Docking Maneuvers

It had been way too long since he was last out in the black alone. He had forgotten the deep silence of it, even the near-subsonic thrum of the ship's engines melting into non-sound. Kenren sat looking out the cockpit window at the fathomless darkness on the other side, the stars' odd illusion of proximity that he'd never really managed to get used to, and the infinite indifference of the places in between. The universe reminded him with every drawn breath, every blink, every beat of his heart, that all of this was ultimately nothing. All of them, all of the others, all of himself...none of it mattered at all. And so all of it did.

It had always given him comfort to reorient himself against the black. Perspective. Maybe that was it, he thought, pouring himself another drink. Maybe that was what was different. He felt a pang of regret that he'd never have a chance to explain it, now. Not to the one person he'd like to tell.

The kid was here with him, but he hardly counted, being both an alien and currently asleep. Ironically, it seemed like snoring was a universal constant. No, it was better to keep this to himself, even if the kid was a safe confidante, what with having just managed to master six whole human words, three of which were about food.

He sipped at the scotch, savouring the taste of the Old Earth single malt that he had liberated from an offshoot of the smuggling ring he'd been investigating. Earth and fire slid down his throat, and he looked at the pale amber liquid in his glass, remembering that he had planned to share this with Goujun when he got back (to him). Goujun would have listened, if he was there. Maybe he would eventually have understood that what was on the other side of that window was the answer Goujun had been searching for from the first time they had met. Maybe Kenren could have let him understand that, and it would have been all right.

He sipped again, and let his head fall back as he grabbed a smoke and lit up, wondering if that would have changed anything back then.

It was less than a week since Kenren had last been to Goujun's office (then for congratulations his success with capturing several smugglers and dismantling at least one ring without having his cover blown,) and now here he was again. He had no illusions about what today's conversation would be about: an official reprimand for the previous night's activities, which had included a bar, a wooden chair, and an asshole who had turned out to be a colonel with a whiny streak. Never one to hesitate before the executioner, he knocked on Goujun's door and waited for the invitation to enter.

He would have straightened his shoulders, but they were too sore (and he honestly just didn't give that much of a shit), just opening the door and going inside. He closed it behind himself because he knew this was going to be Unpleasant. Mostly, anyway. He kind of liked poking at the pretty Commander. "You summoned, sir?" He restrained himself from his usual manner, on account of being eyeballs deep in shit already.

Goujun looked him over with a deliberately assessing gaze and sighed, but nodded when Kenren closed the door. "I did. You've managed to get into trouble."

Well, sheep, lamb...all that. "I prefer to think trouble got around me, sir," Kenren answered evenly, and Goujun raised an eyebrow.

"Mm, and under the chair you were apparently wielding as a weapon. Or was it a bar stool?"

Staring at that spot above Goujun's head again, Kenren responded in that same blank, 'reporting' tone. "Chair, sir. Stools are terrible weapons. Not enough swing flexibility."

A small sound of what Kenren wanted to believe was amusement escaped Goujun, seemingly despite himself "I see you've done your research," he drawled, trying to cover the previous noise.

"...Some have research thrust upon them."

"Yes," Goujun answered dryly, "your experience certainly seems...kinetic." He sighed, and Kenren could almost have thought that he was unhappy about what he had to say next. It was...unexpected. "You realise that this puts me in the awkward position of taking away the bonus that payroll has literally not had time to deposit into your account yet."

Well, fuck. He could have used that to send a bit back home, maybe help ease things up a little. He slumped slightly, but otherwise didn't respond outwardly, his gaze still fixed. "I didn't until you told me." He should have, but couldn't quite manage to stop himself from adding tightly, "Seems like you could have kept that to yourself."

Goujun stood, putting himself on a level with Kenren, who made it a point never to sit down in a superior's office if he could help it. Kenren moved his gaze to a new spot just above Goujun's head to accommodate. "I don't particularly want to do it, as a matter of fact," the commander said, "so if you have any explanations or justifications, this is the moment to voice them."

That was...also unexpected. Kenren blinked and looked his commanding officer in the eye for only the second time since they met, though his voice didn't give an inch. "I didn't start it, sir. But you've made it clear that you're not prepared to believe that, so I don't much understand why you're making me say it."

Cool grey eyes narrowed on him, Goujun making some kind of assessment that Kenren couldn't quite pin down. "I am offering you the chance to tell me what the circumstances were. Regardless of your having finished the brawl, the report seems uncertain as to who started it."

Well, he never was able to see a length of rope without making a noose. Kenren pulled in a long, deep breath and answered wearily, "The guy whose back broke my chair. He heard about my transfer situation and decided to give me grief." He gave Goujun a rueful kind of smile that even he could feel was more like a grimace. "I offered to buy him a beer if he'd use it to close his mouth, and the rest is puffed-up-animal history."

Goujun arched an eyebrow. "Puffed-up-animal...?"

"You know, when they puff up to scare an enemy."

This amused sound was fall more ill-concealed, making Kenren wonder if his commander was familiar with the jackass in question. "I see," he said once he had recovered himself. "I'll have to remember that turn of phrase."

"It's useful in my experience." Kenren took a long breath, exhaling in a sigh and letting go of his defensiveness just a little bit "Look, I just wanted a quiet drunk. I wasn't even looking for company."

Goujun gave him a long look and then a little nod, and it seemed to Kenren like maybe Goujun believed him. Maybe this 'too exhausted to fight' thing was effective. Go figure. "In that light, a quarter of the bonus seems a sufficient penalty," Goujun declared with a sigh of his own. "You were exemplary while on the mission. I would have preferred not to dock your pay at all."

Somewhat gobsmacked, Kenren retreated into his more professional face with a nod past Goujun's head again. "Thank you, sir."

He was no longer sure what to make of this one.