Just once. Just once he wishes to be brave. Just one fucking time.
But as he watches her interact with his sisters, he realizes that he's not. He's not brave. He's a coward.
If you ask anyone, though, anyone who knows him, they'd sing high praise about his fighting skills, about his accomplishments, and yes, about his almost stupid bravery. Anyone who knows him would think him brave.
Maybe no one knows him at all.
But he knows. It's how another year has come and gone. Another year of being stuck in the same place. Frozen all because he's scared what will happen if he makes one move. And because of this, he can only watch as things change. Watch as she becomes closer to him, close enough that if he could just gather enough courage, he would be able to reach her. But he can't. So he watches and watches as things stay the same.
"Kurosaki-kun, are you okay?"
He's not. He feels sick. To his very bones. But he nods, and he goes back to pretending to study. And she lingers like she doesn't believe him, but she moves back to Karin who's asking for help on a math problem. And he can only watch.
He's fucking pathetic.
She's going to a goukon tonight. He didn't hear it from her. He overheard her coworkers talking about it. Saying how they had no chance now that she would be joining them. Laughing at how they never had a chance whenever she's around. But they were happy that she would be going. They were smiling and happy.
He was not.
And if someone were to ask why, why he's so upset, he would tell them a half-truth. He would tell them he's worried that she'll be forced to drink despite being underage, worried about her being hit on, and worried about her getting taken advantage of. And it's a half-truth because although he's worried, less worried knowing Tatsuki will be there, the real reason why he's feeling so distraught, so sick, is because there is something that Tatsuki can't protect her from; her own feelings.
Yeah. He's terrified. He's terrified that if she goes tonight, she'll meet someone. Someone who interests her. Someone who she'll grow to like. And then grow to love.
His heart hurts in the worst way.
"Are you sure you won't stay for dinner?"
He looks at her.
She smiles as she shakes her head at Yuzu.
"I wish I could, but I can't tonight."
Both of his sisters look disappointed. He thinks he looks like that, too.
She says goodbye to the both of them with a hug, and she walks over to him. And he's hoping. Just this one time, he's hoping that he'll be brave. That he'll be able to ask her to not go. Ask her to stay. To stay with him.
Just this once, he wants to be brave enough to ask for change.
"Bye, Kurosaki-kun. I'll see you tomorrow?"
Her question is quiet. Like she's unsure of it herself.
Come on. Say it. Tell her. Do it. Confess.
"Tomorrow."
He watches as she smiles, waves goodbye, and leaves.
He closes his eyes and sighs.
He's not brave. And he'll pay for it. He knows he will.