Emma

Chapter 6

A/N: This is told entirely from Felicity's POV. It hurt getting into her character's mind and writing this, but I am happy about how it turned out. I hope the bittersweet touches your heart.

Felicity stared at Emma's photograph on her computer screen. How could she not have seen it before?

That afternoon at the exhibit, she had spoken with the little girl for just about thirty minutes. She had noticed some similarities in the way that she and Emma talked and thought, but she hadn't really noticed the similarities in their physical attributes. The color of their eyes and the contour of their noses were identical, and so were the shape of their lips and their smile. Emma had inherited almost everything from Felicity's face, but the color of her hair and the way she frowned were unmistakably from the very person that Felicity had tried to delete from her memory in the last seven years.

At the thought, her stomach recoiled. Her brain switched to autopilot, for she had managed to train her mind to change gears whenever a memory surfaced of the guy she regretted trusting once upon a time. Felicity closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them again, she fixed her gaze on the little girl on the screen.

Her little girl.

It had taken Felicity some time to process what had been so unexpectedly and unintentionally revealed during her encounter with Oliver and Emma. A week had already passed, a week of teary-eyed musings and sudden emotional outbursts whenever she was alone.

At work, Cisco had called her attention about her spacing out three times in the last few days. Caitlyn had asked her the other day if she was okay and told her that if she needed someone to talk to, she could come to her. If Ray had noticed her acting weirdly in the past week, he hadn't said anything. Not yet, at least. Ray had always been the understanding and I'll-give-you-the-space-you-need kind of guy, not to mention patient. If she wasn't laden with the burdens of the past, she would have already moved on with her life with him.

But how could she move on with her life? How could she put the past behind her, when for the last seven years she had wondered from time to time where her child was? Had Emma been given a decent home? Was the family that adopted Emma treating her right?

She had tried to move on, but no matter how hard she tried, she was still stuck. It was especially difficult during holidays. It hurt whenever she chanced upon a mother and child playing in the park, or making a scene at the grocery, or blowing kisses at the airport or at the mall. There had been many times when she regretted giving her daughter up for adoption, second-guessing herself if she had indeed made the right decision. She had compared herself with her mother Donna, who hadn't given up on raising her when her father had walked out on them not long after her seventh birthday. Donna had made plenty of sacrifices to make both ends meet, just so that she could give Felicity a better chance at life. Needless to say, Felicity had blamed herself for being selfish, more times than she could count. However, the other voice in her head had always won. "What were you supposed to do? You were young and confused and hurt and broken. You wouldn't have been able to raise her on your own and guide her on the right path in that condition." Loving Emma had meant letting go. There was no choice to make.

The inward battle in her mind had only intensified since last week's incident. And this time, Felicity hadn't been able to shake it off. Her thoughts constantly drifted to the little girl's pretty face and sunny disposition. Felicity wanted to know more about how her daughter had turned out the way she did, to know how she was doing at the moment. Thirty minutes was not enough to know for sure that Emma was really doing fine. After a couple of days of contemplating on whether or not she should look into Emma's history, this morning she had decided to go for it. A little sleuthing here, and a little hacking there couldn't hurt, she had thought, especially when she had the necessary skill set for it.

Felicity was relieved and satisfied with what she had found so far. She found civil registry records and legal documents. She learned that Moira Dearden Queen had kept her ex-husband's surname after the divorce. Moira had also kept the given first name of the child that she adopted and petitioned the judge to include in the adoption papers that Emma's middle name be Smoak, and her surname be Queen.

Felicity gasped, overwhelmed by the discovery. Moira had visited the half-way house quite a few times when she had lived there, asking to see her, but she had refused, telling the Steeles that she didn't want to see anyone, not even people who claimed to be family. She should have known that Moira would not give up that easily. Her mother's best friend had always been persistent about the things that mattered and the things she wanted. Felicity knew that Moira genuinely cared, having treated her like a daughter, especially after her father had abandoned her and Donna, and even more so when she and Oliver had gotten together in high school. Felicity had been relieved when Moira stopped coming, but she hadn't considered the possibility that Moira would return eventually and be interested in adopting Emma. On hindsight, she realized it was something that Moira Queen would do to honor Donna's memory. Felicity didn't like that the child she had given up had ended up with the man she had tried to forget all these years; nevertheless, she couldn't bring herself to resent Moira for what she had done.

Emma Smoak Queen. Her daughter's name. She whispered it unknowingly as she read through the digital files, and it gave her goosebumps.

There was a time in her life when she had daydreamed about what it would be like if she and Oliver did end up married and started a family of their own. She'd known that they were too young to be thinking about those things, but because she loved him so much and had thought of sharing the rest of her life with no one but him, she had allowed herself to dream. One of those dreams was naming their future daughter Emma Smoak Queen – a dream shattered because she had been too foolish to trust an arrogant bastard like Cooper Seldon during a time in her life when she'd gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd in college, and when she'd been far away from Oliver and feeling quite lonely and homesick while on her junior year.

Once again, her brain shifted gears, and just as she had trained herself to develop the habit, Felicity pushed the ugly thought away.

Choosing rather to focus on Emma, she continued her search. She found her little girl's school records and learned that Emma had also inherited her smarts. Emma's grades from preschool to first grade were impressive. She was the youngest in her class, having entered first grade when she was five. She was diagnosed as gifted at age six, having an above-average IQ just like Felicity. Upon the recommendation of her teachers and principal, Oliver had transferred her from public school to a small, pioneering school for gifted kids. It was the only school of its kind in Starling Town and in that part of the state, and as such, tuition there was costly, which explained why Emma had described Oliver as always working hard at the ranch and not having much of a social life.

A tear escaped the corner of her eye and rolled down her cheek. Felicity was mighty proud of how her baby girl had turned out. She only wished she had been there to witness all of Emma's firsts and all of Emma's achievements, so far. She wiped away the tear from her cheek as a contented smile bloomed on her face.

One of these days she would find out where Moira's grave was, drive down to Starling, and thank her. No one had to know.

Felicity also thought of thanking Oliver for doing a really fine job of raising Emma. But, that was something she wasn't ready to do just yet. The mere thought of being in the same room with him again made it difficult for her to breathe. Perhaps one day she'd get to that point when she could handle such a meeting, but that day was definitely not in the near future.

One nagging thought in particular kept Felicity unsettled, though. Based on their encounter, Emma clearly had no idea who she was. It seemed that her family never told Emma about her. But did Oliver know that she was Emma's birth mother, or had Moira brought this secret to the grave? If Oliver knew, how long had he known? Had he known from the beginning and still had taken on the responsibility of raising Emma? Why had he not told Emma about her? Why had he not reached out to her?

The answers to those questions were a mystery to her, and Felicity hated mysteries. However, this was one mystery that she'd probably just have to learn to live with, for she could not – would not – risk getting hurt all over again. She still wasn't ready to face Oliver. His life would be less complicated without her. She wasn't willing to consider getting-to-know her child. Emma would be better off not knowing about her. Things like this were best left to the way they were.

Felicity took a deep breath to calm herself. Her phone rang, and when she looked at the screen, she saw Ray Palmer's name blinking. She could always count on Ray to cheer her up.

A/N: What would you do if you were in Felicity's shoes? Let me know what you think of this chapter. Oliver's POV is up next.