"Last time on the Ridonculous Race: Our teams were full of beans, who knew so many people hated beans? Emma and Noah both agreed that they would get back together, once the race was over that is. Total bull, yeah that's what happened next. But Dwayne and Junior really connected with each other, and then they caught 2 or 3 connecting flights home after they were cut from the race. Well better here than in a place like the Arctic Circle. Oh crap was that a spoiler? Well nevermind, anyway only 8 teams are left in the race so things are bound to get super fierce starting right now on… the Ridonculous Race!"
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Like always, Don stood at the Chill Zone from the day before, now with a Don Box, in order to start the next leg of the race "Welcome back to southern Alberta Canada where the winners from yesterday, Geoff and DJ the Bromigos, are about to grab the first tip of the day."
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"Man this is awesome!" Geoff pumped a fist and swung his hat around like a maniac "Getting first place for the second time kicks some major tail, but we're not gonna count our chickens before the cart!"
DJ nodded "Yeah I feel you man, we've gotta be sure to pace ourselves so we can give it our all and win this thing."
"Woah man, I was totally thinking the same thing but not out loud!"
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So with that little exchange out of the way, DJ grabbed a tip from the Don Box "It looks like we're gonna be heading out to the Arctic Circle."
"Awesome!" Geoff cheered "Circles are totally my favorite shape bro!"
"...Not that kind of circle dude."
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"Like idiot 1 and DJ said, today's exciting destination is the Arctic Circle, home to the world's harshest climate, whitest animals and favorite story book characters. Teams must fly to this destination by Cessna, two teams for each flight, to find the Don Box that will give them their next tip. And as a special bonus they'll be chilled to the bone to find out that there's another Boomerang in play, if they find it attached to their tip then they can send one of the other teams back to repeat the first challenge. That's just our way of making what's already cold that much colder."
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"Yeah, first place here we come! Hey good luck to the rest of you guys!" Geoff and DJ bolted off, leaving the Best Friend, Fashion Bloggers and the rest of them to grab their own tips from the Don Box.
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(Insert Local One Man Confessional, this is in here to increase the word count)
Devin let out a sigh as he watched Carrie grab a tip from the Don Box "Man Carrie has been really chill about me getting so crazy over the past few days, when you act like a totally unpredictable maniac who's acting like they're on crack without actually being on crack and your best friend just lets you run it out of your system then you know that you need therapy and you've got an awesome friend. I'm pretty sure I've got it all out of my system though, besides I've got something else on my mind anyway. See my friend Adam showed up yesterday and he made me a really big promise, he even spent like a month before the race coaching me and teaching me all sorts of stuff so today I'm gonna dedicate our win to him."
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"All 8 teams are now heading towards the Arctic Circle, where the ice is nearly as thick as the tension between the teams."
Owen shot a nervous glance over towards Noah "Hey so these tiny planes are totally safe aren't they little buddy?"
"Oh yeah sure." Noah's tone was filled with sarcasm just like it usually was "As long as we're not within the 86% of small planes that crash." this led to him being crushed by Owen in a bear hug "Yeah, maybe this is what they meant when they said that I had to learn to shut up more often."
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Josee on the other hand was foaming at the mouth with rage "After not one, not two, but a full SEVEN horrible finishes, we finally got back to where I belong in New Zealand only for it to be ripped away from us by those pathetic Best Friends in Alberta! THAT WIN SHOULD'VE BEEN MINE!"
"It was more of the beans that delayed us than the detour." Jacques pointed out.
"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE?! They're all going to suffer for stealing my win, and the first ones on that list are those stupid Best Friends!"
"...I can already feel your sanity dropping."
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"The first Cessna plane carrying the Bromigos and the Artists has finally made it to the Arctic Circle."
DJ pulled a tip out of the Don Box "Looks like we've got ourselves a Botch or Watch, you rode the bull back in Alberta at the dude ranch so this one is on me. I've gotta find a ring hidden in the snow somewhere and toss it onto the ring of a narwhal."
"...You mean those ugly water unicorns?"
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"Yeah like DJ said, in this botch or watch each botcher must find a hoop hidden somewhere around the mostly frozen lake and successfully toss it onto the tusk of a narwhal, all of whom were absolutely 100% willing (note the air quotes I'm using but you can't see) to comply with our request. Once teams finish this task, they'll have to ride one of the provided snowmobiles to the East until they find the next Don Box. This will be the last chance that teams have to use their Boomerang, it expires after they pass this point."
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Geoff was quick to try and keep DJ pumped during the challenge "Alright way to keep up with the search bro, you da man!" this was followed by DJ digging up an eskimo "Uh… you da man too bro!"
"Yeah you know it my main man." the eskimo held out his hand for a high five and oddly enough sounded like Morgan Freeman.
Geoff and DJ shared a look and both awkwardly gave the eskimo high fives "Yeah, way to go man."
"Cool, later fools." the eskimo oddly enough slapped on a pair of shades, dove back into the water and sprouted a tail like a merman before summoning Excalibur and rushing off to save Narnia.
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"Go go go!" Jen and Tom both bolted off towards the first challenge after collecting their tip from the Don Box.
Carrie pulled out a tip and cheered when she noticed something else attached to it "No way, we got a Boomerang!"
"Right on homie!" Devin spun her around in a hug and quickly picked up the Boomerang before either of them could pick up on what had happened "A Boomerang is literally a game changer, if we do this right then we could put ourselves into first place and whoever we hit with it is literally guaranteed to go home as long as this isn't another non elimination round… Which this probably will be since Father & Son went home yesterday. Crap."
"So then… Who do we use it on?"
"Adam taught me that if you're not sure in a situation like this then we should base it on the process of elimination." they started walking over towards the lake and she started looking for rings to toss onto the narwhals.
"Well that rules out Tom and Jen, they've been helping us out a lot and we are in an alliance so to do that to them would be really mean."
"And go against our moral codes, if we did that then Adam would just pop up out of nowhere and kill us. He's done it before." he shuddered at the memory as the Rockers, Artists and Sisters arrived to start the challenge.
"And the Rockers helped us out in Transylvania." she finally dug up a ring and prepared to toss it at one of the narwhals "To do that now would just be stabbing them in the back."
Devin held out a hand to stop her "And we don't want to go against the Bromigos, the Artists or the Reality TV Pros. That rules out 5 teams so far. That leaves the Sisters and the Ice Dancers left."
"Well the Sisters and in an alliance with the Reality TV Pros and we don't want to make enemies out of those two. I guess that would leave the Ice Dancers then."
"NAILED IT!" it turns out Geoff and DJ had completed the ring toss challenge already and were taking off on their snowmobile towards the next Don Box.
"Oh man we've already lost our lead."
"Don't lose hope yet homie, I've got an idea."
"As Geoff and DJ move on and the Best Friends take some time to strategize, more and more teams arrive to collect their tips and start on the first challenge." and as this went on teams attempted, and most failed, to ring one of the narwhals.
"Okay homie, just hold it out like this." Devin positioned Carrie so that she was holding her ring right over the water, to which a narwhal popped up out of the water and allowed her to drop it onto its tusk before it disappeared "And that's how the ultimate team of awesomeness gets things done, let's go!" and so the two of them took off, leaving everyone else speechless at the display they had just witnessed.
"Huh. Interesting." Ennui proceeded to do the same.
Noah took this chance to voice what they were all thinking "WHAT THE FU-"
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Devin and Ennui shrugged simultaneously, the screen being split between the two confessionals for their teams "Okay yeah that was totally pure luck, but it's not like we have to tell that to them."
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"By now some teams are moving on and a few others are coming close but close only counts in horseshoes and airborne viruses."
"ALRIGHT! I did it, I ringed a water unicorn!" Owen gleefully pulled Noah into a bone crushing hug before the two of them took off.
Rock watched as Spud tanked on several throws "Oh man with Spud's delayed reaction timing there's no way he'll be able to ring one of those water unicorns in time, I mean unless Devin could tell us how he and Carrie did it."
Josee on the other hand was watching the two of them like a hawk 'There are only 7 teams left for me to crush with the power of my mind, then I'll get those pathetic Best Friends and Artists and make them all grovel at my feet!' she started cackling like a maniac out loud, receiving looks from everyone present.
That was when Gwen ended up hitting her with his ring, which ricocheted as a result of the impact and landed on the tusk of a narwhal "You know I would feel bad about that if it was anyone else, but considering this little cow is basically Heather on skates I'm having the time of my life. Now if only I could do that to the actual thing."
"And that just proves how f*cked up of a type Cody has." Kevin pointed out.
"And you have a problem with that?"
"No not really, just getting in my daily Cody reference."
"Good, now let's get moving." and so the two of them took off.
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Josee was left foaming at the mouth with rage for the umpteenth time "Those little… HOW DARE THEY DEFY ME WHAT'S RIGHTFULLY MINE!"
Jacques shielded himself with a chair "This is going to end badly, I recommend that everyone get as far away from here as you can."
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Jen watched as Josee finally managed to ring a narwhal and bolted off "Great, those two getting ahead of us is just what we need."
"Stay focused, keep your eye on the prize." Tom told her "And I don't mean Geoff so take your eyes off of him and focus on the challenge at hand."
"...Yeah right I totally knew that." she tossed one nonchalantly and managed to ring one of the narwhals "Yes finally!"
"Yeah you go girl, show this frozen wasteland some style!"
"And we'll do that by coming in first place!" and so the two of them bolted off towards the snowmobiles.
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By this point, Devin and Carrie were waiting by the Don Box, tip in one hand and a Boomerang in the other, and they looked over to see the Goths arrive "Hey guys, what's up?"
"Hey." was all Ennui said.
"You gonna grab a tip."
"Yeah. You?"
"We're just waiting for the Ice Dancers." Devin held up the Boomerang "This is either going to be super awesome or a huge mistake, I can't wait to see which one it is."
"Any other teams pass through here?"
"Geoff and DJ did a few minutes ago and I don't think it'll be long before Tom and Jen pass through, but right now you guys are in second place."
"...Good to know." so Ennui grabbed a tip from the Don Box "It's an All In."
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"In this All In challenge each of the 8 teams have to work together in order to saw blocks of snow and assemble them into an igloo, and once they get a thumbs up from the local it's a foot race to the East to reach the Chill Zone where I'm going to be surrounded by as many portable heaters as the crew can provide. Seriously go find some heaters, oh yeah and the last team to arrive could be cut from the race."
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Josee and Jacques reached the Don Box on their snowmobile and she immediately started to lose her shit "We're in fourth place. FOURTH PLACE?!"
"Easy Josee try to calm down." Jacqued tried to calm her down "All we have to do is finish up the next challenge fast enough to put us back into first place."
"Yes… Yes you're right, and while you do that ethical nonsense I can channel my energy into sabotaging the other teams!"
"...Okay Best Friends, if you're going to do it then now would probably be the best time. I'll have to clean up the mess either way but at least this one has less cheating involved."
"What the hell are you going on about?"
"This." Devin held up the Boomerang to her face "We totally Boomerang you." there was a tense pause, followed by the explosion of rage.
"...WHAAAAAAT?!" seriously, she had comically large and super angry fire eyes and everything.
"Yep you heard him." Don approached them out of nowhere "The Ice Dancers have been Boomeranged by the Best Friends which means that they will have to go back to repeat the first challenge, but since this is a Botch or Watch this time Jacques is going to have to ring the narwhal."
"YOU…" Josee was outright snarling at the Best Friends, or Devin to be more specific "You… have just… dug… your own grave…" and she bolted off on the snowmobile, leaving Jacques behind in her blind rage.
"...Yeah that might be one of those ideas that seemed better in my head." Devin received a nod of agreement from Carrie.
"Oh don't worry about that." Jacques waved him off "She's given other people way worse threats than that."
"You mean like you?"
"Well… pretty much yeah."
"That's something else that I've been wondering, why do you let her treat you the way that she does? You're actually a nice guy and I can tell that you hate cheating like that, so what's the deal?"
"...Look my reasons for that are personal, now if you'll excuse me I have to go make sure that she doesn't kill anyone." and so he rushed off back towards the frozen lake.
Don took this chance to sign off for a commercial break "Oh yeah I can't wait to watch something like that when he return on… the Ridonculous Race!"
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"As more and more teams complete the first challenge, the Ice Dancers head back to complete it for the second time."
By this point Rock was watching Spud tank on the ring toss over and over again "Oh man this sucks, Spud can't land one of those rings because of his delayed reactions! All of the other teams have already moved on, if we don't get through this soon then we're totally screwed!"
That was when Jacques and Josee showed back up, the former gasping for air since he had to run back on foot "Okay there's only one other team left, all I have to do is get this on the first try and we still have a shot at making the top three. I'm not worried."
"YOU SHOULD BE!" Josee's voice literally sounded demonic.
'...That is pure unbridled girl anger, fear it like your life depends on it because knowing her, it does.'
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By this point most of the teams, aside from the Rockers and Ice Dancers, were working on building their igloos.
Jen put one block on their wall and looked over to where Geoff and DJ were building their own igloo "Hey guys!" she waved at them, one more than the other.
"Hey Jen." and then like a jackass in love would, Geoff showed her some cheesy heart carved out of ice.
"Aw, that's so sweet."
"Jen come on, you need to focus!" Tom whipped her around and snapped her out of her love trance, and they went back to working on their igloo.
On the other hand, Ennui and Crimson were having a hard time as the blocks of snow slipped unceremoniously through their gloved hands "Okay screw it, let's just build a mount of snow and hollow it out into a skull."
"You guys doing okay?" asked Jen.
"More or less. Fluffy white snow, it's just not our thing."
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Spud came close to ringing a narwhal, only to miss it by a few inches "Aw man, it's killing me for once."
"Don't give up man, you can do this." Rock tried to encourage him, which prompted him to fire off another ring.
"DO IT!" Josee on the other hand was less than supportive, which caused Jacque to botch yet another ring toss, most of which were actually her fault, not that she would ever admit to such a thing.
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"While the Ice Dancers and the Rockers battle it out in a desperate bid to get out of last place, first place is still up for grabs as all of the other teams are now working on completing the igloo challenge. But based on their progress I doubt it will be up for grabs for very long."
Sure enough, working like a well oiled machine, Devin and Carrie finished their igloo in record time and received a thumbs up from the eskimo judge "Yes!" and so they both bolted off towards the Chill Zone, with the Artists right behind them after they had received their own thumbs up from the judge.
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Josee was continuing to lose whatever patience she had with Jacques "Yeah sure it only takes SEVENTEEN TRIES TO LAND A F*CKING RING! HOW MUCH MORE WORTHLESS CAN YOU-" she was cut off by the sound that had been eluding them for the past hour and a half.
As it turns out Spud had finally landed a ring on the narwhal and he and Rock were cheering as a result "ALRIGHT! VICTORY RIFT!" they started jumping and rifting until the ice beneath them began to crack and a piece of it broke off, with the two of them still on it, and it began floating away "Uh… my bad."
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"As the Rockers float away against their will most of the teams ahead of them continue to work away on their igloos, with some of them doing other stuff, and as that's going on the race for first place is about to come to an end."
Sure enough, by a slim margin, Devin and Carrie managed to beat the Artists to the Carpet of Completion "Yes, we did it!"
Don was quick to confirm their placement "Best Friends congratulations, the two of you are in first place."
"Yes!" Devin threw his arms around Carrie and spun her around in a hug, causing her to blush, then turned to the camera "I wanna dedicate this win to our buddy Adam, and dude if you're watching this then don't worry, you can take all the time that you need to tell me your secret okay?"
"That is really touching and all but I do have a race to narrate, so may I?" he received two simultaneous nods as they backed off "Thank you." he counted off Gwen and Kevin as they arrived at the Chill Zone "Very nicely done, Artists you're in second place."
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By this point most of the other teams, which the exception of two, were finishing up their igloos.
Jen and Tom received a thumbs up from the eskimo judge "Alright we did it and we finished before Geoff and DJ, maybe we should stick around and help them build their-" she was promptly dragged off by Tom "So I guess that's a no then?"
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"The race for first place has come to an end but the race for not last place is still going very strong."
By this point Josee showed up on her snowmobile, with Jacques right behind her in the form of a giant walking snowball "Okay we're not the last team here so stop being a worthless waste of space and start building the F*CKING IGLOO! DO IT!"
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By this point Rock and Spud were still stuck on the chunk of ice in the middle of the semi frozen lake "Okay so the water is so cold that it might kill both of us and I don't think your delayed reaction will make a difference but I don't think we have a choice."
"Hang on, I think I've got an idea." Spud whistled with two fingers in his mouth and before they knew it a narwhal was pushing the two of them forward "Yeah, we're killing it!" and so they started doing another victory rift.
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By this point Geoff and DJ had received their thumbs up from the eskimo judge "Alright we did it bro, to the Chill Zone!" and so the two of them bolted.
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Don counted off the Fashion Bloggers as they arrived at the Chill Zone "Jen and Tom congrats, you two are in third place!"
"Alright!" the two of them hugged it out just as the Goths arrived at the Chill Zone, with Geoff and DJ arriving not long after.
"And the Goths take fourth place while the Bromigos take 5th place!"
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"As more and more teams arrive at the Chill Zone and some of the stragglers finally get the thumbs up, the last place Rockers finally arrive to start the igloo challenge."
Rock was quick to start making a plan of action for him and Spud to use as they were making their igloo "I'll stack these bad boys into an igloo, you grab the saw and star making me blocks of snow the size of your head until I tell you to stop!"
"On it!" Spud started sawing like his life depended on it.
"Yeah, we've totally got this!" Rock looked up at the camera "You see me and Spud have one advantage over the Ice Dancers, we actually know how to work together. Just look over there if you want an example." he pointed over.
"YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG!" Josee chucked a block of snow at Jacques "It's not the right size, do it again!"
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Don counted off the Sisters and the Reality TV Pros respectively as the two teams arrived at the Chill Zone "Sisters are in fifth place and sixth place goes to the Reality TV Pros, that means that the Rockers and the Ice Dancers are facing the possibility of getting cut from the race. It's really coming down to the wire, the pressure is on."
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The two teams continued to work away.
Rock held out his hands "Block of snow."
"Block of snow." Spud placed a block of snow in his hands.
"Placing on the igloo."
"Sawing a new block for the igloo."
"New block of snow."
"New block of snow."
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Josee was still barking orders at Jacques "You need to cut the blocks faster! MOVE IT FASTER ALREADY!"
"I'm cutting as fast as I can!" Jacques kept on cutting the blocks.
"Put that huge head off hair to work already!"
"Stop yelling at me, I cannot work with all of this pressure!" he kept sawing blocks and she kept placing them, with the Rockers doing the same, until…
"DONE!" both the Rockers and the Ice Dancers finished at the exact same time, and received thumbs up from the eskimo judge, which prompted the four of them to take off.
As they left, the eskimo judge found the eskimo that was dug up by Geoff and DJ holding out a flower up to her, which prompted her to tackle him to the ground as they started making out hot and heavy style.
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"To speed things up since we're on a time schedule, and because I'm freezing and the portable heaters are all out of power, the last two teams are being allowed to ride their snowmobiles until they reach the Chill Zone."
"Come on come on, we've gotta make it!" the Rockers began a desperate struggle to pull into the lead.
"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" now foaming at the mouth, Josee tried to force Rock and Spud off of their snowmobile, only for both teams to crash into a huge snow drift and end up getting trapped in a huge snowball.
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Don let out a terrified yelp and leapt away from the Carpet of Completion just as the snowball stopped mere inches away from it, and the Ice Dancers jumped out of said snowball and landed on top of each other in a messy heap of a dog pile a few seconds ahead of the Rockers "Well I think it goes without saying that the way this race ended in a messy heap of pain is kind of symbolic of Josee's current mindset, anyway Ice Dancers you're in eighth place. Congratulations, you two are still in the race.
"...Eighth place? EIGHTH PLACE?! THIS IS WHAT i THINK OF YOUR EIGHTH PLACE!" and she started tearing down the snowman nearby.
"Wait stop, you're hurting Chilly Billy!"
Josee just let out a sadistic cackle and stormed off, leaving the snowman, or what was left of said snowman, in her wake.
"NOOO! BILLY!" Don broke down sobbing in front of the snowman, then turned to the Rockers after a moment "Oh yeah right, so uh… Rockers, you guys raced hard and made quite the ridonculous comeback. I'm sorry guys, but as the last team to arrive you've been cut from the race." this was met with groans from the Rockers "Yeah, tune in next time for more of… the Ridonculous Race! Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to mourn for Chilly Billy in peace." and then he went back to sobbing.
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Rock let out a sigh "You know losing out to the Ice Dancers like that is pretty lame, but all things considered I'm really proud of Spud. We did a lot of awesome things, made some new friends and we both learned a lot."
Spud let out a chuckle "Hey thanks for all that man, you know maybe we might win this race after all."
"We just lost man, big time."
"Oh yeah right."
"But hey look on the bright side, I bet this would be some killer motivation for some kickass new songs!"
"Oh yeah! VICTORY RIFT!" and so the Rockers started victory rifting into the sunset as the camera cut to black.
A/N:
Sorry if this chapter didn't turn out as well as the rest of them did, it's not easy to work with something that wasn't very good to begin with (so please keep that in mind when I get to the final story in this trilogy, which is based on Total Drama All Stars), and frankly this episode was really boring anyway. Plus the fact that I took out the subplot with the Bromigos didn't really help but I had to make a choice and so I did.
I decided to give the win to the Best Friends because I thought that they deserved another win, plus I wanted to show how Adam's promise to them will help to motivate Devin even further. And yes, the next time they meet during the race Adam will tell Devin the whole truth about Mal.
I decided to give the Boomerang to the Best Friends to further expand on the growing rivalry between them and the Ice Dancers, or Josee and her ever waning sanity to be more specific, since in this fic Jacques is a good guy. Plus writing Josee's never ending mental breakdown is really fun, though I didn't want to risk having to make her completely psychotic by having them come in last too many times.
I did not want to have to get rid of the Rockers here, but I couldn't get rid of the Ice Dancers and I wasn't ready to get rid of any of the other teams here, so unfortunately they had to go. It's not that bad though, I mean granted they didn't get as far as I would've liked them too but at least they didn't get screwed over by a double elimination round and they at least somewhat redeemed themselves from that elimination right?
Rankings:
Best Friends: 1st
Artists
Fashion Bloggers: 3rd
Goths: 5th
Sisters: 6th
Reality TV Pros: 7th
Ice Dancers: 8th
Elimination:
Rockers: 9th
Father & Son: 10th
Stepbrothers: 11th
Adversity Twins: 12th
Mother & Daughter: 13th
Ultimate Duo: 14th
Vegans: 15th
Geniuses: 16th
Tennis Rivals: 17th
LARPers: 18th