Private Eye Monologues Chapter 4
Written by BeecroftA
Edited by: DrummerMax64
Artwork by StarWisherMidnight on DA
That evening was a quiet affair. Between Nick and Judy, that is. Ridley and Ella, however, had made no change whatsoever in their sleeping habits and volume output since Nick and Judy had returned to work, so the evening after the two got home passed by in its usual whirlwind of diapers, feedings, and ringing ears. However, Judy spoke no words to Nick unless they were related to the kids, and while she put on a polite exterior, a stiff upper lip and a dark pink tinge in her ears told Nick she had still not gotten over her embarrassment at his little monologue performance at the fish market. And in the car while they were escorting Duke to the precinct. Annnd to everyone who happened to be in the lobby of the precinct when they arrived. Needless to say, everyone had gotten quite a show, especially the little weasel. Nick didn't say it often, but he might have gone a teensy bit too far. And tonight, he vowed, he was going to make it up to Judy.
That night, Judy awoke with a start. But for once, it was not from the sound of babies crying, but from the lack of it. She was so used to getting up in the middle of the night now she had awoken out of habit, but hadn't heard a thing. Not even a whimper. Judy gazed at the clock: 6:07 AM. She bolted upright. It wasn't night, it was morning! It was almost time to get up for work! And then, once she started shaking the cobwebs out of her brain, Judy realized two things: 1) Nick was not in bed with her, and 2) not only could she not hear the babies cry, she could not hear anything at all, not even the usual background noise. Clapping her paws to her head, she found the reason why: someone had slipped on her noise-cancelling headphones over her ears while she slept.
Yanking off the headpiece she listened out, but still could hear no baby cries, only low mumbling and creaking noises somewhere else in the apartment. Curiosity piqued, Judy went to the door, opened it quietly, and tiptoed down the hallway towards the living room. Peeping around the corner, she saw the scene: there was Nick, sitting in their rocking chair, gazing out the window and holding both Ridley and Ella in his lap, the gentle creaks and back-and-forth movements providing a soothing atmosphere for the little kits. Both babies were cozily swaddled in blankets, and both were staring wide-eyed and attentively at their father, who seemed to be telling them a story:
"And then Mommy told me to go, to leave her, when she herself faced all but certain doom at the paws of both the savage jaguar and the heights from which she dangled, clinging desperately to that slippery rain-soaked platform. And even in the heat of the moment I realized, that was the noblest thing I had ever seen. I hesitated, I had no idea what to do. Then the decision was made for me as the gondola left, and it was all I could do to keep myself from fainting as I looked into those feral, slit-pupiled eyes…"
With a start, Judy realized Nick was telling the story of how the two of them had solved the night howler case years before. Sure, Ridley and Ella were far too young to understand what he was saying, but somehow his presentation, or at least the detective voice he was using, seemed to have an entrancing effect on the two infants.
"And the jaguar pounced, and just when I thought I was about to pay my dues to the holy Maid Marian, the jaguar froze, and recoiled. Somehow, in a split-second, Mommy had managed to regain her footing and snare the jaguar with a large pawcuff to his hindpaw,"
Nick chuckled. "To this day, it remains an unsolved mystery as to where she was keeping those cuffs, for none of the tiny pockets on her belt could possibly have held them..."
Judy chuckled a little too. That… was a trade secret she had never revealed to anyone. Nick leaned in closer to Ridley and Ella's faces, speaking them in almost a whisper:
"That, I believe, was the moment when I truly began to understand just how extraordinary your mother was. That, I think, was the moment when our path to love, marriage and you, the babies in the baby carriage, truly began."
Judy had to cover her mouth to stop herself from 'awww'ing out loud. But then she realized: had he been up with the babies all night? The poor fox must be exhausted! Just then, she noticed something else: the apartment looked spotless. Gazing around, she could see there were no toys on the floor, there were no dirty dishes in the sink, and the pile of laundry she had meant to do last night sat neatly folded in the basket.
"Okay," she then heard Nick whisper. "Let's get you back to the crib, see if you little rugrats feel like catching a little snooze before breakfast." The fox stood up and gave a tired yawn. "I'll tell you the rest of the story tomorrow."
Not sure what to do, Judy quickly crept back down the hallway, slipped back into the master bedroom, and softly shut the door behind her just before Nick entered the hallway. Through the door, she could hear Ella start to give a little fuss as Nick walked by. "Shhh," the fox whispered. "We don't want to wake Mommy, she needs a few more minutes."
Judy felt a huge rush of affection for Nick well up inside her. Deciding to follow his wishes, she hopped back into bed and sat up, eagerly anticipating his return. Because when he did, oooh boy did she have plans for rewarding him. But, ten minutes later, Nick had still not returned, and Judy had gone back to sleep until the alarm clock went off at 7.
After being reawakened by the alarm clock and seeing there was no Nick in bed with her, Judy went and checked the kitchen first, but the fox was not there. After turning on the coffee maker, she checked the living room and the bathroom and then finally the nursery, where she found Nick sprawled face-down on the carpet in front of the crib, both babies inside sleeping peacefully.
"Nick? Nick!" Judy hurried over and concernedly checked his vitals, breathing a sigh of relief when they appeared normal; Nick had just fallen asleep. Wishing she could just leave him where he was, Judy began delivering little slaps to his face to wake him up. "Come on, wake up, we gotta get ready for work…"
Nick gave a little stir and his eyes fluttered open a little bit, but what came out of his mouth, however, strongly suggested he was not awake yet:
"No no, the killer could not have been the ocelot. Judging by the position of the body and the angle of the harpoon, I would deduce the killer to be roughly rabbit-sizzzed…"
And then the fox's head nodded back, and Nick was asleep again. Guessing he was dreaming about being Sherlock Hounds again, Judy ran back to the kitchen, where the coffee maker was beginning to fill the coffee pot. Slipping a mug under the coffee stream, Judy filled it up and dashed with it back to the nursery.
"Nick? Come on sleepy fox, smell the nice coffee…" Judy murmured as she held the mug in front of Nick's nose and fanned with her paw to make him smell the coffee vapor. Nick's ears gave a twitch and then his nose gave a few little sniffs, and then a grin began to spread across the fox's face even though his eyes still weren't open.
"Coooffeee…" Nick groaned as his left paw came to life and began to feel around blindly for the cup of miracle elixir. Judy handed it to him, and Nick immediately put it to his mouth and drank the entire contents in two gulps, wincing as the hot liquid burned his throat. Nick smacked his lips, a few seconds passed, and the fox's eyes finally opened for real.
"Uggh… Morning, Carrots."
"Good morning, Nick," Judy whispered, giving him a little kiss. "I saw what you did, cleaning the apartment and staying up with the kids and giving me a good night's sleep…" She threw her arms around his neck. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Nick smiled as he put his free arm around his wife and hugged her back, his other arm still firmly pinned under his body where he had fallen asleep on it. "Aww… T'was nothing, really. It was good to get some one-on-one time with the kits like that."
"I understand, but what about the rest of today?" Judy asked. "You've been up all night! Are you sure you can handle a full day of work now?"
"Don't sweat it, I used to pull all-nighters like that all the time back in my hustling days," Nick stated. And then he began to peel his limp body off the carpet, hoisted up his torso with his arms, and collapsed again. "Of course, that was about ten years ago…"
Judy chuckled as she helped the bedraggled fox get to his feet. "Okay, but if at any point today you feel like you can't work anymore, you tell me, understand?"
The fox nodded.
"Good! Why don't you go freshen up while I make you a nice breakfast, hm? Cheese and bug omelette, your favorite."
"Sounds gooood…" Nick slurred as he trudged off to the bathroom dragging his feet.
Nick was fine through the rest of breakfast, and through getting dressed and greeting his mother when she showed up for kitsitting duty, but on their way to the precinct he nodded off again in the car. Judy didn't trouble him, but instead drove on in silence until they reached Precinct One. But the Nick that greeted her when she had parked and shook him awake, however, was something she had not seen coming:
"I felt fatigue gnaw at my soul like spiritual piranhas, but my resolution to be active in my goal to serve and protect the city remains unyielding. As I once vowed to myself, this city never sleeps, so I in turn must never sleep, and I shall not."
And then he got out of the car, and started strutting towards the precinct with a strange new energy.
"Nick, wait!" Judy yelled as she undid her seatbelt and ran up to him. "What are you doing? Why are you narrating now? We're not on duty yet!"
But Nick ignored her as he climbed the steps and burst through the revolving door into the lobby. A panicked look came over Judy's face as she spotted Clawhauser waving to them from his desk, a doughnut halfway up to his mouth. "Hi guys!" he called out. "How are the-"
"MorningClawhausernotimetochat, busy!" Judy garbled as she pushed Nick past the reception desk before he could start talking to Clawhauser in detective-mode. However, this did not stop the confused cheetah from overhearing as they made their way down the hall to the bullpen:
"As we gave our usual greeting to our favorite chubby Jubatus, I could deduce by the crumbs on his chin and chest that he has already had two chocolate, one maple and three jelly doughnuts since the beginning of his shift this morning, thereby increasing his future risk of diabetes by approximately twelve percent…"
"Stoppit, Nick!" Judy pleaded.
A mystified look came over Clawhauser's face as he slowly counted the doughnuts left in his box and realized Nick was right.
"McHorn's blood pressure problems seem as strong as ever, in fact, going by the irate expression on his face it must be getting worse. A less stressful profession would be worthy of consideration, but then I am a detective, not his cardiologist."
Nick sniffed the air around Officers Wolford and Fangmeyer as he walked by them,
"And by their shared musk mask, I can deduce Wolford and Fangmeyer spent last night together – Fangmeyer appears satisfied, but going by the cushion on his chair Wolford continues to be insecure about their difference in their sizes."
Nick's narration continued all the way into the bullpen and up to his and Judy's seat, along with bemused expressions from everybody listening. Next to him, trying not to make the scene worse than it already was, Judy simply followed silently, red-faced and tight-lipped. Up at the podium, much to her dismay, Chief Bogo was already there, ready to hand out the day's assignments. "Wilde, Hopps, what is going on here?" the Cape buffalo asked.
Nick ignored him as he clambered up onto his seat, a tomato-faced Judy following him. "And speaking of chairs," Nick continued, "it continues to disappoint me to find myself and my leporine consort still sharing one chair between us after half a decade on the force. As much as I enjoy the closeness, this stirring lack of accommodation suggests shortcomings in the progressiveness of the police department, if not the Mammal Inclusion Initiative."
"Nick, QUIET…" Judy hissed out of the side of her mouth.
"Wilde, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" Bogo growled.
Nick cocked his head at the chief, his face smirking but his eyes dreamy and unfocused, "No need to get your horns in a knot, Inspector Bovidae-Posterior."
Every officer in the room gasped.
"Nick, cut it OUT!" Judy screamed and shoved Nick off the chair, sending the fox sprawling to the floor with a thud. There was another gasp, and a sudden hush fell over the room.
"PARKING DUTY! BOTH OF YOU!" Bogo roared.
Judy jumped at the anger in the Cape buffalo's voice. "But sir…" she started. Bogo snorted loudly to silence her.
"You two will come back at noon to receive your assignment, but by then I expect three hundred tickets between you. Dismissed!" he yelled.
Sighing, head bent low and her ears hanging low with embarrassment, Judy helped Nick off the floor and out of the room, every set of eyes in the room following them.