Hannah McFadden lifted her face to the warm sun. In the rarest of moments she found herself home alone with just Katy to keep her company. She had laid a blanket on the grass in front of the house, and lowered herself to the ground, soaking up the late spring sunshine. Katy happily played with a doll that Daniel had given her - picking flowers and laying them next to it. She chatted away happily, occasionally bringing her mother flowers, and weeds.
"Mama!" Her tiny voice filled Hannah's heart with joy as Katy lay flowers across her swollen stomach. She rubbed her stomach absently. At eight months pregnant she generally felt tired and awkward, despite her sweet husband's declarations of her beauty and grace. She closed her eyes briefly, promising herself that she would sit here for just a few minutes more before tackling chores and meal preparations. She wanted to lay back on the blanket and drift away to sleep, but a lazy afternoon nap wasn't something she could fit into her schedule or her responsibilities.
The warmth of the sun began to lessen and she recognized that this quiet peace should soon come to an end. Just five minutes more. She thought to herself. Katy's happy chatter, which had been a steady background to her daydreams, changed in pitch and even before she opened her eyes, she knew someone else had joined them. She opened her eyes just as Katy began to chant happily, "Bri Bri!", clinging to her brother-in-law's legs with one hand and stretching her other arm up to him. "Up! Up!" He glanced at Hannah nervously, but unable to say no to his tiny niece, he lifted her up into his arms.
"Brian!" She said shocked to see her him standing in front of her. She glanced around. She hadn't heard a car. No one had said anything about him leaving rehab.
"I'm not AWOL." He said to her, as though reading her thoughts. "I've got a day pass, and one of my counselors agreed to drive me. He dropped me off at the end of the drive."
"Adam isn't here and he didn't say anything about . . ." She stammered in surprise.
"He didn't know I was coming, and it wasn't him I came to see."
He shifted nervously even as Katy patted his face chanting, "Unca Bri! Unca Bri!"
"You cut your hair." She said, without thinking, too stunned to formulate a complete thought. She wished then that she wasn't sitting on the ground. There was no dignified way to stand and tall as he was, she felt awkward trying to talk to him from where she sat on the ground.
"Yeah." He ran a hand over his closely cropped head. "It seemed like the right time for a change." He swallowed hard, and she could feel his anxiousness. "Hannah, look I . . ."
"Hey, listen," She said, interrupting him. "I know you probably came to see your brothers, but they are up at the high country. They should be back in a few hours."
"No." He said and lowered himself to kneel on the other side of the blanket. "I figured they might be gone. I came home to see you."
He met her eyes then, and she felt a sudden wave of emotion wash over her. Seeing him now, thin and with close-cropped hair, he somehow seemed both older and younger than the last time she had seen him. His eyes seemed much clearer and brighter, but she could see the shame in them, too. No doubt, the whole drive, he had struggled, anxious and unsure how to approach her.
She had feared seeing him again and worried that she would react with anger. She had worried that seeing him would bring back all the pain and horror of the night they had returned home to find Katy alone and sobbing, and yet instead she was filled with tremendous compassion. She could see in his bright eyes the light that had seemed dimmed in the weeks and days before Adam had driven him away from the ranch, and to a new and uncertain future.
He watched her, and she recognized that she had been quiet for far too long. The fear made his features seem even more thin.
"Hannah, I . . ." He began, glancing down at Katy who had crawled from his arms. He kneeled on the opposite end of the blanket and Katy danced between them, dropping her wilted flowers in front of each of them.
"Sorry," She interrupted him. "I am so glad to see you just now. I know you probably were hoping for a visit, but I have got to be honest, I'm really worn out."
"Yeah," He said, blinking tears out of his eyes, and rocking back onto his feet. "I can . . ."
"And I know it isn't very thrilling," She continued, interrupting him again. "But if you could keep an eye on Katy for just an hour, I could lay down and sleep."
As her request registered, he froze. She could see him struggle, processing her request. He opened his mouth twice as though to respond, but no sound came out.
"I would really appreciate it. I was just sitting out here in the sunshine, and it's taken every bit of my power to keep my eyes open."
"Uh, well, uh," He responded at last. "Yeah. I can do that."
"Thank you so much." She said, and began to struggle up to her feet. He rose immediately, holding out a hand to help her up.
"I really appreciate it." She said looking up into his eyes, which were bright with tears. "I'll be upstairs, if you need me, but she just ate so she should be good for the next thirty minutes." She squeezed his fingers. "I know you came for a visit, and not a babysitting job, but your niece doesn't seem to understand that her Mama's got to sleep now and again." She let go his hand, and he reached down to lift Katy up into his arms again. Katy nestled against his shoulder, cooing softly to herself, wilted flowers clutched in her tiny fingers.
"I . . ." He began to speak again, but Katy had taken a flower petal and tried to stick it to his face, causing both of them to laugh. The flower petals stuck to the side of his cheek, and laughing still, Hannah reached out to remove it.
"I'll see you two later." She said, nodding her head at him, and then turned to walk up the front steps.
"Don't worry about anything." He called after her.
"I won't." She said, pausing to look back and him, and she found that she really meant what she said. She knew her brother-in-law, and Katy was safe under his watchful eye. She nodded at him one more time and then disappeared into the house.
***7***
Adam McFadden returned to the house in the early afternoon, to find his brother sitting on the floor coloring at the coffee table with his daughter. Brian had drawn a pony and was asking Katy what she wanted to name it.
"Puppy." Katy said.
"Well, sure." Brian said agreeably. "You could call your pony Puppy."
"Dada!" Katy said looking up at Adam.
"I don't know if I would call a pony, that." Brian considered, but Katy pointed and Brian turned to see his older brother looking at him.
"Hey there, Brian. I wasn't expecting to see you here? I was thinking I might come home and kiss my wife." He raised an eyebrow at his brother. "I don't suppose you know where she is just now?" Adam asked as Katy ran to him. He bent down and lifted her up kissing her cheek.
"I had a day pass. My counselor drove me over." Brian said, as he cleaned up the crayons putting them in the open box on the coffee table. He dropped me off around noon or so. I didn't say anything about visiting because I was scared I'd lose my nerve. And I'm not kissing you, so don't even consider it."
"Okay." Adam said, shifting Katy to his hip. "The boys won't be home until late. Guthrie has soccer and Ford is tutoring. Daniel is on his way to a gig over in Sonora and . . ."
"No, I came to see Hannah." Brian explained.
"Yeah." Adam glanced around. "How did that go?"
"She, uh, she," Brian rose to stand in front of his older brother. "Well, she was all tuckered out, so she asked if maybe I could keep an eye on Katy so she could get a nap. She's upstairs, sleeping."
Adam considered this. He and Hannah had spent hours talking about Brian. He knew she was anxious to see him again, but also anxious about seeing him again. "Well," He responded. "That girl is pretty miserable these days. You remember that last month. She can't get comfortable no matter what and Katy, here has decided that sleeping isn't part of her schedule. I'm grateful you gave her a chance to sleep."
"Adam," Brian sighed. "I don't know what to say to her."
"Well, you two have paved a pretty hard row already. I mean," Adam teased him. "You weren't exactly a welcoming committee to her the first day, but you always seem to manage."
"What should I do?" Brian asked.
Adam considered this for a minute. "I think you should help me get some ribs on the smoker. We'll let her sleep a bit longer, and take over dinner." He smiled at Brian. "I mean it doesn't solve your problem, but it can't hurt, right?"
"Yeah. Okay." Brian shook his head, and Adam reached out to squeeze his shoulder.
"You look good, man." Adam smiled at him. "It is good to have you here. How long can you stay?"
"Andrew's gonna swing back by later. He has to be back tonight."
"He has to be back? What about you?"
"One thing at a time big brother." Brian sighed. "I'm not sure I'm ready to face the boys. Let's see if I can manage your wife first."
"Good luck with that!" Adam laughed. "I love her to death, Bri, but my Girl is completely unmanageable."
Brian followed him as Adam headed toward the kitchen saying, "Man, the counselor said you are supposed to work at encouraging me."
"Your counselor uses an awful lot of big words for a simple rancher." Adam responded. "I might've missed that part. 'Sides I'm focusing on distracting you with other things, so you won't be tempted to drink. A difficult, complicated woman is about as distracting as life can get."
"Great." Brain shook his head. "Thanks, brother."
***7***
"Mama!" A soft voice said, and Hannah felt a tiny hand on her face. "Mama." She opened her eyes to see Adam smiling down at her, as Katy stretched an arm out toward her.
"Hey, there, darlin'" Adam said, smiling at her. "Have a nice nap?"
"What time is it?" She asked, moving to sit up. Katy crawled out of Adam's arms and moved to crawl across Hannah, but he swiftly lifted her, moving her to the side of the bed. "No, Katy Bug. You can't crawl on Mama." He reached out a hand to rub Hannah's stomach. "Baby." He told her.
"Baby." Katy repeated, as Hannah, sitting up completely, put an arm around Katie.
"What time is it?" Hannah asked again. "Where's . . ."
"It's nearly three." Brian said, stepping into the doorway. "Sorry. I let you sleep longer than you said, but you seemed like you needed it."
"You wouldn't believe the snoring." Adam said, winking at her.
"I don't snore." She protested. "I breathe lightly."
"Well, you were breathing lightly, pretty good." He grinned.
"Brian came for a visit." She said unnecessarily.
"I can see that." Adam nodded at Brian. "I came home to find him coloring with Katy. He was staying inside the lines and everything."
"Where are all the boys?" She asked.
"Guthrie has soccer, and Ford is tutoring so he can bring Guth home. Daniel had that gig, and Crane's with his study group. It's just the small McFadden family tonight."
"Oh," She sat up, and Adam reached a hand out to help her. "I better get dinner . . ."
"Brian and me are smoking some ribs, sweetheart. No work for you tonight."
"Thank you." She ran a hand over her face, and looked up at her brother-in-law who had stepped tentatively just inside the room. "How long can you stay?" She asked. "Everyone will want to see you, but they won't be home until later."
"Oh, well, I'm not . . . I think maybe I should . . ." He cleared his throat. "I just came to see you, Hannah. I'll head back in a few. I think that the boys need more time to . . ."
"Oh, but they'll want to see you!" She said, rising to her feet. "They've missed you so! Can't you stay until the evening?"
"I don't have to . . ." He paused, clearly uncomfortable. "I'm due back tomorrow morning but I didn't want to . . ." He rubbed his face. "I didn't want to presume anything, and . . ."
"Oh! Well, Adam can bring you back tomorrow! You can spend a night at home!"
"Hannah, look, I just . . ." He stepped closer to her. "I can't say sorry enough. I am . . . I am just so very sorry and . . ." He sighed.
"I know you are." She stopped him.
"I can't believe you." He said, shaking his head. "I've had so much time to think about things, and I've been thinking about all the ways you've been so kind to me. I swear, I don't deserve it. I was such an asshole when you first showed up, and how you didn't chew me out, I'll never understand."
"Well, I did flip the table over." She reminded him, sitting down on the side of the bed.
"Yeah," He agreed. "You did that and you also cut the boys' hair and helped Guthrie with his homework, and took over the cooking and cleaning no matter how much grief I gave you."
"Okay," Hannah said, lifting a hand in protest. "That's enough of all that."
"And I screw up on a horrific and unforgivable scale, and when I come back to beg your forgiveness and accept responsibility for the way I treated your sweet, baby daughter, you cut me off and ask me to babysit her again." He shook his head, brushing at tears. "I mean, it is just like you, Hannah. You are so unfailingly kind, and I am so grateful. I am sorry with all of my heart, I can't remember that night at all, but when I think of Katy . . ."
"I've had so much time to think about things, too." She said, cutting him off and glancing at Adam, who held Katy in his arms. "We both have."
"Katy is fine, Bri." Adam said. "She loves you."
"I know." Brian said, his voice choked by tears. "And I love her so much, and to think that I . . ."
"Brian, you can't do that to yourself." Hannah interrupted. "Look, if we had asked you to watch Katy and had come home that night to find you passed out on the ground from a heart attack or a stroke, we would have been so worried about you. We would have been upset because she had been without anyone watching over her, but we would have understood that you were sick."
"But . . ."
"It's no different, Brian. You were sick." Hannah continued gently. "And now, you are getting better."
"She's right." Adam said to his brother. "And we aren't holding that against you. You were sick, and being sick affected you taking care of Katy."
"I just . . ." Brian swallowed hard, still standing just inside the room. "I can't believe . . ."
"Why are you standing way over there?" Hannah asked.
"Bri!" Katy said reaching out for her uncle from within the safety of her father's arms. "Unca Bri!"
"I don't know." He said wiping a hand across his face, and reaching to lift Katy up into his arms. He stepped further into the room. "I can't believe you." He told his sister-in-law. "The very first thing you do is ask me to watch her. How? I don't understand."
"That's because you've never been eight months pregnant with a toddler running around." She said shaking her head at him. "You can't imagine that kind of tired."
"It wasn't tiredness." He told her.
"No." Adam agreed.
"Oh, stop it." She waved a hand at them, rising. "You two don't want to set me crying."
"It was unbelievable kindness." Brian said softly. "And goodness."
"Sweetness, too." Adam added, wrapping an arm around his wife, and kissing her cheek.
"That, too." Brian agreed.
"So," Adam glanced at his wife, who had begun to cry. "You'll stay? Right, Bri?"
"I don't know." He said his voice breaking, and Katy reached up to pat his cheek.
"Well, how about at least for supper, then?" Adam pushed. "We can decide on the rest later."
"Maybe." Brian hesitated.
"Good." Adam said. He crossed to where his brother stood, lifting Katy out of his arms. "I'm gonna check on that smoker." He walked to the doorway. "Come help me, when you are done hugging my wife."
He stood in the doorway watching, as stepping closer, Brian wrapped his long arms around Hannah, hugging her as closely as her pregnant body would allow.
"I'm so sorry." He said. "I can't ever say how sorry I am, Sis."
"Love." Katy said.
"That's right, Princess." Adam said, kissing her cheek, and then turning left the room.