A/N: Hi, friends! How about we get to today's update? Yeah? Well, it's gotten to the Grand Prix…How are we going to do? I can't wait to show you. Should I just shut up? Probably. I don't have too much to say, but we can talk later, yeah? Of course we can. Let's DO THIS!

So…The Grand Prix Final…It has definitely been a while since I've done one of these. This was for all the beans, wasn't it? All of the anguish and exhaustion and heartache. It all led to this very moment. I could do this. I'm sure of it…Until I saw my competition. Look at them all. They were so much younger than I was. And gorgeous. It's like they rounded up a bunch of supermodels and gave them a pair of skates. Like Miss Universe on ice. They're probably more agile than I am, too. What was I thinking? Who was I even kidding? Should I even be here? Or was I just an old has-been trying to get something back that's long gone?

As long as I place, that's all that matters. Just let me place. If I can do that much, I'll be happy. I know that this preseason hasn't been too good personally, but let me have something professionally. I don't ask for much. Relax, Violet. The judges can smell fear. And I think some of my competition can, too. I can do this. If my asshole could unclench and I could get my head in the game right now, that'd be great. Although…It would've been really nice if Celestino wouldn't have drawn me last. What am I saying? I'll be fine.

"Mama!" my boys ran to me, attaching themselves to my legs. This was needed.

"Good luck!" Yuri's big, brown eyes twinkled. I see he was over losing to his brother.

"Davai, Mama!" Yurio still had his winner's glow. And I couldn't be prouder.

"Thanks, boys," I got down to their level, pulling them close to me. Maybe I could do this. But I couldn't help myself, "Is your dad around or are you two on your own?"

"Daddy and Uncle Chris are in the stands already," Yuri told me, "Do you want me to get them?"

"No," I stopped him, "It's ok. Besides, I have all I need right here."

"Thanks, Mama," Yurio put his head on my hip, "Can we stay down here?"

"If you want," I allowed. And so, I watched the other skaters perform their routines with my boys at my side. There was just one little problem.

My greatest fear had come to life. They were all so good. Much better than I was. That's it…It's true. I really was the washed-up has-been. I couldn't breath out here anymore, so I bolted to the women's locker room. What was I doing here? I should've known better. This was never going to work out. What a waste of time. All of this pretending that I got back into skating because I missed it. No. It was all because I was too scared to move on with my life. I cling to a past I'll never see again, so why do I bother?

"Mama…?" a soft little voice broke up my light sobs.

"Yurio," I wiped my eyes, careful not to smudge my makeup and cleared my throat, "What is it? What do you want?"

"Wait…" Yurio sat next to me, "Why have you been crying?"

"Don't worry about it," I settled him, "It's nothing."

"No, it's not." Damn his intuition. Yurio climbed into my lap and wiggled his way into my heart, "Mama, we're going to leave Rome with matching medals, remember? We pinky promised."

"We did," my voice broke. No. Lock that shit up, Violet. Not in front of Yurio, "But what if I don't hold up my end of it?"

"There's always next year," he shrugged. But then, Yurio pulled his medal out from his shirt and took it off, "Or you can have mine."

I did all I could from not bawling right then and there. Instead, I hugged my baby tight, swallowing the swelling lump in my throat, "Thank you, baby. But I think I'd much rather get my own, if that's ok with you."

"That's even better," Yurio approved, "Because…I really like my medal."

"That's your medal," I assured, standing him back up, "You know, you didn't have to do this."

"Yeah, I did," he corrected me.

"But you shouldn't have to," I retaliated, "That's the thing. You're still so little, Yuri. You don't need to be the one to take care of me."

"It's ok," Yurio promised, "But we're still going to have the matching medals, right?"

"Yours will sit next to mine on the fireplace," I swore, kissing his forehead, "Now, go on. Get out of here before someone sees you."

"Three other skaters saw me come in here," he scoffed, "I just said I was looking for my mom. And here we are."

"Yurio," I let out a heavy sigh, draping an arm around him, "You're too much. Did you know that?"

"No, I'm not." He gets that from being around Victor so much. I wasn't going to tell him that, though. He had skates within arm's reach. Not happening.

"Violet," Celestino called into the locker room, "You're on in five minutes! Come on!"

"Coming!" I had gotten dressed and I was ready to tear up the ice as much as I could to the best of my ability. I had this. Stay strong, Vi. You can do this.

Then, I remembered what my routine was. Green Light was going to destroy me. And idiot me was using it for a FINAL?! AM I HIGH? Actually, that'd take some of the edge off right now. I could stand some of those cookies that Nat would make once in a while. Even a quick shot of Russian vodka would do me wonders. But the last thing I needed to do was get on the ice drunk. Sure, I know my way around a rink, but I needed that balance.

I skated to the middle of the rink as the crowd became white noise in my head. They had no idea what was about to happen. Nobody did. Not even Celestino. I had to come up with a routine on the spot. But I did have a little practice in St. Petersburg. My strength was always in my improv skills. Besides, now was the time I got to have my retaliation. For everything Victor threw at me this season with Yuri's routines. For everything he did despite my reactions. For I Don't Want to Miss a Thing. For Jet Lag…It was time to expose the son of a bitch.

But as soon as that music started, I was crying in the back of a cab again. I could pretend to be mad at him all I wanted, but there was something else here. It wasn't anger. Instead of using this routine to get back at him…I was coming clean. I missed him. I'd do anything to get him back, but I knew better. I'd never get him back. No matter what Mama Cialdini says. Sorry, Mama. But it's true. He's not going to come back to me. Whatever looks you thought he was giving me was something else.

I mean, I had myself. And that should be enough, right? But if that's the case, why am I so empty? Don't get me wrong. I don't have a problem being by myself and doing shit on my own. But goddamn, it hurts to be lonely. When I'm lonely, I get depressed. When I get depressed, I isolate myself. It's a vicious cycle. I'm never going to get him back, am I? Not in the way I need him. That one kiss brought so many feelings back that I thought I had suppressed deep enough. Apparently not. Because they're coming back like Mentos in a bottle of diet Coke.

Honey, I'll come get my things, but I can't let go…I wish I could get my things and just let go…

He's got Chris. He's got the boys. What's Victor need me for? Because of me, he got what he always wanted. I just wish I had a contingency plan for something like this. Even skating hurt me once in a while. Now, the verse I really wasn't looking forward to. At least I already had some moves from my S&M routine I could put to good use. If Madame didn't see them at least once, she'd kill me when I got back.

Sometimes I wake up in a different bedroom…

I whisper things, the city sings them back to you…

My time with Mike wasn't always bad, but it wasn't exactly ideal either. He wanted way too much control. When I was still with Victor, we had an even split on everything. We alternated on who would discipline the boys or who would get to go out and be a grown up for the night, if need be. There was never any power struggle with us. But then, I had Mike. Or, should I say, Mike had me? In many ways. Any way he wanted me…Let's get that out of my head.

Because now, there was one move I had to nail. If I didn't, my nail in the coffin move wouldn't register. It had to. Although, it'd be more poetic justice if I fell from it. Maybe I should intentionally fall, but I wanted to get those points in. No. I'll just land it better than he ever could. I got my speed up and did my jump. With one…Two…Three…Four spins and a landing so clean, people could eat off it.

There. My green light has come and gone. And the raucous applause shook the stadium. I think I did pretty well. I'm out of breath to beat all hell, but as long as I put on a good show, that's all that matters. And that I get a well-deserved spot on the podium. In that moment, things were so surreal. The loud cheers from the crowd were silent in my head. It's not like my hearing was shot. Things were just…They were quiet. Like I had been put into a very zen state in my head. My soul felt so much lighter. I fell to my knees on the ice, letting the cool surface settle my nerves. My god, I needed that. Welcome home, Violet. Say all you want about how the ice hurts you, but you know damn well that this is, was, and always will be home to you.

Speaking of…I think I might have seen Victor and Chris run off. While the judges were tallying scores, I couldn't help but follow them. I didn't care about what they had to say. I needed to know what I just did to Victor. The two of them sat on the same retaining wall outside where Yuri had his mini breakdown. Color me curious.

"Christophe, we need to talk," Victor began, his voice shaking. Oh, shit…What did I do?

"What's the matter, mon coeur?" Chris worried, trying to get his husband to calm down. Because his bitch ex-wife may have shattered his heart.

"I cheated on you," Victor was blunt. Cut and dry blunt.

And Chris had no idea what to take away from that, "What do you mean, you cheated on me? Victor, you're one of the most faithful people I've ever met in my life."

"And I cheated on you," Victor repeated, tears swelling in his eyes, "When we went out last night…Then."

Chris started to realize that his husband wasn't joking. Victor really cheated on him. And now, I felt even worse, "What was his name?"

"Um…" Victor pulled himself together a little, "Violet."

"Oh!" Chris let out a heavy sigh of relief, "Victor, that's not cheating. That's Violet."

"I don't think you understand," Victor choked out, "Her entire routine…I…"

"There you are!" Celestino grabbed my hand, "Come on, Violet! They're just about to announce the winner!"

Dammit, Celestino. I had bigger fish to fry. But I also still had to keep up appearances. So, I went back inside whether I wanted to or not and headed back into the arena. I watched as third and second, each of them hailing from Italy and Russia, respectively, skated up to the podium. There were four other skaters that could take that number one spot.

"And our winner of this year's Women's Grand Prix," the announcer called out.

"Here it is…" Celestino held me up.

"Violet Plisetsky!"

Wait…What? Did he just call my name? I am still Violet Plisetsky, right? All of a sudden, I felt very lightheaded. I might faint. I think I'm going to pass out. But luckily, I had a Celestino to catch me, "Go up there, Violet. You won!"

"Yeah…" Something about my win didn't feel right. But I still skated up to that podium and took my hard-earned medal. I did it…I won. If that's the case, why did I have a hard time with a genuine smile? And even worse, why did I feel so empty?

A/N: Violet wins! Yay! But she's also in need of a hug. Chris and Victor's marriage might be falling apart. But…As awesome as Violet's win is, can we take a second to appreciate Yurio in this chapter? He's such a little peanut when he wants to be. I love him. His bit with the medal damn near made me cry. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm tired as balls and I think I'm going to go to bed. See you next chapter! xx