Disclaimer: Supernatural, its plotlines, and its characters are all property of the CW and the show's writers. I probably wouldn't be worth only $7 and a bottle of pop if I was actually involved with the show, so it's really not worth the effort to sue me, even if I would love to actually meet Misha Collins.

….

I Need You

Chapter 3

….

"Cas?" Sam knocked on the door of Cas's bedroom, hoping he was somewhat ready to leave and get Dean from the hospital.

"I'm fine, Sam." Cas's voice was muffled through the door.

"That's not what I was asking. Are you coming with me to get Dean from the hospital?" Sam called back.

There was a pause. "No, I don't think so. Thanks though, Sam."

Sam gave the door a confused look. He had been sure that Cas would want to ride with him to get Dean. "Are you sure you're okay, Cas?" he asked.

"I'm fine, Sam, just busy with some stuff I've been working on. Just go without me." Cas called back.

"Okay, suit yourself. We'll be back in a little bit, there's some paperwork I have to fill out before they'll release Dean to me." Sam left quickly, not wanting to get a tongue-lashing from Dean for being late to pick him up.

On the other side of the door, Cas didn't know what the hell was going on. His heart rate was skyrocketed and he was breathing heavily even though he technically didn't have to breathe at all. He had been pacing when Sam had come to the door, but now he huddled up against the headboard of his bed and drew his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them and burying his head in between.

He was freaking out. He could tell this was some sort of anxiety reaction to the events of the day before, because every time he thought about finding Dean seizing on the floor his heart rate would pick back up. Time started to blur together, and Cas realized that at some point he had started shaking badly, despite the fact that he wasn't cold. And he was also crying, heavy tears streaming out of his eyes.

Cas sucked in a shaky breath and tried to calm himself down, but all he could think about was finding Dean on the floor of the library, choking on his own vomit, on the brink of a very permanent death. He didn't know how long he had been sitting there freaking out before the term for what was happening to him popped in his head: panic attack. He was having a goddamn panic attack. Thinking himself extremely pathetic for having such a human reaction to something so minor, seriously, Dean didn't DIE, Cas thought to himself, he tried once again to calm himself down while only managing to make things worse.

After a few more panic-stricken minutes, Cas realized that he would have definitely passed out by now had he actually been human. The stolen grace that was harbored inside Cas's body was the only thing keeping him awake and alert, making him suffer longer than he should have had to. Go figure.

He didn't know how much longer he could sit like this. The thoughts flitting through his head were not kind ones, and he felt himself verging into even worse hysterics than he was already dealing with. If the boys saw him now…

Cas gasped and sucked in another breath, but it was doing him no good. He was trying everything to calm down. It felt like it had been days, and it had most certainly been at least an hour. He desperately needed to calm down before he really did black out, because he definitely didn't want the Winchesters finding him passed out. Or worse, in the midst of an hour-long panic attack.

What Cas didn't realize that amidst his crying and gasping, he was also yelling out Dean's name. As soon as the eldest Winchester brother opened the bunker door, he heard Cas practically screaming his name from down the hall. Somewhat thankful that Sam had forgotten to pick up his prescription and had to head back in town so he could handle Cas by himself, Dean practically sprinted down the stairs and to Cas's bedroom door, thankful that Cas had had enough energy in the hospital the night before to at least heal his injured knee.

Dean yelled for Cas all the way down the hall, but it was clear that the angel couldn't hear him. Thinking that Cas was being attacked, and wondering why he didn't just smite the son of a bitch who was attacking him, Dean barged through Cas's door without knocking, and was caught off guard by an odd sight.

Cas was having a panic attack. He wasn't being attacked by a demon or an angel or anything else that could cause him physical harm. He was having a goddamn panic attack.

Barely pausing to think, Dean rushed over to Cas's bed and sat down, carefully taking ahold of Cas's shoulders. "Cas! Cas! I'm here, man, it's okay." Dean yelled. With a sudden realization about what might have caused the panic attack, and why Cas was yelling his name on repeat, he continued a steady stream of comfort for his friend. "Cas, I'm okay. I survived, I'm back from the hospital and everything. You saved my life, Cas. You did. I promise I'm okay, it's okay."

He heard Cas's breathing start to even out a bit. "Cas, can you hear me? Can you look up at me? Please?" Dean asked quietly.

Cas took a steadying breath and lifted his head off his knees, looking at Dean's chin so he wouldn't have to make eye contact. How pathetic of him. Dean just got back from the brink of death to find him having a fucking panic attack.

"I meant look me in the eyes. Please?" Dean asked again.

It was the softly spoken, sorrowful "please?" that made Cas do what he asked, lifting his head so he was staring into Dean's muddy green eyes.

"I'm okay, Cas, I promise." Dean whispered. He reached out a thumb and wiped at the tear tracks on the angel's face before carefully leaning forward and wrapping his arms around Cas's back. When he felt Cas hug him back, he reached a hand up and tangled it in his messy hair. Dean sighed. "Oh, Cas, I'm so sorry." He muttered.

"For what?" Cas sniffed. "You just came back from almost dying," Cas choked on the word "and I'm the one sitting here having a pitiful panic attack."

Dean sighed again. "I'm sorry you were the one to find me like that. I know you care about me a lot, you didn't deserve to find me like that."

"I don't just care about you a lot, Dean." Cas sat up out of the hug and wiped angrily at the tears still staining his face. "I love you. I need you. And you almost…" Cas couldn't finish the sentence.

Dean reached up and brushed his hand against Cas's hair, stroking his thumb against the angel's temple. "I know, Cas. I love you too."

Cas widened his eyes in shock. He didn't know if Dean meant he loved him platonically or in another way, but he had never heard Dean say he loved anyone, and now he was saying it to him, of all people.

Seeing Cas's widened eyes, Dean sighed and pulled Cas's head forward with the hand still on his head so that their foreheads were touching. Both men closed their eyes.

"I've always loved you, Cas. That's why I'm so hard on you all the time, and why I always get really angry when you don't show up for a while or answer our calls. I just can't bear the thought of losing you for good. I'm sorry I put you through that kind of fear yesterday." Dean brushed his hand over the back of Cas's head before letting it come to rest on the back of the angel's neck.

Cas took a few seconds to build up his nerve before opening his mouth to say what he really needed to say. He didn't think he could wait a second longer. "Dean, I think you should know…"

Dean shushed him mid-sentence. "I know, Cas. I always have." Dean leaned forward and softly pressed his lips onto Cas's chapped ones. He left them there for a moment before pulling back, leaving Cas a little dumbstruck. "And you should know that I feel the same way."

Cas gave Dean a timid smile before leaning forward and kissing the hunter again. The kiss wasn't heated, it wasn't going to end in anyone taking any clothes off. But it was passionate and full of more love than Cas had ever experienced. And that was all he wanted, or needed, right now.

….

When Sam got back to the bunker a little later, he was surprised to find that neither Dean or Cas were in the war room, library, or kitchen. Wondering if they were sulking in their rooms Sam decided he should probably check on Dean and make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid. He was even more surprised to find Dean's bedroom door hanging open, empty of the man that Sam was looking for.

Slightly worried now, Sam fast-walked down the hall to Cas's room, wondering if the angel had seen or heard Dean walking around at all. Sam reached to knock on the door before realizing it was cracked open slightly. Sam pushed it open quietly and smiled at the sight before him.

Both men were asleep on Cas's bed, sheets bundled around them. Cas's head was resting on Dean's chest, where it was rising and falling slightly. Dean had his arm around Cas's shoulders, holding the angel protectively to his chest.

Sam quietly closed the door and walked away, still smiling. He couldn't help but think it was about damn time…