Emma

Chapter 10

More than seven years ago...

"Do you really have to go back?" Oliver asked her. "I don't think I can take another year without you here."

Felicity said nothing in response as she sat between his bent legs on the dew-damp grass under the shade of a tree. It was "their tree," in the woods at the edge of the Queens' ranch. She had been leaning back against his chest with her eyes closed, savoring the feeling of his warmth enveloping almost her entire body while he rubbed his palms up and down her arms. This was home - something that she had missed and craved for in the past year as a freshman at MIT.

They had pulled their savings together just to get her home for the summer and then back to college in the fall. With her mother gone, Felicity had to keep her grades up in order to maintain her scholarship. That wasn't the hard part, though. Adjusting to university culture in the east coast and feeling homesick were the tougher hurdles of living alone for the first time in her life. Starling Town had been her world. The Queens were her family, and she was so thankful that she had them in her life.

Of course, Felicity knew the answer to his question. She just wasn't ready to say goodbye a second time. So, she sat up straight and rested her forearms on her bent knees. She felt Oliver's disappointment at the loss of contact.

"Sorry, that was a stupid question," he apologized. He sat up and leaned forward against her back, wrapping his arms around her midsection. "I'm really going to miss you. Again," he told her.

This time, she spoke to acknowledge his feelings, and to let him know that she felt the same way, maybe worse. She felt bad that she had to leave home to follow her dreams. She felt worse that she had to leave him behind, but she knew that Oliver was happy at the ranch and very much content taking up his college courses at the community college.

"Me, too," she said. "Freshman year was hard. I miss my mom all the time. And I know you're just a text or phone call away, but... It's not the same. I don't even know how I made it through ten months without you. You know I don't make friends that easily, not even when the good majority of folks at MIT are as smart as I am."

"Nobody's as smart as you are," Oliver complimented her as he began to kiss the back of her ear.

She chuckled. He wasn't sure if it was because of his compliment or because the kisses he was now peppering down her neck made her feel tingly all over. But there were two things he was quite sure of: that the sound of her laughter was music to his ears, and that he was so going to miss that about her when she leaves for Boston again the next day.

They stayed like that for a while. Quiet. Peaceful. The only sounds to be heard were the light gasps she made each time his lips found the ticklish spots on her nape and shoulder.

She finally broke the silence when he asked, "Do you think there's a chance you could come visit?"

"Felicity, you know that if I had the money, Boston is the first place I'd be headed to," Oliver replied enthusiastically. She looked over her shoulder to gaze at him appreciatively, but he had buried his face in the crook of her heck, nuzzling against the blonde locks there. She tilted her head sideways towards him, so that her temple rested on his forehead. His arms tightened their hold around her waist as he lifted his head to whisper in her ear. "But getting you back here for Christmas and next summer is my priority. Okay?"

Felicity nodded in agreement, and then she whispered, "I love you."

"I know you do."

"I can't say it enough."

"Just remember who said it first."

She smiled affectionately as she turned in his embrace to face him. She was waiting for him to say it - those three precious words - and he knew it as he looked into her eyes.

Oliver had been the first one to declare his love, during his senior year and her junior year in high school, but he hadn't said it a second time. He knew that she had been dying to hear it again ever since she'd agreed to his proposition that they redefine their friendship and take their relationship to the next level. When she left for Boston last Fall, he'd been too emotional to say it at the airport even when he had wanted to; it had been the first time she'd seen him cry, so she hadn't pushed him to say the words after her. This time, though, he knew in his heart that she needed to hear him say those words again.

"I love you... no matter what." There, he'd said it. And she rewarded him with a passionate kiss that he would miss for months on end.

No matter what.

That was what Oliver had said. He had sounded so resolute, so sincere back then. However, the judgment in his eyes when his gaze fell from her anxious face to her baby bump that day in their house at the ranch - it had negated everything that his sweet declaration of love had once stood for. He had remained tense and stiff like a driftwood at the doorway to the kitchen across from where she had stood in the living room waiting for him. He had not said anything to her, hadn't asked a question, hadn't even asked how she was. He had just... stared. Pain and anger over an apparent betrayal had been written all over his face.

Felicity had known what must have been going on inside his head. It was exactly what she feared he would think, which was why it had taken her a few months to decide whether or not she should come home from Boston. Ever since she'd found out that she was pregnant, she wrestled with the thought of coming home, of facing her family, of facing him. How could she tell him? How would she even begin? She'd been so terrified that he would see her differently and never understand, never come to terms with her misery and his loss. The moment their gazes locked - hers of fear and shame, and his of disillusionment and rage - she had known that she'd been right to be afraid. Oliver walking away without saying a word had been the most painful experience in her life - more painful than the tragedy that had befallen her.

Reminiscing the past was not a pleasant exercise, but somehow she felt it in her bones that this was what she needed at the moment. She refolded the piece of paper with Cisco's handwriting and inserted it back into the hidden pocket of her mobile phone case. She would have turned back at the last exit before she'd seen the diner. It was still there. She knew that Starling Town would be the next exit, and she had felt the pangs of fear and doubt, which made her stop for coffee. It had done her good. Perhaps, her friends were right, she thought. Ever since Emma had so sweetly intruded into her life that afternoon in STAR Labs, memories from the past seven years had resurfaced piece by piece and had come to new light. Sure, it had been unnerving, suffocating at times. And yet, somehow it had been almost... cathartic.

Felicity left the diner and drove away, towards Starling Town.

No matter what.

Her friends had said the same thing to her for the past month or so. Finding out that Felicity had a daughter had been a shock to Cisco and Caitlyn, but they had taken it fairly well... after copious amounts of caffeine had flooded their system. They had kindly assured and reassured her that they were behind her all the way, encouraging her that knowing about how she'd given up her child to adoption did not change their friendship with her in any way. They told her that whatever her reasons were, they respected it and they did not think less of her. She appreciated that, even more so the fact that they did not pressure her to divulge all of her secrets to them.

Even Ray had taken the rather unexpected news quite calmly. The first thing Ray had said when she finally found the courage to tell him was, "Whoa... Suddenly everything about you that I couldn't put my finger on became very, very clear. No wonder you're allergic to committed relationships." He had meant it to be a joke, but Felicity wasn't trying to be funny. Like her, Ray also had the tendency to blurt out things without thinking - yet another one of the many reasons why she thought it would never work out between them, even when he had signified more than once that he was interested in more than a professional relationship with her ever since Dr. Wells had introduced them at a dinner party. (Her boss had thought that they were compatible, both having above-average IQs. Sadly, that was all that they had in common, other than their slightly off-tangent sense of humor and their dysfunctional brain-to-mouth filter.)

For the sake of their friendship, Felicity thought that she should open up and tell Ray once and for all why she would never commit to anything more than friendship as far as he was concerned. She thought she needed to tell him the truth about her past, and about her feelings for him, or rather, the absence of such. Ray had been heartbroken for a couple of weeks, but he wasn't the melancholic type of person that wallowed in self-pity and resented rejection. He had bounced back and reassured her of his friendship as well.

Ray was a good guy - almost like a Disney prince. But Felicity hadn't felt like much of a princess for a very long time, though she had dreamed of becoming a Queen for most of her life. She didn't think she deserved to be happy - not in that way, and certainly not after what she'd done and what she'd been through.

Felicity was grateful for the support of her friends. She felt that even Dr. Wells had had an inkling of what was going on in her personal life, but she had no way of knowing how much he knew about her. She was just thankful to have a job that she loved doing, wonderful friends to work with, and a boss who did not pressure her at work especially when her personal life was taking its toll on her emotionally and mentally.

She was not so grateful for unsolicited advice, however. She knew that Cisco, Caitlyn, and Ray meant well, and that they were concerned not just for her but also for the little girl that came to STAR Labs just to ask her something that she deemed important. Each time Caitlyn or Cisco mentioned anything remotely relevant to her making peace with her past, she'd try to evade the issue or to elude their remarks and "suggestions." Ray had even tried once to talk her into making the phone call and talking to Emma, but that had almost turned into a heated argument, so he hadn't tried again.

But the other day, Dr. Wells dropped a piece of paper on her desk. It was a signed form for a week-long vacation leave with pay. He practically ordered her to take the much-needed and well-earned break, telling her that she deserved some time for herself after the successful launch of yet another cyber-security software that she had developed for STAR Labs to use and market. Caitlyn had been there to witness it, and after Dr. Wells left Felicity's lab, her best friend had persuaded her to take the leave.

"Go home, Lis," Caitlyn told her with tough love and tender eyes. "This is about closure. You owe it to yourself, and to that sweet little girl. If you don't, that'll be the biggest regret of your life. You don't have to be in Emma's life if you really don't want to be, but at least give her the chance to get to know you - the one that you've become."

Felicity knew that her best friend was right. She'd have to face her fears so that she could finally move on with her life.

She drove past the sign welcoming her into Starling Town. It had been so long...

Fifteen minutes later, she drove through the archway into the ranch, uncertain of what kind of welcome awaited her there. After all, she was the one coming unannounced this time around.

A/N: Thank you again for reading this! I appreciate that you are still there, especially the Guests that I cannot reply to. :-)