Emma

Chapter 13

"That was delicious, wasn't it?" Emma said a tad bit too enthusiastically, to compliment her older brother's cooking before their special guest at the dinner table. "Ollie makes the best pumpkin soup in the world!" she added, bragging to Felicity.

Oliver chuckled, his cheeks coloring pink with a blush. "I make the only pumpkin soup in the world that you eat," he corrected his little girl. Turning to Felicity, he said, "It's Raisa's recipe."

"I thought so. I kind of remember," Felicity remarked. "How is Raisa?"

"Oh, she's good, from the last time we spoke on the phone. When Mom passed away, she decided to go back to her family in Russia and take care of her grandchildren," Oliver replied.

"I see," Felicity said, nodding once. "I also see that you've learned some skills in the kitchen," she said, teasing him mildly.

"I did. By force of necessity. It isn't easy to feed, not one but two younger sisters with voracious appetites real food of the healthy kind," he explained, winking at Emma.

"Well, the rest of dinner sure tastes good." It was Felicity's turn to compliment his culinary achievement. Small smiles were exchanged between them; both of them acknowledging the fact that they were simply being civil to each other.

But Emma was grinning from ear to ear. She was happy about the presence of their visitor. And it wasn't just because Thea's chair wasn't empty that night. (She sorely missed her big sister, who had moved to Central City two weeks ago for her new job.) It was also because having her real mother in their home had been a month-long dream come true.

After supper, Felicity offered to help either with the dishes or with tidying up the dinner table and the kitchen. Oliver politely declined her offer, saying that he had it covered. When he absent-mindedly put on the pink, ruffled apron with pony and unicorn prints, Felicity could not help but laugh out loud this time.

"What?" Oliver turned around and asked, oblivious to the unintentional entertainment he was unknowingly giving her. He had gotten so used to doing house chores without anyone ever calling him out on how domesticated he looked while doing them.

"You look…" she began to say, pointing to the apron he was wearing, "…certifiably and positively domesticated." She tried to stifle another laugh, but she failed.

"Is that so?" he asked with a glint in his eye.

"Mm-hmm…" she replied, a bit more shyly this time, now that he was now staring at her with an amused look. "And the scruff… It's very… It looks good on you." She wasn't lying. She hadn't really wanted to dwell on seeing him again when she made the decision to come, but his handsome appearance hadn't escaped her notice.

Oliver grinned. "Thank you. I could grow the beard a little now. Emma hated it when she was a toddler. Wouldn't let me kiss her if I didn't shave," he said, chuckling. "You, on the other hand, look certifiably and positively corporate, Ms. Smoak. It suits you," he remarked with apparent fondness. It was a pleasant thought that even if they had both changed radically over the years, somehow they were still capable of connecting by kidding around, like they used to, every single day.

But then he looked straight into her eyes as his mood suddenly turned sentimental, like he was remembering something in the past that he regretted but did not want to bring up. Felicity sensed his sudden mood change and somehow picked up on what he was thinking. She didn't know why, but it scared her that she could still read him like a book, after all these years.

As if on cue, she instinctively spoke. "Seven years ago, you wouldn't have said the same thing." She dropped her gaze and stared at the tiled kitchen floor, regretting that she had just said those words. She feared that she might have just ruined the evening. Especially when she realized that Emma was still sitting at the table within earshot.

"You're not coming home for Christmas?" Oliver asked. It was a question, but it certainly sounded like a protest. The second the last word left his mouth, he knew it was a mistake. His girlfriend had repeatedly told him over the past few years that they'd gotten together that raising his voice was not going to work with her.

"No." Felicity's volume almost matched his. She was clearly keeping herself from yelling at him over the phone.

"Why not?"

"I'll be very busy."

"With what? Your classes will be done in a few days."

"I have a coding project. With some of my… friends… from the org. I told you I joined one. Remember?"

She had told him about the group that she had joined at the beginning of the Fall semester of her sophomore year. But in first few weeks since she'd hung out with her IT "friends," she had discovered that they were not like most student organizations. Hacktivists. That's how they preferred to be called.

All she had wanted to do was to put her skill set to good use, and the org had promised unique opportunities to "change the world for the better." That was the cliché that Myron had sold her. She had also thought it to be a good distraction, and she'd been right, in the beginning. Not only had joining the org helped her cope with life on campus far away from the only home she'd known all her life; pouring her time and talent into the cerebral challenges that the hacktivists offered had also gotten her mind off Starling Town, and her heart off Oliver Queen. She had thought that she could drown out the fact that she missed her mom, and boyfriend, so much that it hurt, literally – body and mind. Loneliness had crept in, and the only way she thought she could handle the stress of college life for another year, among strange people immersed in a completely different pop culture, was to belong to such a group that stimulated her mind and rekindled her passion. Except now, it got harder and harder for her to say 'no' to questionable stuff that they coaxed her into doing. It did not take Felicity long to realize that she had made a huge mistake. That was an important detail in her life that she was too afraid to tell Oliver.

"And that project is more important than spending time with family? We've always been together for the holidays… since we were kids," Oliver countered. He couldn't imagine celebrating Christmas without her.

He was clearly frustrated, bordering on infuriated. He loved his family, and Felicity had become very much a part of that family, especially when Donna passed away and Felicity had moved in with the Queens. He wanted them together on special occasions like always. He also loved and missed his girlfriend. He couldn't get why Felicity wouldn't come home this time, when she was perfectly excited to come home the previous year when she was a freshman.

"Of course not!" she finally exploded.

She took a deep breath to try to compose herself, and then she backed down a little. "I mean, a coding project is not on the same level of importance as family. But it is an important project that a lot of people can benefit from. Not everybody gets the kind of break I've been given. It's my way of giving back. It's important to me. I… I really hope you can understand that." She cringed at the lie she told. She had never lied to Oliver, not until that point. She was really in big trouble.

In all fairness, that was all she could say – rather, all she was allowed to say. It was not just any coding project; it was really more like a hacking job, which Myron and Cooper had tricked her into doing, under the guise of helping financially challenged college students with their loans and tuition obligations. At first, she wasn't sure that she was comfortable with the idea of hacking MIT's system, but Myron and Cooper had been persistent. They'd tried to win her over into doing it when they appealed to her for their sake, because they had found out (from a reliable source, as they claimed) that the scholarship committee was deliberating about cutting down board and lodging support for upper classmen scholars like them. But when Felicity saw through the inconsistencies and the lies, she had begged off. Both Myron and Cooper were outraged, so they coerced her into going through with the hack during the holiday break by blackmailing her for the other shady coding projects she had already done for the org and threatening to tip off school authorities. She regretted joining the hackers, and she regretted trusting Myron and Cooper even more.

Oliver stopped pushing Felicity. In the past few weeks, he had noticed her changing. Her texts and calls had gotten shorter and more infrequent, sometimes even impersonal. It was as if she'd been distancing herself from him and her past life. What was going on? Now she wasn't planning on coming home for Christmas. The ugly thought that she might have met someone else in Boston was the malice that he had begun to wrestle with, and he'd been winning a few battles against it. He only wished she'd tell him what was really wrong, so that he could win the war. Unfortunately, that day wasn't the day that was going to happen. She had just asked him to understand what was so important to her, so that was exactly what he was going to do. He couldn't let insecurity get the better of him, but he knew it was creeping in.

"Okay, okay," replied Oliver. "I haven't bought you a ticket yet, since you kept putting off the subject of coming home for Christmas. The rates are higher now, but I think I can still manage to be the one to see you. Is it okay if I come and vis-"

"Oliver…" Felicity interrupted him, "save the money for when I come home in the summer. We can take a much-needed vacation. Moira and Thea can even come along. I think that's a much better use for your hard-earned money."

Oliver wanted to think that she had sincerely meant well, but she didn't sound convinced herself. It felt as if she didn't want to see him, for some strange reason. They had been best friends longer than they'd been in love with each other, and Felicity not wanting to be near him was something grievously foreign. It broke his heart.

It broke his heart because for the first time in his life, he started to feel like he was losing her. Maybe not to another guy, but to a life she had only dreamed of in her childhood – a career involving science, technology, and the Internet, things that he had only convinced himself to tolerate and then learned to appreciate because he cared about her deeply. They'd discussed it on some superficial level a few times during the summer before she went back to Boston for her sophomore year – him planning on expanding the business at the ranch, and her planning on how to get a job near Starling that had to do with computers by the time she graduates. Maybe she was beginning to reconsider a future with him. Maybe that was what she was couldn't be honest with him about. He began to wonder if one day she would refuse to come home permanently.

"Alright. I get it." He wanted to say more, but he didn't see the point in doing so. Her mind was obviously made up. "Take good care of yourself, babe. I'm gonna miss you even more."

"I… I miss you, too," Felicity said, stammering as she held back a sob. That was the sincerest thing she'd said to him during the entire conversation. In fact, it was the sincerest thing she'd said to him for quite some time.

They both hung up. That phone call left a tiny but gaping hole in their hearts, one that grew bigger and wider as each day passed. They wouldn't see each other again until the summer of the next year when she finally came home. And that didn't turn out any better either.

Oliver sighed. Things had gone well over dinner. How did they end up feeling miserable again? They both had said things that brought up the past, and now, Felicity wouldn't even look at him. (She really looked pretty even when she was sad and upset, he thought.) He had been sensitive enough to notice that their conversation had taken an undesirable turn, so he had sent Emma upstairs to brush her teeth, wash up, and get into her pajamas.

Felicity broke the silence. "Well, it's getting late. I should get going." She moved around the kitchen island and went to get her purse, which was on the counter.

"Are you sure? It's gonna be very late by the time you reach Central City. You can… stay over. For the night. In your old room. The guest room, I mean," Oliver offered. He did not want to bring up more memories of the past, but he was more concerned about her driving alone in the dark for at least four hours.

"Oh, no. I mean, thank you for being so kind, but that's not… It's not… I don't think it's a good idea," she said, gesturing with her hands like she used to. Oliver thought it nice that some good things haven't changed. Her babbling and talking hands were still adorable.

"Then maybe you could check into a motel in town? Just drive in the morning. It's safer," he suggested, scratching the back of his head like he used to when he felt shy and tentative about something. Felicity thought it nice that some good things hadn't changed. His tells were the same after all these years, and he was still as thoughtful and considerate as he used to be, most of the time.

"Sure. I, uhm, I actually already thought of a place to stay for the night," she said, finally ending the exchange. "Thank you for dinner, and thank you for letting me speak with Emma. It really… means a lot."

Oliver nodded, saying, "You're welcome. Thank you for coming to see her. She really wanted to see you again when she figured out who you possibly were."

"Yeah, she's a brilliant little girl."

"Well, we know where she gets that from."

Finally, a small smile blossomed on Felicity's face again, and Oliver was relieved. He did not notice that he was beaming at her once again. But she did.

"Well, say good night to Emma for me, please," she told him, moving towards the living room.

"I think she'd much rather hear you say that herself," he told her. He stopped and hollered, "Emma! Come down and say good night to Felicity, will you?

By the time they reached the front porch, they could hear the little girl's footsteps descending the stairs behind them. "Wait! I wanna say good night!" She ran out to meet them, and Oliver scooped her up into his arms.

"Good night, Ms. Felicity," Emma said with a smile.

"Good night, Emma. It sure was nice talking with you," said Felicity, reaching out to tap the girl's forearm lightly.

Emma's smile widened. She looked straight into her mother's eyes and asked, "Will you come visit me again?"

It was a simple question, but it made Felicity's heart soar. After their heart-to-heart talk, she had wondered whether or not Emma would want her in her life. With that simple question, she learned that Emma did.

Felicity smiled back and answered, "If it's cool with Oliver, then it's cool with me." Oliver turned to her and replied, a bit too eagerly for his liking (but still), "If it's cool with you, then it's totally cool with me."

A/N: Your thoughts on this one? The roller coaster ride was intentional. Very. I hope you didn't mind. :-)