Donning the cow mask, Zelda knocked on the door to the Milk Bar. The peephole slid open, closing again seconds later after verifying that it was a member knocking.

When Zelda opened the door, whoever had peeked at him moments before had vanished. He shrugged and made his way down the stairs and into the basement bar.

The first thing he noticed was that Majora wasn't there. That was a pain. Still, the night was young and she was probably still busy making herself even more beautiful that she already was. And Majora really was beautiful. Zelda had never seen beauty quite like hers.

The second thing Zelda noticed was that the bar was virtually empty. A fat fish-man stood bopping in the corner by the stage, desperately trying to get Zelda's attention. From behind the bar, Mario possibly smiled at Zelda (it was hard to tell with the giant moustache). In front of him, Luigi nursed a cup of milk, grouchy asshole as always.

And, leaving the toilets was a being of such beauty that Zelda's jaw nearly hit the dirty floor.

The guy was a fish-man. He was tall and strapping, with pecks that put Zelda's own to shame. He possibly had a shark for a head but Zelda couldn't be too sure as he was far more distracted by his pearly white smile and the fact that his teeth actually twinkled like stars.

He wore very little clothing but what did cover him suggested royalty.

Basically, he was gorgeous.

And rich, probably.

...What was Zelda doing here again?

In a trance he wandered over to the giant fish-man, adjusting his man bun as he walked. It huffed indignantly but Zelda wouldn't tolerate any of its 'Hey, listen!' bullshit today and it knew it. Stupid sentient hair…

"Hey there," he said, his voice coming out weirdly deep. He cleared his throat before trying again. "Haven't seen you here before."

The fish-man gave him a twinkling smile. "I've just arrived in town."

"Business or pleasure?"

The giant eyed Zelda up and down slowly, like he was undressing him with his eyes. Zelda gulped audibly.

"Both," he decided finally. Zelda liked the sound of that.

"And you just happened to be a member here?" Zelda kept his tone light, teasing.

"I'm friends with him," the giant nodded his head over to the bopping fish-man by the stage. "He got me in."

Zelda decided he'd humour whatever it was the dude wanted from him later, as thanks.

"I'm Sidon," the giant extended a hand and Zelda all but squealed.

"Zelda," he said.

"That name rings a bell." Sidon almost blinded Zelda with his sparkling smile.

Zelda shrugged nonchalantly. "Just the hero of Hirule," he said quietly. If possible, Sidon's smile grew even brighter. Zelda wondered if he should fish his sunglasses out of his pocket.

"Well, it's very nice to meet you hero of Hirule. Let me buy you a drink?"

"Hey listen. We have better things to do you piece of shit!"

"Fuck off Navi," Zelda hissed, flicking his damn man bun. Louder he said, "That sounds awesome! There's nothing I like better than a glass of creamy milk."