"What did he say?" Guthrie asked, leaning against the kitchen counter, and looking at his sister-in-law.

"I told you." She said, spatula in hand. "You know, you could talk to Adam, yourself."

"No. I gotta get to school." He shrugged. "It's no big deal. I was just talking."

"Guthrie," She began, "You should talk to Adam." Her tone changed, softening with compassion.

"Why? You told me everything. You said so." He moved to sit at the table. "And I don't want to be late."

She turned back to the stove and slid the last egg onto the plate before putting it on the table. She sat down beside Kate, who was happily destroying some scrambled eggs in her highchair.

"I thought you were sleeping in?" Daniel asked coming in the back door.

"Have you met your niece?" Hannah asked with a raised eyebrow. "She woke up at 4:30 this morning, chatting away like a magpie. Didn't you?" She said leaning close and kissing her daughter's cheek.

"Sounds like Guthrie." Daniel adding coffee to her cup before pouring himself a mug. "He still doesn't sleep."

"You know they say intelligent people have the worst sleep history." Guthrie responded. "That's scientific fact."

"Probably written by someone who was a lousy sleeper." Daniel remarked. "You want a ride to school today, kid?"

"No. I love the school bus." Guthrie responded sarcastically. "Why?"

"I gotta go into town and mail off some paperwork." Daniel said. "And I don't mind giving you kids a ride."

"Oh, thank God!" Ford said coming into the room. "Mercy Farnsworth has got it in her head that we are meant for each other, and she keeps sitting next to me on the bus."

"Mercy is pretty." Hannah remarked. "What is wrong with that?"

"Two things," Ford explained. "We aren't meant for each other, and she smells like onions."

"Oh, Ford." Hannah shook her head at him.

"She does, Hannah." Guthrie agreed. "And she really, really likes to talk about MacGyver. It's her favorite show."

"It's true." Ford said, nodding his head. "She gives a minute by minute breakdown of every single MacGyver episode she's seen and she's seen every single one."

"That show is stupid." Adam said stepping into the room, and grabbing bacon from the table. "That guy can't act." He turned toward Hannah. "Why don't you go back to bed? I can keep an eye on Princess, here."

"I'm fine." She said rising up from the table. "I'm pregnant not incapacitated."

"Well, I just figured you might like to actually get some sleep." Adam responded. "Plus, it would give me an excuse to sit around the house for once."

"Hannah doesn't sit around the house." Guthrie said sharply.

"I know that, Guthrie." Adam said, swatting his younger brother's arm. "She works nonstop, but that's not what I'm gonna do." He winked at his wife.

"You boys will be late if you don't head out soon." Hannah told them. The boys put their plates in the sink, and then gathered up lunches and backpacks before heading out the door.

"You need anything in town?" Daniel asked Hannah, and she handed him a small list.

"Thank you." She said. The door opened and closed three times before they all finally tumbled down the front steps. Hannah moved to sit at the table. Adam sat across from her with Kate now sitting on his lap.

"I didn't mean to infer that you . . ." He began, but she waved her hand at him.

"Guthrie is just upset." She told him. "I understood what you meant."

"I tried to talk to him this morning. He is so angry." Adam shrugged his shoulders. "Why don't you go up to bed. There's nothing needs doing this morning that can't wait. You look tired, sweetheart."

"You mean tired and beautiful?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"That goes without saying." He grinned at her. "Katy and me will be fine."

"Mama!" Katy said, as Adam kissed her cheek.

"Dada is what you meant." He told his daughter. "Go on, Girl." He nodded at Hannah.

Hannah hesitated. It was tempting, but there were a million things left to do. The idea of climbing back into bed while the house was silent and calm seemed so enticing.

"I'm supposed to bring a cake to the women's auxiliary meeting. Marilyn Stone will frown at me for weeks if I don't."

"Marilyn always frowns. I'll call and tell her you won't be there." He said. "Honey, you sat up half the night with me, and I feel real guilty about that." He told her. "It would make me feel better if you took a nap."

"Well, if it is for your benefit . . . " She said laughing.

"I knew that would work."

***7***

Sleep was initially impossible. Her mind kept whiring back to the night before. Adam had been fairly silent at first, but she had simply waited. She found that this was her best technique when dealing with a silent, stubborn Cowboy; ask a question and wait.

"Is he angry?" She asked at long last. "Was it terrible?"

"No. I mean, he isn't angry at us, exactly. I don't know how to explain it. He's different."

She didn't ask different how, knowing that it would drive him back into silence. Instead she had continued to wait as he gathered his thoughts.

"I was scared to see him. I'll confess it to you, darlin'. I mean, the last time I saw him, he was mad as blazes. He was so angry when I drove him there. And I didn't want to face his wrath, you know, but mostly I was scared that he would say it was because of me." His voice grew softer. "You know, because I screwed things up."

"Adam," She moved closer to him, her hand on his arm. "It isn't your fault. You did the best you could, and look at your brothers! They are fine men!"

"He's my brother, too, and he is a mess." Adam turned to look at her.

"But it isn't your fault. He's grown and he makes his own choices." She was intensely defensive of her husband.

"Easy there, Girl." He chuckled softly. "That's what Brian told me, too."

"Well, I'm glad of that. I would hope he'd take responsibility of it."

"You know, the very first time that I ever saw him drunk, I covered for him."

"You had a lot going on, and that makes sense, Adam."

"No, honey. It wasn't . . ." He sighed. "The first time I caught him drunk, he was fourteen. It was before Mama and Daddy died. He had lost a basketball game, and when I went out to do chores, he was sitting in the hayloft with a six pack."

"Adam . . ." Hannah was stunned by this. "But . . ."

"I had forgotten that." Adam told her. "I had forgotten that he was drinking before the crash. I covered up for him that first time, and for a few more times after, too. But Daddy knew and the Wednesday before he died, he and Brian had a big blow up because Daddy found out he'd stolen a bottle of tequila from his friend Benji's house. Benji's Dad found it missing and thought Benji had taken it, but Benji said Brian had taken it." He remained quiet for a long minute, considering. "It took me awhile to drive home because of traffic, but also because I had to pull over and just think, you know?"

"Oh, I wish you'd have let me go with you." She said holding tighter to his arm.

"I just . . . all this time, I was thinking it was because of me, and something I'd done wrong. I mean it isn't like we spent a ton of time talking about how we felt about stepping in and taking care of the boys. I never even asked him, you know? I just told him what he had to do, and he did it."

"No one asked you." She pointed out.

"They did, Hannah. Marlene, Mike, Ed, the counsel all of them asked me what I wanted to do, and they asked me how I was feeling about it, all the time. Marlene and Mike tried to talk me out of taking care of the boys. They kept telling me that I could still go to school, but Brian he just . . ."

"You really think Marlene never talked to him? Adam, I've only known her since we got married and I am confident that she tried to get him to talk."

"I don't know. I guess." Adam considered this. "I had forgotten about the drinking. I had forgotten how much he and Dad had argued over it. It was like the shock of them being gone washed all of it away, and it wasn't until today, when Brian reminded me that I even remembered."

"What does he say about it?" Hannah asked.

"He just liked it - the feeling of being drunk. He was a stupid kid who liked going to parties and hanging out with his friends, but then all of the sudden our parents were gone, and he felt this tremendous responsibility. He quit drinking overnight back then. We were so caught up in surviving that there wasn't time for anything else, but that shock wore off and all of the sudden you are in the middle of this really . . ." He struggled for words, and she felt as if someone had reached inside her chest and pulled her heart out, her pain for him was nearly physical. "It was endless, you know? The first year was just outright shock, but later it was just so real. And we could see it stretched out for miles in front of us. I remember thinking that when Guthrie turned 18, I would be 33 years old. It seemed so old and so far away. It felt bleak, and that's when he started drinking again because feeling the reality of it all - that was hard."

He glanced down at her, and squeezing her arm said, "Don't start crying, sweetheart. We made it through, more or less."

"Oh, Adam . . ."

"I missed it, you know? Of course, it was just a little bit, now and again. He didn't drink everyday in the beginning, he says. It was just a way to deal when things were really tough, well, usually after things had been really tough. It got to be a habit for how to deal with it. I missed it. I didn't notice him slipping away at night or maybe I just ignored it because it was . . ." He struggled again, not just because of the old familiar pain, but because it was nearly impossible to craft words that describe the bleakness of those days. "It was just so very hard, you know?"

"I'd change it if I could." She said softly, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Me, too - if I had that kind of power I would . . . there's a pile of things I'd change." He replied emphatically. "But that's a miracle that can't be done, and it all fell out the way it fell out. I don't know, maybe I could have done a better job when he took up drinking again, or maybe I could've done a better job the first time - instead of covering it up. But none of it matters. It is the same thing with Mama and Daddy. We can try and unspool that day, and rearrange everything we did, but in the end, they still are gone." He considered her thoughtfully. "How do you explain it to yourself, sweetheart?"

"Oh, well," She was surprised by his question, but understood what he meant, too. "I don't know. I used to think it was because I wasn't a son. He really, really wanted a son, and then I thought maybe it was because he felt so trapped, you know - with Mama and me, and my sister. I would try to be really, really good, you know? I would do whatever he asked, or even try to see ahead and anticipate what he wanted. I fell all over myself trying to change it - trying to change him."

"It had nothing to do with you at all." Adam told her softly.

"No. It didn't. It took me a very long time to understand that, and sometimes I still forget." She looked up into her husband's face. "It has nothing to do with you, either, Adam."

"I guess. I mean it also does have something to do with me. I could've been a better brother, maybe. I just . . ." He sighed and pulled her into his arms. "I didn't understand then, and I don't really understand it now. I just wish . . ."

"No one is a better brother than you, honey." She whispered.

It hadn't been a night for sleeping. They had talked and talked and cried, and then it was dawn and Kate was awake and happy to start her day. Lying in their bed now, it seemed that her mind was filled with all of it all over again. She never would have guessed that Brian drank before his parent's deaths, and she'd never imagined Adam's parent's friends had once pushed him to leave his brothers behind and got to school. Wondering at those early days always left her feeling unsettled and anxious. She rolled to her side, and closing her eyes tried to sleep.

***7***

"What is the problem McFadden?" Robbie asked. The two boys were standing just outside the gym. "Make up your mind. You gonna show or not?"

"I said, I'll see." Guthrie responded angrily.

"Gotta check with Marley? She tell you want to do?"

"Right." Guthrie shook his head. "I got stuff to take care of, that's all. You finish your project for English?"

"School work?" Robbie laughed out loud. "Man, you are such a loser, McFadden!" He turned, but paused to shout over his shoulder, "I'll maybe see you later - if you get your homework done."

Guthrie wanted to give Robbie the finger, but knew that with his luck a teacher would pass by just at that moment. Instead, he turned away and went into the gym. He could feel an unreasonable tide of anger building up inside him. He wanted to smash something or hit something. He'd been irritable with Marley before their first class. Frustrated with his snippy replies to every question, she had told him, "I'm working today, so I'll see you tomorrow," and left without even a kiss. It was pretty much a lousy day all around. He couldn't explain his anger no matter how much Marley or Hannah asked. It was just an overwhelming feeling that was building up; that he wanted to go away. Robbie had told him that he was going over to his cousin Barney's place tonight. Barney was twenty and his parents had left for a cruise a couple days ago. When he'd asked Marley about going over, she had shook her head and said only, "Guthrie, it won't help make you feel better." For some reason this had increased his anger by one hundred-fold and he had snapped back, "I was just asking you, Marley! You want to go or not?"

He was still frustrated and thinking about Marley and the party while tackling his afternoon chores. He was NOT thinking about Brian at all.

"You pissed off at the firewood?" Daniel asked him.

"What?" Guthrie looked up.

"You're chucking it on the pile like it stole your tv." Daniel said. "Hannah wants to know if Marley is coming to dinner."

"No."

"Oh." Daniel nodded. "Woman trouble."

"Shut up, Daniel." Guthrie glared at him. "It's not that at all."

"Right." Daniel laughed.

"Actually," Guthrie said. "I'm gonna eat at Marley's tonight. She wanted me to come over there, so you can tell Hannah that."

"Tell her yourself," Daniel said, turning to walk toward the barn. "She doesn't like it when you cancel an hour before dinner. You know that. Good luck, kid."

Great, Guthrie thought. He hated the thought of telling Hannah a lie, but something inside him kept pushing him in all the wrong directions. He waited until he was at the kitchen sink washing his hands.

"Hey, sorry I forgot but, uh, Marley asked me over to dinner so . . ."

"Guthrie!" She looked up from where she stood at the stove. "You didn't say a word about it this morning!"

"I know. I forgot and Marley is kind of mad at me about that so . . ."

"Now, you are in trouble with two women." Adam said as he handed a platter to Hannah. "Nice going."

"Look, can I go, or what?"

His brisk tone startled them both, but just as Adam was about to say something to him, Katy began to laugh and giggle to herself, which made both Adam and Hannah laugh.

"I'll expect you home by ten." Adam said as he lifted Katy out of her playpen and into his arms. "And apologize for taking that tone."

"I'm sorry." Guthrie sighed. "I'll be back on time. It's not like Marley's folks are gonna let me stay late." He turned toward his sister-in-law. "I'm sorry about the last minute notice."

"Don't make it a habit." She said, studying him, "You okay, Guth?" Her soft tone, disarmed him briefly, and he considered telling them the truth - that he felt angry and miserable and mixed up. Instead he darted away from her, moving toward the hallway and the stairs. She had this sixth sense sometimes - like she could read his mind. Talking to her right now felt far too dangerous. "See you later." He called over his shoulder trying to keep his voice sounding normal.

***7***

As soon as Guthrie went upstairs to change, Hannah turned to her husband. "What do you think?"

"Hannah . . ." Adam began. "You've got enough on your plate just now."

"Something isn't right." She told him.

"I agree." He told her. "But we don't have to figure it out just this minute."

"Hmmm . . ." Hannah turned toward the stove. "I don't like it."

"I don't either, Hannah Joy, but he will be at Marley's. Maybe she can help him sort things out."

"I hope so."

They heard his footsteps down the stairs, and then the slamming of the front door. He shouted,"Bye" over his shoulder, and they heard the truck roar to life and its rumble fade away in the distance.

"Trouble is coming." She said to her husband.

"Trouble never really goes away from this ranch." He remarked, kissing her cheek.

"Touble" Katy said, surprising them both.