Oh look. I'm back. Did anyone miss me?

It has been 7 years since I received the map from God. Wait, maybe not 7 years. 7 months? Weeks? I don't remember anymore. While you guys were gone doing God knows what, I packed up my bags. For the life of me, I couldn't find my scythe and the sword I stole from that one person who is somehow alive and well. Now I have fines to pay and hours of community service to do. Screw that noise, I'm going on a field trip!

I jumped from my private island and flew to this island that appeared out of nowhere. At the very least I can fly by jumping really, really far. God got bored writing this part, so he told me, "I shall allow you to teleport all the away to the island because I do not know how to write this part."

And thus, he opened a portal in front of me, causing me to slam into the ground at Mach 5.

"Sorry, I miscalculated that." A voice resonated throughout the island.

"I HOPE YOU FAIL MATHS!" I yelled back into the sky. A sound of a man sniffling can be heard, followed by sudden downpour. Not wanting to have my perfectly delicate and beautiful (read: battle-scarred and rough) skin be tarnished by the salty tears of an over-sensitive teen, I ran towards a giant castle in front of me that I forgot to describe because I was too busy falling from the sky. The pathway to the castle did not have any shelter. Fortunately, the area surrounding the castle are trees, trees, bushes and more trees. I decided to run into the woods, hopefully finding a big enough tree to hide under. I tripped on a branch, knocked my head on a tree and died for a few hours.

"Wake up."

"Whuh-"

"WAKE UP, YOU IMBECILE!"

A bucket of ice-cold water slammed onto my face. No, it wasn't poured. An entire bucket. Thrown onto my face.

"Who goes there?" I said, startled

"You idiot, no one goes 'there'! You don't run into the forest in the middle of the rain!"

I glared at the direction of the voice. It definitely wasn't God's voice, this one obviously isn't a pansy. A humanoid feline with blue fur and karate gi stares back at me.

"You look like the Chinese knockoff of Freeze Blade."

"Ha ha. Very funny. Come I clap for you."

He clapped for me. Using his right foot and my face.

"Enough shenanigans, I was told to bring you to the castle."

"By who?" Is it that one idiot in a panther suit and a face tempting you to punch it?"

"Yes."

"Thats God."

"I'm sending you to a mental hospital once I'm done touring you around my lord's castle."

"Your lord?"

"Yes. I can't believe he looks exactly like you."

"Nice. Where is this anyway?"

"A cabin that my lord used to live in."

"Used to? This island appeared like uh... When was I given this map again?"

"Don't fret the details. None of this make sense."

"What doesn't?"

"The fact that theres a doppelganger of my lord and he's about as dumb as a bag of sledgehammers."

"I take offense to that."

"Cool."

He casually walked towards the door. I attempted to get back at him for insulting me and clapping me with his foot, however for comedic reasons, I tripped and faceplanted on the floor. I looked up to see the cat stare funnily at me and proceeded to walk out the door.

"Come. The lord doesn't like to be kept waiting."

He lead me out of the cabin and into the woods.

"Watch your step. I don't want you knocking your head on another tree."

I tripped and knocked my head on another tree. I could hear the sound of him facepalming, yet he refused to help me get up. How ungentlemanly of him. It took roughly 17 trips before we made it back onto the main road. By then, I was having a killer migraine and probably multiple skull fractures. I had it bandaged, but the fact that it has been bleeding profusely for the past hour probably isn't a good sign.

At last, we arrive at the castle. The road trip was pretty uneventful, except for me tripping 3 more times and the blue cat groaning about me being too stupid to walk properly. An elf was waiting for us at the front gates. For a castle, there doesn't seem to be anyone with royal clothing. The elf in particular was wearing leather rags, something you would expect of a commoner.

"So is this the guest your 'lord' invited?"

"I can feel your sarcasm through your quotation marks. But yes, this is the guest."

"He looks exactly like your 'lord'."

"Yes. Yes he does. And stop using those quotation marks."

"Sorry. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, Jus-"

"Do not say the lord's name in vain! Especially in front of a buffoon like this!"

"Jeez, its like you worship him as your god or something."

"YES I DO!"

He stomped off into the castle, huffing and puffing like a grumpy wolf. But he's a cat. What sound would a cat make if he is pissed?

"Now that the pain in my neck is gone-"

"Pain in OUR neck, you mean."

"Okay communist, but I'm pretty sure you have a bigger pain right above your neck there."

"Ouch."

"Anyway, Justice is asleep right now and doesn't want to be disturbed, so I'll send you to the guest quarters for now and get someone to look at your forehead." she said while gesturing for me to come follow her.

"Thanks. What was that grumpy cat's name again? I don't think he told me."

"Yeah he does that. He says he will only tell his name to those who are worthy of hearing it or something. His name is Tai Chi, and my name is Kim Chi-"

"THAT BETTER BE A PERSON WORTHY OF HEARING MY NAME!" a yell could be heard throughout the compound. She let out a long sigh before continuing, "aaand we live here."

"Wait, so you're siblings? "

"Yes. We're adopted. I'd rather stay in the orphanage if I had to be stuck with Tai Chi though."

"THAT BETTER BE- AUGH!"

"I think he fell down the stairs. Again."

"He was giving me grief earlier for tripping and falling." I carefully omitted the fact that I tripped over: a fallen tree branch, my foot, my other foot, a squirrel, a fallen tree, Tai Chi's foot and another tree branch (that wasn't on the ground, mind you. It was on a tree).

"He trips a lot himself. Seriously, he'd trip over anything. Whats your name by the way?"

"Jahsteece?"

"Justice?"

"No. Jahst- Teece."

"Okay then, probably a foreign tongue.

"Probably. Anyways, I want to get some rest. Where is the guest quarters?"

"Right behind this door. Go get some rest, I'll wake you up when Justice wakes up."

"Aye, seeya."

She closed the door behind her. I took a look around the room. Its small and cosy, with mostly a bed, a cabinet and a desk. This 'Justice' guy sure does know how to treat his guests. I turned around and sat on the comfy bed... only to see God slav squatting in front of the door with his shit-eating grin staring right back at me.

"JESUS CHRIST!"

"You mean: BarackPanther?"

I immediately flung my shoe at him. It nearly hit the mark. By that, I mean it went the opposite direction and hit a lamp behind me.

"Nice miss."

"Shut up. What the hell are you doing here anyway?"

"Watching. I'm bored, okay? Garry's Mod is getting boring and all my friends have school. The rest are all doing their own stuff."

"So you're lonely because that girl won't be talking to you anymor-"

The shoe magically flew at the back of my head, nearly cracking my skull open like an egg.

"Next time you say that, I'm deleting Glumshanks from this fanfic."

"Please don't."

"Good. Anyway, I'm here to watch, and it won't do you any good if you're already at 1hp. Did you somehow roll a natural 1 every time you take a step?"

"Not my fault there were tree branches everywhere."

"You tripped on a tree branch. ON A TREE."

"Shush. Just heal me already."

"Done."

"Wait what? I don't feel anything."

"That means it worked you chucklenut. Your headache is gone."

"Theres still one right in front of me."

"Ow."

"Anything else you want to say?"

"Eh nothing else really."

"Get out of my room."

"Okay." A tear ran down his eye as he faded into dust, again. Now that he's out of the way, I can finally res-

"WAS IT YOU THAT HEARD MY NAME?" Tai Chi stomped into the room. God damn it.

"Oh what is it now?"

"DID YOU HEAR MY NAME?"

"No, Mr. Blue's Clues."

"GOOD." He slowly walked out of the room with his eyes fixated on me the entire time. As he closed the door, slowly, like 1 degree per hour slowly, he made sure that I could see his eyes stare back at me as he closed the door. As the door finally closed. I lied down on my bed to rest.

Oh god. Today is going to be a long day.