Chapter 3: Make the Most of Time

My return to school is a great success, and I am overjoyed to see my friends again. Although Lindsay, Ally and Elody are thrilled that I am going to be OK, there is a strange frostiness that comes over them when I try to join my two worlds together, by inviting my boyfriend and Juliet Sykes to join our table. Lindsay stares at me as if I have just expressed a desire to become a ballerina, so to defuse any more awkwardness, I choose to sit with my lover and Juliet at our own separate table, and I try to ignore the jilted glares that Lindsay is most definitely sending into the back of my head.

Every couple of weeks, I have to go to the hospital for a check-up on my progress since the accident. Kent more or less insists that he be present for as many of these as possible, until one morning in May, I have to practically beg him to sit this latest Friday appointment out.

"Take some time for yourself," I tell him in the parking lot.

He frowns with concern. "You'll be at my place afterwards?" Both sets of our parents have agreed that we can have sleepovers now that I am stronger, though no one knows of our tete-a-tete lovemaking from several weekends before.

"Of course. The moment it's over," I promise. I kiss him goodbye, and hop into my mom's car.

My doctor and I go through the routine procedures I have become accustomed to, along with a few new ones whose purpose I am uncertain about. Dr. Sanjay then leaves the room for close to 45 minutes, before returning.

"Ms. Kingston, in reviewing your internal organs and their repairs, I have come across two startling developments. First: you are about eight weeks pregnant. Congratulations."

I gape and my mother draws a hand to her mouth in disbelief. She is surely ready to demand an explanation, and I will give her an honest one, but for now...

"Second: we have discovered several masses growing throughout your body. We believe we are looking at Stage 4 breast cancer, and that the aggression of these growths was accelerated due to your accident."

I gulp. Just when I thought that my change had granted me a second chance at life, there is now the distinct possibility that I will die a slower, painful death, even with treatment. And all while now carrying a new life inside of me. Kent's baby. Happiness and despair go to war in my heart, and a single tear rolls down my cheek. Though I nod my head bravely.

"Thank you, Doctor. I wish to begin treatment immediately, for the sake of the baby. I will inform... inform the father." I am now in a race against time, and I will fight to stay alive long enough to give my child a fighting chance.

"Of course," Dr. Sanjay agrees, and he leaves. My mother and I lock gazes.

"Is it Kent's?" she whispers.

"Yes," I whisper brokenly back. Wordlessly, we depart the hospital, and speed towards the McFuller house. I have to tell him - all of it.

The house is deserted when I get there, but I encourage Mom to go home, trusting that wherever Kent is, it is close by and that he will return in due course. Silently, I slip into my boyfriend's bedroom and nestle in his bed, smiling fondly as I recall how he found me here that one February 12th, after I had sex with Rob. How Kent put me to bed and soothed me to sleep.

I must drift off, for I am awoken by the door opening, and hear Kent's sharp intake of surprise when he finds me in his bed. The sheets rustle as he crawls in next to me as softly as he dares and brushes his lips against my cheek.

"Hi," I whimper drowsily.

"Hey. Didn't want to wake you." He notices the smile across my face. "What are you so happy about?"

"My baby," I murmur.

"Oh, I should hope so! I always make you happy..."

I shake my head. "No, I mean my baby."

Kent laughs shakily a little bit, still not understanding. "Who?"

"My baby," I beam. "I want her to look like you."

Kent looks like he has just about swallowed his tongue. "Her? I... Are... are you serious?"

I nod, still grinning like a cat. "I'm eight weeks along. And I'm keeping it. I... I consider it an honor. To be the mother of your child."

Silence. Then, in the next second, Kent is practically tackling me, whooping. And then he is kissing me, again and again.

"I love you!" he rambles, over and over again.

"Kent... Mmm... Kent, wait..." I placate between kisses. "There's something else."

"Yeah?" He is gazing at me eagerly, and I bite my lip. It was not an easy decision, to give him the good news before the bad, but I figured the baby might cushion the blow.

"I also have cancer. Stage 4 breast."

Kent sits back on his heels, mouth moving silently like a fish. He looks like he wants to say something, so I plow on before he gets the chance. "The doctor thinks the accident exacerbated the growths and their aggression. I'm to start treatment as soon as possible, but I don't know..." I gulp. "If I can fight it off. I intend to until the baby is born, but all bets are off as to whether I can even get there."

Kent folds his hands together, almost like he is praying, pursing his lips in deep thought. His brow is furrowed and his eyes are intense, a look I have seen when he is drawing and one I have come to appreciate.

"What should we do?" he finally asks.

"Marry me," I blurt out impulsively.

Now, Kent nearly falls off the bed.

"What?"

I gulp. "If I am fated to die..."

"You are not going to die -"

"I want to do it as your wife. And hopefully the mother of our child." My boyfriend must still look unconvinced, so I tearfully reach for him, begging. "Please, Kent. Will you marry me?"

There is a long pause. At last, he speaks.

"I want to do right by you. By all... three of us. Yes. Of course I will marry you."

And we seal our engagement with a kiss.

Ridgeview and Washington State are pretty liberal on most issues. But one thing you will find that is stridently conservative, even traditionalist, about us is how to deal with unplanned pregnancy. Whenever possible, if you get pregnant, get married. Oh, abortion clinics do exist, and I know plenty of girls at Jefferson High who have terminated their babies quite easily, but that was a route I never considered.

It is only weeks after Kent and I get engaged that we hold our wedding in the very same church my parents got married in. The guest list is small - my girlfriends, Juliet and Izzy serving as bridesmaids. A few of Kent's friends round out the groomsmen. My parents, his parents and that's it. Word will spread through the school quickly enough come Monday. Only Kent's and my parents know about the cancer diagnosis, and that it is an even stronger factor in our desire to get married than the baby is. I am still racking my brain for how to broach it with the girls (Juliet included), never mind Izzy.

When the minister pronounces us husband and wife, Kent and I shyly kiss like two kids in love, to much applause. With the help of Lindsay's phone, the reception starts almost immediately, with lively music.

Waltzing around in my husband's arms, I cannot get over how dashing he is, the outfit complete with - of course! - a bowler hat. Resting my head on his chest, I lose myself in this moment, as one of the songs I selected comes over the speakers:

"Child and a fool in one. So sure I could need no one. My heart always on the run to nowhere. Now, as you're holding me, my heart is reminding me that I could never be without you... And so I appeal to you... to keep me suspended in time with you. Don't let this moment die! I get a feeling when I'm with you, none of the rules apply. But I know for certain goodbye is a crime, so, love, if you need me, suspend me in time... In time..."

Another slow song begins to play. Its beauty makes me frown, for it doesn't seem like Lindsay's style.

"I picked this one," Kent explains. "Stephen Schwartz really is the greatest composer alive."

I giggle. "Really?"

He nods, and we sway softly to the tune.

"In whatever time we have, for as long as we are living, we can face whatever comes, if we face it now as one. I could make it on my own, but we know that I don't have to. No one really wants to be alone, in whatever time we have. If at times we are afraid, with so little to believe in, it's all right to feel afraid. I will hold you in the dark. All we know for sure is this: though the world could end tomorrow, you and I will be together in whatever time we have. In whatever time we have, for as long as we are living, we know life can be a battlefield, but we won't run and we won't yield. You'll be my fortress and I will be your shield. No one really wants to be alone, in whatever time we have. There are times I've been afraid, in a world that's so uncertain, then I feel your hand in mine, and there's courage in my heart. We could live a hundred years, or the world could end tomorrow, but we know we'll be together in whatever time we have. From this day forward, nights won't seem so black! From this day forward, we will never look back. In whatever time we have, we will make the most of time, and at least we'll be together in whatever time we have..."