Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.

Ash and Ibe moved the bodies. Max stitched up Yut-Lung's arm; he was too terrified to call the doctor in case they were still being watched. They turned all the lights off, stumbling through the dark, and yanked the drapes shut.

"I probably had a mole," Yut-Lung mumbled. "But they're all dead, so I don't know who it could be."

"Probably," Ash agreed. He and Ibe had covered the bodies with sheets.

"I once hired a cook who tried to assassinate me," Yut-Lung whispered. "I guess I've been shot in both shoulders, now."

"What about that doctor?" asked Ash.

"Hm?" Yut-Lung looked up.

"What about him?" Ash continued.

Yut-Lung's face paled. "I suppose..."

"They weren't trying to kill you and me," Ash pointed out. "Or we'd both be dead now, judging by how the others were—"

Yut-Lung covered his face. Was he crying again? Ash had no idea how to handle tears. Eiji was good at it.

What if Eiji's already dead?

He couldn't be. Surely the sun wouldn't be rising if that were the case.

What if he's dead and I can't even tell?

Why would I be able to, anyways?

"It's my fault," Yut-Lung whispered, clutching his skull. "Sing is in danger because of me—of course they'd take a bribe, I wasn't ever very nice to them—"

"You don't say," Ash commented sarcastically. "I'm shocked."

"They must've known he was coming by here, I put him in danger, I—"

Same as me and Eiji. Ash swallowed.

"Bullshit," said Max.

Both of them looked to Max, who leaned back against the wall in the corridor where they were hiding.

"Eiji and Sing have choices," said Max. "Granted, I don't know Sing well, but from what I did see of him, the kid chose to help you, Ash, so if he was helping you, Yut-Lung, I'd think it was because—"

"He needed his gang's protection," Yut-Lung whispered. "Can you say any of us chose this life, though?"

Eiji hadn't been born one of them. Ash covered his face, slumping against the wall and sliding to the floor.

I really did ruin his life. And now I've probably ended it. Again.

"Ash," Ibe's voice came tired, haunted by the corpses he'd handled with a green sheen to his face, a twisted crack in the way he said Ash's name. "Eiji didn't choose to stay by you out of obligation. As we were getting ready to leave, his face—he was thinking of you. He wanted to be with you. He chose you because he wanted to. And I'd never seen Eiji—I saw him doing what he thought he should be doing for years, throwing himself into the air as a pole vaulter, and only more and more depression—that lifted, or rather, he could handle it because of you. You showed him how to fight the darker parts of himself. Don't ever think you ruined his life; you saved it, and not in the moments you were actively trying to."

Ash stared at Ibe. What? A strange feeling tingled in his fingertips and in his toes.

He'd never been told he did anything good. Not unless he was saving someone's life by killing enemies, and the blood was going to drown him eventually, and he knew it.

How? What are you even talking about, old man?

But he couldn't pry his jaw open. Now his eyes were burning, tears scalding them from the back, searing their way out and down his cheeks.

"What he said," Max said, jabbing his thumb at Ibe. "I should call Jessica."

"She'll kill you," Ash managed.

"Probably."

Yut-Lung stiffened at the name. Ash wondered if guilt was prickling his conscience, the conscience Ash had been certain neither of them had, but now—fuck.

"Sing said he was working with me for Chinatown," Yut-Lung whispered. "But he also said—he didn't hate me. And he wouldn't leave me, and—that my soul was bleeding—and—no one since Shorter even bothered to acknowledge that I might be unhappy about—anything—but that alone gave me something to hold onto, the past months, so he—" He met Ash's eyes. "Ibe is probably right, Ash. About Eiji, and you."

"Who are you and what have you done with Yut-Lung?" Ash croaked out. But he saw the tears slipping out from Yut-Lung's eyes, and he knew. This was always you.

You were jealous?

"Sing called me out on it, you know," Yut-Lung said. "He slapped me. He told me I was jealous. And he still wouldn't leave me. I can't let that destroy him. No matter what happens."

He knows the worst parts of you, and still he stays. Ash remembered finding Eiji at Alex's, with Sing, after he escaped from Dr. Mannerheim, remembered the jolt in his body when he heard Eiji ordering Dino to freeze, and he knew that Eiji didn't just stay, but moved for him. "I know what you mean."

Yut-Lung nodded.

"Sing's stronger than me in so many ways," Ash said.

Yut-Lung snorted. "He compares himself to you constantly. Thank you for not fighting him, by the way. He'd die and he knew it."

"Sing is like the best parts of Eiji, you, and me," Ash said.

"Tell him that when we save him. It'd make him happy."

Ash smiled.

Max vanished into one of the bathrooms to call Jessica. Yut-Lung watched the door close, brow furrowed.

"Something on your mind?" Ash asked, because sleep was not something he could contemplate now, not with adrenaline surging still and his side killing him.

Yut-Lung shrugged.

Max reemerged, and sleep slowly overtook them, one at a time, except Ash. He lay awake, huddled in the corridor, mind replaying Ibe's words over and over, and hearing Blanca's become more disjointed with each repetition.

"Eiji—does—n't—ex—ist—salvation."

Why would you choose this, Eiji? Why would you choose me?

His side throbbed. And I was going to throw it all away…

Are you wrong, to value me so much? Or are you right, or is it something else?

I trust you with so much. What would it take to trust you in that?

A bang echoed downstairs. Ash scrambled to his feet and halted, side aching. Blood stained his t-shirt. Shit.

"I'll get it," said Yut-Lung. "Max, fix Ash's wound. Uh, please."

"No, I will get it," interrupted Ibe.

"It's my house!"

"You're sixteen!" Ibe marched in front of him.

Yut-Lung's jaw dropped.

"Anyone ever said no to you before?" Ash rasped, unable to protest. He settled back down, Max lifting his shirt up. Only a few stitches looked like they'd torn.

Yut-Lung stayed put as Ibe vanished, and then returned seconds later, followed by a too-large man, whose mouth fell open at the sight in the hallway.

"Nice to see you," Yut-Lung said in a voice so cutting and icy Ash was surprised Blanca didn't fall over bleeding.

"Guess you caught the first flight back," Ash managed. "Ow!"

"Shut up," Max said. "Decided to be on time for once, Blanca?"

Blanca arched his eyebrows. "I don't know you."

"Blanca, this is Max. I call him Dad sometimes. And Ibe, he's Eiji's dad in America. This is Blanca."

Max looked as if he would like to murder Blanca. Ash had never seen such a look on Max's face. No, wait, he had. The night they drove to Jessica's place, when she and Michael were being held hostage. Tension settled over all of them, thick and cloaking even as the air lightened with day.

"Hooray, now we have a professional assassin on our side, too," Yut-Lung said, refusing to look at Blanca. "Though if he gets a better offer, maybe he will—"

Oooh, you're still mad about that. Ash snorted. Yut-Lung glowered at him.

"I have to say, the two of you working together is perhaps the last thing I imagined," Blanca remarked.

"Surprise, surprise," said Ash, voice dead. Max finished stitching his wound.

"Stab wound?" Blanca asked.

"Not your business." Yut-Lung grabbed the pieces of stationary, three of them now. He handed them to Blanca. "This is what we got. I called Sing's phone, and a garbled voice told me not to call again, and since then it's been dead. It just rings and rings."

You actually came. Ash craned his neck, looking up at Blanca. He had to say, he was surprised. But that meant Blanca was actually concerned, which did nothing to assuage Ash's fears. "His staff were shot in the skull, in the heart, perfect shots. It almost looked like your work."

"I was not involved."

"I know," Ash said. Max scowled, as if he wasn't so sure.

"The lettering is peculiar," Blanca said, bringing the pages towards his face to inspect. "I—"

A creak. All of them froze.

"You locked the door, right?" hissed Yut-Lung.

Ibe nodded. Blanca stuffed the letters into his pocket, withdrawing a weapon.

A whisper of a footstep. And then the wall exploded as a bullet, silent, smashed into the corner.

Ash grabbed Max and Yut-Lung, yanking them down. Yut-Lung gasped, but he didn't cry out. His eyes bulged. But if they were in the house—why didn't we leave, why did we—unless—

Blanca returned fire. He glanced behind him.

"Is there another way out?" Ash hissed.

Yut-Lung nodded.

"But we're probably surrounded," Ibe whispered.

Blanca yanked two more guns out. Was he a walking armory? Probably. He tossed one at Ash and one at Max.

"Stay with me," Ash ordered Yut-Lung, immediately understanding. Bickering erupted below them, words spoken in a foreign language that sounded vaguely familiar. Blanca's face whitened. He held up his hand with three fingers.

On three. Ash understood. He grasped Yut-Lung's arm, pulling him into a crouch. His new stitches were threatening to rip again, but there was nothing he could do about that.

"Garage," Yut-Lung said. "Bulletproof glass—it's our only—"

Ash nodded. Blanca dropped one finger, and then two. He tensed.

Three, and gunfire erupted. Ash leaped to his feet, hauling Yut-Lung with him, pushing his head down. Yut-Lung clutched his arm, fingers digging in and definitely leaving bruises. He pointed them down a back staircase. For servants?

Max spun around, firing. Ash aimed, and one of the men fell. Blanca appeared behind him.

A bullet hit Ibe's shoulder. Blood spurted. Ibe stumbled. A scream tore through the air. Ash's own. Not silent. His legs moved on their own. And then something black appeared in front of them.

I'm going to die.

A shot cracked the air, coming from behind him. The man in front of them, masked in a black balaclava, fell.

Yut-Lung stood behind him. He held a weapon now, having ripped it off one of the fallen men, aiming it.

Footsteps crackled behind them, and Ash shot someone who was about to finish Ibe.

I guess you can shoot that gun, Yut-Lung.

"This way!" Yut-Lung sprinted down another flight of stairs, Max hauling Ibe and gesturing for Ash to follow Yut-Lung. The garage wasn't as fancy as Dino's, but there were still a fair amount of shining cars. Yut-Lung grabbed the keys hanging on the wall and jumped into a black sedan with tinted windows. Ash leaped into the passenger seat. Max shoved Ibe into the back, Blanca following.

Yut-Lung tore out. Bullets struck the windows, cracking the glass but not breaking it. Ash still ducked his head.

"How bad is he bleeding, Max?" Ash shouted.

"I'll be okay," Ibe groaned.

"That isn't reassuring. Max, are they following?"

"Not so far."

"I can—"

"And you," Ash snarled, whirling around and aiming his weapon straight into Blanca's face. "You really expect me to believe it's a coincidence that you show up and they arrive? Those are professionals. Some of your old buddies? Want to get rid of any sign of weakness in your life? Me and Yut-Lung?" If that was the case—if that was the case—

Eiji and Sing are probably—

Yut-Lung swerved. His face twisted in betrayal.

"It wasn't a coincidence," Blanca said through gritted teeth. "They were speaking Russian."

Ash jabbed the gun at him. Yut-Lung sucked in his breath. He was shaking.

Something hollow carved out Blanca's irises, and for the first time, Ash felt like he was looking at a gaunt man who kept going for—he didn't even know what, but the muscles in his body were all padding, all a way of trying to fill something empty. "They want you."

"Probably," Blanca said.

"So they went after Eiji and Sing why then?" yelled Yut-Lung.

"To get you two, to get—"

"Mother of God, all you do is screw up lives!" Max burst out, glaring at Blanca.

"Does that mean they're dead?" Yut-Lung screamed, looking over his shoulder. Ash lunged and grabbed the wheel to keep from smashing into a stop sign.

"I doubt it. They're not going to kill hostages when they can use them." Blanca's skin looked gray, weak clouds trying to block a garish light and failing.

"What about torture?" Ash yelled. "Or rape? You know what Foxx did to me, Blanca? He used a fucking knife and—" He broke off when Yut-Lung grabbed the wheel back, and Max gaped at him. "Fuck!" He slammed his fist into the bulletproof glass. It didn't budge. Just like everything in his life, no matter how hard he fought, how willing he was to let anything happen to himself if it just meant—

"I don't know," Blanca said. "They've never found me before."

"But they trained you in torture." Ash pulled his knees up to his chest. His side protested. He didn't care. He wished it would split open, leave him to die this time. Please. Me and not Eiji.

But he thinks—

He can't, he's wrong—

He's not, he's Eiji—

He could see Foxx's face now. He remembered Jessica's words. "It took me six months to get back on my feet."

I'm not on my feet. I'm dragging myself along by the elbows, trailing blood.

There was no Eiji to hug him this time.

A hand landed on his shoulder. Max. Yut-Lung was watching him but thankfully, also the road this time.

"I don't know where to go," Ash said bitterly.

"I do," said Yut-Lung. "Where's your gang at? And where's Cain Blood?"

"How many days do you think it's been?" Eiji rasped.

"An eternity," Sing said glumly. He'd found pebbles on the basement floor and was tossing them at the wall, skipping them along.

Eiji moaned. Sing dug his fingers into the basement. If he could just get Eiji some extra bandages and slip some of whatever was in the water into their captors' water, they could make a break for it. Maybe. He watched the silhouettes of their captors each time they appeared, and he felt fairly confident that one of them, a taller but skinny one, would be easy for him to break. The problem was that every time Sing went to stand, his head swam because of that drug. It didn't seem to be affecting Eiji like this, but then again, Eiji couldn't exactly stand.

I'll get you out of here, Eiji.

He didn't want to let Ash down. And whenever he drifted off, his mind was torn apart by nightmares about what Yut-Lung and Lao and Ash would all be doing to each other in the chaos. Several times Sing had almost wondered if whoever kidnapped them had that goal: destabilizing the gangs in the city so that they would all eat each other alive.

"He saved me over the Banana Fish, you know," Sing said.

"Hm?" Eiji shifted.

"During the—final battle. He could have saved me or the Banana Fish capsules, reveal the truth. Ash chose to save me."

"Not surprised," Eiji said.

"I am," Sing said. "We'd still talked about fighting each other to the death then."

Eiji mumbled something that sounded an awful lot like it contained the word "dumb."

"I wonder if he'll regret it now," said Sing. "Christ, we have to get out of here before they all kill each other."

"He won't."

"Why not? He wanted to reveal the truth, that was pretty frickin' obvious—"

"Sing," Eiji managed, shifting again. His voice was shaky, but solid. "You are the truth. Not about Banana Fish, but you're—you and Yut-Lung and Alex and Cain and everyone—you're all in the same life—the same—you matter more than a thing." His voice grew quiet. "I was going to give you a letter for him. I told him, in it, that he could change his fate. You can't change it if you're dead. You can, too, and he saved you so you can."

Sing felt cold. He laughed.

"What?" Eiji asked, puzzled.

"You ever thought about being a shrink?"

"Mm, no, I think Ash is enough. A photographer, maybe. How about you?"

"A boss," said Sing. "Got that one down, at fourteen. Now? Who knows. A good boss, I guess."

Eiji was silent.

"Your silence is deafening."

A rustle.

"Eiji?"

A gagging noise.

"Fuck!" Sing scrambled over to him. His hand met Eiji's forehead, holding him up. "Too much of that water, or—" They'd have to ask for more, or Eiji'd get dehydrated—

His fingers felt Eiji's forehead, and a rock plummeted into Sing's stomach. No.

Eiji was burning up.

"I'm okay," Eiji croaked.

Sing scrambled to his feet, pounding on the door. "Hey! Hey!"

No one answered.

Yut-Lung hardly expected a warm reception when Ash showed up bleeding, with a wounded Ibe, Blanca, and himself. This hideaway was a dilapidated little building that looked as if it was on the verge of being condemned. And inside Yut-Lung's spine was a white-hot rod of guilt.

Of course it was his fault. He'd known that. His fault.

Alex leaped to his feet, weapon out. Cain clattered down the creaking, rotting staircase.

"Yo," said Ash.

"Boss!"

"They're with me," said Ash, jerking his head towards Yut-Lung.

"We heard they captured you," blurted out Bones. "The Chinese. And you stabbed Lao, and—"

"Lao stabbed me, and I shot him," said Ash. "Anyways, he's alive, and he wasn't acting on Sing's—"

"Sing and Eiji have been abducted by professional assassins," Yut-Lung said.

Everyone turned to him. All of them looked as if they'd like to riddle his body with bullets.

"He saved my life," Ash said quietly. "A few times."

"Sing's been abducted?" demanded Cain. He folded his arms. Yut-Lung remembered Sing once commenting that Cain seemed like more of an older brother than Lao did. "So, we're working with everyone again to get—"

"Not Chinatown," said Alex. "The whole reason we're with Cain is because they heard you—fought Lao, and now they think you've hurt Sing probably, and plus they still hate us because of Shorter." He tilted his head towards Yut-Lung. "Unless Mr. Lee here can change that."

"Don't call me that," snapped Yut-Lung. His breath came quick. Shorter.

I can't change anything, can I?

"Ash… I can't anymore…" Shorter's disembodied voice filled Yut-Lung's mind. He remembered Nadia's face, the look on Shorter's face when they dragged him away, as he tried to insist he'd make it up to Eiji, save him, but he never got the chance.

Eiji would have forgiven you.

Ash never blamed you.

Why not me? Why not me?

A cruel mockery that Shorter had been forced to try to kill him.

"Call you what, your name?"

I thought you looked like Eiji.

Nothing but a venomous snake.

"So it's all the big dude's fault," Cain commented, leaning on the railing that Yut-Lung couldn't believe didn't collapse. Though if he was dragging Blanca, Yut-Lung couldn't help but appreciate him.

"Yeah, pretty much," said Ash. "Cain, you got a place we can sew Ibe up?"

"Sure." He gestured for one of his men to show them. Ibe, Max, and Ash hurried away. Cain's gaze lingered on Yut-Lung, who returned it. "So you're the other Ash."

"Excuse me?" Yut-Lung blinked.

"Angel face, devil inside."

"Oh." Yut-Lung wrapped his arms around himself. "I'm just here to find Sing. And Eiji."

A devil. What he knew was inside Ash, because it was what was inside him. And for the first time it didn't feel like a comfort, an assurance that he was not alone. It felt like a label hung around his neck, weighted and heavy. And the guilt burned more.

"Aren't you the one who got Eiji shot?" demanded Bones, scraggly hair shadowing his face. "Almost turned everyone—"

Blanca sucked in his breath, stepping towards Yut-Lung.

I don't need your help! Yut-Lung stepped away from him. He nodded. "I regret it."

"Yeah, I'll just bet you do," Alex commented, voice dark.

Yut-Lung gulped. They say the devil is an angel of light.

"You're also the reason Ash was—"

"Taken by Golzine?" Yut-Lung cut in, his pulse throbbing under his dragon tattoo, the one that looked like a serpent if he'd drunk enough. "Yeah, and I'm the reason he's alive right now, so shut up."

Blanca moaned slightly.

"Don't fight!" Ash's voice barked. He emerged from the dark hallway, clutching his side. He straightened when he saw Cain's gaze flicker to him.

"I don't trust him worth shit," said Alex.

"Don't care," said Ash.

You shouldn't trust me. But maybe if he went to tell Lao the truth, maybe then they'd forgive him, all of them. "You want Chinatown's help?" Yut-Lung asked. "I can get it for you. If I talk to them, there's a chance they'll have to give in."

"Dude, they hate you."

"So?" Yut-Lung glared. "I want Sing back. I'll do anything for that. We have next to no leads, no—"

"And—"

"Yut-Lung," cut in Ash. "It's not a good idea, okay? They'd kill you. We have Blanca now, and—Cain, are you in, or—"

"Why the hell not?" Cain shrugged. And he scowled. "Sing's cool. Not gonna let him be torn apart by some assassins."

Not a good idea. Of course not. Nothing he dredged up was ever a good idea. Yut-Lung pressed his lips together.

"I've no idea how they found me," Blanca muttered.

And there it was. He'd known from the moment the guns went off when Blanca arrived. He was never a victim. It was always his fault, who he was, his blood, Lee and peddler, prostitute, assassin himself, only worth being kicked on the ground, not worth the comfort he begged from Hua-Lung because he was the only one who didn't hit him. He did worse.

"I know how," Yut-Lung forced himself to say.

They all looked to him, Ash's brows drawn together.

And this time his facade was breaking down, crumbling around him. "I probably—alerted someone accidentally—when I was—doing a background check on Blanca." Yut-Lung couldn't meet Blanca's eyes, so he met Ash's. He wanted to vomit. Go ahead. Strangle me by my hair again.

"Fuck," said Ash.

It's all me.

"Well," said Cain. "If you plan to make up for it, you better help save Sing."

How? I'm useless. That fight proved it. He could what, drive? Offer money?

He was worse than useless. He was a cancer. Everything he touched. Sing…

I don't deserve you, but you chose to stay with me anyways. For the same reason these guys are staying with Ash and Cain, right? For the same reason my cook and then the doctor turned on me.

You're good.

You love.

I'm bad. I cannot love. I'm a creature who can't learn. Even when you stayed with me. I—

I'm too broken.

He had to save Sing. If he saved Sing, maybe—maybe—it would count, right? Count as love.

How can I save him when I can only make things worse?

He watched Ash spring into action, pulling up files on Cain's laptop, Blanca helping him. You and Eiji—you deserve that happy ending. We have to save them both.

There was one thing he could do, but he was scared.

He could still see blood staining Ash's shirt as he hunched over the computer.

If there's a God up there, lend me some strength.