Obviously rushed.

It was a dark, stormy night. The island which held my family home nearly rocked with the thunder. I am just writing extra filler because I do not know how weather affects floating islands because I never had a proper education- I MEAN, I never bothered with those boring stuff when I had better things that could use my glorious 20iq intellect. So what was I doing at my family home alone in the middle of a dark, stormy night? Playing vidya games and browsing Tumblin' and a little bit of Readit.

I browsed through the latest memes, motivational posts and prayer requests. To tell the truth, I still can't get over my overwhelming attraction towards Glumshanks-kun. Hoping to meet him again is nothing short of deluding myself though. He has ascended heaven. To bring him down to the likes of us mortals is an insult to his divinity. I'm kinda over it now though, thanks to me binging multiple animes at once. So, here I was, being a degenerate on my off-day, because I got tired from wrecking troll scrubs and carrying the entire Skylander Trap Team and Superchargers on my back. Guess what happens? God decided to give me a quest. Or apparently, "The Writer of this Shitty Fanfic" as he calls himself. He wrote me, so technically he's God.

God came descending down the ceiling of my house. By descending, I mean falling through my roof at terminal velocity and nearly interrupting my 720 Call of Duty Noscope Montage #4503. My tablet which I was browsing Tumblin' on got flattened by his fat bod.

"Thank God I made my avatar as Obama in a vibranium suit," God said, scruffing his black suit.

"Wait, you were the one that ate my chocolate back when I was ten!"

"Sorry, was hungry and my fridge was empty. Besides, it was part of your character development."

"I'm now an atheist."

"I gave Glumshanks muscles."

"I am no longer an atheist."

Now having stood up, he searched his body suit for something to give to me.

"God damn it, this suit doesn't have any pockets." he mumbled as he fumbled.

"Can't you like, write it into existence or something?"

"Actually, yeah."

A scroll manifested in his hand. He presented the scroll to me and bellowed in a horribly acted out deep voice, "BEHOLD! THE SCROLL OF JUSTICE!"

"Its a map. And you made it out of foolscap paper. It even has your school on it. It says-"

"STOP! YOU WILL REVEAL MY IDENTITY!"

"Technically, you are. I am a character written in a satire fic to convey your frustrations with reading fanfiction. This entire fic started as a joke and now you're using this fanfic to horribly exaggerate the flaws of fanfiction that you see in other people's works to make up for your insecurity while also completely disrespecting the source material. You are writing me. Therefore you are me. You've shoved canon characters and skewered them to fit your 'satire' and put them undee the guise of comedy so that you can barely pass this as fanfiction."

"I gave you 20iq, not 200iq."

"We live in a society. Bottom text."

"Thats more like it. How did I even write Jahsteece out of character, so much things to do, yak yak yak," God trailed off as I examined the map. Apparently there's a castle on an island that never existed but now with the power of Plot, has been brought into existence. It holds a new antagonist in store for me in the next few chapters.

"Oh yeah, sorry about your parents."

"You literally killed my parents."

"It was for character development, Batman. You got a new adventure waiting for you and a new character arc. Go have fun or something, I have examinations to do."

"'Kay."

And with that, God snapped himself out of

existence. Guess he didn't feel so good after that self-criticism that he forced into my speech. Welp, screw him. It's time to conquer the castle- wait, where the hell are you going! Don't cut me off like this, this is my story-

-/TRANSMISSION CUT/-

A hooded elf sits on a very edgy throne made of swords and guns. The throne room is dimly lit and the hood shrouds his face in darkness. How mysterious. He fidgeted around trying to get comfortable on the throne. A blue bipedal cat in white karate gi rushed into the throne room.

"My liege, I believe Jahsteece has received the message."

"Very well. Prepare the castle. We are going to have a feast."

"Yes, my liege."

"One more thing, Tai Chi."

"Yes, your majesty?"

"Get me a different throne. I can feel like ten different knives poking my bum."

"Very well, my liege."

The blue cat scampered off out of the throne room. The hooded elf begins a monologue.

"So, Jahsteece, its time you know the truth."

-/TRANSMISSION CUT/-

Soon. There will be more trash for you all to read :D