Chapter 14- First Step Is Always A Stumble

Kai had been missing for a month. A month.

It made Nya sick with guilt to think about it. He'd had the teapot, and she hadn't believed him. She could have stopped him. Could have saved him. . . somehow. But she'd pushed him away, laughing at his struggles like the horrible sister she was.

Day after day, she did her best to track down the cursed object, but somehow it always evaded her.

Things felt overwhelming, and it didn't help she couldn't exactly share these things with her parents. Nya had to make things right on her own. She needed to save her brother, and she needed to stay on top of all other responsibilities.

Except, Nya hadn't been doing so good. Her grades were slipping, even with support from her teachers. Her mind simply wasn't in it. Not only that, but she'd been neglecting Jay and Lloyd's friendship.

When was the last time I even talked to them?

Nya couldn't remember. She knew Jay had stopped taking the bus, opting for sharing a ride with Cole instead. It was a good way to spend time together, despite Cole's tight schedule. And Lloyd. . . still rode the bus with her. Right?

Nya frowned. She couldn't recall.

A knock on the door made her body jolt involuntarily. "Yes- Yeah?"

"Hey." Nya's father peeked inside his daughter's room. There was a sharp darkness that framed his eyes, and his usually well-trimmed beard was growing out of control. Nya knew she did not look much better. "We're going down to the NPD. They're getting all the parents from the missing kids together. We might not be home when you get back from school. Take care, okay?"

"Yeah." Nya nodded. "I will."

"Don't worry too much. Your brother will turn up."

Again, Nya nodded. Kai would be back. She would personally make sure of it.

Her father left, and Nya continued to scribble down all she knew about the teapot. A slight buzzing from her phone broke her concentration. She glanced at the new message. It was from Jay.

Hey. . . We need to talk.

Nya's stomach sunk. Jay had to be upset at the way she'd kept him at arm's length. The consequences of her shifted focus were arriving at last. Well. Nya had never been one to shy away from confrontation. She took a slow breath before replying.

Yeah, I know.

She bit her lip. When had she become such a terrible friend?

Jay sat in the back of Cole's truck, slowly sipping at a cup of hot chocolate.

A cool breeze played with his hair, and he snuggled further into his jacket. Cole caught the movement, then wrapped an arm around his shoulder, to pull him close.

"We really should have started dating sooner," Cole said, popping a small cookie into his mouth. "Your dad makes the best cookies I've ever tasted. I can't believe I've been missing out."

"They're pretty good." Jay nodded. "But you haven't lived until you've tasted his pies."

"You have to invite me over."

"Anytime." Jay smiled. "They like you a lot. I mean I hope they do. I think they do. I never. . . really shut up about you lately so . . ."

They sat in silence for a moment, content with enjoying each other's presence. Jay loved it. The school's parking lot was still mostly empty. The sun just now beginning to step into the horizon.

Jay had never been particularly eager to wake up early, but now, well now he didn't mind it at all. Heck, he would even give up all sleep, if it meant spending more time with Cole.

"Can I shoot you with a really heavy question?"

Jay turned. His eyes made brief contact with Cole's. "Uh-oh. Yes?"

"If there's something you need to tell someone. . . and you know the more you wait the worse it'll be. . . but you also know that when you do tell them, nothing is going to be the same again. . . what do you do?" Cole looked down as he spoke, and Jay felt his body tighten. "Just throw caution to the wind and tell them? Or. . . try to live without saying anything, and hope things resolve themselves?'

He knows. He knows. I don't know how, but he knows. Jay's thoughts fluttered around his mind in a panic. He didn't know how to respond. So he didn't.

"Sorry." Cole shook his head. "I just, I really want to tell my dad about. . . the whole Marty Oppenheimer thing. But that school means everything to him. Should mean everything to me too. . . he's been building me up for this since I was in diapers."

"Oh. Oh." Jay melted with relief. "That."

"Yeah. . . why? There some sort of secret you hiding, Walker?"

"No!" Jay shook his head frantically, then slowed the movements, to make his reaction a bit less suspicious. "Well, I think you should . . . just come clean. It's better to do something than not, right? At least then you'll know the outcome."

You're the one to talk. Jay's inner voice mocked him. He frowned, fidgeting with the sleeves of his jacket as he reached a decision. "You know, I actually do have something kind of like that. I've been meaning to talk to Nya about. . . things. But I haven't."

Jay could tell Cole's curiosity was piqued, but he knew Cole wouldn't force him to elaborate.

"So do you want to. . . make a pact?" Cole suggested. "You talk to Nya by the end of today. I talk to my dad. And whatever happens, we've got each other."

Jay nodded. "Yeah. . . we've got each other."

Before his sudden resolve faded, Jay reached for his phone. He opened Nya's messages, surprised to see that they hadn't texted one another in a week.

Hey. . . We need to talk.

As usual, Nya's response was almost instantaneous.

Yeah, I know.

Jay frowned the words. Sharp and short. They made his heart ache.

She sounded upset. Maybe she knew. Maybe she'd known, for a while now, and he'd been too distracted with Cole to even notice at all.

Jay shut his eyes. When had he become such a terrible friend?

The rest of the day passed by without anything terribly remarkable.

Or so Cole thought. But he couldn't really be sure. His mind was elsewhere, and the world around him had taken a dull color, fading into the background against what lay ahead

He played with the future conversation in his mind. Trying to come up with proper arguments. Struggling to explain feelings he'd shoved aside for years. No matter what Cole came up with, however, he couldn't make up his father's response. The man was terribly unpredictable.

Jay had taken the bus. So he could speak to Nya about. . . whatever it was he needed to speak to her about. Thus, the ride home felt surprisingly lonely, without his boyfriend's persistent chattering beside him.

Cole refrained from thinking too much as he got out of his truck, focused only on the movements of his body. Step by step, he walked inside. He was instantly greeted by his father.

"Amazing! You're on time! For once." The man shook his head. "This is good. I wanted to drive you over to meet some of the people you'll share classes with during the camp. You can share interests. Bond! It'd probably be better for you to start making new friends. The Marty Oppenheimer is very, very demanding! You won't have time to keep up with anyone who isn't part of the program."

"Dad," Cole said, but his voice was too soft, too shaky. His dad's monologue continued.

"It's the sad truth. I had to say goodbye to all my high school friends. But oh, it'll be so worth it, Cole! You have so much potential. I know it. I can see it. You're going to blow everyone's minds away."

"Dad." Cole let his backpack drop to further the effect of his voice. His dad blinked, then looked at Cole with interest, as if seeing him for the first time in a long while.

". . . Yes?"

"I don't- . . ." Cole's legs felt weak underneath him. He took a slow breath. Whatever happens, Jay will be there. "I don't want to go to the Marty Oppenheimer. I don't even know if I want to go to school at all! I've never enjoyed doing all this. Ever. This is your world dad, not mine."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm miserable, dad!" Cole hadn't expected his voice to shake as much as it did. "I don't want to do this for the rest of my life. I'm sorry. I really am. I know you've done a lot for me to have this chance but. . . I don't want it."

A tense silence followed. Cole hardly dared to breathe. His father's face was usually filled with dramatic expressions, but the blank look in his eyes was ten times worse than the anger he'd expected to see.

His dad looked down. When he looked back up, there was still no anger. But it wasn't a blank look either.

Disappointment.

Cole looked away.

"I don't know what has gotten into you." His dad shook his head. "This whole year, it's been just one thing after the other. I do not want to hear another word about this, Cole. You are not going to throw away everything I've worked for! You will go to the camp. Maybe then, you'll see the opportunities you're trying to waste.

"Now go get ready. We're leaving soon"

Cole opened his mouth to try and protest, but his dad moved away before he could do so. So he stood still, feeling no better than before.

His words hadn't mattered.

Then again, had they ever?

All his life, he'd been flung from situation to situation, living through the consequences of someone else's actions. It had been sort of dumb to think he could take charge of anything.

With a sigh, Cole moved to get ready.

"My parents won't be home till late." Nya tossed her backpack onto the couch. Jay copied her movements. "So. . . we've got all afternoon."

Nya's voice was heavy and hesitant. Jay was afraid to speak.

Together, they moved to the kitchen, where Nya rummaged around for something they could eat. After shoving a batch of nuggets into the oven, she turned back around to face Jay. "Look, I know what you're going to say."

"Y-you. . . do?" Jay gulped, looking down, bracing himself for his friend's outrage.

"Yes." Nya sighed. "And I'm sorry, okay?"

"Huh?"

"For being so distant. I know I haven't talked to you in forever, and I'm horrible for it. But I've just been dealing with a lot, you know? With Kai and. . . and everything." Nya leaned back against the counter. "So I'm sorry. I hope you understand."

"Nya, no." Jay shook his head. "That's not what I wanted to say at all! Of course I understand."

Nya frowned. "Really? Then. . . what is it?"

"It's. . . oof." Jay laid his head against the table for a couple of moments, before straightening. "You think you're the one that's been a horrible friend, aha. . . well I've got news for you. I'm worse. And I'm really sorry. Please say you'll forgive me."

"I can't say that unless I know what you did." Nya moved to the table, sitting down across from her friend. She noticed Jay's hands were shaking terribly. Whatever secret he was holding. . . Suddenly, she was afraid to know. "What. . . did you do?"

"I mean I didn't do anything. I. . . well. . . I mean I guess I- Hmm." Jay looked down. "I'm the one who brought the teapot to the school."

Nya was really glad to have been sitting. With a lurch, the world around her flipped, a rough and merciless movement. "What?"

"I found it in the junkyard. I made wishes. And I lost it."

Nya sat very still, trying to absorb Jay's confession.

"I- I wanted to tell you. I really did. But I made a dumb wish on accident and I was afraid. . . I wished for Cole's life to be a little less perfect. I didn't even mean to! It just sort of happened. You know me. Talking too much and all. . . So I was scared Cole would find out somehow, if I told you, and then I'd lose. . . him.

"I don't want to lose him. But I want to lose you even less. I should have told you the truth earlier. I know. I hope. . . I want to help you with Kai. I- I've been reading up on the teapot, I've learned a lot about it and- and I can help you!"

Nya shook her head. "Dammit, Jay."

Jay waited.

"I can't- I can't believe you-" Nya stood, turning away. She placed her hands on her hips, trying to find a good way to breathe. "And you couldn't have told me? Even after what happened with Kai? It's been a month, Jay."

"I know! I know, but we can still get him back Nya, I can help you, that's what I'm saying!" Jay's voice was incredibly frantic, struggling to speak faster than Nya could think. "There's not a problem. We'll get him back. Trust me. Trust me, I can help."

"I just. . . I can't right now. It's too much. Everything is just-" Nya took a breath. Willed her voice to regain its strength. "Can you please just go home? I need to think and I don't- I don't want to talk anymore."

Jay shut his mouth, giving a slow nod. "Yeah. Yeah of course. I'm. . . here, though. If you- If you need it. . . I'll- Yeah I'll let myself out. I'm really sorry, Nya. I know that-"

"Just go."

"Right. Going." Jay scurried out of the kitchen with his head low. His eyes were swelled with tears, and every movement took an incredible effort. He barely remembered to take his backpack.

Once outside, Jay sat on the sidewalk. He hardly noticed the cold.

As he contemplated whether or not to go home, his phone rang. The sound of Cole's ringtone almost overflowed the tears he was struggling to hold back. Jay answered, clearing his throat to make himself sound okay.

"Cole! How- How did it go?"

Well, it was as if I didn't say anything to him at all. So. . . could have been worse. At least he didn't disown me. Ha. . . what about you though?

"Well, Nya kicked me out of her house. So that's fun."

Harsh.

"No, no. I deserved it. Trust me."

Ever going to tell me what happened?

"Yes. . . not. . . now though. I'm feeling pretty awful."

If it makes you feel any better, I feel awful too.

"Why would that make me feel better!" Jay chuckled, tracing the cracks on the pavement with his finger. "That makes me feel worse, if anything. I hope your dad comes around. Maybe he just needs time."

Maybe. Same with Nya. I mean you guys have been friends for years. I'm sure you'll figure things out.

"I hope so. . ."

Well, I've got to go. I just wanted to check on you. Call you tonight?

"Please do."

Alrighty. Cole was silent for a moment. Jay refrained from hanging up, finding comfort even in their silent connection.

"Thank you for. . . calling. Thank you for being here."

I'll always be here for you, Walker. Jay struggled to hold back a sob. And thank you too!

"No problem."

More silence. Then Cole hung up, leaving Jay alone in the sidewalk, with the heavy weight of all his unspoken words crushing him harder than ever.