A continuation of Chapter 1. I split Chapter 1 into the first part and this part as I thought that the second part wasnt ready yet. Toned down certain satirical stuff from the first part that I felt didn't match the original intention of why I wrote this in the first place. As always, enjoy.
Standing at the edge of the island, I saw the darkness swirling around an epicentre, similar to a hurricane. The eye of the storm was definitely hovering over Kaos' lair, as Kaos is the root of all evil. But I couldn't go there unprepared, even with my newfound power that came out of nowhere a few hours ago. I turned around and headed towards the ruins of the Core. Hopefully, I manage to get some sweet loot from my definitely dead and not sleeping friends.
I went ham on the looting spree, hoarding every single piece of magical clothing and weapons as if it was a Black Friday sale but free. Then, like an intellectual, brilliant, non-20-iq person, I sifted through the items to see which one were the strongest. My eyes had apparently evolved to be able to see the strength and uses of the magic attributes of each item. Thank plot for that. At last, I chose a robe with a hood so I can brood while killing dudes. I am now going to overdescribe this robe. It is black in color with a streak of yellow near the hole where the face it. It has some sort of ancient runes on it, probably an ancient Skylandic language that everyone threw away in an instant for the sake of the humans. I would have still preferred Japanese. The robe was conveniently the same size as mine, so I did not need to adjust or modify the robe. I carried with me a sword that some rando Portal Master was carrying because swords are cool. And to top it off, I took one of Flameslinger's arrows from his definitely not sleeping, very dead body because a divine voice in my head had told me that the arrow was a plot device that would be of great use once I confront Kaos.
I holstered the sword and the arrow into one of the quivers that I stole from a Portal Master. I took out my scythe which is also a gun- wait, did I say what its name was? Its name is Cracksent Blows and I named it after one of my childhood friends who was a drow and got kidnapped by one of the evil Portal Masters. I would go into it, but theres a Glumshanks I need to save so I'm going to drop that exposition. I launched myself with the recoil of my gun which is also a scythe in an attempt to fly. However, my gun shockingly has limitations hence I'm unable to go that far with just launching myself with a gun that is also a scythe. As my elven body started plummeting into the deep ass-cracks of below Skylands, I rapped my dense, thick skull as I tried to come up with an idea.
Oh wait. I could fly. I just did that like literally a few hours ago when I charged towards Kaos. I blasted myself forward and very soon, I was flying like a majestic angel. I looked down below myself. Dozens of islands have already spiralled into chaos. There was fire everywhere and there were people everywhere desperately trying to protect their island from marauders sent by Kaos to clean up the remaining islands. I shrugged midair and rocketed above them. I just want my Glumshanks.
Even with the flying ability, it still took me very long to reach the lair. Not to mention my impractical hood kept brushing against my face and blocking my eyes, causing me to barrel through multiple airships. They're all bad guys. Definitely no civilians. I checked for like one second before abandoning it.
At last, I landed in front of the evil lair. It was gigantic with four concrete towers with rocket boosters under it. The whole castle radiated an ominous purple aura that was spooky enough to shiver me timbers. But I couldn't stop now, especially since I had been flying for three hours now. I don't feel like making the return trip without at least doing something first. But damn, the place looks fitting for an evil clone of myself.
I snuck into the castle. By that, I mean I blasted a hole in the wall of the castle.
"Why didn't you blow it up?" I hear you readers whining. My future husbando is in there, you idiots!
The interior was way spookier than the outside. There was spikes and skulls everywhere. Kaos has definitely read the manual on how to build an evil lair, I'll give him that. I went around mass murdering as many minions as I could because I am a hero, and the hero needs to kill bad guys to get loot and money. And them sweet, sweet experience points...
I made up my way over the linearly designed level. Mini bosses after mini bosses were thrown at my face and because I am a protagonist, I destroyed them, mostly with low difficulty. Some were very difficult though, but I healed myself using some conveniently placed potions hidden throughout the lair. And I found more money too!
At last, I arrive at the throne room. The Hall of Kaos. The place with aaallll the evvviiillll. I kicked open the door and marched into the throne room. Kaos was there, sleeping on the throne. Glumshanks was there too, tidying up the room and sweeping the floor.
"Watashi ga kita!" I yelled in the most Japanese voice I could. Kaos was jolted out of his sleep.
"I am Jahsteece, and I will bring justice!" I improvised an epic one-liner on the spot.
"Wuh? Ahem- Foolish Sky Loser! You may have come this far, but those minions you fought is nothing compared to the great Emperor Kaos!" he boasted, still a little drowsy from being awoken from his nap.
"Why were you sleeping?" I asked, disappointed that Kaos isn't putting enough effort to be the Great Supervillain Antagonist in my story.
"Because you, weakling, took too long to fight through my minions! I took a nap because you were too slow! If you had that much trouble with my underlings, then you won't be able to match up against the Great Supervillain Kaos!"
"Say what you want, I'll still beat you and take Glumshanks as my husband!"
"Why am I involved?" the troll asked, dumbfounded. He clearly had the same amount of love for me as I loved him, he's just being a tsundere and hiding his feelings.
"Wait, so you aren't going to take revenge for destroying the Core?" Kaos reflected the same confusion that Glumshanks had.
"No. Glumshanks will be my groom, and you won't stop me from taking him!"
"So you're... gay?" Glumshanks voiced out, meekly. He did not like the idea of him being a prize, but that doesn't matter.
"Ever since I set my eyes on you."
"...How?"
"I dunno. The plot dictated that I'm supposed to be homosexual."
"The plot? What plot? Is this a part of your stupid plans?!" Kaos questioned me, both enraged and outright confused.
"I don't know about this. I didn't exactly consen-"
"Oh shut up, the readers would love it."
"Readers? Whats going on?"
"Fourth wall breaks. Apparently everyone does it."
"Fourth wall? Is there another Skylands behind that wall?"
I facepalmed, attempting to stop myself from physically cringing from Kaos' trying to figure what my intellectual self is saying.
"Enough of this trickery! I will use the power of the Darkness to make myself stronger than any of you Sky Losers can ever hope to imagine!" Kaos immediately pulled a lever on his throne, causing a large trapdoor to open behind him. The ominous, spoopy purple aura radiated from the door and redirected itself into Kaos. Glumshanks, utterly terrified from what is unfolding, ran towards me and took shelter behind his powerful guardian, who is yours truly. A shockwave blasted from the midget like a giant fart, nearly knocking myself off my feet. But I had to stay strong for Glumshanks.
"Behold, my final form! I am Utter Kaos!"
Yay, the story is now hanging from a cliff. Cliffhangers are always the best. As always, leave a review if you enjoyed, even a satire fic can have faults.