"Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our teams got chummy with sharks and some a lot more than others. Once they finished making castles in the sand on the beach of Calanque de Maubois it was a boat race from the Mediterranean to the coast of Iceland. Father & Son made a surprising grabb for the gold, and though it looked like the Bromigos Geoff and DJ, I mean their boat literally exploded right under their feet, but as it turns out it was really the Geniuses Ellody and Mary who choked on their own massive brains and ended up getting cut from the race. Who is gonna choke on their brains this week? There's zero chance of it being me- Wait a second is that line in the script? Okay new plan, as soon as this episode is over whoever is in charge of writing the scripts is going to have their pants filled with rabid lobsters when I'm done with them! Anyway are you guys ready to kick it? You'd better be because it's time for… the Ridonculous Race!"
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Don appeared on the dock in Iceland next to the Chill Zone from the day before "Welcome back to Iceland where the Chill Zone from yesterday will be the starting line from today. And chill it is, my walnuts are frozen solid." he held up a bag of walnuts "I was serious about the rabid lobsters by the way, anyway the first team to depart will be Father & Son. Now hustle hustle hustle!"
Sure enough, as if on cue, Junior grabbed the tip from the Don Box "It says we've gotta take a bus to the geyser field of Geysisgil and locate the Don Box."
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"The geyser field of Geysisgil is part of an active volcano field tucked under a skimpy 20 centimeter layer of siliceous sinter, whatever the heck that is. I'm not sure what it is but it sounds dangerous."
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"Alright!" Dwayne pumped a fist in triumph as they headed towards the bus stop "First place and it only took three legs, we're gonna own this race.
Junior nodded "I know what you mean, I was wondering when it would happen but I never thought it was gonna be this soon. Everybody back home is gonna flip out when they see last episode."
"Oh I'm sure we will, let's just make sure we keep that lead today."
"Right." it was then that the two of them reached the bus stop.
"Come on where the dang bus? We're gonna lose our lead!"
"Little late for that dad." Junior jerked a thumb back.
As it turns out, the Artists, Ice Dancers, Fashion Bloggers and Reality TV Pros had caught up with them already "Hi."
"Move it!" Josee tried to force her way towards the front of the line, only for Jacques to hold her back "Don't even think about getting on the bus before us!"
"Like I'm gonna listen to some tantruming unitard wearing drama queen." Gwen spat out in her face.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Oh yeah?"
"...Hey guys? The bus." Kevin pointed out dryly, which prompted everyone to hustle and get on board, but as they did he shot Gwen a raised eyebrow "I never figured trash talking was your style."
Gwen shrugged "What can I say? You hang out with people Leshawna or like you and they tend to leave an impression."
"You're kind of feisty sometimes, I can imagine Cody liking that."
"You realize that was your one for the day."
"You realize that I was never gonna follow that agreement. Tone it down a notch or two, yes. A single Cody mention a day, not on your life."
"...So we've got an agreement."
"Yep."
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Don was still waiting for the teams to take off from the dock and gestures to the Stepbrothers fighting over a tip "Our first 5 teams have headed off to Geysisgil while another team gets psyched up for the challenge ahead, but for some of the teams the fear and panic is clearly visible on their faces." he was referring to the Goths when he said this.
The Goths gave no reaction.
"I said the fear and panic, FEAR and PANIC!"
Still no reaction.
"Fear and panic!" still nothing until…
"SPIDER!"
"Okay that's better."
As it turns out, it was the Adversity Twins, Mickey in particular, freaking out over a spider on the ground in front of them as the Sisters, Mother & Daughter and the Vegans rushed to get their tips.
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"I'm super optimistic about our chances right now." Laurie commented.
Miles nodded "I know, we've already survived in the race this far and on top of that we've been able to prove that we can race without having to hurt anyone or anything.
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It wasn't long before the bus carrying the first five teams arrived at the location of the Don Box, where Gwen was the first one to collect the tip "Looks like it's another All In called Broken Icelandic Telephone."
"What the hell does that mean?" asked Kevin.
"I'm guessing some kind of translation challenge."
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"Gwen is right, at least for the most part. For this All In teams must hold down the button on the speaker box to hear me say "Please give me my next travel tip" in Icelandic with perfect pronunciation. After they hear the sentence they must run through the geothermal field of hot springs and repeat the sentence to an Icelandic circle, and sweet sister of ducks her dress is distracting."
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"Alright Kevin, just stand back and let me do this one." Gwen ran up to the speaker box and pressed the button just as Father & Son arrived.
"Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending."
"Alright I've got it, let's get moving!" and so she took off for the geyser field, with Kevin hot on her heels.
"Alright I'll press it again." Junior made a dash for the Don Box.
However, Dwayne was quick to stop him "No need kiddo now let's hustle."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Of course I am. My mind is a steel trap, once I know something it's-"
"Oh really? So go ahead and tell me then, when's my birthday?"
"...Summertime?"
"October."
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"By now the next 6 teams, mainly the Best Friends, the Vegans, the Stepbrothers, the Goths, the Sisters and Mother & Daughter, are heading for the geyser field, leaving only the last three teams, mainly the Bromigos, the Rockers and the Adversity Twins, that have yet to begin this leg of the race."
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"Hustle hustle hustle!" Gwen and Kevin charged through the geyser field at full speed.
"Come on, let's hurry!" Dwayne and Junior charged through the field, only to get launched into the air as a result.
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"Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending."
Owen had different plans for the speaker "Wantons, rice, some garlic shrimp, some house noodles and an order of egg rolls please."
"No time for that, let's get moving!" Noah grabbed Owen by the arm and took off just as the second bus arrived "You know we've really gotta fix that habit of yours, don't you remember what happened with my aunt and that phonograph? You charged her head on like an angry bull."
"I thought she had her own drive thru in her home!"
"...And you wonder why my family never lets you come over anymore."
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"The second bus carrying the next 6 teams has arrived at the sight of the geyser field as the last three teams had finally departed from the starting line."
DJ let out a sigh as he placed a hand on Geoff's shoulder, with Geoff looking very bloodshot and disoriented "Starting out in last place is kind of a bummer because Geoff is so messed up, I mean granted we both were after what happened yesterday with the speed boat blowing up and all but he definitely took the worst of it."
Geoff spazzed a little from the shock as a result.
"But I can do the heavy lifting until he's back at 100%, it's way too early to give up and go home now. After all friends don't quit on each other and I'm not gonna quit on him. You feeling me man?"
Geoff spazzed a little bit more from the electricity.
"Yeah we've got this."
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Jacques and Josee were the first ones to reach the end of the geyser field "Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending." he received the tip "It says we have to take the helicopter to the national park of Skaftafell and locate the next Don Box." and they took off at full speed for the helicopter.
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"The Ice Dancers have completed the first challenge and now they're in the lead but now they're going to have to wait, the helicopter is only going to depart one 6 teams are on board."
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Devin was shivering on the bus "Oh man it's freezing, you know this kind of reminds me of last winter when Shelley locked me out of the car for buying me the wrong kind of tea. She really is quite a character isn't she?"
"A character?" Carrie shot him a look "You got frostbite and nearly lost three of your toes over a tea!"
"Yeah I know, once Adam found out he started ranting about Shelley and labelled her as a high maintenance rapid goat and said I deserve better than her. You know it really isn't easy to make someone like Adam angry but when you do he is a beast."
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By this point the other 5 teams from the first bus were still making their way through the geyser field.
However, Owen found himself stuck in one of the geysers "Oh god I'm stuck! Tell my parents I lived a good life, and to leave as much cheese from that cellar as they can at my funeral!" and he got rocketed into the air.
Noah was quick to realize where he was going to land "Owen look out for the-" he was cut off by Owen landing in another nearby geyser head first "-geyser. Son of a bitch, the one time I manage to get your head out of the clouds and it gets stuck in the dirt. We're screwed."
"HELP!"
"Alright alright I've got you, just hold your breath while I pull you out of there."
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Like everyone else had expected, Dwayne got the sentence wrong "Well you've gotta admit your language is pretty darn ridiculous." he received a glare from the local "Or you could say it's pretty ridonculous. Get it? Like the Ridonculous Race?"
"Dad for the love of god, please just stop." Junior was begging by this point.
"...Alright let's get going." they started their way back through the geyser field "You know it's not fair to expect me to memorize something I had only heard once."
"WHAT?! Oh come on, you cannot be serious!"
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Gwen and Kevin arrived at the exact same time that the Vegans did and they both got it at the same time "Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending." they both received their tips at the exact same time.
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"Right on Pasty." Kevin patted Gwen on the back "Since when do you know Icelandic?"
Gwen shrugged "I'm a goth, I listened to punk bands. Where the hell do you think they come from?"
"Oh really, well then how do you explain that Bryan Adams CD I found hidden under your bed in your dorm?" this was met with a blank yet clearly horrified look from Gwen.
"That's not- I didn't- Shut up."
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"I had to get the sentence right." explained Laurie "After all the last thing I wanted was to be insensitive to their cultures."
Miles nodded "Yeah I know, and that's how wars start."
"And war is bad."
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"Come on dude, we're almost there!" DJ was doing the heavy lifting and carrying Geoff through the geyser field, with the terrified Fashion Bloggers followed right behind them and trying to avoid being hit by the geysers.
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"Geysers are nothing but super hot water." Jen pointed out "This top is cold wash only, I was never told there would be real dangers."
"There there." Tom put a gentle hand on her shoulder "Considering I had to swim with sharks we should've seen something like this coming eventually."
"I suppose."
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By this point all of the teams had either made or were making their way through the geyser field.
The Goths reached the other side and found a pissed off Taylor already there "Are you finished yet?"
Taylor let out a rude scoff "No, my stupid mom trashed the Icelandic talking or whatever the hell it is so I made her go back by herself."
"Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending." they received the tip from the local and a jaw dropped look from Taylor so they explained "Most of our favorite bands are from Iceland so yeah, we speak the language."
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"Oh god… Oh god…" Dwayne finally reached the speaker box, with Junior right behind him, and he pressed the button "This time I swear… I'll remember it…"
Junior let out a sigh "Sure you will."
"What? That lady's goosy dress distracted me!"
"Yeah, Don said that she would."
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By this point, Jen and Tom had reached the end of the geyser field and Jen did her thing on the local "Oh wow is that an original Petroki? OMG that is fierce, and it seriously doesn't hurt that you have the bod to pull it off." this prompted the local to blush "Oh yeah that reminds me. Tom, do your thing."
"I'm on it sister." Tom stepped forward "Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending." he received the tip from the local.
"Now let's go!" and they took off but she shot a sideways glance at Tom "Since when do you speak Icelandic?"
"I don't but I do have a photographic memory, how else can I coordinate clothing as well as I do?"
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"5 teams have completed the first challenge but the helicopter still needs one more team before it can take off."
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It wasn't long before the Ultimate Duo reached the other side of the geyser field, with Cameron doing the sentence "Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending." he received the tip from the local.
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"I decided that it was in our best interest for me to memorize the sentence." explained Cameron.
"Yeah cause the Lightning don't waste time on stupid stuff like that." Lightning let out a loud scoff "Lightning's gotta go for the gold and that's what this race is about, no mistakes and no wasting time with stupid mem-memo-"
"Memorization."
"Yeah that."
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Emma was struggling to get the sentence right on her own "Vinsamlegast gefa, uh…"
"Mer mina travel abending." Kitty finished the sentence for her and received a tip from the local, as well as a scowl from Emma "What?"
"What? I'll tell you what, you interrupted me and almost cost us our chances!"
"What's the big deal? I got it right didn't I?"
"Yeah sure this time you did, lucky us. Word of advice Kitty, next time you try to help don't help."
"Yeah cause you're doing so f*cking dandy on your own." a third voice grumbled.
Emma whipped around and found Noah leaning against the large wooden Icelandic flag "And just what is that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly what it sounds like, the fact of the matter is that the reason why you guys have placed as low as you have in every leg up until now is because you've been acting like a control freak and refusing to let your sister help. It's like you think she's nothing but dead weight, at least I treat my partner with respect."
"Hold on a second, who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that? What do you think gives you the right you son of a bitch?"
"The fact that I'm a son of a bitch who actually treats his partner well, but you can't say the same." and he walked off, leaving a pissed off Emma behind him.
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"The first 6 teams are now in the air and headed towards Skaftafell National Park whereas the 9 teams that have yet to complete the challenge are trying to do the next best thing, and that is stay alive and for some teams it's a lot harder than it sounds."
Sure enough, Devin was having some problems of his own "Oh crap, my foot is caught in the geyser!"
"Hold on Homie, I've got you! Pull harder!" Carrie grabbed onto him by the chest and started pulling to get him out of the geyser.
"Will they survive? My money is on the geyser. Find out when we come back right here on the Ridonculous Race!"
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"As most of the teams struggle to finish the geyser challenge with their butts and their lives intact, the 6 teams in the first helicopter have at last reached the ice caves in Skaftafell National Park where the second challenge of the day awaits them."
Jacques was the first one to grab a tip from the Don Box "It looks like it's another Either Or challenge, this one is called Feast or Fossil."
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"An Either Or challenge means that teams have to complete one of two tasks, in this case the teams can either dine on a traditional Icelandic feast or they can find and retrieve one of the intact fossils embedded in the icy walls of the ice cave. Once they've managed to complete the task of their choice teams must bring either their intact fossil or empty platter to today's Chill Zone. The last team to arrive may be cut from the race entirely."
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The Ice Dancers, Artists, Vegans and Fashion Bloggers all chose to hunt for the fossil, where as the Ultimate Duo and the Goths had chosen to do the feast, the Goths only giving a single word of explanation for their choice "Whatever."
Don popped up in between the teams "An Icelandic Thanksgiving feast consists of putrified shark, pickled herring, cured ram, broiled puffin and singed sheep head. Well I know that's gonna give me nightmares, what are they giving thanks for?" he received blank bored stares from the Goths, much to his annoyance "Okay then, thanks for the input. Anyway just get to eating guys, this lead over the other 9 teams is only gonna last for so long."
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The Rockers, mostly Rock with Spud just listening to music, were struggling to get the sentence right "Uh… van, no… Vin… Oh come on Spud you heard it too didn't you? Help a brother out will ya?"
Spud shrugged "That was forever ago man, who could remember?"
"Oh son of a- Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending?" he received a tip "YES!" and they started doing air guitar before they took off.
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"The last three teams have completed or are now completing the first challenge, for them it may end up being the race for not last."
Junior and Dwayne made their way back to the other side of the geyser field "Vinsamlegast gefa mer-"
"-mina travel asdenting." Dwayne was promptly slapped across the face by the local.
"Eesh, what the heck did you say to her?"
"I have no idea, not a clue!" and they made their way back just as the Stepbrothers made their way through.
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By this point, 4 of the first 6 teams were making their way through the ice caves, the Ice Dancers much more gracefully than others and trying to make sure they looked good while they did it.
Tom and Jen were already hard at work chipping away at their fossil, but it turned out to be pretty slow going "Okay let's do this, first place here we come!"
"Alright we've got one." Gwen on the other hand had found one of her own "Alright now we've just gotta-"
"Booyah to the Kasha mother f*ckers!" Kevin swung his pickaxe at the fossil like a madman, knocking it out of the ice and causing it to shatter in the process "Wimp. Alright Pasty, onto attempt #2!" he received an annoyed look from Gwen "What?"
"I had that covered until you came in and started swinging your damn pickaxe like a psychopath!"
"Oh please, you think I'm the psychopath? Check out the Vegans doing whatever the hell Vegans are doing."
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"We decided to free the fossil using reiki energy." explained Laurie "All we have to worry about is being sure that we don't use too much of it, after all we don't want to bring it back to life."
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Kelly finally made it back across the geyser field just after Noah and Owen received their travel tips "Oh thank god… finally…"
Taylor scowled at her and started checking out her own nails "If we get sent home today then I'm never talking to you again, unless I need money or something."
"Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending." Kelly received the tip.
"Wow, way to not ruin everything for a change." this only prompted Kelly to scowl and run ahead of her "Oh my god mom don't sulk, that was a compliment for crying out loud!" and she ran after her.
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"The next 7 teams are now headed for the ice caves, whereas the last two teams will have to wait for the helicopter to return and one of them is still struggling to complete the first challenge in a very hilarious way."
This time Junior was able to stop Dwayne before he could screw up the sentence "Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending." he received the tip from the local "Finally!" he received a look from Dwayne as they went on their way "What? We're already as far behind as we are so it's not like I can risk you- I mean us- messing it up again."
"Uh huh." Dwayne's gaze hardened "You were gonna say you meaning me weren't you? Oh boy I am insulted, I totally knew my part of the sentence."
"Okay then, go ahead and say it."
"I don't feel like it."
"That's what I thought."
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Kelly cringed as she observed the feast platter "Oh god…"
Taylor was just as mortified "Yeah there is no way that's happening, we're going fossil hunting or I'm going to barf."
"Don't say barf!" they both barfed.
"So, fossil hunting."
"Right behind you honey."
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"Yoink!" Dwayne quickly picked up a pickaxe and made a beeline for the ice cave "Alright let's get to it!"
"Slow down dad, it's super ice in that cave." Junior pointed out.
"Hey I'll have you know that I used to be a champion of my curling team kiddo so I know a good thing or two about ice-" he was cut off when he slipped on the ice and hit the ground against a rock and he narrowly avoided the pickaxe striking him in the face as it embedded itself in the rock, literally mere inches away from his face, scaring Taylor and Kelly into dropping their pickaxe.
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Taylor's logic: "If you had a face as chipotle as mine then would you want it to get hit with some stupid ice pick? Yeah no, we'll eat the feast."
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DJ carefully fed Geoff some of the meat from the platter "Alright man, we've got this. Just keep in mind, this is nowhere near as bad as the brunch of disgustingness back in Camp Wawanakwa okay?" he received an answer in the form of swallowing.
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Rock was hard at work on the feast by himself, much to his annoyance "Hey Spud come on, eat a little bit too will ya?"
Spud took off his headphones and shrugged "No thanks man, I'm not hungry."
"Yes. You. Are!" now thoroughly pissed off, Rock shoved some of the meat into Spud's mouth and forced him to swallow it.
Crimson and Ennui, however, just downed the last eyeballs on the plate and slowly made their way off towards the Chill Zone.
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Don was waiting for the Goths when they arrived "Well done, you guys have arrived in first place!" he received no reaction "You're the winners!" nothing "You won!" still nothing, so he scowled "Are you trying to ruin the show, is that your plan here? Get out of my sight! You're bad kids!" so they left.
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"As soon as I saw the platter I knew we were going to come in first." explained Crimson.
"I'm so excited." Ennui noted dryly "First place. Wow. I could pee myself."
"You just did."
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"So first place has already been taken but last place is still up for grabs and none of them want that."
Noah cringed as he held up one of the last two remaining eyeballs "Alright big gut now remember, don't think and just chew."
"Eye eye little buddy." Owen downed his eyeball almost immediately.
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By this point, a good number of the teams were either finishing up or were finished with the challenge.
One by one Don counted off the teams starting with the Fashion Bloggers "2nd place!" then the Ice Dancers "3rd place." then the Artists "4th place." then the Reality TV Pros "5th place." and then the Best Friends "6th place."
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Laurie shivered as she and Miles pushed their fossil "My hands are freezing, let's take and thank all of the fossil spirits guiding us." so they started praying and failed to notice as the fossil slid away down into the cave.
However, Miles did notice but only after it was gone "Oh no, our fossil!"
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More teams continued to be counted off by Don as they arrived at the Chill Zone, starting with the Bromigos "7th place!"
The Ultimate Duo "Oh yes Lightning go ahead and flex, you guys are in 8th."
Mother & Daughter "You guys are 9th, but I'm afraid you've earned a 1 hour penalty. I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to step aside."
Taylor scowled "Hold on, what now?"
"After getting the Icelandic sentence wrong in the first challenge you were both supposed to go back through the geyser field but only Kelly did."
"Son of a- Way to go mom, I sat around waiting for you so long that my but fell asleep and now we get a penalty? You just have to ruin my life don't you?"
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By this point, only 2 teams were left working in the ice caves.
Dwayne was quick to notice the Vegans' fossil nearby "Well what do you know, how about that little bit of luck? And you were worried we were gonna come in last."
Junior seemed skeptical "I thought we had to chip a fossil out of the ice wall."
"Not technically, he just said we had to pick up a fossil from the cave."
"I don't know dad, something feels wrong about this."
"The only thing wrong would be us getting eliminated too soon, now come on!" and so they took off.
Not long after, the Vegans came looking for the fossil "Come on come on, it has to be around here somewhere!"
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Don was waiting when Father & Son arrived at the Chill Zone "Father & Son you guys are the 9th team to arrive."
"Yes!" Dwayne caught Junior in a high five, until…
"Hold on a minute!" Laurie and Miles showed up, thoroughly pissed off "That's our fossil!"
"...Oh boy."
"I knew there was something wrong." Junior muttered.
"Fine, here you go." he slid it back over towards the Vegans.
However, Don had other plans "Not so fast, they already checked in and you're not allowed to share. You two will have to try again."
Of course, Laurie began to protest "But-"
"Don't care."
"But-"
"Don't care."
"But-"
"Don't care."
"...YOU!" Laurie got up in Dwayne's face in a fiery rage "The goddess of Karma WILL GET YOU FOR THIS!"
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Dwayne wasn't so concerned "This isn't the first time I've been cursed but luckily I don't believe in goddesses or karma."
"Just great." Junior muttered.
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"What are we going to do?" asked Miles "There's no way the two of us will be able to reiki another fossil from the cave in time."
Laurie pondered for a moment "Then I guess we'll just have to… eat the feast."
"What?!"
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At the same time, Don counted off the Stepbrothers and the Sister as they arrived at the Chill Zone with their fossils "10th place and 11th place."
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The last 2 teams were still working on finishing up the feast.
Spud looked over and noticed the Vegans eating and sobbing pretty quickly "Hey you'd better hurry up Rock, they're eating faster than us."
"Faster than me, I'm the only one eating." Rock pointed out "But that's done man!" he shoved more food into Spud's mouth "Now swallow!"
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Laurie was mortified by her actions "I can't believe I just did that, there are animals inside me right now and I'm pretty sure they don't want us to come in last."
"Mine wants out right now." and for emphasis, Miles let out a loud burp.
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Don counted off the Adversity Twins once they arrived with their fossil "12th place, you two live to see another day."
Taylor let out a groan "For sure our penalty is up now?"
"Almost dead but not just yet, oh and here come the last two teams."
Sure enough, the Vegans and Rockers were racing each other towards the Chill Zone with their empty platters, but then a buzzer sound could be heard.
"Mother & Daughter your penalty is up, 13th place and the Rockers take 14th." then he turned towards Laurie and Miles "Well my little meat eating Vegans, you are the last team to arrive."
"So many animals… We just ate so many animals…" Laurie broke down crying while Miles puked into a bucket, only for a serious bombshell to be dropped.
"But this is a non elimination around, you get to stay!" this was met with an enrages gasp.
"I ate animals… FOR NOTHING?!" so with a wild shriek, she attacked Don in a furious frenzy, much to the cringiness of the Rocker and Mother & Daughter.
"Ow ow ow! Security! Next time on- OW- the Ridonculous Race!" he tried to pull himself away from Laurie's grasp "Brazil! Also, HELP ME!" he was dragged away while Miles puked on the Carpet of Completion.
A/N:
That little bit with the rabid lobsters at the beginning was just something I saw on an old YouTube video from a few years ago. It was made by Joey Turner, he and his guys make really good stuff so you should really check it out.
Okay there's no possible way I'm the only one who wanted to give Emma a verbal bitch slap for how she treated Kitty in the first few episodes. I figured this way it would give her and Noah a little bit more interaction between each other before they officially hook up. And let's face it, she had it coming.
Rankings:
Goths: 1st
Fashion Bloggers: 2nd
Ice Dancers: 3rd
Reality TV Pros: 4th
Bromigos: 5th
Ultimate Duo: 6th
Best Friends: 7th
Artists: 8th
Father & Son: 9th
Sisters: 10th
Stepbrothers: 11th
Adversity Twins: 12th
Mother & Daughter: 13th
Rockers: 14th
Vegans: 15th
Elimination order:
Geniuses: 16th
Tennis Rivals: 17th
LARPers: 18th
