Hats off to those writers who keep more than one iron in the fire at a time. Writting IILH and CoLu week at the same time is killing my ability to get the little author in my head to focus. Lol.

Drunk Lucy from the past couple chapters was inspired by... well canon Lucy being drunk and myself. I'm usually highly sensitive to what is and is not Proper behavior, however alcohol kills my filter. I think it, and it just comes out of my mouth.

Hail reviewers, givers of inspiration! Permanentlyhis, rmadhumita378, CelticHeart13, dlynncherry, Unoyoko94, Stargazer013, Desna, KJacket, R3iga1004, RosesMcKellar, twolanterns.

Thank you all so much for all the positive vibes! Yes we will see training in the upcoming chapter(s). I do have a 'puzzle peice' in mind for Freed that i hope you all will approve of. We should see interaction between the two... not yet. Bickslow won't be free from button pushing ever (because what fun would that be), but he has a plan to lessen the torture thereof, and Lucy has a good-boy-Bixy reward planned as well. They have my support and we should see those plans in action soon.

Congrats to dlynncherry on being our 250th reviewer!

Hiro Mashima created and owns all things Fairy Tail. This is just finger paint in his honor.

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"Morning, Cosplayer." Bickslow was thrilled to see her happy golden self while it was still morning. He had worried that last night would be to rough on her.

"Morning, Cat-man."

"What?"

"Have you ever watched yourself do this training stuff? You are a cat. Lord Cat-man of the high pole maze." He stuck his tongue out and cackled at her.

"Don't tell that one Mermaid Heel chick that or I might get catnapped."

"Millianna? Yeah she's just meow-meow enough to try that." She smiled up at him. "You going to come down here and get a good morning kiss or..." Three swings, two hops, and a swoop later he had her in his arms and was kissing her breathless. Damn He loved the feel of her hands on his bare chest. He was a little breathless too by the time he stopped.

"Happy? Sober Lucy..."

"Don't you dare say a single word! I'd rather not remember what Drunk Lucy said last night." She hid her face in his chest like a little girl. It just didn't quite work that way because he was shirtless and could feel her breath on his skin. Her next words were mumbled so quietly he barely made them out. "I'm really sorry I did that. It was Lisanna-ish and you shouldn't have had to put up with it." He ran his hands over her back. It seemed to calm her down and he really liked touching her anyway.

"It really really didn't bother me babe. In fact," He placed his hands on her waist to pick her up and pinned her against the door. "If you wanna repeat any of that now that you are sober I would be very happy to hear it." He might have been letting how much he wanted her leak into his voice by the end of that speech. Who could blame him? Nobody that's who. She smirked that sexy little smirk of hers and leaned just a hair closer.

"I was watching you work out this morning..." He waited. She didn't finish that statement the way she did last night, but she did top it off with something else she had said, in a breathy, sexy whisper. "Don't tell Laxus." The babies started giggling before the words settled in his head. As soon as they did he cracked up.

"Oh, come on, Cosplayer!" He could barely speak from laughing. "That isn't fair. I'm so telling on you. He will be all sorts of jealous." She started giggling along with them.

He got himself under control and was moving in for a kiss when the door they were very much leaning on suddenly opened wide. They fell. He managed to get his hands behind her head to cushion her skull, but landed with almost all his weight on his elbows. He wasnt a small guy. It fucking hurt. Bickslow produced his best I-will-eat-your-face slayer growl, directing it at whoever had totally interrupted their moment. Again.

"Oh, hey guys!"

"Hi, Meredy. Can you maybe knock before you enter next time?"

"Lucy, you were outside. I was already in."

"Knock anyway." Bickslow grumbled, before heaving himself up and pulling Lucy up with him. He ran his hands over her arms, trying to make sure she hadn't gotten hurt. She swatted him away.

"I'm fine silly. Whatcha need, Mer?" Meredy giggled.

"Laxus and I stopped by on the way to the guild for breakfast to see if you wanted to join us." He and his girlfriend both stared at the pinkette for a moment before scanning the room for the man she had mentioned. "He is out front. You coming?"

"Just for clarification purposes. You dropped by to ask me and Bixy if we wanted to join you for breakfast, on your way to the guild from... Laxus's house. Where I presume you spent the night."

"Yep." She grinned and reached down into her shirt. Bickslow watched just a little closer than he probably should have. Ok so he should have absolutely not have watched, but it's not like she was being descreet or anything. She pulled out a peice of paper, which she handed to him. He took it and stared in confusion.

"What am I looking at?"

"You didn't ask for proof that he stayed there..." She walked through the house and out the front door. Bickslow gaped at the picture.

"Cosplayer, I respect the shit out of that woman."

"Why?" He showed her the picture. "She broke Laxus's bed?"

"No. He did. After she tied him to it."

"Well shit. Cana's going to lose her mind." She reached for her keys. "Virgo?" The spirit appeared, snatched the photo, and vanished. "I need to get with Evergreen and get her blackmail stash into the spirit world too." Bickslow shuddered as he snatched his shirt off a kitchen chair and followed Lucy out the front door. He knew he would regret suggesting those two spend time together. He was really glad right now that his Cosplayer and Virgo both liked him.

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"Morning, Boss." Laxus grunted.

"Morning, Sparkles." This time Laxus growled. Lucy's voice became sickly sweet. "Morning, Blondie." He growled louder. The babies started giggling and swooping through the air. *Don't tell Laxus, yeah no telling, it's a secret, don't tell the boss. Lucy somehow managed to keep a strait face as she agreed with them. "That's right babies. Don't tell Laxus."

"Don't tell me what?"

"Didn't you hear them, Boss? We can't tell you." Bickslow, the lucky bastard, didn't have to keep a strait face because his usual response to anything shy of worldwide disaster was a big grin.

"We all know you are loony, Bix, but I didn't realize it was contagious. You should stay away from them, Bubblegum. You might catch it too." Meredy giggled at him.

"Guys, where is Freed? I figured he was out here when I didn't see him in the kitchen." Bickslow face palmed.

"Oops. It's been so long since he's... been home in the morning I got out of the habit of fetching him."

"He's in his study doing the Levy thing isn't he? I'll get him." As she headed back into the house she heard Laxus mumble behind her.

"The Levy thing? Does she mean reading?"

"You know Cosplayer and Candy Girl both read too right?" Boys were such idiots sometimes. It was like neither of them even knew how to read. Though come to think of it she had never seen either one do so, not even to read a mission flier. Freed or sometimes Evegreen picked out their missions and signed them up. They were both plenty smart, just... Maybe they were allergic to words.

She found Freed in his study, just as she had expected, doing the Levy thing. Sitting, oblivious to the world, surrounded by books and papers, cramming knowledge into his head like a three year old at a cookie buffet. The runes across the doorway lit up when she passed through them. There was a soft tone that would have alerted the rune mage to her presence if he had been slightly less absorbed in his task.

"Freed." She spoke gently, trying not to startle him. When that didn't get a response she reached out and tapped the corner of the page he was currently reading. He blinked up at her in surprise.

"Miss Lucy?"

"It's time for breakfast, Mr Freed." The corner of his mouth lifted in a smile. "Laxus and Meredy are here and we were about to walk to the guild. You wanna come with?"

"I would. I must say I appreciate your manner of gaining my attention much more than I do Bickslow's." He began to gather and stack his books.

"I bet you do. I don't even want to know what the goofball does to you."

"His babies are involved and he has no respect for my books."

"Something tells me Laxus doesn't either." He crooked a brow at her as they left the study.

"What makes you say that?"

"Oh just the fact that they seemed to think the ability to read in our guild is limited to you, me, and Levy."

"They both posses the ability to read." The subjects of their conversation were both glaring at them before they exited the house. Lucy didn't bother hiding the fact that they were discussing their near illiteracy.

"How many times have you seen them use that ability?"

"Four or five times."

"Freed, man, that is not true! Cosplayer don't beleive a word he says!" She reached up and patted his cheek as she and Freed passed the glaring giants and the giggling pinkette.

"In how many years though. You have known eachother a very long time. The Thunder Legion has been an official team on the guild roster for more than six years, twelve if you count Tenrou. That's a rate of less than one reading incident per year. Are you sure they weren't faking it?"

"Blondie, so help me I will zap you till your hair stands strait up."

"At the time I was fairly certain, though at this point further investigation might be in order. It has been some time since the last incident." Laxus let out a growl.

"I only saw two books at Laxus's house last night and both were caked in dust." Laxus groaned and apparently gave up when Meredy joined the conversation. Bickslow had almost instantly regained the good humor he probably never lost in the first place and was laughing at them.

"I bought both of those for him. One is on dragon and dragon slayer lore. The other was the most current publication on guild law at the time I gifted it to him. He did open both books and read at least three sentences of the book on dragon lore the day I gave it to him."

"When was that?"

"His 17th birthday."

"That's... more than seven years. Have you seen any proof since then that he hasn't forgotten how?"

"Hmm. Now that you mention it I can't think of any specific instances."

"Oh, come the fuck on! What the hell, Freed! When did you and Blondie get to be best buddies anyway?" Freed shared a small smile with Lucy.

"This morning."

"Custom tailored Cosplayer bonding moment huh?"

"You found a good puzzle peice, Bickslow."

"I don't know what that means, but thanks. I guess." Lucy giggled at her boyfriend and tucked herself under his arm before they entered the guild.

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The 'Don't tell Laxus' bug spread like wildfire. Cobra caught it first, being privy to Lucy and Bickslow's memory of the original interactions that birthed the joke. Kinana caught it from him, or had it forced upon her seeing as how she had no idea why it was funny. Proximity passed the virus to Freed, Meredy, Evergreen, and Mira. Lucy's destructive duo and the remaining Straus siblings were next, immediately followed by Juvia due to double exposure to both Gray and Lisanna. Levy caught the bug strait from Lucy and gave it to her little harem.

Pretty soon random mages across the guild were stage whispering to eachother not to tell Laxus, even though no-one knew what they weren't telling him. It was hilarious, because Laxus was the only one who thought something was really being kept from him. By the time Master Makarov came into the guild strait off the morning train the guild was buzzing with 'Don't tell Laxus' and Laxus himself was growling and emitting sparks at an increasing voltage and frequency.

The master ignored the chaos and perched himself in his usual place on the bar. He raised a single brow at Cobra and Meredy sitting down the bar from him. He received a friendly wave from the pinkette and a sarcastic smirk from the slayer. Neither Witch broke off their conversations with the girls behind the bar and none of the Fairies seemed distressed by their presence in the least so he shrugged it off. He found it odd that Team Natsu, sans Erza, had joined the Thunder Legion on the upper balcony, but didn't feel the need to comment. In fact he didn't say much of anything other than offering simple greetings and answering a couple questions about his meeting in Crocus untill Laxus struck Max with lightning for stage whispering at Vijeeter 'Don't tell Laxus' and Cana started swapping lightning strike related bet money.

"As the Master of this guild I demand to know what you are all not telling my grandson about before someone gets seriously injured!" The three wizards who knew the truth behind the 'secret', along with the babies, broke down into near hysterical laughter. Those close enough to the situation to have theories, such as Freed and Meredy, and those who guessed there wasn't any secret in the first place were giggling and snickering under their breath. Everyone else stayed silent. "Well? Who started this?" Fingers were pointed in all directions, sometimes in more than one direction by a single person. Laxus was the only one who used words in his growled answer.

"Those Psycho Fucking Cuddle Princesses did! The Chicken knows too." Of course Makarov hadn't been present for any of the recent interpersonal drama, so that ment nothing to him. He looked around the guild as more of his children dissolved into hysterics.

""You crazy brats and your insistence on naming people things that aren't their names. Who the hell are you talking about!" He couldn't remember any of those names being used by Laxus in the past. The chaos worsened. Mira gave a squeal of 'BixLu babies!' And hit the floor. The pervy wizard saint had heard a lot of ship names from the She-Devil, but if BixLu was a ship then it was a new one. He turned to the amnesiac calmly polishing glasses across the bar from the dangerous criminal his children had apparently welcomed into their guildhall for answers. "Kinana, I have three questions I'm hoping you can answer for me. What is a BixLu? Who are the Cuddle Princesses? And who is my grandson calling a chicken?"

"Not a chicken, Geezer. The one and only Toxic Chicken. Anyone calling me a chicken will die slowly and painfully from the inside out." Makarov was more than slightly horrified at this point. The feeling only got worse when the individual he had directed the chicken question to let out a girly giggle and ruffled the hair of the man spewing death threats.

"It's not really respectful or safe to call a wizard saint 'geezer', Erik."

"I heard no fewer than three people today refer to him as 'that pervy old coot' so I think I'm being pretty damn respectful. I could do worse and you know it. It's only out of respect for your angelic soul that I'm sticking with Geezer." Makarov just about fainted when their sweet little Kinana leaned over the bar and kissed Cobra of the Oracion Seis. So that was a thing.

"And what is Mira calling you two?"

"Kinabra. BixLu is the Echoing Psycho Titty Fucking Cosplaying Cuddle Disco Princesses." It sounded like BixLu was one of those Madlibs Mira had gotten him for long train rides and boring meetings. That was just getting more confusing with every answer. Maybe he should go back to his original question.

"If you are the Chicken then you know what they are not telling Laxus."

"I do, but it's not what they are talking about. 'Don't tell Laxus' is an inside joke between Tits and Echo that will never make any sense to anyone else because they are both crazy. Your brats just picked it up because they knew it irritated Lightningbug."

"So the stupid brats are just trying to get struck by lightning. At the risk of making everything worse... Who are Tits and Echo?" The grin the man gave him said his answer was going to make it worse.

"The Virginal Sex Goddess and her Soul Doctor." He left. The man stood up and walked away to sit at an empty table. That was not the answer he was hoping for. The hysteria had only gotten worse with each answer the man gave.

"Someone needs to tell me why my guild has gone mad!" He tipped his beer mug back not even expecting an answer at this point. Kinana spoke up on her way past.

"Lucy and Bickslow are dating." Beer flew everywhere.

"Say what!"

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To be continued