Note: I have changed the weekday of the accident. Hope it doesn't confuse anyone...but otherwise everyone was at BPD on a Saturday instead of Friday...oops...so it all got pushed a day back. Accident Wednesday. Left hospital Thursday. Work Friday. It's only a story...but IMO major inaccuracies make stories feel less authentic.

Thanks for the comments...they are awesome! It's really interesting for me to hear the direction it feels like the story is taking from perspectives other than my own. So I do appreciate hearing what you think or feel is happening. I wrote the chapters out of order so I only really have the way the story is in my head...not how it reads. I think it's not as clear as I thought so I am sorry about that. I figured I'd do the flashbacks in reverse order making it a little like memento but maybe it only makes sense in my head. But then again...at the end of Memento I was like 'Wait...what?' and when I watched it again I was like 'ohhh...soo coooool'. So idk...maybe this is like memento...or maybe not. If it's 'not' I hope you forgive me. If you haven't seen Memento...go watch it already...one of the best movie ever.

There isn't much more to go and I still haven't written the end yet so keep the comments coming to help me figure out how to finish it... we are pretty close now so I hope you all stick with it because I think it'll be worth it. :)

Happy reading and much Love, Jam xx

CHAPTER 5

Maura steps through the open door into Jane's apartment and immediately see's Jane lying on the couch in a ball. Her eye's are open and she stares at the wall in front of her.

"Jane?" Maura whispers as she looks around the room for the cause of the distress.

"What the fuck." Jane whispers barely inaudable.

Maura carefully sits down beside Jane on the couch, reaching out to touch her shoulder, let her know she is there.

"Maur," Jane whispers after a minute, "I saw frost. I...he's alive...I mean...maybe...I don't know..."

"Frost passed away Jane." Maura says reaching over to push hair off Jane's face.

Jane turns to look up into Maura's eyes, "But...I saw him. And it wasn't a dream because he touched me...here."

Jane points to her shoulder, "His hand was warm. And he smiled at me. He talked to me."

"Jane?" Maura's voice is choked in concern and her brows are knitted together.

"Then he said that I was lost. That it wasn't the way it should be. What did he mean Maur?"

Maura swallows heavily, completely unsure how to handle this matter, so she moves closer instead placing her hand on Jane's forearm and strokes softly.

"Why do I feel this way?" Jane asks her eyes closed now.

"What way Jane?"

"I feel...I don't know...it feels, everything feels so wrong...I feel wrong."

Maura squeezes Jane's arm and shakes her head because she isn't quite sure how to answer.

Jane lifts her head and shifts over so her head slides onto Maura's lap, her hand on Maura's knee, and she lies there still shaking ever so slightly.

And Maura lets her, just lie there, like a child, eyes closed, hugging her legs ever so softly.

"How was it that I could see Frost?" Jane asks in a croaky whispered voice. Maura shakes her head softly and strokes Jane's back, "I don't know sweetie."

"He touched me."

They sit that way for a few moments, Jane still trying to make sense of her encounter and Maura trying to understand what happened and racking her mind for any literature on the topic.

Jane can't understand why she is acting this way, why hasn't sat up and make a sarcastic joke or laughed it off as something silly. She can't understand why her encounter with Frost had left her so shaken and confused. She wonders if it was even real, with all the flashbacks lately it could have been just a messed up dream.

And Maura can't understand why Jane is still clinging to her, but she also knows Jane deals with things in ways unknown to her and often surprising. Not knowing what else to do, Maura began stroking Jane's hair, running gentle fingers through tangled locks, so gently, massaging the scalp behind her temple on each pass.

Jane felt every movement of fingertips tickling her ear or stroking her temple or grazing her neck.

She finally feels like she exists for the first time in days. Like everything will somehow be ok. Like every touch keeps her grounded.

Frosts words still bounced around her head but she wasn't frightened by them anymore, she wasn't trying to understand what they meant anymore. She just enjoyed knowing that she was alive. She was ok. And Maura must forgive whatever stupid thing she did to be here comforting her.

"Something's changed" Jane muses against Maura's leg almost making Maura jump since she thought Jane had fallen asleep.

"I- What do you mean Jane?"

"I'm not, um, sure. It feels like things...things have been...off."

Maura stokes Jane's hair again in thought herself, old feelings rising up inside her, "Well, you almost died Jane."

"I know." Jane whispers, "But it's...something else."

"No one else in that crash made it. Sometimes that just changes things. Changes your perspective. Your priorities. How you view the world..."

Jane plays with her bottom lip between her teeth, "Maybe no-one was meant to make it."

Maura's voice begins to break, "When I got the call...I was so confused...scared. I thought the worst but couldn't bear to believe it."

"I'm sorry." Jane whispers pressing a kiss to Maura's knee although Maura doesn't notice.

"Why were you even there Jane, on that highway? Why did you leave the conference early?"

Maura almost sounds angry and Jane can understand why. It's not the first time Maura has been angry at her being in danger, only for the first time it isn't her fault...hopefully. "I don't really remember. I tried to call you though but I can't remember why."

Maura's hand pauses on Jane's hair and she sighs loudly, sadly.

Jane sits up slowly and looks at Maura, "How can I find out?"

Maura presses her lips together almost like she is holding back a smile, "You're the detective Jane.".

Jane rolls her eyes before smiling back, "Thanks, I think."

Maura smiles softly but it doesn't reach her eyes, "I'm sorry I didn't answer my phone Jane."

Jane nods, "I'm meant to be the one saying sorry, I'm meant to be making it up to you."

"Not today." Maura says with a smile, "Another time. Ok?"

"Sure." Jane whispers.

"Do you want to stay at my place tonight?" Maura offers.

Jane shakes her head, "No. Thank you though, I think I need to do some detecting."

"Ok." Maura goes to stand up but changes her mind and pulls Jane into a hug, kissing her temple. Jane doesn't pull away or say anything.

Then Maura pulls away suddenly, "Get some rest Jane. I'll see you in the morning."

"For our run."

"Oh...yes...I had forgotten. For our run." Maura says as she leaves pulling the door slowly shut behind her.

It takes all of five minutes for Jane to obtain the list of employees and participants of the annual police up-skilling training conference as well as the group she was placed with and shared quarters with for the week long event. She barely remembers the conference, it feels like it was 5 years ago. She didn't make any friends there. She didn't like being there. She remembers that more as a feeling than a thought.

There was only Ralph's name that meant anything, but he worked at a different station in Boston. That's how they knew each other.

It takes an additional fifteen minutes for her to remember which classes she attended and get her scores or attendances for the classes. She had aced the self-defence lessons on Monday. She vaguely remembered the weapons class. The score for assembling and firing was high. There was a discussion about the new semi-automatics that had been illegally distributed around the cities and also the latest police issue tasers and non-combat weapons. Another class on Kevlar uses and new department gear had bored her slightly. Tuesday night class was on profiling, she remembers that class, she remembers it triggered some memories. She also remembers that the advisor looked a little bit like Susie Chang which gave her goosebumps.

She had not made any classes on Wednesday, not one. And the crash was Wednesday evening.

Something had caused her to leave on Wednesday morning. She just couldn't put her finger on what.

She leans back in her chair and closes her eyes trying to remember anything after the Tuesday night session and the Susie Chang lookalike. Susie Chang always made her think of Maura. The senior criminologist idolized Maura. But Susie died. Susie died and Maura had to see her dead. Susie had broken protocol when Maura was away to help her solve a case. Maura was not at all happy about any sort of unscientific guessing.

Jane smiles at the memory. She even remembered when the new baby, the mass spectrometer, arrived at the lab. Susie had been an integral part of the team at one point. The Susie lookalike woman trainer had looked straight at her at one point and had made her feel very nervous. Uncomfortable. She had stared at her like she was completely out of place. Jane had rubbed her hands together and looked away. But that look she got at the conference was almost like the one Susie gave her when she had asked her to guess and Maura could hear them. A look of disappointment mingling with fear. No...a warning. An omen of sorts. That lookalike Susie had warned her that something was wrong. Or reminded her. She remembered now.

"Ma?"

"Janie. Are you ok?"

"Yeah Ma. I need to ask you something?"

"Aren't you at the police conference?"

"I am. I'm just about to go to the morning session. Ma, what's the name of Maura's boyfriend?"

"What? Maura doesn't have a boyfriend."

"That guy she was seeing?"

"I think Tony is just a friend Jane."

"Whatever...what's his last name Ma?"

"Uh...I think it's Colgrate. He was at some function Maura went to a few weeks back. Why Jane?"

"I'm running a background check on him."

"Jane...you shouldn't"

"I have a feeling Ma. I saw him once and I had a bad feeling...but I...I..."

"What Jane?"

"We did a class on profiling last night...and then I had a bad dream...he was...not a good guy."

"Why don't you just ask Maura about him?"

"I can't Ma. She...I...things aren't good right now."

"What did you do Janie?"

"Oh my god."

"What Jane? What?"

"Ma I have to call you back."

"Ja-"

"If you hurt her I'll kill you." Jane spits venomously to the picture on the screen.

She bites her lip hard and tastes the blood. She is angry. Beyond angry. Her blood is halfway between boiling and chilled. She skims the long record on his rap sheet.

"Tony you prick" Jane almost screams as she slams her laptop shut hard and pulls out her phone to call Maura.

That uncomfortable feeling had become pure panic. That something was going to happen. She didn't know what or when but she knew she had to find out and stop it.

She checked her phone, there was one outgoing call to her mother at 8:50am Wednesday that lasted only a few minutes followed by several outgoing calls to Maura that were so short they can't have been answered. Another call to her Ma that lasted a few minutes. Another bunch of short outgoing calls to Maura, and many missed incoming calls shortly after the accident.

The outgoing calls to her mother is the only thing that interests her. She checks it's not too late before she dials her mother's number and presses the phone to her ear.

"Ma."

"Who's this?"

"Ma. It's me...its Jane."

"Oh Janie. How are you?"

"I'm fine Ma. Listen. I need to ask you something."

"Sure baby. What is it?"

"I um...I called you on the day of the crash."

"Did you baby? I don't remember."

Jane scratches her head. It's her only lead and she needs something.

"Yeah Ma. On that Wednesday. In the morning and again shortly before lunchtime."

"Ok?"

"Ma. I really need you to try and remember what I called you about. I called twice. What did we...um...talk about."

"Sure baby. Let me think. Wednesday. I had a cooking class in the morning. Then I went to the Robber. My shift started at 1pm but Vince had a case so I went in early. One of the shipments came in early. Around eleven. I was the only one there so I had to lock the front door to deal with it. Then...oh yes...my phone rang on the bar."

"Right Ma. I called you. What happened next?"

"Well, oh yeah...you called to say you couldn't get hold of Maura and did I know where she was. I told you she was at work. You said she didn't answer her phone and I said I didn't think anything was wrong and I said maybe it's because she was working."

"Anything else?"

"I don't think so."

"Oh." Jane rubs her face. It doesn't gel with her memories, but maybe her memories are wrong.

"Oh wait..."

"What Ma?"

"You called earlier that morning asking about Maura's friend. When you called later I told you I remembered that Maura was going to see him again. You...you sounded really stressed. Then later...Maura called me to tell me you were at the hospital but you were ok. I was so scared baby."

"I know Ma. I'm sorry. But...who is Maura's friend?"

"You really don't remember calling me do you?"

"Sorry...no I don't Ma. Who is Maura's friend?"

"Tony Colgrate."

"Tony." Jane mimicks remembering the name from a memory and with it the same panic she felt then.

He's a criminal. Fuck...he's a damn rapist.

"Tony Colgrate."

Jane pushes her face into her hand and bites her tongue to stay calm. It works. Although her hands ball into fists uncontrollably.

"Janie?"

"Thanks Ma."

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah. I love you. I have to go."

Jane disconnects the call.

Tony Colgrate.

She opens her laptop and does a department search of him. The same search is in her history...from Wednesday.

Tony Henry Colgrate Junior. Age 44.

The DMV picture on the file looks familiar. It almost sparks a memory but not quite. She wonders if she met him.

The name itself came with a long rap sheet, far to long for him to be within a mile radius of Maura or work in any of her circles.

Most of the reports were old and in other states, but a few of the reports that charges weren't pressed were more recent. Most were women claiming some degree of physical foulplay. Rape.

In her search a newspaper article of some lottery win came up as well with his name attached. Three million win. No wonder he had been able to disguise his life from crime to a more prestigious one. To role-play into someone that could almost be in Maura's league. She wondered what Maura saw in him. He was ok looking...he must be one hell of a charmer.

But why didn't Jane just have him picked up. Why didn't she send an officer to protect Maura. Why had Maura not answered Jane's calls that day. Why hadn't Jane been able to tell Maura that she might be in danger.

Jane picks up her phone and dials Maura's cellphone.

"Jane?"

"Maur. I need to talk to you ask you something. Why didn't you answer your phone?"

"Honey. I just did. It's 12:30am...why are you still up?"

Jane glances at her clock surprised it is so late, "No...not today Maur...that day...the day of the accident...the pile up. I called a bunch of times...but you-you didn't answer. Why?"

There is a long silence at the other end.

"Maura?"

"Does it matter Jane?"

"Yeah, Maur, it matters. I need to know."

"I...I..."

"You'll get hives if you lie."

"We fought Jane. We had a fight on the Saturday before you left...I...I didn't think you'd...I...I'm sorry...you were so angry and I wasn't ready to deal with it...I couldn't speak to you...not over the phone. I...I figured we would sort it out when you got back...and then...then you were in hospital and you didn't say anything...and it was like a fresh start, like it never happened and it didn't matter anymore because it was silly in the first place and you almost died...but I had you back and everything was ok."

Jane scowls her face up, not that Maura can see it, "The fight was my fault." It's not a question. "What did we fight about?"

"It doesn't matter now Jane." Maura mumbles weakly rolling into her pillow.

"I need to know Maur."

"Jane...please. Please just let me be happy you're alive and we're friends again...please let's not do this again...can't you let it be...I don't want you to hate me again."

"I could never hate you Maur. But I need to know. I need to know why I left that conference early."

There is a pause while Maura processes this.

"Jane, It's more likely you would have stayed away longer than come back early. Whatever brought you back wasn't about that. It wasn't about me...us."

"Don't I deserve to know what happened."

Maura sighs, "Maybe."

"Maur?"

Silence.

"I'm on my way over."

"No." Jane can hear that Maura is crying, "Please don't do that."

Jane pushes the current frustration and anger she feels down and softens her voice, "Why Maura? Why shouldn't I come over?"

Jane can hear Maura physically hold back a sob.

Jane still struggles to put all the current puzzle pieces together but something tells her that the fight and this Tony guy are somehow connected.

"Maura. What were your plans for that Wednesday night?"

The next sob is stalled by a sniff and a loud swallow. She is sure Maura is frowning. "What?"

"If you hadn't had to go to the hospital because of me?"

Silence.

Jane grabs her keys and jacket and heads for the door, "Stay where you are."

...to be continued...