Life in the Sloth Lane

Written by Fox in the Henhouse

Edited by Cimar

To everyone except their fellow coworkers, the idea of a fox and bunny cop duo being the best in the precinct would seem rather absurd. Small mammals, incapable of taking on larger criminals. Inexperienced compared to other officers. One would think they would be left behind in the dust. And with ten minutes of watching them work, those thoughts would be banished to the wind.

"Come on, Nick! He's turning left around the corner!" A russet and black furred mammal was struggling to keep up with his gray partner. While foxes were naturally faster than rabbits and had a higher amount of stamina, Nick's age and slightly less impressive physique meant he was normally falling behind. Luckily he had some tricks up his sleeve to make up for it.

"Cutting through, Carrots!" A minor flick of her ear told him she understood and the two would employ a pinching maneuver, attempting to box the suspect into an alley lane. Hopefully the mammal would be shocked enough at the reversal that he would forget how useful his size would be against them until they could get a dart into his hide.

Meanwhile Judy was having her own problems. While she was able to run down most mammals, her quarry was one of the fastest mammals on land. She knew however that as long as she could keep the cheetah in her sights until his endurance ran out, then he would be occupying the backseat of their cruiser. "ZPD! FREEZE!" She had already given that command several times, but like always it went ignored. Most suspects figured they could either outrun the diminutive cops or fight them. So far the success of those types of criminals had been zero. And Judy was not about to let some spotted liquor store robber break that streak.

Forcing him to take a hard left as he reached a busier part of town and found his size becoming a disadvantage, the cheetah attempted to escape down an alleyway only to run into the trap they had laid out for him. Seeing the cocky grin on the fox's face as he charged at the much larger suspect made the feline pause before turning back around, hoping to get by the rabbit and make his escape. However, he failed to calculate just how close the bunny had been. An image of flying hind paws was the last thing he saw for a while.

"Well that was fun. But maybe knock him out a bit closer to the cruiser next time? Thanks guys!" Nick waved gratefully to the black bear and moose that had helped carry the cheetah back to their waiting vehicle. They would never have been able to drag him themselves. Shoving him into the back seat next to a rather humbled rhino, they slammed the door shut after double checking he was secure.

"Wow, what a rush! I never get to chase cheetahs that often. Moving so fast was like, wow. Adrenaline to the max! I hope we get another one later." Nick could only stare at his partner in disbelief. He was finding it difficult to even catch his breath and she was already talking about chasing down another mammal that sets land speed records.

"You know, after that I think we need a break. Think I pulled something back in the alley," Nick whimpered slightly while rubbing his calf. If the wince was anything to go by, it certainly seemed he was in pain.

"Alright. We'll drop these guys off and take a long lunch. Flitwick's sound good?"

Nick grinned wide. "You know the way to my heart, Carrots."

In the back the cat finally stirred. Shaking his head to clear the grogginess, he was dismayed to find that his paws were cuffed behind his back. A quick and futile struggle had him sitting back with a heavy sigh. A sudden realization of not being alone made him turn his head to see a depressed rhino next to him. "They get you in the alley, too?" The cheetah groaned and flopped back down onto the seat, his head still pounding.

"Okay, so what do you want to do today? Wild West? Knights of the Round Table? Although you're not allowed to get frisky with Guinevere this time," Judy sternly told him. The last time Nick had gotten in a lot of trouble for that even though it had been the machine and not him.

"Hmm...Nah. I like all of those, but lately we've been getting too hectic. Especially you, Carrots. You're living too fast, especially with kits on the way. Sometimes you just need to...slow down," he said with a smirk while flicking the switch.

Judy looked up at the screen in time to see the rolling text. "No. No no no."

"Oh yes, Carrots. Engaging 'Life in the sloth lane.'"

Waking up as he normally did, the specially designed alarm clock beeping steadily, Flash pulled back the covers, ready to begin a new day. The room was dark as it always was since the sun had yet to rise, but with how quickly that would change gave him just enough time to shower and get dressed for work. Putting on his usual attire, a light green short sleeve dress shirt and a pair of comfortable khakis, he paused before selecting his favorite tie from the rack. Halfway through tying a casual Windsor knot the sun began to peek over the horizon. He couldn't help but huff as he realized he was running slightly behind.

Turning, the sloth began to head out before remembering the last part of his apparel. Reaching into his dresser drawer, he pulled out a gold tie pin. He handled it gently, lightly gripped between his claws. It was one of the few mementos he had left of his grandfather, the pin having been left to him in his will. He smiled at the memories he had of playing in his grandpa's lap, always reaching for the shiny gold hanging above him.

Snapping out of his reminiscing by a blinding light suddenly coming through his window, he realized he had wasted precious moments as the sun was nearly over the landscape of endless buildings outside his apartment. Opening the door, he quickly moved through it, barely locking it in time before a thunderous stomping of many children rattled his bones. He glimpsed the impatient mammals stampeding through the hall on their way out to the bus. They were a momentary blur in the corner of his eye, making the sloth shake his head. Children. Just like their parents. Always in a rush.

Making his way down the stairs, he had to move over another three times as various mammals passed him, their motions frantic like usual. By the time he managed to get to the ground floor, his progress having been halted occasionally, the sun was nearly a quarter into the sky. Flash sighed knowing he was going to get to work a bit late since he was pretty sure the traffic would be a nightmare by the time he hit the highway.

Luckily for Flash, his personal vehicle always managed to get him where he needed to be in time. Custom outfitted just for him, the cherry red sports car was a marvel of beauty. He had won many street races in his machine, all of them illegal which meant he needed to be very careful to not push the limit when taking the way to work. Ultimately failing at that, just as he always did, he made it to the DMV employee parking lot just before the front doors opened.

He headed in the mandatory side entrance, something that always amused the rest of the employees that management apparently wanted to hide them from the public considering they would be working with them all day long. Snagging himself a cup of coffee and adding the customary sixteen sugars, he sidled past his coworkers who had already take their seats. Grabbing his own chair he pulled it out and sat down before blowing on his cup. Hot was the best way to drink coffee but the machine unfortunately usually made it a bit too hot some days.

"Morning Priscilla," he said, greeting his neighboring sloth. He couldn't help but admire her fur that morning. The pink streaks gave her a more youthful impression and made her seem a bit of a rebel to standard sloth society. Almost none of their species dyed their fur so it was an exotic sight.

"Morning Flash. Almost late to work again, huh?" He couldn't help but look a bit embarrassed considering he had been behind schedule nearly every day that week.

"Nearly forgot my granddad's pin." Priscilla nodded with understanding. Most sloths were very sentimental and a token of a loved one who had passed on was considered an affront to them if they were discarded or left behind. It was a way to honor their family. Though it had to be some sort of small token that could be carried around every day. Her own great-uncle Albert had left her a tuba. It was treated reverently but would be an ungainly thing to drag around behind her.

Priscilla went back to setting up her desk for the day. She was extremely picky about organization. Not a single thing could be out of place or she would be out of sorts all day. Flash was sorely tempted to reach over and slide one of her pencils out of alignment but considering they were back on for the last few weeks he didn't want to push his luck.

Since their high school sweetheart days, the two sloths had been madly in love one month only to break up and glare at each other the next. They still managed to snag the "Most likely to get married" spot in the yearbook however. After graduating and going through college, they had matured a lot more but still continued their on-again, off-again relationship.

Their shift started off relatively normal. So many hectic and impatient mammals would come in and take a ticket only to move out of the way and start stomping their feet or sighing loudly in irritation. It never failed to stupefy the sloth, seeing every mammal that came through the DMV being in such a hurry and so animated. Their motions were a blur, most of them unable to even stand still for their license photo. Half the time they couldn't even wait for them to staple the forms together preferring to snatch them right from their claws.

"There's only six hours in the day, yet they rush through to get tons done," he said while leaning over to talk to Priscilla during one of their short breaks. "They should know how to handle it since it's been this way all their lives."

"Gotta remember, Flash. They aren't sloths." They both eyed the lines of mammals all waiting for the next number to be called. It was a well known fact that sloths were the only patient mammals in Zootopia. They preferred to enjoy their time rather than attempt to rush through life as it could end so suddenly.

After each of them had grabbed another cup of coffee, the two went back to work, filing the paperwork for each mammal. With how many had come in that day they doubted they would get through everyone. It was unfortunately the nature of bureaucracy. So many forms to deal with that restricted the flow of progress. Flash had given management many ideas over the past few years on how to speed up the process but ultimately they were turned down.

So instead they would continue to handle each case as it came in, doing the necessary paperwork for a drivers license or new plates to be issued or any of the dozens of minor problems that were brought to them. And yet as they tried to do their civil service they still would receive some dirty looks and huffs. Occasionally Flash would make a show of going on another break just to make them wait longer. It was a petty response but it still made him feel better.

And it was on one of these breaks that a rather interesting thing happened.

The sound of the entry doors opening was such a normal occurrence in their day to day lives that none of them even bothered to look up anymore. However a shrill sound, the voice of someone in slight distress caught Flash's attention. "Waitthey'reall...sloths?"

Rolling his eyes back at something he's heard most of his life, Flash couldn't help but be intrigued at the sight of a rabbit in a police uniform. From what he could recall there weren't any employed by the ZPD, though he had stopped reading the paper years ago when it had published a scathing write-in post about sloths and their danger in driving.

"Yousaidthiswasgonnabequick!" The speed at which the small mammal was ranting at her companion had him nearly rolling his eyes again. While most of the species in the city were in a rush as it was, bunnies were in a state far too ridiculous for even the most patient of mammals to deal with. So the familiar voice that came next from a fox in a gaudy shirt next to the rabbit had him feeling a bit better.

"What,areyousayingthatbecausehe'saslothhecan'tbefast? IthoughtinZootopiaanyonecouldbeanything." The sloth couldn't help but let a grin cross his face. While Nick was still far too animated for his liking, he was one of the most patient mammals outside of a sloth he had ever known. He never interrupted any of them which was something unheard of by the entire city's population. "Flash,Flash,hundredyarddash! Buddy,it'snicetoseeya." He just wished he would be as patient when he was speaking.

"Nice to see you, too." He had a feeling that with the cop along this was not so much of a social call as one of his trademark hustles. A sly wink sent his way told him that was exactly what it was.

"Hey, Flash,I'dloveyoutomeetmyfriend... Uh,darling,I'veforgottenyourname." Flash was amused by the look the rabbit sent his friend. Almost a patronizing look telling him he was going to be a smug, dead fox if he kept toying with her.

"Hmmm.OfficerJudyHoppshowareyou?" The energy being spouted from the small mammal was so great he wouldn't be shocked if she suddenly exploded.

"I am doing just-"

"Fine?" she added hopefully. The sloth grimaced internally at the interruption, though sadly he was too used to it to let it show on his face.

"-as well as I can be."

Judy gave him a strained smile, trying not to seem impatient though ultimately failing. "Hmmm."

"What-"

"Hanginthere," Nick muttered to the rabbit who looked as if she was about to scream.

"can I do-"

"Well,Iwashopingyoucouldrunaplate-"

"for you-"

"Well,Iwashopingyoucould-"

"Today?" Flash was starting to enjoy the frustration on her cute little face, not that he would ever use that word. He knew why Nick had brought her to him as he could always be counted on to thoroughly aggravate others with his patient attitude. Judy meanwhile had been waiting to see if Flash had finished speaking or not.

"Well,Iwashopingyoucouldrunaplateforus. Weareinareallybighurry." The words from the young bunny tumbled out of her mouth at a ludicrous speed. Even with how close they were as friends and how much Flash enjoyed helping Nick out, he was still going to collect on a few favors for this.

"Sure. What's the plate-"

"2-9-T-"

"Number?" There was a slight twitch in the rabbit's eyelid as if she was losing whatever self-control she had.

"2-9-T-H-D-0-3."

Leaning over the keyboard, Flash started typing in the numbers. "2-9-"

"T-H-D-0-3," Judy offered unhelpfully. He felt a little insulted that the ZPD officer felt he couldn't remember a few simple numbers and letters considering this was something he did everyday.

"T-"

"H-D-0-3"

"H-"

"D-0-3"

"...D-"

"Mmhm. 0-3."

"0."

"3!" Judy practically shouted, desperation getting to her. Her nose startled to wiggle and twitch as Flash's claw reached for the final key.

"HeyFlash,wannahearajoke?" Nick felt supremely smug at having distracted the sloth right before he managed to finish his task.

"No!" This time Judy did shout, all of the wound up stress within her surging to the forefront.

"Sure," Flash said, recognizing the ploy. The bunny officer let out a frustrated huff at once again being delayed by the smug con-mammal.

" -humpedcamel?" Flash always enjoyed Nick's sense of humor and he seemed to never run out of jokes. True to that trait, this was one the sloth had not heard before.

"I don't know. What do you call a-"

"Three-humpedcamel," came the muttered voice from the gray rabbit.

"Three-humped camel?" finished Flash, intrigued by what the punchline must be.

"Pregnant!" Nick started laughing hard at his own joke, nudging the unsmiling officer next to him. The sloth found himself feeling a laugh of his own bubbling up from inside.

"Ha ha ha!" He slapped his claws against the desk in glee.

"Haha!Yes,veryfunny, -" Judy broke off as Flash turned away.

"Hey-"

"Wait,wait,wait!"

"-Priscilla."

"Ohno!"

"Yes Flash?" Priscilla said sweetly, turning to see her boyfriend smiling at her.

"What do-"

No!" Judy moaned, knowing she was close to losing any hope at getting out of there soon.

"-you call-"

"Athreehumpedcamel?Pregnant!" Judy tried to yell over the sloth, her voice tinged with desperation while Nick looked on smugly.

"-three-"

"Okay!Great!We got it!Please just-"

"-humped-"

Judy slammed her head down on the desk in frustration.

With the simulation finally ended, Nick lifted the helmet and shook his head. Usually they played themselves but this time both of them had experienced it from Flash's point of view. Nick had been very interested when the sloth had told him about Flitwick's desire to have programs that showed other mammals how they lived. Flash had volunteered immediately, his desire for others to see his species as they saw themselves. When Flitwick had asked him to relive an important memory, their meeting during the Missing Mammals case easily took one of the top spots.

"Well Carrots, that certainly helped to slow things down a bit. And gave us a different look at Flash, huh?" He turned to his bunny to smile at her only to see her still in the process of removing her helmet. Normally that wouldn't be a concern, but her movements were incredibly slow, almost inching along.

"It...wasn't...that...bad...really..." Finally removing her helmet, her eyes moved over to look at him, mimicking the slow movement from before.

"Uhhh...Carrots? Why are you talking like that?"

Judy cocked her head, though it took her several seconds to do. "What...do you...mean...Nick? I...always...talk like...this..."

Nick clapped a paw to his face. "Aw crap."

AN: Big thanks to Fox in the Henhouse for this chapter. So go check out his other stories on this site as they are amazing!