A Little Tipsy

Once again, as quickly as it happened, Hel vanished and Rowan the not-so-drunk-after-all girl emerged, jumping off of him and bumping into the table so hard that the bottle of whiskey nearly toppled off the table. It would have been a shame to have that shatter on the floor, but it might have damaged the Devil's Trap.

"Oh my God." Rowan mumbled as her hand flew up to her mouth, backing away from Crowley, avoiding looking at him. She nearly stuck herself in the corner of the room as if she wanted to hide in the shadows.

"Rowan." Crowley said calmly, but she shook her head.

"I did horrible things." She said and he knew she was referring to the ones that laid their hands on her in those foster homes.

"To people who deserved no less." Crowley replied and she remained silent. After a brief moment, she slowly turned towards him, lifting her guilty eyes to him, to take comfort in his understanding eyes.

"And those college boys?" she asked, her eyes glistening as if tears were forming.

"Who saw fit to use you." Crowley replied, reassuring her that she did the right thing. Rowan seemed to calm down, believing that she did in fact do the right thing. At then her eyes shifted into horror as her eyes dropped to the waistband of his pants.

"Oh, what did I do?" she asked and turned away. Crowley was certain she couldn't see since she was in the corner and the table was pretty close to him. He was certain she was remembering bits of what Hel had done in her moment of heated desire. No doubt she was embarrassed.

"What do you remember?" Crowley asked her and she remained silent, as if she didn't want to remember. Her shoulders were tense and she continued to face the walls. He watched her, expecting her to answer after a few seconds, but she didn't. "Rowan." He said and she turned to him, a mild fury in her eyes.

"Is that who I am?" she asked and it was clear she remembered everything. In that moment, because of her confusion and that small amount of rage dancing in her dark eyes, he could see that no matter what name, she was a girl confused. He'd even go as far as to say a girl lost in her own identity. "Everything seems to suggest I'm Hel." She added with anger in her voice. No, not anger; but resentment. It was as if the snake, those moments she forgot and her dreams took away her normal life.

"Who are you?" he asked and the question seemed to catch her off guard. She stared blankly at him, but he could see a mixture of confusion and fear. In just a short time, Rowan no longer knew who she was. She wanted to answer, but the words wouldn't come out. "You don't know." He said calmly, watching as she reluctantly nodded her head.

"I don't understand anything." she said, casting her eyes to the floor. Crowley could imagine that since Jormungand appeared, nothing had been the same. All those years of forgetting what happened when Hel emerged until the Norse serpent came to find her, thrust into a place where she realized the impossible was real; where she met a demon that brought Hel and her memories to the surface.

"You will in time." Crowley replied softly and Rowan began to calm down.

"Why are you doing this?" she asked, her question surprising him.

"Will the Winchesters?" he asked and she approached, her eyes narrowing. She was calm, but her eyes revealed a hint of anger.

"That's not what I had asked." She said, standing by the side of the table, staring down at him. "You're a demon. I might be Hel. Clearly you stand to gain something." She added and Crowley could have agreed. Yes, he stood to gain an ally against Abaddon, but she was still too shocked and confused to let her know she was right. He wasn't going to lie to her; he was just going to reassure her that she could still trust him.

"I wouldn't take advantage, if that's what you think." Crowley said and she seemed slightly stunned. She looked away and nodded her head. "Remember our deal? We divulge details in secrecy. You knew the Winchesters were withholding information. I'm knowledgeable and useful. Together, we'll unearth this mystery." He added and she nodded her head as if convincing herself this was true. "I stand to gain some company as a captive, as you remember." He concluded and she let a soft smile appear on her face.

"I'm sorry." She spoke so softly, Crowley wasn't sure he heard correctly. It's a first that someone apologizes to him. When she met his eyes, she was calm without any hint of anger or fear. Not even confusion showed on her face.

"Now Darling, could you help me with my belt?" he asked and a laugh escaped her, even if she tried to hold it in with her hand.

"Sorry about that too." She said and approached, her cheeks turning red with embarrassment. She leaned over at a comfortable distance and fastened his button and his belt. She even went as far as doing up his suit jacket, adjusting his tie with a softness in her eyes. "There you go." She added, that softness revealed in her voice which was almost as sultry as when Hel spoke.

"You have a tantalizing touch." He said and she met his eyes with a small smile. Rowan turned to grab his glass of whiskey with his plastic straw, and then the bottle to refill it, nearly empting the bottle. She placed it in his hand and grinned at him.

"Suck up your whiskey." She said and walked out of the room, clearly to get some fresh air and probably some food as he had advised her before she began drinking.

As soon as Rowan stepped out of that room, walking down the hall, she could feel the whiskey taking its numbing hands off of her. She could think more clearly and, to her horror, remember kissing Crowley, her hands going to open his pants. The fact that she was trying to have intercourse with a bound demon made her almost stop and look for a mirror so she could see her reflection. Would she recognize herself?

She should feel appalled at what she had done, but in all honesty, it had her smiling.

In order to have nearly taken advantage of Crowley, there had to be some attraction to him. Rowan knew it was true. However, how could she be attracted to him? The man he possessed was old enough to be her father and he had a receding hairline. But it wasn't physical attraction. She liked Crowley's personality, the things he said and the way he said it.

And she found the fact he was bound in chains to be a little fun.

Rowan walked into the kitchen, raiding the fridge, stuffing her face with leftover Chinese she found near the back. There was a date written in Sharpie on the box. It was just a few days and it looked perfectly fine.

As soon as she felt full, she remained in the kitchen, thinking as the music continued to play throughout the sound system. It was soft and comforting which was nice considering the whirlpool of crazy she got sucked into. She couldn't go back into that room with Crowley, not until she was certain of what she knew.

What if the Winchesters thought she could be Hel? Is that why they were trying to get her to remember?

There was only one way to find out and this time she wasn't going into Sam's room to watch TV.

Once Rowan walked into his room, she scanned his room for a place where he might leave information. She pulled open some drawers and began investigating. His nightstand by his bed contained some photos of people. Judging by the age of the photos, they were people from his past. One of the photos was of a blond woman holding a baby while an older little boy stood next to them. Another was a man with two little boys. Then, the next one was clearly Sam, but with a young blond, both in a cute pose together.

At that moment, she felt a little bad going through Sam's things. Those pictures had to have been his family, where Dean was all he had left.

She glanced around the room and although Sam had added a few things to make it his own, it wasn't quite home without the ones you love.

Rowan walked out of his room, unable to search through his things. She glanced down the hallway at Dean's door and considered that she might be able to search his room without difficulty. However, despite his hard exterior, he might have things like photos kept hidden to reveal a painful past.

Rowan sighed and walked to his door, opening it to find that his room had more personal touches, like he thought of this place as home. She scanned his room and began with his nightstand table. Inside was a mess of things, but one object caught her eye. It was a brown leather bound journal with a strip of leather to tie around it.

She pulled it out and opened it, finding a name inside. John Winchester. Perhaps their father. Rowan flipped through the pages to find entries indicating different monsters John had killed while he was on the hunt for something much more important.

Like father like sons.

Rowan flipped to the end to see if John had filled out the entire journal or if Dean had continued it. Well, according to the handwriting and the empty pages, it was strictly John. She placed the journal back in the drawer and searched throughout his room, eventually finding a stack of Busty Asian Beauties in his sock drawer.

Disgusting.

Rowan left the room, unable to continue. It was clear that the brothers didn't leave traces of their thoughts in their rooms.

So, onto another bright idea that could get her some answers. The only other way was through dreams. Rowan returned to the kitchen, looking through the drawers for some sleeping pills, but couldn't find anything. Next was to go to the bathroom, looking in the medicine cabinet that was, surprisingly, filled with pill bottles.

And sleeping pills.

Rowan popped a few and swallowed them dry which didn't taste as good, but it worked. Then, glancing at the shower, she decided she really needed one.

She walked back to her room, grabbing some clean clothes, admittedly a shirt that would reveal her femininity, and walked back to the bathroom. She placed it all on the sink, along with her cell phone, and the clothes she was wearing fell to the floor. A few towels were already on the rack next to the shower and the water came out warm. No waiting.

Rowan stepped under the shower head, letting the hot water fall over her. There were only manly shampoos and conditioners, not to forget the soap, but it was better than nothing. At least she wouldn't smell like whiskey and Chinese food.

As the water washed over her, she thought of the large snake, the fact that it could have been calling her Hel. She thought of the temple she had often seen in her dreams, the whisper that may have been calling her Hel. She thought to her make-out session with Crowley and, when she was getting rough, how he called her Hel. That she remembered, but she didn't tell Crowley that she knew. He might have told the truth when he said he had gained her company, but she knew deep inside that she couldn't quite trust him. He's a demon; it seemed stupid to trust him regardless of his help and friendship, if she could call it that.

It would seem she's Hel, Ruler of the realm of the dead.

But she felt like Rowan McKinley.

After about twenty minutes of standing under the hot water, thinking about everything she's come to learn, she could feel the heaviness of those sleeping pills. She turned off the water and dried herself and her hair. Looking at herself in the mirror, she wasn't really sure if she still was Rowan McKinley. She appeared to be the same, but nothing was the same.

Rowan got dressed, looking at her shirt in the mirror. Yeah, it was clear that she was attracted to Crowley if she was trying to show off her assets. She hurried up before she was too tired and collapsed on the floor. She left the towels and her clothes, walking back to her bedroom so she could sleep.

The second her head hit the pillow, her eyes closed and she fell into a deep slumber.