Private Eye Monologues Chapter 5 (finale)

Written by BeecroftA

Edited by: DrummerMax64

Artwork by StarWisherMidnight on DA

Edited by: DrummerMax64

"What are you trying to do, Nick? Are you trying to make us lose our jobs? It's bad enough when you do that stupid narration on patrol, but in the bullpen? In front of everybody? It's a miracle we didn't get laughed out of the precinct! I can take a joke, but not when it might cost us our careers!"

No answer.

"Are you even listening to me?!"

Livid at her humiliation in the station, Judy continued to yell at Nick all the way to the metermobile and through the streets of Savannah Central. The fox, however, did not even seem to realize they were being punished, or that he had just embarrassed her for the umpteenth time in twenty-four hours. He simply sat there, staring into open space, the puffy bags under his eyes somehow looking more prominent than ever. And then Judy saw his eyes flicker towards a deer couple on the sidewalk, holding hooves and pushing a baby carriage, and that familiar hard-boiled drone began to stream from his mouth once more:

"As I sat and watched the world go by, the sight of a young and innocent family going about on their morning walk caught my eye, and I felt my heart melt like ice cream on a Sahara Square sidewalk as the image of my own young family entered my mind. Despite the pain of being away from my babies, it brings me courage to know my work is a necessary sacrifice for the sake of their futures…"

Lost for words, Judy pulled over, but before she could ask him what that was about the fox got out. Without a word to her, Nick started down the street to begin their usual patrol for parking violations, his feet and tail dragging but his eyes looking determined:

"I felt my brain start to numb like frostbite as I began my tour of parking duty through the streets of Savannah Central. Watching the world go by, studying every face I see, knowing a potential ticket violator lies behind every one of those eyes…" And he disappeared around the corner.

As she watched Nick vanish, Judy felt a surge of realization hit her. Here she was, yelling at him for embarrassing her, when all he was doing was crying for help. She could see it now: those monologues were not some half-baked attempt to spice up work or drive her crazy, but of her mate's struggles to cope with the pressures of balancing work and being a new father. She had no idea why she hadn't seen it before. Feeling a huge wave of remorse, Judy dashed after him; she was not going to let him out of her sight now, and the moment the clock struck noon she was going to sit down and have a long chat with Bogo, three hundred tickets or no.

At 12:01, during the drive back to Precinct One in the jokemobile, Nick fell asleep again. But instead of awakening him once they had returned and parked the thing, Judy had literally picked him up and carried him across the lot into the building, attracting more than a few stares along the way. After laying him on a bench in the lobby and asking Clawhauser to keep an eye on him she went straight to Chief Bogo's office, knocking timidly on the imposing glass-paned door.

"Come in," came the chief's booming voice.

Judy entered, walked up to the desk and took her seat in front of the Cape buffalo. To her surprise, she saw there wasn't even a case folder on Bogo's desk, not that she would accept an assignment now anyway. She wasted no time cutting to the chase:

"Chief, I think Nick and me need to extend our leave."

The chief gave no reaction, but simply folded his hoofs on the desk and looked at her intently. "Oh? Do tell."

Judy wasn't sure where to begin. "Look, that thing that happened in the bullpen earlier…" the chief nodded with interest, "Nick's been… narrating our police work like that all week. It started off funny, just one of his jokes, and then I thought he was keeping it up just to annoy me. But now… now I think he's actually cracking up. He can't go on like this; I think he needs help."

Bogo sighed, and then opened a desk drawer and pulled his iPad. "This comes as no surprise to me, Officer Hopps. In fact, my only surprise is that you did not come to me about this sooner." He tapped at the iPad screen a few times and then presented it to Judy: it was a video showing the image of a Savannah Central neighborhood; Judy recognized this as dash camera footage.

"You understand, we only watch these when there is strange or suspicious activity going on," said the chief. "After hearing of his little scene in Pike Place Market yesterday, courtesy of Officer Kiba and Duke Weaselton, and his performances in the lobby yesterday and in the pen this morning, I took the liberty of looking at some of the dash camera footage from your vehicle the week Officer Wilde worked alone, and it qualifies as strange or suspicious. Take a look."

He pressed play. Judy couldn't see Nick, only the view of the streets he had, but she could hear his voice loud and clear, and it was not good:

"By the swift urgency of which the purse-snatcher fled from me, I can only conclude he not only has a prior record, but also a heightened sense of self-preservation that can be traced back to childhood fear for one's future. This indicates lack of opportunity from the start, beginning a circle of crime and imprisonment. This cycle of desperation sickens me, both in its design and its haunting familiarity. He reminded me of what I could have become, had I never met my leporine consort, or had a less loving mother. My past treatment of both will remain a haunting spectre on my soul for the rest of my days…"

And with that, Bogo paused the video. Judy gripped one of her biceps anxiously. "Is there more?" she asked.

"Lots. I think your husband has been watching too much Shrew Detective," Bogo replied. He put the iPad down and folded his hooves on the desk, regarding Judy calmly.

"There is nothing wrong with him, Officer Hopps, he is merely suffering from intensive prolonged sleep deprivation. Far from the first case I've seen, having seen many officers become new parents over the years, but I must admit your husband's resultant behavior is… most unusual."

Judy chuckled weakly. "Most everything about my family is unusual, sir."

Bogo nodded in agreement, and reopened his desk drawer and pulled out two sheets of paper. "This," he stated, "is the assignment I was going to give you." He slid the papers towards her.

Judy gazed at the papers in awe: they were two forms for parental leave for her and Nick, their names and information already filled in.

"Eight more weeks of leave, non-negotiable," said Bogo. "And then I will call you, and you will give me a case for why you should return to work or stay on leave. I suggest your return be when your children have started sleeping through the night."

Judy nodded. "I guess we did come back a little too soon…"

The chief concurred. "Hopps, I admire your dedication to your job, I truly do, but your place now is at home with your children." He picked up the leave papers, and directly proffered them to Judy. "Take your mate, go home, and get some rest. Leave the paperwork with Clawhauser on your way out."

Judy nodded, took the papers, and hopped off the oversized chair for the door.

"And Hopps?"

Judy spun around. "Yes?"

The chief leaned back in his chair and regarded Judy with a warm expression she had almost never seen him use before. "Congratulations again on your new family."

Judy smiled, saluted, and left without another word.

Mrs. Wilde was surprised to see Nick and Judy when they returned home twenty minutes later, and once they had all sat down and Judy explained to her about Nick's exhaustion and the conclusion they had gone back to work too early (Judy decided to tell her about the strange monologues some other time), the vixen was almost indignant. But once Judy declared they were now on leave again, Ellaine's indignation turned to a sigh of relief.

"Well, I certainly hope you two have learned your lesson," she stated. "I love and respect your dedication to your police work, I always have, but sometimes you have to put your own needs first."

"Yeah, Chief Bogo told me the same thing," said Judy. "Don't worry, Ellaine, when we go back again, you can be sure we'll be rested and ready, and will also have our childcare options all sorted out beforehand."

"Hear hear," mumbled Nick, who had returned to his normal self but was now more exhausted than he had ever felt in his life, ready to just lie down on the couch they were sitting on and rest forever and ever.

Mrs. Wilde smiled. "I appreciate that, Judy, but I do want you to know: these past few weeks, helping to take care of my grandchildren, it's been wonderful, truly. Any time you want a sitter, I'm there for you, day or night."

The three of them then embraced, the group hug lasting for almost a full minute before Judy stood up.

"Thanks, Ellaine. You can go home now if you want, consider yourself relieved of duty. With all the help you've given us already, you deserve a good rest too."

"Sounds tempting…" said Mrs. Wilde, "but I've got a better idea!"

And then she strode out of the living room. A surprised Judy followed her and saw her go into their bedroom. She watched the vixen lug a suitcase out of the closet, toss it on the bed, and then stride over to the chest of drawers and pull out a pair of Judy's shirts and pants.

"You two, you two – are going to stay at my place tonight! You can sleep in Nick's old room! I will stay here with the babies, you two are not allowed back until you've had at least sixteen hours sleep! Each!"

Mrs. Wilde finished packing a set of clothes for each of them and then strutted to the bathroom and started to fill up a toiletries kit. Judy followed her.

"Ellaine, please! We got this! You really don't need to!" Judy exclaimed.

Mrs. Wilde zipped up the toiletries bag and glared down at the rabbit. "I'm sorry Judy, but I am afraid I must insist. I mean, look at my son! He looks dead on his feet!"

Judy gazed sideways at Nick, who had finally caught up with them. His arms were hanging limp like a zombie at his sides and his head was drooping so low his nose was touching his chest. Judy surmised if his tail wasn't there to keep him upright, the fox would have fallen over by now.

Half an hour later, Nick and Judy were standing in the hallway of Mrs. Wilde's apartment and Nick's childhood home.

"All my teen years I dreamed about bringing a girl up to my room. Who knew it would be a bunny and I would be married first?" said Nick. Despite it being early afternoon, Nick clearly wasn't up for waiting until nightfall before going to bed.

"Okay, where does your mom keep the sheets?" Judy asked.

"Don't bother; I could sleep on a bed of nails right now," Nick stated as he started trudging down the hall towards his old room. Judy, however, remained where she stood, looking strangely thoughtful.

"Err… are you sure you want to go to sleep right this minute, Nick?"

Nick turned to face her and let out a huge yawn that showed Judy every one of his sharp canines. "*Yaaaawwwnnn*… Yep, and I think it will be for every minute from now until next week." And with that, Nick turned back down the hallway, opened a door, and disappeared through it. Judy's ears drooped a little.

"It's just, you know... we have this whole apartment to ourselves for at least a day, and it's just been so long since we, you know…" she spoke almost in a whisper, 'multiplied'."

Suddenly, Judy heard a 'PSHOOM' like a cartoon roadrunner, and the next thing she knew Nick was standing before her, ears erect, tail wagging and eyes looking far more awake than they were a few seconds before. "I'm sorry, do go on. What were you saying?" he asked.

Judy giggled. "I'm saying, we have this whole place to ourselves, and I still want to thank you for that good night's sleep you gave me last night, and it has been over a month since the last time we 'multiplied'."

"Now that you mention it, it has been a while," Nick replied eagerly. A goofy grin spread across his face as he felt himself get in the mood, before it changed to a look of concern. "But wait, what about, you know, down there-"

"I'm healed now, Nick, don't worry," said Judy. "I haven't felt any pain down there in a week. No telling if I'll ever be able to have kids again, not that our odds were great anyway, but it's only a scar down there now. Other than that, I am fit as a fiddle," she started scratching a special spot under Nick's ear, "and ready for love."

Nick let out a deep, familiar purr. "Well, in that case…"

With a surprised yelp from the rabbit, he scooped Judy up and started making his way back towards the bedroom.

"She stood before me, those curvaceous hips swaying provocatively and the sweet scent of lust oozing out of her every pore. I could feel her eyes upon me, those amethyst pools defying me not to like what I saw and smelled, or perhaps begging me in her own playful way to like it."

And then Judy put her arms around Nick's neck, her hungry eyes gazing lovingly into his own.

"I sensed his eyes upon me in return, those predatory emerald orbs gazing upon me as if I were a delicious piece of meat. I felt this primitive impulse to run. Some long-buried prehistoric fear that he might catch me, drag me to his den and ravage me…"

Nick entered the bedroom, playfully tossed Judy onto the bed, and before the bunny could react he pounced, landing right over her. The two gazed lovingly into each other's eyes for a few seconds, their noses almost touching.

"As I gazed again into those beautiful eyes swimming with love, I felt an all-too familiar hunger begin to overtake me. That starved craving for fresh rabbit inherited from long-deceased ancestors, manifested in an entirely new way that was guaranteed to bring far-different and far-greater satisfaction…"

Judy giggled. "And just where does the big, bad fox intend to start his meal?"

Nick gave her a smirk worthy of the devil. "Elementary, my dear Hoppson."

And then he leaned over her and started nibbling playfully on one of her ears, getting the bunny riled up with the feel of his sharp canines on one of her most sensitive areas.

"Eee! Yeek! Ha ha, Nick, stoppit!" Judy squealed through excited giggles. Then, to her surprise, Nick did.

Judy panted, filled with want. "I didn't mean it, I swear. Please, keep going," she pleaded. No answer. "Nick?"

"Snooore…"

A grinding snore was the fox's only reply: Nick had fallen asleep right on top of her. Judy clicked her fingers in front of the fox's face, but there was no doubt: Nick was out for the count.

"Oh well, guess there's tomorrow…" Judy reasoned with a sigh. And with that, she dug herself out from under Nick, went to the bathroom to brush her teeth and put on a nightie, and crawled back into bed, pushing the unconscious fox on his side and snuggling up next to him. Despite her own state of tiredness, Judy took a moment lying there to just enjoy the silence, permeated only by her bedmate's snores. There were no cries, no screams, no whimpers…

She missed it, she realized. All of it. She missed Ridley and Ella already. But she needed this. She and Nick both. Giving Nick a little kiss on the nose, she leaned up and whispered into his ear:

"Thank you for my children."

THE END

A/N: Hello, BeecroftA here! I really hope you all had a good laugh, and enjoyed my second foray into Nick and Judy's eventful and occasionally comical life outside the PIXAR machine. This story will also be uploaded to my profile, where I invite you all to check out my other Zootopia stories if you haven't done so already. For those who have, "It's Called a Surprise, Sweetheart" is now back in progress! P.S. Thank you again to DrummerMax64 for editing and providing input on this story, and to Cimar for creating this wonderful collaboration project!