"Last time on the Ridonculous Race, New Zealand took our 9 remaining teams on a roller coaster ride of both highs and lows. Dwayne tried to impress his son with a tattoo that turned out to be for women only, which was awesome. Noah and Emma hit a major roadblock when she put the brakes on their romance, which was both painful and awesome, especially since the Reality TV Pros came in last but were saved by the non elimination round. Devin on the other hand went from super pumped to super peeved when Josee crossed the line and insulted Carrie, and he used that rage to get them through the challenge in the top 4 yet again. Someone is bound to be going home tonight but the question is, which team will it be? The only way to find out is to watch this episode of… the Ridonculous Race!"
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Like always, Don stood at the Chill Zone from the day before, now equipped with a Don Box for all of your racing needs "As always yesterday's Chill Zone is the starting line for today's leg of the race, the first team to depart will be the king and queen of ridonculous comebacks in the form of the Ice Dancers after they collect the first tip. Seriously though, the never ending smiles never stop being creepy."
"Tell me about it." Jacques muttered.
"Does it get better?"
"I could like and give you hope, but no."
"...Oh joy."
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Josee's fake smile was filled with malice "After 7 horrible finishes we're finally back to where I belong, on the top beneath all of these pathetic peons like the goddess that I am! We're not just back, we're blazing with golden flames and now the competition is about to get burned! First I'll off that bastard on the Best Friends team and then those damned Artists and then all of the other peons that stand in my way!" she let out a maniacal laugh.
"...I'm not even going to try with her anymore." Jacques muttered.
"Did you say something?"
"Nope."
"Good, because if you did then you would've had a very unfortunate accident." her smirk was filled with even more venom.
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So with that in mind, Jacques grabbed a tip out of the Don Box "It says here that we have to go to Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump. I don't get it, is that supposed to be a place or a threat of some kind?"
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"Actually it's a little bit of both and it happens to be located along the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in Alberta Canada. Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump was going to be called Concussion Valley but it turns out that the had already been taken. Each team will have to fly in to Lethbridge Alberta and then drive to a certain dude ranch with a Don Box in order to receive their next tip."
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Devin let out a sigh as he took a tip from the Don Box after the Fashion Bloggers and turned to the camera "I might have had a few minor outbursts over the course of the past few days of the race."
"Oh come on, you were never really that bad." Carrie waved him off.
"But you don't have to worry though, the rage has left the Devin. I bet Adam probably would've found it funny though."
"Yeah. Hey what do you think Adam is doing right now anyway?"
"Who know, knowing the kinds of crazy things he can get into. For all we know he might as well be in the 9th dimension battling the giant monkey man." he had no idea how close he was to being right."
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Geoff picked up a tip from the Don Box and turned to DJ "Holy crap dude check this one out, it says we're going to a dude ranch and we're dudes! It's an us ranch, we're gonna be so golden this time around!"
"...Yeah sure man, whatever you say." DJ caught him in a supportive high five.
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"TAXI!" Spud ripped off his shirt and started waving it around like a madman for like the umpteenth time, and just like before it actually worked in their favor.
Rock pulled him into the taxi and they took off right away "Alright way to go dude, but let's not wait for anyone else today alright? Now first place here we come!"
"We're in first place?"
"Well actually we're in fifth place but we might get first."
"...Alright man, we're killing it!" they started rocking out.
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"While our first six teams are off to a serious start our seventh place team isn't being taken seriously in the slightest."
"Taxi, taxi! Hey taxi over here!" Dwayne finally managed to flag down a taxi, though his chin was still causing them problems "Airport please!" the only response he got was the taxi driver laughing as he took off "Oh come on!"
"Dad your chin is costing us the game." Junior pointed out.
"Okay sure this tattoo may be for girls but I will wear this thing with the pride of a man, at least until we win the million and then I can afford laser tattoo removal."
"Yeah hold that thought for a second." Junior held up their tip to cover Dwayne's tattoo "Hey taxi over here!" he flagged one down and they took off.
Not long after Emma and Kitty started trying to flag down a cab for themselves "Taxi, hey taxi over here!" she flagged one down.
"Shouldn't we wait for Noah and Owen?" asked Kitty "I mean the four of us are in an alliance aren't we?"
"What? No way, if Noah and I are on a break then the alliance is to."
"Oh come on, you can't be serious!"
"You yourself said that I had to give love a shot and now you're saying that I have to put the race first, makeup your mind already!" and they hopped into their cab.
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Noah seemed to have another opinion on this matter "Okay since Owen won't stop bugging me over showing little to no emotions over Emma putting the brakes on our relationship let me point something out. I've never had a girlfriend before so I have no idea how the hell people are expecting me to act over getting dumped. I see now that we should've stuck with the original game plan from the beginning, keep the group small, get the work done, don't say any more than you have to and wait until after the race is over to start making out. From now on it's all about winning the race, no more distractions."
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"All 9 teams are arriving at the airport and it soon becomes a mad dash to get tickets, but it turns out they're aren't enough seats for everyone on the first flight so that leaves the Sisters, Father & Son and the Reality TV Pros to wait until the second flight. The first flight is already bound for Alberta with most of our teams but the second flight is behind them by a full 30 minutes."
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Emma looked over to where Noah was burying his face in a magazine just like always "Okay it looks like he's taking this well, it's not like his heart has been crushed or anything right?"
"Yeah, sure…" Kitty just cringed and looked away.
"Hey I didn't want to squash my chances with Noah but I didn't have any other choice, you saw how much of a total nightmare because of love and nightmares don't win races."
"Unless they're about being chased so that you start running really really fast. But yeah, you were a total nightmare."
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Dwayne let out a chuckle as he turned away from watching some Total Drama reruns "You know despite everything that's gone wrong Junior and I have made a real connection thanks to this race, he even called me cool once."
"Yeah sure." Junior let out a snort "That was before I found out your tattoo is meant only for girls."
"You still said it and you can't take it back, and it was great. You know at this point I don't mind getting cut from the race today, either way I'll still be a happy man. Plus we're finally back in good old Canada."
"Dad come on, I don't want you to jinx us or we'll go home for sure!"
"Oh come on Junior, there's no such thing as a jinx!"
"Sorry folks but a storm over Montana is going to delay our landing by a few minutes so we're gonna need you to be patient with us."
"I bet the first flight is gonna be delayed too."
"We just got word folks, this is a freak storm and it only affects our flight."
"That's gotta be a total coincidence."
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"The first flight carrying the Ice Dancers, Fashion Bloggers, Best Friends, Bromigos, Rockers and Artists has just landed in Alberta and now they have to drive one of the pickup trucks that we've provided into the Wild West."
By this point, Devin and Carrie were maintaining a healthy lead over the rest of the teams "You see this right here is why it helps to play video games, get your licence early and map out Canadian geography. I know every road, cliff and chasm in Canada like the back of my hand. No person alive can come close to matching me when I'm behind the wheel." he was promptly rammed from behind "What the hell?!"
"Look!" Carrie pointed back.
As it turns out, it was Josee behind the wheel of another truck attempting to ram them off of the road "EAT MY DUST YOU WORTHLESS REJECTS!" she continued attempting to ram them off of the road.
"Hold on tight homie, things are about to get super dicey!" he floored it on the gas and spun the wheel hard, sending them spinning around in circles and causing the Ice Dancers to pass them by, which led to them (the Ice Dancers) hitting a rock in the road, blowing a tire and spinning out of control clear off of the road until they fell into a nearby ravine "Like Adam always says, if they poke the dragon with a stick then you've gotta give them the claw! So Carrie are you holding up okay after that?"
Carrie said nothing, she just leaned out the window and started hurling.
"...You know what I think now is the best time to just slow down and let Tom and Jen catch up with us."
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Not long after that, Geoff and DJ passed by in their own truck "Huh that's weird, no sign of the dancer dudes."
"Where do you think they went?" asked DJ
"I'm thinking two possibilities bro, either aliens got them or… No I think I'm gonna go with aliens on this one."
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"By now the second flight has finally landed in Alberta a full hour after the first flight before it thanks to that freak storm, and these teams all know that they're going to be racing each other to avoid being cut from the race entirely."
By this point Noah and Owen were on the road, with Noah behind the wheel "Okay so maybe neither one of us have official licenses but after all of the crap that Chris made us do on Total Drama that counts as experience and it's not like it can be as hard as-"
"Look out for the chicken in the road!" Owen blurted out.
Noah swerved and narrowly avoided the chicken crossing the road "A chicken crossing the road in real life? What's next, that story of Saint George and the Dragon?! Seriously though, chickens are supposed to actually CROSS the road and not sit in the middle like some kind of suicidal douchebag!" this earned a horrified gasp from Owen "What?"
"Noah language, we're on international TV!"
"Who gives a rat's ass?! It means about as much as it did in Age of Ultron!" a goose slammed into the windshield "You've gotta be f*cking kidding me!" he tried to wipe it off, only for it to be followed by a rabbit, and a pig.
And then Adam suddenly ended up on the windshield "Hey guys how's it going? Hey listen let me know if you see Gwen okay? I've gotta talk to her about something."
"...Hop in the bed of the truck." he wiped Adam off of the windshield.
"This wasn't taught in my driver's ed class." Owen pointed out.
"Neither was half of the stuff we actually need, that's what happens when you take a driver's ed class from a Weed addict!"
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By this point Geoff, DJ, Devin and Carrie all arrived at the dude ranch and found the Don Box waiting for them "Hey dude check it out, Devin and Carrie are the only other car here! We are so gonna win this one, thank you aliens!"
"...I'm not even gonna ask." Devin took a tip from the Don Box just as the Fashion Bloggers pulled up "Looks like it's an All In. Tip Your Hat, Split Your Jeans and Eat Like A Cowboy By All Means. You see this is why I don't watch more anime."
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"Working together just like in every All In each team has to each an entire pot filled to the brim with pork and beans, once they finish the entire pot they'll find their next travel tip at the bottom."
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Geoff looked down at the entire pot filled with pork and beans "Woah dude my favorite food to nosh on is totally pork and beans! This challenge rules!" he started scarfing down the pot without a second thought.
DJ turned to face the camera "Geoff has an iron stomach, the guy can take almost anything. Well unless you count that brunch of disgustingness challenge back in Total Drama Island, but then again how much of that could be considered food?"
"Hey man look I'll admit that I made an ass out of myself during that brunch of disgustingness challenge but I've trained my stomach to be stronger than steel since then, now I'm the equivalent of a human trash can. That's not a good thing is it?"
"No, no it is not."
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Jen coughed a little bit "Oh god I got a bug in my mouth, you know I don't have anything against pickup trucks themselves but I wouldn't mind it if they were at least a little bit more clean or at least hygienic."
"Well it could be worse." Tom looked down into the pot of pork and beans "And now it's officially worse." he looked up at the camera "Look I'm not a picky eater or anything but beans have always made me want to vomit."
"Hey if I can put up with getting my hair wet and you can put up with eating scorpions and worms then you can eat something as low key as pork and beans."
"...You're right, I can do this." so with a mighty roar he started pouring the entire pot into his mouth.
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"ROCK AND ROLL!" by this point the Rockers had burst into the ranch at full speed "Clear a table stat!" they promptly received a pot of pork and beans as a result and both began shoveling it in as a result.
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By this point Dwayne and Junior had arrived at the dude ranch "Take a look at this son, we've climbed all the way from seventh place to fifth place! Looks like things are finally looking up."
This was when a waitress brought over a pot of pork and beans and noticed Dwayne's new tattoo on his chin "Say isn't that supposed to be a lady's tattoo?"
"...Oh that is it, a man can only take so much abuse over something like this! I need a marker and a mirror!"
"Deal with that later dad, we've gotta hurry up and eat." Junior told him.
"Oh calm down kiddo, this pot is monstrously huge. I doubt anyone is gonna finish this thing for quite some-" he was cut off by a loud belch, courtesy of Geoff finishing their pot "Woah man-"
"-now those dudes can eat." note how they said this at the same time, which led to what happened next.
"Jinx!"
"For god's sake dad enough with the jinxing already!"
"Oh come on Junior, there's no such thing as jinxing!" he accidentally slapped the wooden spoon, splattering beans all over his face.
"...You can have those beans."
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DJ pulled a tip out of the empty pot "Looks like it's a random botch, whoever isn't holding this tip has to ride the mechanical bull."
Geoff nearly lost his shit "There's a mechanical bull? This place has everything!"
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"This place has the Bull Buster 3000, the most dangerous mechanical bull on the face of the planet. Riders have to stay on the back of this mechanical devil for a total of 8 seconds before they can move on, once they do complete the challenge it's a foot race out the back and down the path to today's Chill Zone. Just like always, the last team to arrive may end up being cut from the race entirely."
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"Dude hold my hat, I'm going into the fire." Geoff handed DJ his hat and hopped onto the back of the bull "This is either gonna be really cool or really painful." he was immediately thrown off of the bull "It was really painful… Was that 8 seconds?"
"Dude it wasn't even one second." DJ told him.
"Oh… ow…"
"Yeah this is gonna take awhile."
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By this point Gwen and Kevin had reached the Don Box, with Jacques and Josee not far behind them "There it is, let's move!" she snatched a tip from the Don Box, with Jacques doing the same right after her.
"Yeah that's right, in your face you little ice bitch!" Kevin shot Josee a certain finger gesture which was not a thumbs up.
"Enough of that, let's save it for when we beat them to the Chill Zone!" they bolted inside with the Ice Dancers right on their heels.
Emma and Kitty pulled into the dude ranch not long after the other two teams "Alright it looks like we made it, but is there any sign of Noah? Or Owen? Yeah I totally meant to say him too all the time."
"Sure you did." it went without saying that Kitty wasn't convinced.
"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Noah and Owen, with Adam still riding in the back on the bed of the truck, roared past them in their own truck, which ended up causing Emma to jump back into her truck as they roared past them, taking off her door in the process as they hit the Don Box, causing it to explode in a cartoony fashion.
"What the hell?!"
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Owen had both Adam and Noah curled up in balls with all of the animals surrounding the three of them "I guess they smelled my superiority over them and decided to worship me. That's what you get for being a naturalist, I am one with nature and all of its tiny woodland creatures. Or in this case farm animals."
"Yeah that must be the only logical answer." Noah's tone was laced with sarcasm "That must be the reason why we've been forced to abduct EVERY SINGLE ANIMAL OLD MACDONALD HAD ON HIS GODDAMN FARM?!"
"Wait a second… they're old MacDonald's animals?!" this was met with Noah screaming in pure frustration.
"What?"
"...And just like that my desire to live through my destined battle with my sworn enemy has gotten that much weaker." Adam noted before walking out of the room.
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By this point the Rockers had finished their pot of beans and Rock took the tip "Looks like it's bull time, ROCK AND ROLL!" and he bolted towards the mechanical bull just as Geoff was thrown off for the umpteenth time.
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It wasn't long before Gwen and Kevin bolted into the dude ranch restaurant "We're not in the top 5 but at least we're not in the bottom three, let's make sure that the latter doesn't happen and we at least get into the top three."
"Hey guys check it out, this thing is totally going down!" Geoff was promptly hurled across the room into the bar.
"Way to take the impact like a champ!" Jen held up a big 8.5 card, with Tom holding up a big 9 card.
"Yay… I like her…" and then Geoff passed out from blood loss, with Rock promptly landing on top of him as a way of adding insult to injury.
That was when Adam bolted into the building and sniffed the air "I smell dried blood, old leather and a disgusting amount of pork and beans… for free…" he had stars in his eyes "I must be in heaven!" he slapped himself across the face "No come on Adam, you've gotta focus on the task at hand." and he bolted out the back door of the restaurant just as the Ice Dancers, the Sisters and the Reality TV Pros rushed into the restaurant and started on their pots of pork and beans, some of them being more reluctant to do so than others.
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Jacques shuddered slightly "Well like my father always said, there are worse things to be forced to choke down."
Josee nodded "Like a silver medal."
"Or my cousins tofu, wheat germ and algae casserole, that's one of the main reasons why I don't see her on Thanksgiving anymore." this was followed by Rock screaming like a maniac as he was flung through the air and into the bar "That was my reaction too."
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By this point Owen was still digging into their bowl of pork and beans "Come on Noah we're almost done with our bowl!"
Noah let out a loud burp "What are you a f*cking beast? Wait scratch that, anyway I'm about to burst as it is. How can you eat that stuff?"
"How could I not? This is awesome!" he kept wolfing it down.
"...Hey big guy are you trying to prove something?"
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know, you just seem more determined than you usually do. Is it something in the beans or…"
"Yeah, it's about Emma dumping you yesterday. You've been so strong ever since it happened a whole 18 hours ago so now I wanna do my part in this race and I'm gonna do that by getting us into first place!"
"Look big guy I appreciate that but there's no way we're gonna-"
"The HFIL we're not, all we've gotta do is dig in like our lives depend on it! Now come and devour with me my tiny friend!" and so they both started scarfing down the last of the pork and beans.
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Other teams looked on at the display.
Emma watched while she was stuffing "Okay maybe it's just a coincidence that he just started cursing and being more sarcastic than usual the moment I broke up with him. That's gotta be all that it is right?" she received a blank stare from Kitty "You know it wouldn't kill you to just agree with me at least." she received a sigh.
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"While the rest of our teams finish choking down their pork and beans, our two teams in the lead are busy trying not to choke on their own fear and are getting their butts handed to them in very hilarious fashions."
DJ cringed as he watched Geoff get tossed around on top of the bull "Geoff isn't really doing so hot on the bull, but no one else aside from the Rockers has even tried the bull yet so if I get him to bust out his secret weapon then maybe we've still got a shot at this." that was when Geoff was thrown into him sending them both crashing into a wall.
Rock stumbled his way back onto the bull and gripped the horns with one hand "Spud, hand me the thing."
"The thing?" Spud repeated.
"The thing."
"Here's the thing!" Spud tossed him a lighter.
Rock held onto the lighter with one hand as he started spraying flames all over the place with it until the 8 seconds were up "Yes we got it, first place here we come! ROCK AND ROLL!" and so the two of them bolted out of the restaurant.
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Other teams were still working on their pots of pork and beans.
Owen felt his stomach rumble "Uh oh, looks like the beans are finally hitting the long awaited shift point!"
"HIT THE DECK!" Noah hid behind the bar just as Owen unleashed a massive fart that caused the nearby windows to shatter and Loki to pass out.
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Devin took his chance to finally finish the beans "What's weird is that listening to Owen let a rip like that actually made me eat faster, so what's the challenge?"
"Hold on, let me check." Carrie pulled out a tip just as Geoff got thrown off of the mechanical bull. Again.
"...Oh crap."
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Tom finally downed the last of the beans "And that ladies and gentlemen and others who shall not be named is how you down an entire pot full of pork and beans without getting any in your hair or on your clothes."
"And now I bow to your mastery." Jen pulled the tip out of the pot "Oh boy."
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DJ pulled Geoff out of the wreckage that was the nearby wall "Don't feel to bad about this or anything, there's no way that thing is beatable."
"Um, actually…" Devin pointed to where Crimson was able to successfully ride the bull for 8 full seconds without even flinching.
"Oh come on!"
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"Riding a mechanical bull is way easier than riding a real bull." Crimson received looks of confusion and curiosity from Ennui and Loki "I don't wanna talk about it."
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Geoff pulled himself back onto his own two feet "Dude other teams are catching up and we already lost our win to the Rockers and the Goths, I don't think we have any other choice at this point."
"You hanging up the hat?" asked DJ.
"Nope, snatching it back like Duncan does on porn night." Geoff snatched back his cowboy hat and stuck it on "Now I'm wearing this bad boy with pride and now I'm gonna seriously rock us into the top three."
"That's the spirit, there's no way you can't do this now!"
"Yeah you got that right bro!" Geoff pulled himself back onto the mechanical bull and got shaken around like a rag doll, but his grip held for the entire 8 seconds "WHOO! I ROCKED IT LIKE IT'S HOT!"
"Chill Zone here we come!" and so they took off.
"Way to waste that thing with your nice butt Geoff!" Jen blurted out, only to receive a number of looks that caused her to blush "Uh… oh look Devin is about to do it!"
Sure enough, as soon as the Bromigos had bolted out of the restaurant Devin had successfully conquered the mechanical bull "Yes I did it, oh god the beans are coming back up." and he ran off to hurl just as the Artists finished their pork and beans.
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By this point Adam had reached the Chill Zone "And just like that I'll all alone, with only the sounds of idiots puking to keep me company."
"Tell me about it." that was when Don showed up "It's just like my high school prom all over again."
"Fresh out of makeup again?"
"Yep?"
"My so called benefactor paid you to ignore my presence here?"
"He paid for at least two visits from you over the course of the second half of the race so just don't interfere with any of the teams and we're golden for the time being. Now stand out of the shot, I've gotta narrate." he shoved Adam out of the way "As the Ice Dancers find themselves lagging behind yet again the Bromigos, the Goths and the Rockers are in a race for first place."
"And here the winners come right now."
"And another thing, don't do my job for me." Don shoved him away just as Geoff and DJ arrived at the Chill Zone "Geoff and DJ my Bromigos, it pleases me mildly to tell that you're in first place."
"YES!" Geoff and DJ started cheering and hugging each other and reached out to Don for him to join.
"I don't do emotion."
"That won't stop them." Adam blitzed in front of them and stopped them from pulling him into their group hug "I told you, hey guys what's up?"
"You're here for Carrie and Devin again?" DJ guessed.
"Nope, this time I need Gwen's help with something."
"Does it have to do with… you know what?"
"...Not on my end exactly, Bridgette and Alejandro have their own things going and I'm just waiting to see things play out for the time being. Right now Cody is taking his own right of passage."
"I have no idea what's going on but why do you need Gwen to help him?" asked Geoff "I mean he is your little brother after all."
"Look guys… whether you know everything about what I've been going through or not the fact is that I'm not gonna be around forever. Sooner or later my time is gonna come and I've gotta know without a doubt that once I'm gone Cody and the others, I've gotta know that they can take care of themselves." then he lit up again "Oh and Geoff get this, I did what you thought was impossible and got Bridgette's dad to like me. Or at least not hate me."
"...Nice! Respect dude!" they high fived.
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"Putting all of the bro action aside, the race for first is over the race to not hurl pork and beans all over yourself- I mean come in last, is still going strong."
Tom held out his glasses to Jen "Hold my glasses, I'm going into the mechanical fire and I'm not coming back out without a win." he pulled himself onto the bull and ended up getting shaken around like a rag doll until the 8 seconds were up "Yes, I did it!" he took his glasses back just as his face turned green "Hold that thought." he ran off past Father & Son and started vomiting off screen.
Dwayne looked back and nonchalantly wiped the excess beans off of his face "Hey go ahead and grab that tip would you sporto? I mean it's not like I believe in jinxes or anything but just to be on the safe side there is no way I'm gonna let you ride that death trap of a bull."
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Devin looked up from where he was puking and found Tom in the same situation "So you had to ride the pull?"
"Yep." was all Tom said.
"Wanna support each other as we head to the Chill Zone?"
"That would be nice yes."
"Gotcha." so they started pulling each other forward and found Carrie and Jen waiting for them, and they all made their way down the path towards the Chill Zone.
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"Yeah, this is probably the main reason why they have that rule about waiting an hour to swim after eating." Tom forced himself not to vomit.
Jen nodded "At least that one makes sense, what was the real reason for that? Cramps or something?"
"I guess."
"Not very convincing."
"No it is not."
"Uh huh."
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Don was quick to address the Best Friends once they arrived "Devin and Carrie well done, you guys are in second place."
"YES!" Devin and Carrie high fived "Top three again!"
"That's not gonna cut it in the finale though."
Devin and Carrie both whipped around and found Adam sitting on a rock nearby "Adam?"
"Hey guys, listen as much as I'd love to catch up on what's gone down in the past week or so I promised Don I wouldn't interfere in the race in any way so it'll have to wait."
"Yeah and speaking of which you guys are in the way." Don ushered the two of them to the side just as the Fashion Bloggers reached the Chill Zone "Jennifer, Thomas, the two of you have arrived in third place." this was met with squeals.
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Carrie put a hand on Devin's shoulder "No need to be down homie, we'll get first in the next race."
"Yeah I know." Devin let out a sigh "Thanks Carrie, all in all I couldn't have asked for a better partner. But it's not that, Adam's got that mood to him again. You know the mood where something really bad happened and he refuses to tell us about it."
"You don't think he's hurt or anything do you?"
"I don't know." then he lit up "But it's Adam, we've known him for years and he can handle anything the world throws at him. It's been that way since we were in middle school and that's the way it's gonna stay."
"Yeah, some things never change…"
"And some things you don't want to change."
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Don addressed the Goths once they finally arrived at the Chill Zone "What the heck happened to the three of you? You guys finished the bull ride before any of the other teams did!"
"Yeah, but then we found a skull rotting in the sun so…" Crimson trailed off.
"No no no stop talking, forget I said anything. You guys are team number four, go before I start wretching." and he sent the three of them on their way just as the Rockers finally arrived at the Chill Zone "What the heck happened to the two of you? You were the second to finish the bull ride!"
"Yeah but it turns out that Spud is violently allergic to beans." Rock told him.
"How violently?" he was answered by Spud puking all over the Carpet of Completion.
"That violently."
"...You guys are in fifth place and you can go now." he sent them on their way "Can we get a janitor over here?"
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"Back at the restaurant the Ice Dancers have finally finished their beans and get in the line to take on the mechanical demon known as Buster."
At the same time, Kevin was rocking the mechanical bull "Slow your roll mother f*cker, you are NOT getting the best of me!" and he heard the 8 second timer go off "Oh hell to the yeah, that's how we do it in my town!" he was promptly flung off of the bull and into the bar "Ow…"
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"Believe it or not, he's actually being pretty lowkey." Gwen noted dryly "But either way I've gotta say that I'm seriously impressed."
"Took you long enough pasty." Kevin took a selfie with her "Suck on that one Kitty, and now to send to Cody for him to make a poster out of."
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Josee was left foaming at the mouth in rage "You little-" she was cut off by Kitty gleefully completing the bull challenge with ease.
"Alright!" Emma caught her in a high five "You know I have to say Kitty, I'm seriously impressed."
"Well it's about time!" Kitty took a selfie with her "Suck on that Kevin, you started a selfie war and in one of those no one wins."
"It's true." Emma turned to face the camera "She got into one in middle school and they never found the other guy's body, at least that's the rumor."
"Oh it's no rumor, the lunch lady dragged him out to the pier and threw him into a crate and shipped him off to Chile."
"...Yeah let's just go." they started walking away when they stopped and turned around.
"Alright wish me luck." Noah pulled himself onto the bull.
"Oh man I should've grabbed the tip." Owen muttered.
"You would've broken the bull. Anyway you know the drill, if I die then tell Adam not to touch my secret stash of porn." he was promptly hurled off of the bull "Ow…"
Emma was mortified "Noah's not dead right? He has to be alive or else that means that I may have had a hand in breaking the most amazing piece of perfection to ever walk the Earth! But that's not possible right? That would make me feel terrible and there's no way that actually happened right?"
"I can't… feel… my anything…"
"...Now is the time where you pretend it's possible!"
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"By now 6 teams have finished the challenge and either have or already are making their way to the Chill Zone, and now 3 teams are left as potential candidates for failure of the day. The question remains though, whose apathy will come out on top?"
Josee wasn't exactly keen on listening to Jacques screaming before, during or after he finished the bull challenge "If you're done screaming like a girl then LET'S GO!" and so they both bolted.
5 minutes later…
Noah found himself flying through the air on the bull, uttering only one or two words each time he got bounced off of it "Curse… my… body… with… the… muscle mass… of a… PENCIL STICK!" and yet it somehow counted as eight seconds.
"WAY TO GO LITTLE BUDDY!" Owen grabbed Noah by the ankle and started dragging him out of the restaurant.
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Don counted off the Artists as they arrived at the Chill Zone "You guys are in sixth." then he counted off the Sisters "Seventh place."
"Yes!" Gwen caught Kevin in a high five and whipped around to find Adam sitting on the same nearby rock "Adam?"
"Sup pasty." Adam dealt Kevin a quick fist bump and put a hand on Gwen's shoulder "I'm gonna make this quick okay? I need your help, Cody needs your help is more like it actually."
"...What do I have to do?"
"I'll tell you when this leg of the race is over, let's just say that this is gonna be at maybe #3 on the list of reasons why you should really watch more cartoons."
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Junior held up a steak to Dwayne's eye like you're supposed to do to someone who's injured for whatever reason that might be "You're up again dad, you know because there isn't anyone else left to get thrown around like a rag doll."
Dwayne let out a sigh "You were right Junior, I jinxed us and for all we know I probably cost us the race. It's hopeless."
"No dad it's not hopeless, at least not yet. You can do this, if you pull through and beat the bull this time and we run really fast then we might beat the pros to the carpet and we've still got a shot at winning the race."
"You think so?"
"I know so. Kind of. Okay I don't have a clue."
"...You know Junior, the feeling of blood pooling in my spine calls for someone to call an ambulance but right now the feeling of unwavering faith that you have in me is all of the medicine that I need. I can do this!" he hopped onto the bull "Alright you mechanical spawn of the devil, this one is for my son!" he started riding it as the timer began counting down "Please don't kill me! Please don't kill me!" the 8 seconds passed just like, well 8 seconds "I'm a survivor!" he was promptly thrown out the door "Correction, I'm a survivor who's in a great deal of pain!"
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Don counted off the Ice Dancers as they arrived at the Chill Zone "Jacques and Josee, you're in eighth place." he shoved them off of the carpet and off screen "Now that all of the teams have bested the bull it comes down to one final foot race to not come in last." and sure enough he counted off the Reality TV Pros as they arrived at the Chill Zone, sweaty and exhausted and panting heavily "Sort of congratulations, Reality TV Pros you're in ninth place."
"Yay…" Owen promptly passed out.
"Oh joy…" Noah fell on top of him in an exhausted heep.
Adam knelt down beside him and caught him in a high five "Nice work pencil stick, you've really been showing your stuff over the course of this race."
"And you're here… great…"
"Tell you what, I won't gripe on you over you guys losing the race if you at least make the final 6 or so. Deal?"
"If that… shuts you up… then fine…."
"Glad we established that, now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go watch Cody get his ass handed to him by a dragon."
"Great… anyone else wanna have take a jab at me?"
"No but how about an apology?" Emma knelt down beside him and promptly shoved Adam out of the way "Noah I'm so sorry I broke you, I didn't mean to or anything like that. I still really like you and I want us to be together."
"...Okay first of all, you actually think you embarrassed me? No embarrassing is getting screwed out of a million bucks because of a jackass steering your boat into a landmine, that's right Adam I'm looking at you. Getting dumped by the girl that you like on international tv? That just makes me feel like Trent from the Drama Brothers, only he never made it as far as I did."
"Oh. Well anyway I just can't do the whole romance thing until the race is over, but after I win you and I are on like Donkey Kong."
"Thank you for the fantastic reference, so when one of us wins…"
"Were you not listening? I said when my team wins!" and she stormed off, leaving only the men at the Chill Zone.
"Wow."
"Yeah I'll say." Adam muttered "So she's saying that if you and Owen win then she won't date you?"
"I guess not."
"Damn, that's just cold."
"Yeah I know… I am so turned on right now."
"...You really don't get women do you?"
"Not really no."
"That's what I thought." Adam got to his feet and turned to where Gwen was sitting on the same nearby rock "Alright pasty let's move, I've just gotta take care of one thing and then we'll be on our way."
"And we'll be back before the race starts tomorrow?" asked Gwen.
"With any luck we'll be back within the hour." and so they walked away.
"Okay so if you guys wouldn't mind…" Don pushed Owen and Noah off of the carpet with his foot just as Dwayne and Junior finally arrived at the Chill Zone "Dwayne, Junior, I'm afraid you two are the last team to arrive."
"Yeah I figured as much." Junior let out a sigh.
"But I'm happy to tell you that-"
"It's another non elimination round? Alright that means we get to stay!" he and Dwayne started cheering.
"No no, the two of you have been cut from the competition. I'm sorry but this is the end of the race for you."
"Well then what was it that you were happy to tell us?" asked Dwayne.
"That we'll cover your bill so you can afford laser tattoo removal for that thing on your chin and we'll pay for your flights home. I'm not Chris McLean, I actually care about the well being of my contestants."
"Oh… well I guess that helps."
Junior took this opportunity to hug him "Thanks for having us do this dad, it turned out to be a lot of fun."
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Dwayne let out a sigh "You know I really can't be too upset, the race has really changed things for both Junior and me. Thanks to this race my son is going home as a man."
Junior nodded "And thanks to that new tattoo my dad is going home as a woman for the next few days or so."
"Yeah, maybe I'll grow a beard."
"That's probably for the best."
"Probably. Hey do you wanna go home and binge watch Total Drama World Tour? I hear that that's the best season."
"Only if we can laugh until soda squirts out of your nose."
"Of course we can son, of course we can."
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Sunset came, and the skies over Canada had turned a beautiful shade of pink.
Adam looked back and saw Gwen standing behind him carrying her Dragonfang "So you're ready to do this? Keep in mind that it's insanely risky and if you come with me then you might not come back."
"Just like everything that involves you beating the crap out of some asshole." Gwen pointed out dryly "But if you need me to do it then I'll do it."
"Alright, let's go."
"Hold on a second." a new voice cut in.
Adam looked back and saw Devin and Carrie approaching them "So you guys came out here after all."
"We just wanted to see you off." Devin told him "Plus we've been getting that feeling again like you're hiding something."
"Great, that's the last thing I need right now. I can't give you all of the details just yet but I can tell you this." he fully turned to face them and looked Devin in the eye "Listen Devin, I've been going through a lot of stuff over the course of the past few weeks, and I've done even more thinking. You've known about my scars longer than almost everyone else in my life and you know about how hard it used to be for me to trust people, yet you're remained patient with me and you've respected my privacy and my fragile trust in people. You know that I wasn't ready to tell you so you've been waiting patiently, and you have been for nearly 6 long years."
"So what does that mean then, you're finally ready?"
"...No, not yet at least. I've got a few important things to take care of before I can even think about that." he grabbed Gwen by the shoulders "But I can promise you this, the next time I see you I will tell you everything. If I'm still alive that is." and with that, Adam and Gwen both disappeared, leaving the two of them alone.
A/N:
The whole scene with the Ice Dancers and the Best Friends in the car chase on the way to the dude ranch was to emphasize on the growing rivalry between the two teams, which is also emphasized by the rivalry between the Ice Dancers and the Artists being put to the back.
So no, Noah didn't get super depressed in this episode. I think I made a pretty valid point when I said that since he's never been dumped before he wouldn't really understand how to react. It's mainly his lack of experience.
I know some people might not be happy about me getting rid of Father & Son in this chapter but keep in mind that when a team is eliminated usually depends on when their character arc comes full circle, hence why Cameron and Lightning went home after they reconciled in Transylvania, Kelly & Taylor went home after they reconciled in Dubai, the Stepbrothers went home the day after they started liking each other in Australia/ New Zealand, and why Father & Son went home here in Alberta, Canada.
I did say before that there would only be a few major divergences in the elimination order compared to canon and only two have been used up to this point, one of them being the Fashion Bloggers making it past Transylvania and the other being the lack of a double elimination round in New Zealand, which spared the Rockers. I have at least two more, maybe three more, planned out going forward, and this is not one of them. One of them will be within the next two race chapters though, go ahead and see if you can guess what it will be. I'm curious as to whether or not you guys can figure it out.
Rankings:
Bromigos: 1st
Best Friends: 2nd
Fashion Bloggers: 3rd
Goths: 4th
Rockers: 5th
Artists: 6th
Sisters: 7th
Ice Dancers: 8th
Reality TV Pros: 9th
Elimination:
Father & Son: 10th
Stepbrothers: 11th
Adversity Twins: 12th
Mother & Daughter: 13th
Ultimate Duo: 14th
Vegans: 15th
Geniuses: 16th
Tennis Rivals: 17th
LARPers: 18th