Chapter 2 Prank Wars II: Judy Strikes Back
Written by BeecroftA
Edited by Cimar
The rest of the evening was a sombre affair. Judy had not said a single word to Nick since the drive home from the hospital, nor had she accepted any help from him when they got home but instead hobbled on her sprained ankle into their apartment alone. She also showed no response to any of his apologies other than a flick of the ears and a shrug, and when dinner time came around she had simply nuked one of her Carrots-for-One packs and eaten that without so much as asking Nick if he wanted one (not that he would have anyway).
Nick was stunned; he had seen Judy mad more times before than he could count, but never once had he seen her give him the cold shoulder like this. He could handle angry Judy and sad Judy, but this was a whole new ball park. Now it was bedtime, and she showed no sign of letting up, which meant that any further nocturnal activities were off the table for tonight. To further demonstrate that, Judy had long-since removed her beautiful new negligée and replaced it with the oldest and frumpiest nightgown she owned (not that it made her any less attractive to him). But when Nick got under the covers and laid on his side and opened his arms to accept Judy as the little spoon as usual, to his surprise she just shoved a pillow between them and turned on her side away from him without so much as a goodnight. That was the last straw for Nick.
"Alright, Carrots, how long is this gonna go on?"
"I dunno, check with me in the morning," Judy responded without looking at him.
"I thought we had a rule never to go to bed mad?" Nick asked.
"I am not mad, I'm just not happy with you," Judy contradicted.
"But Carrots, I've apologized over a dozen times already! Please, tell me what I can do to make this up to you!"
"For now, just give me space."
Nick threw his paws up in exasperation, before remembering another arguing point. "Fine. But what about trying to make a baby tonight?"
"We rabbits can conceive any time of the month. Waiting a few more days won't matter."
A few more days? Nick couldn't bear the idea. It was time to plead.
"Pweeease, Carrots? Just one little cuddle?You know I can't sleep without my favorite snuggle bunny cuddled up next to me."
And then, to his surprise and delight, Judy started shifting and then turning over. But when she was on her other side facing him, her expression was still one of nothing but disdain mixed with mock disgust. "Bleeech, is that what I sound like to you all the time?"
Nick's heart sank. "I'm serious, Carrots, I wanna cuddle! Just give me a chance! C'monnn…" He wiggled his eyebrows at her. "I'll make it worth your while."
Judy remained unyielding. "Nice try, Slick, but I already have a cuddle buddy in mind for tonight, and I'm sure he'll be every bit as good as you." Judy then leaned over her side of the bed, reached under it, and pulled out the fake tail Nick had used with such disastrous results. She wrapped her body around the thing and turned away from Nick again. "Yep, just as soft, just as warm, and he even still smells a little like you. I think I'll call him, "Little Nicky"."
Nick was not amused. "Now that's just cold, Fluff."
"Don't be sore, Nick. If it helps, you can have Judy junior tonight."
Nick frowned, confused. "'Judy junior'?"
Judy opened a drawer in her bedside table, pulled out something grey and blue and tossed it to Nick without looking at him. Nick examined the thing: it was an old stuffed rabbit with grey fur like Judy, wearing a blue outfit with a fabric badge on the front that read Junior ZPD Officer.
"Hardy, har, har." said Nick.
"Sorry pal, but that's all the rabbit you're getting tonight," said Judy. With that she switched off her lamp and burrowed deeper into her pillow and Little Nicky. "Goodnight."
Nick let out a hmph, plopped Judy junior on his own bedside table, and turned over to try to get to sleep. But a few minutes later he reached up, grabbed the doll again, and pulled it close to his chest, sighing deeply.
This did not go unnoticed by Judy senior.
The next morning, Judy sat up in their bed with her sprained ankle propped up on a pillow, reading a book and still wearing her nightclothes, in contrast to Nick who was now just finishing putting on his ZPD uniform.
"Are you sure you're not coming into work today, Carrots?" he asked.
"I can't run, remember?" Judy replied with a frown. "With my ankle like this they'll just put me put me on desk duty. Seems as good a day as any to use one of my sick days."
"Yeah, but I know you, Fluff. You never take a sick day. Even last year when you got snuffles, remember that? You tried to come in when you were sneezing and hacking all over the place and it took two of us to drag you home and cuff you to the bed to make you stay there."
"Well, there's a first time for everything." With that Judy simply crossed her arms, pouted her lips and looked away from him without another word.
Nick sighed as he finished tying his tie. "C'mon Judy, I've said I was sorry a dozen times, what more can I do?"
Judy said nothing. With that, Nick simply gathered his wallet and phone from the top of the bureau and left the bedroom, closing the door behind him.
Judy didn't move until she heard the front door slam. And then, quick as a flash she got out of bed, hobbled over to the bureau and grabbed her own phone. In truth, she had forgiven Nick by now, even found the whole fiasco a little funny, but that didn't mean a little revenge wasn't in order. Climbing back on the bed as carefully as possible, she unlocked her phone and started searching through her contacts, selecting one. The phone on the other end rang several times before it was answered:
"Ulloo…?"
"Hello, Finnick? It's Judy." The rabbit mentally slapped herself when she realized how early it still was. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"
"Yes." Finnick spoke with a great deal of irritation at being awoken, but he didn't hang up. "What do you want, Fluff?"
"Um, well, look, Nick pulled this practical joke on me yesterday, and I would really, really like to get him back, and I can use your help."
There was a short pause on Finnick's end. And then:
"Let me get this straight: YOU want to play a trick on Nick?"
"Yes."
"Your husband and my ex-partner who used to make me dress up like some dumb toddler? And you want MY help?"
"Uh, yes."
"Where are you?"
"Our apartment."
"I'll be right over." And the fennec hung right up.
Clutching her phone, Judy got out of bed and hobbled to the kitchen. If she guessed right, when Nick had bought that fake fox tail he had gotten a receipt, and he had thrown it in the recycling bin when he got home, which meant if she found the receipt, she could find where he had gotten the tail.
And see if she could find something like it of her own.
Three hours later
Nick sat at his desk in his cubicle at the precinct, glumly filling out paperwork he had been putting off all week. When he had shown up alone today the chief had given him the choice of this or parking duty, and this was the oh-so-slightly more bearable of the two, or so he had thought. Sighing, he glanced backwards at the desk that was usually occupied by his wife, which was littered with pictures of her rabbit family and of the two of them together.
Suddenly his phone buzzed. Startled out of his reverie, Nick snatched it up, and to his surprise and relief, it was a text from Judy:
I'm bored, I think I'll come in after all.
Nick's expression immediately brightened as he typed out a response:
Just couldnt stay away from me and work could u?
He could almost feel Judy roll her eyes from wherever she was. The rabbit quickly responded:
Work yes, you I can still do without.
That stung a little, but Nick didn't let it get to him.
Face it fluff, you cant last a day without me.
No, I just can't stand boredom.
Something then occurred to Nick:
How r u getting here? Dont tell me your riding subway on that ankle.
Judy's response was quick and concise:
Don't worry, I got a ride. Meet me at the parking lot in ten minutes, would you?
Sure thing fluff.
Nick pocketed his phone and left the cubicle for the precinct's parking lot.
Outside, Nick didn't even have to wait five minutes before he heard a loud vroom coming from around the corner, accompanied by familiar rap music blaring. He was startled; expecting a taxi or his mom's car, NOT the shabby red and brown Lobos Z1 van he immediately recognized. The painted vehicle fishtailed around the lot and screeched to a halt in a nearby stall. Nick ran over to the driver's side window, which rolled down to reveal his miniscule friend and former partner Finnick, wearing his usual sunglasses, grumpy expression and a black knit cap on his head, his oversized ears protruding from holes in the top.
"One bunny cop, special delivery." Finnick announced in his deep gruff voice.
Nick was pleased to see his old friend again, even though the circumstances were a little odd. "Morning big guy, what brings you here today?"
"Your wife called, seemed to think I was some kinda personal taxi service. I said no, but then she started telling me this GREAT story about last night. Way to get yourself knotblocked, ha HA!"
Nick glared over at his wife, who was sitting in the passenger's seat. "Carrots, you told him?"
"I needed a ride, and he wouldn't give me one unless I told him why," Judy answered. When Nick noticed she didn't sound as frosty towards him as she did that morning she leaned over and gazed into his eyes: "Nick, I've thought it over, and maybe I overreacted to that fake tail joke. I forgive you."
Nick's ears perked up, "Really?" And then his look darkened. "Wait, you told him the story of last night and then you decided to forgive me all in less than ten minutes? I'm not buying it Fluff."
"It's true, Nick! And as a token of my forgiveness, I'll even give you permission to pet my tail out in public this one time, okay?"
"Uhh…" Nick did like petting Judy's tail, but this seemed a random thing for her to give him permission for; he felt his suspect-o-meter go up another notch. "…Thanks, Fluff?"
Judy nodded. "Great, let's get to work. Thanks for the ride Finnick!" Judy opened the passenger door and then stopped. "A little help here Nick?"
"Oh yeah, sorry!" said Nick, having forgotten about her sprained ankle. He moved around the van to her side and held out his arms for her. Judy turned around and started climbing out, Nick putting his paws on her hips to help her down, her bunny butt and fluffy tail staring him in the face, just waiting to be petted…
"Waaiit a minute!" Nick exclaimed. Something was off about Judy's rear. "Now what do we have here?" He reached down and pulled on her tail and it came off in his paw, the sound of Velcro ripping as he did so. He put Judy down and waved the detachable tail in front of her nose, "Care to explain, Fluff?"
Judy snorted in disappointment. "How did you know?"
"Like I told you Carrots, I have a photographic memory for your bunny body. And that includes noticing little details like when the grey in your fur is off, or when your tail has a price sticker attached," He peeled off the orange sticker for emphasis, "And I might add, this was in the window at Zoonko's yesterday." With a mocking air he put his paws on his hips, clearly enjoying himself: "Now what do you have to say for yourself?"
Judy took a moment to adjust her furtight trousers, allowing her real tail to poke back through the hole, before putting her own paws on her hips and glaring up at him in defiance,
"Fine, I know you like to touch my tail whenever you get the chance, so I thought I'd get you back for last night."
"Aww, and I thought you had really forgiven me! Fluff, haven't you ever heard the phrase 'two wrongs don't make a right'?"
"Yeah, but I've always preferred 'turnabout is fair play'!" Judy countered.
Nick shrugged, "Whatever. Call it even then?"
"Sure, fine, whatever." The two started walking away from Finnick's van towards the precinct building before Judy added, "I really do forgive you though – Finnick gave me some helpful advice while we were out shopping for a fake tail."
"Izzat so? Hey!" Nick turned and walked back up to the van. "Never figured you for a marriage counselor, Finn! You truly are a fox of many talents!"
Finnick snorted in annoyance. "Yeah, well, I been in enough therapy to know a thing or two."
Nick smirked at him. "Aww, let me guess: you realized you liked playing my son after all and you just couldn't take it?"
"Shut up…" growled Finnick.
"And you were too ashamed to tell me? Your own father?"
"THAT'S IT!" The fennec hopped out of his booster seat and started climbing out the passenger side, "Now, you listen here, Wilde-" he landed in front of Nick and slammed the car door beside him-
Slam!
"YOOOWW!"
His ear was trapped in the door! Finnick let out a guttural scream and started instinctively yanking his head back to pull his ear out, squealing like a piglet.
"Finnick, omygod, FINNICK!" Nick rushed to his friend's aid. Quick as a flash Nick yanked the door handle and opened the door, freeing the fennec. Finnick collapsed to the ground, grunting with pain and clutching his crushed ear.
"Hold still buddy, let me take a look-" Nick gathered up his friend and supported him in his arms, but no sooner did Nick hold up the fennec's ear to examine it when it came off right in his paws!
"AHHH!"
"YAAAAHHH!" Both Nick and Finnick screamed at once as blood gushed out of the large gaping hole in Finnick's head and Nick dropped the disembodied ear like a live snake as his nose filled with the overwhelming tang of… ketchup?
"Blaagh," groaned Finnick suddenly. His tongue lolled out dramatically and he started waving his arms about. "Blood, blood, blooood, annnd…" Then he broke character and peered over at Judy, who was grinning wildly. "Sorry Fluff, but this hammin' it up just ain't my style." He looked up at Nick and smiled. "HA HA HA!" he laughed with all his might. Getting out of Nick's arms Finnick dusted himself off and removed his knit cap, revealing his real ear folded inside along with a headband that attached to the fake ear and a small supply of ketchup for fake blood, which he started wiping off with a cloth from his pocket. Nick's heart was still pounding from his moment of shock, and he noticed he was panting. Hoping to prevent Finnick and Judy from seeing this he casually bent down to examine the ketchup-covered fake ear on the ground; Nick didn't know where they got it from, but he had a sneaking suspicion there was now a one-eared life-sized fennec fox doll lying around somewhere. His panting subsided so he got up and faced his compatriots with his best smirk of indifference.
"Well, that was a really nice set-up you two – too bad it was all for nothing, you didn't get me."
Finnick and Judy both smirked back at him, clearly not buying it. It was Finnick who spoke:
"I heard that scream, Nick – we got you for at least a second, and that's good enough. Fluff and I got big ears, we heard you."
"You can't prove it."
"Can't we…?" Finnick turned to Judy, "Fluff?"
Judy held up a phone Nick hadn't noticed in her paw before, which showed an image of Nick bent over Finnick. She pressed the screen:
"AHHH!"
"YAAAAHHH!"
Nick felt his smirk of indifference fade. Judy passed the phone to Finnick, who snickered smugly up at Nick. "I don't know about you, but I heard two screams. And I think that one that sounded like a girl was you."
He checked the clock on his phone, "Well, love to stick around and laugh at you some more Nick, but I gotta go, horse races start at noon. Nice catchin' up with you Fluff!" He hopped back in the van, turned it on and put on his sunglasses, "You ever do get that fox-bunny kit you want, I got a one-eared fox doll it can play with. Chow!"
And the fennec zoomed out of the parking lot, leaving Nick and Judy alone. Once again the pair started walking towards the doors of the precinct, Judy leaning onto Nick for support. Nick held up the ketchup-covered fake ear. "Your idea, Carrots?"
Judy shrugged, "Sort of – I was going to do the fake ear in the door, but Finnick said you wouldn't go for it and insisted he do it instead. And then he suggested using the fake tail to throw you off, and I just couldn't resist the part with the ketchup."
"Nice touch," Nick said as he tossed the thing in a nearby trashcan. "Where did you get that idea?"
"Believe me, you don't want to know how many times I got caught in the cruiser doors while I was training at the academy."
"And you just knew Finnick would get out and slam the door in anger?"
"We knew you'd try and provoke him sooner or later, it's like your favorite hobby."
"And your saying you've forgiven me – twice now – was that all a ruse too?"
"Oh no, I'd actually forgiven you before you walked out the door today. But Finnick really did give me some great advice – on how to get you."
Nick smiled. "Sly bunny."
"Dumb fox."
"Call it even now?"
"Yes please."
The rest of the day passed without further incident. Nick and Judy spent the whole shift working together in their cubicle, Nick aiding her whenever she needed and when the clock struck six Nick scooped Judy up and carried her through the precinct in his arms to their car, attracting only a few onlookers. He had insisted on cooking dinner that night so Judy could stay off her injured ankle, and when bedtime rolled around Nick carried Judy to their bedroom and laid her on the bed bridal-style.
"So, how was it sleeping with, 'Little Nicky' last night?" he asked.
"Oh, he was great," Judy replied, "He didn't snore, he didn't kick me in my sleep, he didn't twitch and tickle my nose…" She gave her husband a look of great fondness. "But he just wasn't you."
"Aww, Fluff…" Nick crawled into bed beside her and leaned in close. "Come here, you." They embraced, and Nick wrapped his long arms around his beloved bunny and softly placed his gentle paws on her back…
BZZZZZ!
"AAAAA!"Judy shrieked and recoiled at the fox's touch.
"HA HA HA HA HA!" Nick laughed in unbridled merriment as he lifted his paw off Judy's back to reveal a silver joy buzzer in his palm. Judy was not amused.
"Ooh… You big dope!" she exclaimed as she punched Nick in the shoulder, not stifling the fox's laughter in the slightest. "You just never learn, do you?"
"Nope," Nick stated proudly. "And it is one of the things you love most about me."
He took off the buzzer and put it on the bedside table, and snuggled back up to Judy. "You'd better hide that thing well," the rabbit muttered. "Because the next time you feel like sleeping in I know just how to wake you up."
Nick chuckled, and then a thought occurred to him:
"You know, if we ever do have a kit, I hope it's a boy and he inherits my sense of humor."
Judy rolled her eyes. "If we ever have a son with your sense of humor he'd better have your dashing good looks too, because that's the only thing that's going to save him."
"Save him from who? You?"
"No no, his sister, of course."
"Sister…" Nick was stunned by the thought. He knew the chances of him and Judy having just one child together was slim at best, but two or more kits might go beyond a miracle. "Do you really think that could ever happen, a son and a daughter? Or even more?"
Judy shrugged. "I'll take whatever we get, Nick. But if anyone can do it, we can. You know how good we bunnies are at multiplying."
Then she reached up and started scratching at that special place just below Nick's ear. "And speaking of which, where were we before we were so rudely interrupted last night?"
Nick let out a deep purr.
A/N: BeecroftA here. For those who have been wondering, yes, I am indeed working on the next story in my little series, I've just been preoccupied for a while with this story and with my sister's wedding last month. Also, my next story has grown, almost twice the length I originally conceived it in, so it's been harder to put together but will also mean twice the satisfaction from writing it in the end. I should have the first part up within the month. The tentative title: It's called a Surprise, Sweetheart. (I'm not just saying that, that IS the title). In the meantime, hope you enjoyed this little change of pace from all the different AUs in this story, and thank you Cimar for your patience and letting me take part in this very exciting project!
AN: I hope everyone enjoyed this saucy tail and the amazingly fun story that it is. I hope you also noticed this didn't contain the PIXAR machine, as around 7 of the 50 stories do not happen in there. Hopefully you guys like all the upcoming stories. :) Lots of good ones on the horizon with works by Zanrok, Kulkum, Anheledir, Euphonemes, Fox in the Henhouse, Beserker88 and many, many more. Also more art coming up as well, including some for previous chapters! So lots to look forward to in the common months with the "What if...? Collaboration Project. :) Going to have another day off or so to recollect everything (and my mind lol) and then will be back with more amazing stories!