HANNAH McFADDEN looked up from where she sat at the kitchen table, as her brother-in-law, Crane stepped into the room.

"This isn't what it looks like." She said, holding a spoon in mid-air.

"More!" Kate clapped her hands together. "More!" She was sitting in her high chair beside Hannah.

"Well, it looks like you and Kate are splitting a bowl of ice cream at 9:30 in the morning." Crane said, leaning against the kitchen counter.

"Okay, well, then it is what it looks like." She sighed, and fed Kate another spoonful of ice cream.

"I'm not judging you, if that's what you are worried about." Crane told her. He turned and reached into the cupboard to get a coffee mug. "You are pregnant, for one thing." He paused to poor himself a cup of coffee and then sat down at the table on the other side of Kate. "And I imagine you are fairly stressed right now." He took the spoon from her, and added a spoonful of ice cream to his coffee before handing it back.

"I wouldn't say stressed exactly . . ." She hedged.

"No, of course you wouldn't." Crane smiled at her. "God forbid, Hannah McFadden should utter a word on her own behalf."

"Don't start." She shook her head at him, and then took another bit of ice cream. "I complain, plenty."

"Sure, you do." Crane laughed. "Adam'll be okay."

"I wish I could've gone with him." She confessed. "I mean, I just . . ." She sighed again. "He'll be alone."

"Well, I think it is probably better that Adam meets Brian alone. He might be ticked off still, and I think you've felt his wrath enough. Adam's right. You can visit next time."

"I'm scared to visit." She admitted. "I don't know what I'll say to him."

"Don't borrow trouble." He told her. "Wait until you are together again, and figure it out."

"You're right." She agreed. "I swing from compassion to anger and back again when I think about it all too much."

"Daddy always said, 'Less thinking and more doing.' Course, I think he was telling me to put down my book and help out, so it might not apply." He rose from the table. "Either way, though, ice cream is never a bad choice." He smiled at her and then added thoughtfully, "You've got a right to your anger, Hannah. Don't go feeling guilty over something that is just. He screwed up, and we were really lucky that it turned out alright."

"He is really hurting." She said, looking up at him. "Crane, you know he'd never have done what he did unless . . ."

"I'm just saying that you should feel badly about how you feel. I'm not really kidding when I tease you about holding things back. You always put this family first - you have since your first day here. It is okay to speak up for yourself, and when Brian is thinking right again, he'll agree with me." He reached over to squeeze her hand. "And as for Adam, he's tough as those mountains. He'll be alright and you'll feel better when he's back home.'

"I just wish I was there with him, at least for the drive back home." She continued. "I don't like that he's alone."

"Adam can manage, and you'll be here when he gets back." He reassured her.

"Maybe I should save him some ice cream." She said setting down the spoon in her hand.

"Nah. He doesn't need any ice cream to comfort him. He has you." He winked at her, and then went out the back door to resume his chores, coffee cup in hand.

***7***

Brian sat silently across from his brother. They were at wooden picnic table that sat alongside a beautiful garden. He considered his older brother, trying to read behind his features, but as was generally the case, he had no idea what Adam was thinking.

"The family sends their love." Adam said. "They all wanted to let you know they are thinking of you and hoping that you are doing well."

"All of them?" Brian asked.

"Yes." Adam answered, sharply. "All of them."

"It seems to me that some of them might be a little ticked off at me." Brian offered, leaning back.

"You trying to start a fight with me?" Adam responded in frustration. "Don't call her out, like that, Bri. She's not here, for one thing, and she's been hurt by you enough, don't you think?"

"Wow!" Brian shook his head. "That's a pretty low blow brother, but I wasn't talking about her. You are right. She's not here. I was talking about you."

"Oh." Adam sighed.

The two brothers sat facing each other without actually looking at each other. Brian watched his older brother's eyes drift toward the mountains that ringed the rehab center.

"I can never tell what you are thinking." Brian finally said, breaking the silence. "Maybe that's why I poke at you like I do. I can only tell what you are feeling when you are mad."

"Well, that covers enough of my time." Adam responded. "So all of this is my fault?"

"Right." Brian said sarcastically. "The great and mighty Adam McFadden, savior of the family drove me to drinking." He shook his head.

"Well, it isn't like I gave you a ton of space for grieving." Adam confessed. "And you gotta admit, the second half of your childhood was pretty shitty."

"Yours too." Brian pointed out. "And you kiss your wife with that mouth?"

"They detox from alcohol and cursing?" Adam raised an eyebrow. "This place is impressive."

"Hell, no." Brian responded and then sighing heavily, he placed his palms on the surface of the rough table, leaning toward his older brother. "Look, I didn't want to be here. Hell, I still don't, but things were bad. I mean when I think of that night . . ." He shivered. "Actually, I can't remember anything. I remember telling Daniel to go, and then I remember waking up in jail. I didn't know about the wreck or anything else until Taylor told me."

"I don't know, Brian. I think I screwed this whole thing up pretty badly if you are sitting in some detox center."

Brian rose angrily. "Damnit, Adam! This isn't about you! This is about me! I'm here because I can't stop drinking. I would drink right now if you offered me a drink. I would! And I know that I ain't got any more chances! Hell, I'd drink even if I knew it meant I'd have to go back to jail. I want to be drunk all the time."

"But . . . I don't understand. Why? Is there something I could've done to . . ." Adam looked up at his younger brother.

"You like problems you can solve. That's what Hannah's always saying and she's right. That girl undrestands you, God bless her. This isn't simple, Adam. And it isn't like it doesn't run in the family. You know Grandpa was a drunk - Mama talked about it, remember?"

"But this is different. You've got reasons. I mean, we were barely hanging on there for so long and you were only sixteen years old."

Brian sat back down at the table. "And you were only seventeen, but you aren't a drunk."

"Brian, don't talk about yourself that way," Adam interrupted him.

"Why not? It's true, isn't it? I am the worst kind of drunk. I got so drunk that I left my baby niece home alone, crying in her highchair while I smashed the family truck in a ditch, and not once, NOT ONCE, did I think about Kate. Hell, even after I knew what had happened, I was still drinking and yelling at people how it wasn't my fault! You gotta really look at me, Adam, and stop trying to take the blame for it. This shit is mine. It belongs to me, and I can say it even if you can't; i'm a no-good, asshole drunk who nearly got your daughter killed, and then tried to blow it off when your wife called me out on it." He shook his head again. "And none of that has anything to do with me being an orphan. It has everything to do with me being a selfish, goddamn asshole."

Adam rose, and for once, Brian could read his older brother's expression. He could see the conflicting emotions sweep across Adam's face; compassion and anger, love and hatred.

"That's not . . ." He turned away from Brian staring at the hills. "Maybe this place ain't right. They got you thinking you are worse than Lucifer." He turned back to Brian. "Maybe you should just come home with me."

"Nah, man. They aren't the ones telling me that. It's me. I know the truth, brother. You can't see it because even now - even when I broke your wife's heart and abandoned your baby girl - even now, you are still trying to take care of me."

"If Daddy were still alive . . ."

"I'd probably still be a drunk." He stood and faced his older brother. "Adam, you don't remember things right. You need to really think and really remember. When is the first time you remember me coming home drunk?" Adam studied his brother's face thoughtfully, and then his eyes grew wide as Brian continued. "Nah, man. You inherited this damn problem."

***7***

Ford McFadden climbed down from the hayloft just behind his younger brother. He was tired, sweaty and still had a pile of homework to do, but somehow he couldn't shake his concern for Guthrie.

"Guth, you wanna go into town?" He asked.

"What for?" Guthrie asked, pausing to recheck the tack.

"I dunno. We could grab a burger. We could see what Marley was up to."

"Hannah's already cooking dinner." Guthrie said. "She doesn't like it when we bail last minute."

"After then. We could get some ice cream."

"I got a pile of homework, and I bet you do, too." He turned to look at Ford. "Adam tell you to babysit me?"

"No." Ford responded, but then thinking back over his conversation with his older brother before he had left that morning. "Well, yes, but this is because . . .look, I'm just concerned, that's all. Things have been kind of sucky and I know you worry so . . ."

"Man, you don't need to treat me like I'm five." Guthrie said angrily. "I don't care. He's gone and I'm glad. If you want to worry about someone. Worry about Adam, or better yet, worry about Hannah. They are the ones broken up over him. I don't care. He can stay away forever." He stormed off toward the house, but didn't go in through the backdoor like he usually did. Instead, he went around to the front going straight upstairs.

Ford went in the back door and washed his hands at the kitchen sink. Hannah was in the kitchen with Katy near her in her highchair. Hannah had one eye on Katy, who was eating cheerios, and the other on the stove. She looked up at Ford. "Stir that for me, would you, Ford."

"Sure." He went over to the stove and stirred the stew. "That smells really good."

"Where's Guthrie?" She asked him as she handed the spoon to Katy.

"He went upstairs." He saw her look of concern as she furrowed her brows. "He's got a chem test tomorrow. You know him. It's 100% or nothing."

"Sure." She said, watching as Katy proceeded abandon the spoon and use her fingers to eat the applesauce. She rose and stood beside him at the stove. "You know I can tell when you are lying, Ford Michael?" She said to him.

"No, you can't." He shook his head. "You are bluffing." He grinned at her. "That's the oldest trick, Hannah. He's fine. He's just focused on that chem test."

"He's not fine." She told him, taking the spoon from his hands. "Would you set the table?"

"Sure." He said, glad to step away from her. She had an uncanny ability to read his mind. She did always seem to know when he was lying. "Just five?" He winced even as he asked.

"Four." She responded without looking up. "Daniel has a date."

"What time will Adam be home?" He asked.

"He's on the road now, so maybe around 10." She smiled at him, but he could hear all the worry in the sound of her words. He turned back to the table, thinking how strange it would be to sit down with so few brothers at the table.

***7***

Adam McFadden didn't really like driving at night. He generally tried to avoid it. When he'd left, knowing this about him, Hannah had told him to consider getting a room for the night.

"I'll be fine." She said. "Then you could drive home in the morning. The boys can manage the chores for one day."

He had rejected the idea but as darkness fell, he began to wonder if it wouldn't have been a wiser choice. Driving at night made him jumpy, and he was distracted by the conversation that he'd had with Brian.

He hadn't expected the visit to be fun. He understood that facing Brian for the first time since they'd dropped him off two weeks ago would be uncomfortable at best, but he had expect the joint session with the counselor to be the most difficult. Instead, he found the session to be anti-climatic after his talk with Brian. He felt sort of numb as the counselor talked about various coping mechanisms and ways to support Brian.

He had left in a daze and had even forgotten to call Hannah so that after an hour of driving, he had to pull over and use a pay phone.

"I'm just calling to let you know, I'm on my way." He told her.

"It's gonna be really late." She said, and he could hear the worry in her voice. "Why don't you just stay."

"No, I am already on my way. I left about an hour ago. I just forgot to call before I left."

"Adam . . ." She began.

"Not now, sweetheart." He sighed. "I'll tell you all about it when I get home, okay. Quit, worrying and go put your feet up."

"Be careful." She said softly.

"I'm always careful, Girl."

His mind shifted from his complicated and difficult younger brother, to his wife. He knew she would worry until he walked in the door, and so he opted to skip stopping for dinner and just kept driving. The last few weeks had been so hard on her; on them both. They had both been struggling with anger and guilt, and worry. He didn't like thinking about the bad timing of all this. She was pregnant and had recently managed a car crash. It made him nervous. Then again, worrying about her was easier than thinking about anything else.

***7***

"Don't worry about morning chores." Guthrie told Hannah as he stood in the doorway watching her lay Katy down in her crib. "We got it all covered."

"I hope so. I have no intention of milking those cows." She smiled at him. "You get all your studying in?"

"Yeah." He said. "I just have to finish some math."

"He might be home pretty late, and you've got those morning chores. There's no reason to wait up. I don't want you bombing that chem test because you were trying to keep an eye on me."

"What chem test?" He wrinkled his brows at her. "He's fine. He'll be home soon. There's no reason for worry."

"That's what I'm telling you." She said. She leaned over and kissed Katy's cheek, and clicking on the baby monitor turned to head downstairs. "You want some cocoa?"

"I'm not four." He said following her down the stairs, but after this got no response he added, "Sure. Cocoa sounds good."

They found Crane in the kitchen at the stove, stirring a small pot. "I made some hot chocolate." He told them.

Hannah laughed at this. "I was just gonna make some." She turned to Ford who sat at the kitchen table with his books spread in front of him. "Guthrie's all done studying for his chem test." She told him with a raised eyebrow.

"My chem test was two days ago." Guthrie said, moving to sit at the table, as he pulled out a math book from the backpack that had been slung over his shoulder. "What is she talking about?" He turned to Ford.

"I guess I got it mixed up." Ford offered with a shrug, but Hannah shook her head, and turning to get some mugs out of the cupboard said, "I always know Ford. Always."

At 10:30 she sent the younger boys to bed, under protest. "You don't have to wait up wit me, Crane." She told her brother-in-law. Daniel had come home at 10:00 and was fussing around in the kitchen while she and Crane sat in the living room. She was working on a blanket for the new baby and he was reading a book.

"How about this," Crane said looking up at her. "How about you go upstairs and wait for him in your bed, and I wait down here?"

"I'm fine." She told him.

"Me, too." He agreed.

"I guess we'll be fine here together then." She countered.

***7***

He pulled up to the ranch at 11:07. He would have been home earlier but had hit traffic around Stockton. He hated city traffic. It made him jumpy and frustrated him to no end. He had hoped that Hannah would have had the good sense to go to bed, but from the lights of the front room, he figured she'd stubbornly waited up for him.

He entered the house to find her sitting up, knitting while Crane snoozed on the couch across from her.

"Hey," He whispered, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

"Hey, yourself." She said, setting side her knitting and kissing him back. "You hungry?"

He shook his head. "Your support team?" He indicated Crane who snored just then.

"Yes. He waited up with me." She grinned.

Adam crossed the room, and gave Crane a nudge. "Hey, brother. Thanks for waiting up, but I made it home."

"Huh?" Crane rubbed his eyes. "Adam! About time! We've been waiting forever."

"I see that." Adam laughed and moved to sit beside Hannah.

Crane sat up. "So," He asked, "How is he?"

"Sober." Adam said. "I dunno. He's doing okay." He considered Crane. "He's cranky as hell." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"That doesn't sound all that different." Crane said. "What's he cranky about? He's not mad at us, is he?"

Adam glanced as he felt Hannah stiffen beside him at Crane's question. He turned toward her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. He kissed her forehead before responding. "No. At least not for sending him there, or for being the reason he drinks, either. I don't know. He's finding his way, I guess." He glanced at Hannah, who leaned against his shoulder. "I'm glad you weren't there."

"It was bad?" Crane asked.

"It was uncomfortable." Adam responded. "He's working his way through it, and right now, he is feeling a lot of things he hadn't been allowing himself to feel." Adam shrugged. "Least that's what the doctor said. But he's doing all right, and getting better each day, I guess."

"Okay." Crane said.

"We can all talk more tomorrow." Adam said, and nodding Crane rose.

"Right. She ought to get to bed." Crane nodded at Hannah.

"Thanks for waiting up with me." She told him.

"'Night."

Crane disappeared up the stairs, and they sat together in silence for a bit.

"Come on, Girl. You should be asleep already." He rose, and pulled her up.

"You must be hungry, Adam." She hesitated. "I can heat you up some . . ."

"No. Bed." He tugged her hand. "Come on."

He led her upstairs, only letting go of her hand to peek in on Katy who slept soundly in her little bed. They had turned the room that Evan and Ford shared into a nursery. Evan was on the road more than home, so Ford had moved to bunk in with Daniel and Crane - giving them the space they needed for Katy. Katy sighed contentedly in sleep, and he followed Hannah into their bedroom.

She sat down on the edge of the bed, and looked up at him with wide, dark blue eyes that radiated concern.

"Get in bed." He said, surprised that he sounded so harsh.

"Don't boss me, Cowboy." She arched an eyebrow at him. He moved to sit beside her.

"How about this?" He said glancing at her. "I promise to tell you everything, but only once you climb in that bed."

"You climb in with me?" She asked, considering.

He threw back the covers, and started pulling off his boots. "Yes, ma'am."

"Alright." She moved to her side of the bed, and climbed under the covers. "You don't have to talk if you don't want to just now." She told him, as he slid into the bed next to her. The only light in the room was from his bedside lamp.

"No, I want to." He said to her. "I just worry about you being up so late and . . ." He rubbed a hand over his face. "It's not like Katy's gonna give you an easy day tomorrow because she knows you were up late."

"Daniel said he'd watch her all morning, and Ford and Guthrie are covering chores." She reached out to run her hand over his cheek. "So, don't worry over me."

"Good boys." He said and she laughed. "What?" He asked her.

"I don't think Daniel would appreciate being called a boy, nor Ford and Guthrie for that matter."

"Oh, whatever." He lay back in the bed, and she scooted close to him, her head resting on his chest. "How's this one?" He asked running his hand over her stomach.

"Kicking." She sighed. "Your babies love kicking me."

"They get that from you." He said kissing her forehead. "You're wild, darlin'."

"So, it was pretty terrible?" She asked him softly.

He sighed, and after a long silence, said in soft voice, choked by emotion. "Yeah, Girl, it was pretty awful."