seemed like a good guy. You do know that you'll eventually get over this and the next man who comes into your life will worship the ground you walk on. Not all men are Ramsay or Joffrey who are sadistic arseholes, there are some good men out there and one will be there for you."
He heard her sniffle and let out a soft chuckle. At this moment, all he wanted to do was be home to hug her and reassure her.
"You're a good guy, Jon. I'm glad you're my brother. I know I keep saying this but I mean it, I do," said Sansa. "You're a good guy."
"Aye, I am." He smiled when he heard her laugh. "You're not broken, you just need a little fixing. Robb told me to smile more."
Sansa frowned. "Smile more? When did he say that?"
Jon shrugged. "You know the arsehole, always trying to instil life lessons out of nowhere even when he's dead. I got the looks, he got the brains."
"And the looks," Sansa teased. "You've got an adorable puppy dog face and that's pretty much all you've got."
"Hey, I offer more to the table!" He laughed. "See, now you're happier."
She rolled her eyes. "Thank you. Hey, I made something for you. I know we don't celebrate your birthday or Christmas anymore but you still deserve something."
"Sansa, I really don't need-"
"No, I'll give it to you when you get back," she cut him off. "Jon, this is two Christmases and many birthdays between us, including our lost ones..., we need to start celebrating something to get us closer to the light."
"We celebrate yours, Ary's and Bran's..." Jon argued weakly.
Sansa sighed. "Yeah, we do but you deserve your birthday too. I know you never really celebrated before either but we do love you. I hate that when we were younger, you and Robb would always do something special together with Arya, Bran and Rickon. You always left me out because I was such an arse to you back then. I hated myself as a child and now I am trying to make amends. If it weren't for you, our siblings and I would be on the streets-"
"You know that I'd never leave you guys on the streets."
"You weren't obliged to take us in. The whole reason you left the manor was to leave us. The toxic part of your life-"
"No!" Jon cried out. "I never left because I wanted to get away from you guys, hells, I was crying the day I left!" He shook his head. "I left because of Catelyn if you want the truth. I left because you guys were full siblings and I felt that my half didn't amount to anything to the family. Social events Catelyn held always had me working as a waiter or something as opposed to joining you guys. I didn't want that life, I was a kid."
He heard her sniffle and he closed his eyes, regretting what he'd just said. He hadn't meant to blame her dead mother nor their family for not acknowledging him around guests or for being full bloodied and not bastards formed from infidelity.
"I'm sorry. Some things are better left unsaid-"
"No, you're right. We treated you like shit. No need to sugarcoat it. You were young, that's at least a thousand therapy sessions," she said softly. "Jon, I don't give a shit that we only share the same father - you are my brother. I don't give a crap about the half shit. You're full to me and now with you taking on the family name next week, I am so happy to be your sister and I feel so blessed to have someone like you having my back."
Jon looked up and saw Ygritte waiting for him, a smile playing on her lips as she shivered in the falling snow.
"I'll call Bran and Arya later. Sansa, look after yourself." He sighed, holding a hand up for Yrgitte to wait for him.
Sansa smiled. "If I did, why would I need you for?" She joked. "Take care, talk soon. Love you."
"Love you too," he replied.
They hung up and Ygritte nudged his shoulder when he joined her.
"Thought you were cold?" He asked her.
"That dream you had..." She started.
"What about it?"
She shrugged. "I know it was weird but now you've got me thinking about it. Especially after you called me that."
Jon paused. "Yeah?"
"Jon... maybe it would be nice to have Neddy take your surname. Children take their father's surnames."
Jon let a smile bright up his face again. "What? Just like that? No hyphenating?"
"He'll always be a part of my family but he's all you in every way. The only thing he has from me is his nose and perhaps his eyes but everything's all you, Jonny," she replied.
Jon nodded. "There was something my father used to say to me and my siblings as children... 'When the snows fall, and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies... but the pack survives'"
"Your family motto?"
"We had many," confessed Jon. "But that stuck to me especially after my phone call with my sister just now."
"It's very beautiful. Let's go in, the blizzard warning has come on."
They returned back to the house to find Kaven reading Neddy a story and Margi knitting a blanket.
"Something for your siblings and you to share on those cold nights," she said as he walked in.
Jon blushed, not having the heart to tell her that he and his siblings rarely got cold but he'd use it when Neddy came over and maybe his siblings would like to use it when they watched a movie, played a game or something.
Game night, now that was something they needed to start doing again.
"I have Rummikub under the stairs, want to join in?" Kaven asked him. "Brynden and Hoster are coming over for some beer."
"Yeah," said Ygritte. "He'd love to!"
Jon playfully glared at her but accepted the offer, taking a seat beside Margi.
"Will you be making more lemon tarts?"
"I've done them already this morning. I was so worried I'd forget," she told him. "But you remind me before you leave! I even managed to make some muffins."
"It's been a joy having you visit," said Hoster. "It's been a while since we had children visit. I know we're not family but you are our great-grandson's father and we'd like you to be welcome any time."
Jon gave him a nod, smiling his thanks as he accepted Margi's gift after she'd tied up the loose ends.
"Jon's getting married, maybe you could get an invite," smirked Ygritte.
"Oh! How lovely!" Margi beamed. "So, this woman of yours, what's her name?"
"Daenerys. She prefers 'Dany'." Jon smiled politely, silently annoyed at Ygritte for telling them. "It's still early days, we're thinking of a long-term engagement."
Kaven frowned. "Why? If you love her enough to propose, surely you intend to get married as soon as possible? Why wait, life's too short."
The smile almost disappeared from Jon's face as he saw Ygritte send him a nervous glance, almost hitting her grandfather for being so nosy but he wasn't to know.
"My brother," Jon started, swallowing deeply. "He met his wife and six months later, they got married. Then seven months later, when she was six months pregnant... they died. My family's known for jumping into serious relationships and reaping negative repercussions. I don't want to jump in the deep end and jinx it all like my father and brother did."
"Okay," Kaven breathed out. "How about we set that game up eh?"
...
Sansa smiled to herself as she hung up the garments on the hooks behind Jon's bedroom door. It had taken her a few days but she got there eventually.
She placed the new dress shoes back in their box and put that and jewellery box by the door before she stepped back to admire her hard work.
He was arriving home very soon and the siblings had spent time making a small party for him to invite him back. It would serve as a belated birthday party, the first of many properly celebrated at the manor.
Heading downstairs, she smiled at Jojen and Meera who were doing their own part at preparing for the party.
Howland had said that he'd pick them up on Sunday, having to stay out of town for a little while longer but his children didn't mind, happily joining the Starks in their celebrations.
"A birthday cake, really?" Arya asked, appearing beside her shoulder.
"It's a belated birthday party!" Sansa told her. "We have to show him that we care and love him."
Arya smiled despite her hesitance. She approved the cake and went upstairs. "Call me when he's here! I need to practice my fencing!" She called over her shoulder.
The doorbell rang and Sansa dismissed Beric, answering the door herself. She was curious as to why the gates would let the person in without permission.
Opening the door, she was stunned to find a man with long, dark brown hair, scruffy beard, dressed in a green anorak and loose beige trousers with slippers and a wide grin.
"Uncle Benjen!" Sansa heard from behind her.
Bran wheeled himself over to her side, grinning at their uncle.
"Sansa, Brandon! You're both bloody grown kids!" Benjen cried out in shock. "Where's Jonsey and Arya, eh?"
Sansa stood aside to let him in, closing the door as she watched Benjen take in the surroundings.
"'Happy Birthday, Jon'? I thought his birthday was two weeks ago on the third! Did I get that wrong?"
"No," said Sansa, giving him a short hug. "It's a belated party. We didn't really celebrate. He doesn't like celebrating his birthday."
Benjen nodded. "I know. Kid's been moody since he was a child and always sullen. Surprised he's letting you do this."
"He doesn't know," they heard.
Arya came downstairs to greet her uncle warmly with a bright smile.
"Little Arya Stark! What a sight!" Benjen said.
"Hi, Uncle Benjen! It's a surprise party, by the way."
Benjen ruffled her hair and decided to give the same treatment to Bran. He looked around, taking a deep breath in as he recognised everything.
"I remember your father and I running around the halls with Brandon Senior. Your father always got me out of trouble but Lyanna would pick on me for being the youngest," he smiled fondly. "Now, you wonderful children claim it and make it home." A tear slipped down his cheek. "I'm sorry guys for-"
"You have nothing to be sorry for," said Sansa. "You were out there, helping undeveloped countries. Never feel sorry for being so kindhearted."
Benjen gave them each a genuine smile. "I was like Jon. So ready to leave this place but somehow, it sucks you back in, eh? I'm planning on staying for a while, until August. I'm going to be couch surfing."
"We have many guest rooms, stay!" Arya told him. "You're our uncle, our favourite one. Please?"
Benjen rolled his eyes playfully. "How can I resist Little Arya? So, where's Jon and when-"
The front door opened and everyone froze. The surprise was ruined.
Jon looked around, stepping aside to let Ygritte and Edward in.
"Uncle Benjen?"
"Jonsey!" Benjen bellowed, bringing his favourite nephew in for a tight hug. "Happy Belated Birthday, boy!"
Jon chuckled, winking at his siblings who decided that maybe it wasn't ruined after all.
"Good to see you, mate!" Benjen continued.
"And you, Uncle Benjen. It's been a while," said Jon as they let go.
Benjen turned to Ygritte and Neddy. "And who is this beauty? Don't tell me this is your wife, eh? The boy got himself married and didn't invite his favourite uncle to the wedding? At least Robb did, twice!"
Blushing, Jon denied the claim. "This is Ygritte. We're not together but that is our son, Edward."
"Oh," said Benjen. "Well, is there someone special?"
"Yes, Daenerys. She's not here."
"I'd like to meet her sometime then. Anyway, this is supposed to be a party, let's get it started! Where have you been?"
Jon followed his siblings, uncle and the Reed children into the living room with Ygritte heading upstairs with Neddy to put him down for a nap.
"Ireland. We went to visit Ygritte's grandparents."
"Heard it's lovely up there," smiled Benjen.
"Happy Birthday Jon!" Sansa called out, finally getting his attention. "I know it's not much, we could only plan something small but-"
"I love it, thank you," he said, kissing the side of her head as well as Arya and Bran's heads. "You all are great. Thanks for this."
Arya gave him a smile. "You're welcome. We weren't sure if you'd like it. You don't exactly celebrate..."
Jon agreed with her. "Maybe that should change." He did a double take. "Wait, have all of you...?" He frowned. "I'm sure that you..."
The three siblings laughed.
"We got makeovers! You're next," promised Sansa.
Jon was stunned. "Well, I love it! You all look great. Bran, you look like a grown-up. Sansa, you look refreshed and..." He trailed off, meeting her eyes in a silent approval to which she responded with a bright smile. She was moving on. "And Arya... You-You have a piercing?! I didn't approve of-"
"I'm an adult." Arya grinned. "Oh, if you don't approve of the piercing, you certainly won't like..." She took off her cardigan to reveal a small blue dolphin tattoo on her shoulder.
Jon gasped. "A tattoo? Arya!"
"I got some too," Sansa said, proudly showing off her wrists. "I got 'Mum' and 'Dad' and 'perfection' and your initials."
"You couldn't slowly introduce me to the idea before going ahead, eh?" Jon asked. "Well, I guess there's nothing I can do. They're permanent."
Arya and Sansa shared a look.
"We want you to get one done as well."
Jon shook his head. "I'm too much of a-"
"Come on, boy!" Benjen suddenly said. "Maybe we can get really cool ones. I've had tattoos done many times before! It's painless, trust me. I'd like to get a wolf-"
"Oh my God, yes!" Sansa said. "I'd like to get a wolf too! And when Bran's old enough, he can get one too!"
Bran raised his hands up and shook his head. "I'm fine!"
"A wolf sounds awesome!" Arya grinned.
Jon shook his head, knowing that they were pressuring him into getting a tattoo but he relented, accepting the challenge.
"Fine! But because I'm a brave man."
"Tell yourself that," teased Arya.
Jon smiled. "Before I forget, Ygritte's grandmother made you some Lemon Tarts, Sansa. I've also got some muffins for everyone else."
Sansa gasped happily, taking the tarts as Arya grabbed the muffins.
"They taste amazing!" Sansa said, closing her eyes to savour the taste. "It's been ages since I've had these!"
"Well, since Sansa's got her tarts and we have muffins, as Uncle Benjen said before, let's get this party started!" Arya said.
They celebrated late into the night, the Reed children finally excusing themselves to head to bed at quarter to twelve.
"So, why didn't you call for two days?" Arya asked, sipping on some juice and pouring a glass for Bran.
Sansa was drinking a glass of red wine and Jon and Benjen were nursing glasses of Scotch.
"It's embarrassing," said Jon.
"Has it got anything to do with that nasty bump that your hair is failing to hide?" Benjen grinned.
Jon blushed, his eyes meeting Ygritte's when she entered the room. She headed to the bar and poured herself some rum before joining Sansa on the loveseat.
"What are you talking about?" She asked them.
"Why Jon didn't call," replied Bran.
Ygritte began to laugh. "Go ahead! Tell them!"
Sansa nodded. "Tell us!"
"I climbed a tree and when I was getting back down, I fell and-"
"I lost my scarf," Ygritte cut in. "It was in the tree and he climbed up it to get it for me. Then, he couldn't get back down and he was complaining that he shouldn't have gone up in the first place. I told him to jump, that I'd catch him and he did, stupidly hitting his head on the way down and knocking us both out. I woke up but he stayed unconscious."
His siblings and uncle began to laugh.
"I wish I could have seen that!" Arya said through tears of laughter. "Only Bran's the expert climber in this family!"
"I know," mumbled Jon, a light blush on his cheeks.
Sansa's laughter died down and she got up, placing her glass on the table before heading out of the room.
"We have something for you!" She called back, heading upstairs.
Damn, she wished they had a lift. Getting to the third floor was not easy.
When she returned back downstairs, she handed Jon the jewellery box first.
He opened it up to reveal an expensive watch. He recognised this watch and so did Benjen.
"My father's watch," Benjen told him. "He gave it to your father and he wore that watch on the day he married Catelyn."
"Robb wore it on his wedding day," added Jon. "It was his."
A sad tear slipped down Sansa's cheek. "Now you get to wear it on yours. You do realise that Robb's things went to you if he never had..." She trailed off. "I found it in his old room. He has a lot of Rolex watches."
The watch had a faded brown leather strap but the face still looked in good condition. It still worked too.
"Thank you," Jon said, choked up. He stood up and hugged her.
"Arya and Bran got you something too," she told him, giving him the shoe box.
He opened it up and smiled when he saw some new dress shoes. "Thanks, you two. Why do I need these for?"
"For your wedding day!" Arya said as if it was obvious. "And for your ceremony because..."
Sansa quickly gave him a garment bag and he opened it up and slipped it over the hanger to reveal a full suit set.
It was black, there was a grey waistcoat and the tie was a muted white colour with a grey wolf stitched neatly just under the knot. There was also a dress shirt dark grey in colour.
"I-I made it," Sansa told him nervously as he continued to stare at it in shock. "I found my old machine in your room and I got inspired. If you don't like it-"
"Like it?" Jon breathed out. "I love it. Thank you, Sansa. I... I don't know what to say."
Sansa beamed, tears sparkling her eyes as she sighed in relief.
"You inspired me. Thank you, Jon."
Benjen patted Jon on the shoulder. "See, you've always been loved." He began to chuckle to himself. "I remember when you were seven and you begged me to take you to Africa with me. I remember you crying your little heart out when I left. Your dad later told me that you told him that you were running away."
Jon was surprised. "I don't remember."
"You wouldn't. You left the manor in the dead of Winter and got lost. By the time Ned found you, you were very sick. You had collapsed down the side of the road near the Karstark estate. Your skin was blue and you didn't wake up for a while. Catelyn had taken Sansa and Robb to visit her parents so it was just you and your father. He prayed that you'd wake up and when you did, he'd allow you to follow me after all. You woke up and you apologised for running away. You said you dreamt of your mother."
Jon frowned. He turned to his sisters who had tears in their eyes and his brother who seemed spooked by the story.
"You told your father that your mother told you to go home to him. That she loved you. I had never heard my brother's voice so shocked and confused."
"She's dead, isn't she?"
Benjen shrugged. "Your mother and her family bear pain to ours. Ashara liked to explore, to push her boundaries..."
"You knew her?"
"Not formally like your father and our elder brother did. I've heard stories, I've seen letters long since burnt. All I know is that we removed all traces of the Daynes from our memories."
Jon began to shake, tears threatening to spill from his eyes and he hung his head, almost chilled by what he'd just heard.
"W-Why did our family do that? What did the Daynes do?" Sansa asked, sitting back down.
Benjen knew it. He had to tell the whole story, he couldn't lie or keep it in any longer. This had been nearly three decades worth of a secret and it was time to reveal all.
"Your godfather-"
"Arthur Dayne," Jon said.
Benjen nodded in confirmation. "He, Robert Baratheon, Roose Bolton and your father were very good friends. Almost like brothers. They went to the same boarding school that Jon Arryn, your late uncle through marriage," he turned to Sansa, Arya and Bran. "Taught them at. They treated the old man as another father but we're talking about the Daynes."
"What were they like?"
Benjen let out a soft intake of breath. "Handsome family they were. If you thought our genes were great, you certainly haven't met the Daynes. Both Arthur and Ashara made people do double-takes. Ashara had long, dark brown hair and the sharpest of blue, almost purple eyes. She was beautiful, pretty and everything that Ned and Roose wanted. They seldom fought for her attention and Arthur would always warn them teasingly that she would eat them up."
"I thought our father loved our mother," Arya whispered.
"He did. I know the story they told you but that was a lie. It wasn't your father who stole Catelyn heart's first, it was your Uncle Brandon."
All of them gasped, even Ygritte who poured herself some wine and topped up Sansa's own glass, the women slowly sipping them in shock.
"Brandon got her pregnant, she miscarried and your father took the blame because our father had given Brandon his last warning. Brandon was a ladies man, he seldom engaged in activities which got women pregnant. Your father wasn't confident, that was our brother Brandon. We called Ned the quiet wolf and Brandon the wild wolf. I was 'Baby Cub' and Lyanna was 'She-wolf'. Our father gave us those nicknames fondly." He sipped his Scotch. "Anyway, when we got home, Brandon decided to pack his things and leave. He was always butting heads with our father, it was best for us all. My mother cried for weeks but she understood that Brandon had to go. Catelyn turned up and found out that Brandon had left, leaving a letter for her to say that what they had was just fun and he wouldn't be coming back ever again."
"What an arsehole," muttered Arya.
"That was our older brother," said Benjen, lifting his glass to the ceiling and taking a sip from it. "She then began spending more time with Ned especially since they attended the same university for their respective degrees. She ended up falling in love with him and by that time, Ned had moved on from Ashara. Until they got married and the cracks were beginning to show, leading Ned to stray away to Ashara. He regretted cheating on Catelyn especially after what Brandon did to her but early in their marriage, everyone could tell they were still in love with their previous partners. They grew to love each other and when Robb was born, they were shocked to find Jon left on the doorstep with Ashara apologising for everything. Before Arthur died, he told Ned that Ashara committed suicide because he was now in love with Catelyn."
Jon cleared his throat. "So, he never lied to me? When he told me she was dead?"
Benjen nodded. "That was what he was told and he believed that. He never knew, no one knew, that Ashara had changed her identity and ran away. Her family disowned her for having a child out of wedlock, her older brother was dead. She had no one. Ned tried finding her but he came up unsuccessful. You looked like him so he wasn't hurt every day by the image of her."
"Did she... do you think she loved me?"
"She most likely suffered from post-natal depression, Jon. But maybe she did visit you that day you ran away. Sometimes your father said he smelt her perfume when we'd step out the front door. The Daynes are not that far from us, fifteen minutes up the hill so it wouldn't be unlikely."
"Why am I a Snow and not Stark or even a Dayne?" Jon asked.
Benjen sighed heavily. "Ashara begged that you mustn't be named after her nor Ned. She was named after that fairytale princess, Snow White. Ned thought it was fitting as no one but her family knew her middle name but it became clear that they did. Especially Roose who loved her dearly. Ashara was a coy woman, she knew what she was doing when they were young but the backlash she got was too much for her. I believe that Ashara asking for you not to be named a Stark had something to do with her respect for Catelyn. They didn't know each other but Ashara didn't want to create more conflict between Ned and Catelyn than she already had by having you. You were her greatest secret, one she probably took to the grave. As to how people know about your connection... they were there to witness her and Ned's doomed relationship. Ned promised to tell you this."
"But he didn't," Jon said. "Because he loved Catelyn at the end of the day and he didn't want to lose her or his family. Goes to show that I don't know anything. I know nothing about myself, about Eddard Stark or Ashara Dayne."
Looking at the suit Sansa gave him, he shakily placed it on Bran's lap.
"I'm sure you'd make a wonderful Lord of Winterfell Manor."
Bran's eyes widened and his reaction mirrored his sisters' and uncle's. "I-I..."
Jon glanced at the clock. "It's late. We should be getting to bed-"
"Jon," whispered Arya.
Jon held up a hand, shaking his head before leaving the room and heading upstairs.
"M-Maybe I shouldn't have told him-"
"He needed to know," said Sansa. "I can't believe that our dad kept that from us, from Jon. He loved this woman and then he loved our mum. Does that mean that Jon was conceived out of love or broken hopes?"
"No matter what, Jon's the eldest living grandson," said Arya. "He has a claim."
Benjen shook his head sadly. "I doubt that Jon wants this anymore. He did it for you guys and now I'm here, he might try and pass claim onto me knowing that I'd allow you to stay regardless until Bran's of age. Jon's always felt like the black sheep of the family and hearing the story of how he was born, makes him even more definite about where he stands in this family. His mother's side is wealthy, they hold important positions in this country and knowing that his father willingly cheated on the wife he was growing to love with the woman he did love makes him feel guilty for being the reminder of that hurt and pain Ned caused the Starks, Tullys and Daynes..."
"You talk from experience?" Ygritte asked him.
"An old friend of mine went through this although he'd been born five years into the marriage because his mother loved her ex-lover more than his stepfather. No one blames his mother, his stepfather was an arsehole but Catelyn was just strict. She was kind, understanding. If she'd known that Jon's mother was Ned's first love, she'd leave him. She was too proud to be dishonoured in such a way. If Jon's mother hadn't been from a powerful family, she may have forgiven him but Ashara Dayne... That woman was a force to be reckoned with. Catelyn wouldn't compare to her and she would have feared Ned would choose the brunette beauty over his brother's ex-lover."
Arya stood up. "We should all go to bed."
The group dispersed, Hodor helping Bran upstairs to his room as Benjen stayed behind, finishing his drink.
Upstairs, Ygritte smiled at Sansa sadly before she watched the younger woman disappear down the hallway and made her own way into Jon's room where he was standing over Edward in his Moses basket.
"How are you holding up, Jonny?" She asked him. When he didn't reply, she continued. "Your uncle's quite the character. Lovely lad. I'm going to let Neddy stay for the night and head back to mine."
She was about to leave but she felt something grip her wrist.
"Stay, it's late," said Jon.
Ygritte searched his eyes and she could see the pain and anguish in them. She wanted nothing more than to comfort him but he was another woman's. She didn't want to be the Ashara Dayne to Jon's Ned Stark.
"I have to go," she replied. "You need space and I need to see my dad."
Jon let her go, returning to their son's side. "Everyone says I'm like my father. Maybe even more so now."
"How do you mean?" Ygritte asked.
"I'm in love with two women."
And her breath hitched.