Hours later, when Zelda finally got up for the day, he briefly contemplated whether he actually should save the princess. Peach had a bad habit of being captured by the Dark Lord Ganonmort, who had a serious crush on the blonde. It was at the point where it was like, take a hint, dude. She's just not that into you.
Ultimately, though, Zelda had his own problems. His girlfriend, Majora, had broken up with him recently and Zelda didn't have a clue why. She'd told him it wasn't him, it was her and then danced off into the sunset. Like, rude?
Zelda was trying to think of a plan to win her back.
So far, he'd stopped shaving. Majora would dig a beard. Probably.
Peach would just have to wait. Maybe she could save herself for once. Isn't that something woman wanted now? To save themselves and prove they didn't need no man to rescue them? So, really, Zelda was doing her a favour. Peach should probably thank him. He made a mental note to remind her later.
For now, he figured his best bet was to go to Majora's usual spot; the exclusive Milk Bar. Problem was, to get inside you needed to be a member and Zelda had traded his mask for a slingshot.
The slingshot hadn't proved particularly useful in fending off the seven foot spider he'd needed it for. It now lay abandoned in a chest in the corner of his treehouse. He'd had to crawl through a tree trunk to find a bloody sword instead.
Goddamnit… He wanted his cow mask back.
Enraged, he stormed over to the chest and angrily threw it open. The blasted slingshot was still there, mocking him. Zelda picked it up. Mildew had better still have the mask, what did an annoying three foot, forest man-child want with a bar membership anyway? It's not like he could get served. Everyone thought he was a child.
"Oi, Mildew!" Zelda hollered as he approached his treehouse. "I want my fucking mask back!"
Mildew poked his head out of the window. "No take backs," he shouted. "I need that mask."
"What the heck for?" Zelda demanded.
"Sara's into it, if you know what I mean."
"Oh, gross!" Zelda shuddered as he thought about his green haired ex fucking Mildew in a cow mask. He'd known Sara had weird kinks but this was all a bit too much.
He turned his attention back to the head poking out of the window. "Look, man," he said, "I really need my mask back. What's it gonna cost?" He thought about it for a moment and then added, "No weird stuff! I already told you I'm not into that!"
Mildew pouted and grumbled under his breath, "You were into it that one time…"
Zelda made a conscious effort not to think about that one time.
"Can't I at least borrow the mask?" Zelda begged pathetically. "You do owe me, dude."
Mildew thought about it. "How long for?"
"Just tonight. Promise." Mildew couldn't see the fingers crossed behind his back. He sighed and nodded.
Sucker.