Final chapter.
I so so so hope this is ok. Please let me know your thoughts. Even if you hate it. Just let me know. one word is fine. PM is ok too.
Thank you especially to those for sticking with me from the start and your comments every chapter...and encouraging me too...you have no idea how much I needed it over this time and continue to.
Blessings Jam.

CHAPTER 10

"Jane. Jane. Where are you?"

Maura falls clumsily to her knees. Her balance suddenly off as a few seconds ago she was tightly gripping Jane's shirt. Holding the fabric and trying to pull her closer. But Jane is gone...she failed to hold on as the fabric simply disappeared under her fingertips. And now her arms are in front of her, hands still clasped tightly holding only air.

She is completely alone on her porch.

Her heart explodes when there is no reply from Jane. Her heart painful like shards of glass penetrate her bloodstream. It explodes like it did a few weeks ago when she got the call about the crash Jane was in. When her phone slipped from her fingers and for a few long minutes she thought Jane was lost to her forever. That she was alone without the one person she knew accepted her exactly as she was and caused her own self-confidence to flourish, especially on the inside where only she could tell. And in that hospital room, when Jane slept, she was truly grateful that she had Jane back...she had touched Jane's skin when she knew Jane wouldn't know, she had to reassure herself that her friend was alive and still with her. It was how Angela found them, Jane asleep and Maura crying to herself with her hand around Jane's wrist, fingertips against Jane's pulse. Just joyously being reassured by her her friends constant pulse.

But perhaps she hadn't been grateful enough. Because now she was alone again...completely alone. She had watched Jane fade out of sight in front of her eyes, there was no question about it. Her hands had almost...almost been able to pull Jane back by her clothing, just for a moment, just when she thought the clothing would tear by how hard she forced it. But the fabric had simply vanished leaving her hands clasping tightly onto nothing.

"What if I can't save you like you always saved me?" She calls after her friend. Jane would find a way to save her...why couldn't she do the same. She scolds herself internally for not being more like Jane.

She sobs loudly, fists white and against her chest, "I just can't lose you again."

Only she has lost Jane again. Only Jane is gone and might not ever come back. It's like a bad dream she can't wake up from.

Her words are so broken and surrounded by sobbing, that if anyone was listening they wouldn't be able to even guess what she was calling out.

"Jane...if you can hear me...I understand what you meant now. When you said you couldn't imagine being separated from me. I don't want to imagine it but it's all I can think about right now. But I don't want to...I don't want to think about never seeing you again. I don't want to try and remember the good times. I can't even imagine having any good times without you around. I...I need you. I didn't know how much before but I do now."

She looks up into the sky, roughly where she was told heaven might be. Clouds and Sky return her gaze.

She never believed in heaven before. But right now she hoped it's where Jane would be.

"No." She cries out as she shakes her head roughly from side to side. She doesn't want to imagine Jane in heaven because then the reality is Jane is gone and not coming back.

All her dreams and hopes, seemingly shattered. Her future now confusing and uncertain.

"I won't go on without you Jane...if I have to...I will...I'll find you...I'll figure out some way to get to you."

Tears fall down her face as she buried them in her hands.

"I promise." she whispers weakly.

Jane jumps on the spot while turning a hundred and eighty degrees, and punches the air mid-air.

All her kickboxing is useless with no enemy, yet the air is lighter and the ground bouncier and she wonders if she could entertain herself this way for some while as she has for the last five minutes.

Just jumping and landing. Jumping higher and landing softer. Like the ground is made of clouds. She feels lighter than air with no-where to go and no means to get there anyway. Jump spin and land.
But eventually she does get bored and she has attempted to experience everything possible around her. Now desensitised to that original overwhelming intensity of her senses. Now she knows these antics aren't getting her anywhere. So she sits and crosses her legs and wonders how long she will be stuck like this.

"What was I supposed to do?" she asks the emptiness, her voice fading to nothing into the expanse around her. But the sound of her own voice momentarily takes away some of vast the emptiness and she feels less alone.

"I did what I thought was right."

There is no reply not that she expects it anymore.

"I shouldn't have left the way I did that day. I know that. I was hurt...and afraid. I hate feeling vulnerable."

She can't hear any sounds around her except the slightest echo which gives her hope that the emptiness is maybe not as vast as it feels. Not endless. The sound is bouncing off something...somewhere. Maybe someone is hearing her after all.

Maybe Maura can hear her. But, probably not.

"I just...When I saw her kiss him...I just thought that...well...she likes men. She never had a female relationship that I know of. Neither did I. But...I felt so comfortable around her, and sometimes she would just...touch me...and it felt so right. So beautiful. But she never indicated there was more than friendship...I just hoped. Wished. But when she kissed Tony I realized that maybe I was wrong. Maybe those touches were nothing more than friendly touches. Maybe that look and that smile was nothing special. Maybe she only filled her fridge with my beer because she is a good hostess...or she was lonely and hoped I would come over and stay when she had nothing better to do. She was a good friend...no...a great friend. She is a great friend...the best I ever had. I just...I hoped it was more. I wanted to be the one kissing her. I wanted to be the one that made her feel like she was the most important person on the planet. But it was him...and if not him...someone else like him. Someone that wasn't me. I don't even know if she thought of me more than a friend."

Jane taps her shoe with her finger while her brain thinks back to all the moments together. The moments that seemed to scream 'not just friends'. Or at least they did to her. The sleepovers. The comments. The looks.

"I ran because I didn't want her to tell me she didn't like girls. That I wasn't her type. But it would have killed me wondering if she might have said something like 'You grew on me. You weren't my type in the beginning...not until I really knew you and then I waited for you and I'm so happy because I love you too'. I would always have wondered how she really felt. And now I'll never know."

She hangs her head down and bites her lip.

"Sir?"

"Frost?"

"I need your help."

"What have you done this time my son?" The deep gentle voice questions.

"I tried to help my friend. The one who was...in a tight spot. I...I'm not sure how to put it right...but now she is...sort of standing between here and there."

"Go on."

"You already know everything that happened."

"Yes. But tell me anyway."

"Right," Frost shakes his head trying to put the entire mess into a few words that might help his case. "Ok. My friend, Jane, from Boston...from back then...she made a mistake and acted out of character and ran away from her...other friend. So...I tried to gently push her go back and put it right. She had to go back to stop her...friend..from being harmed. I put things around her to remind her of home...of her friend that needed her. I did things...like took her name off the register at an event. I spoke to her while she dreamed. But by the time she got the message...she...because of me...she ended up in a serious car crash."

"She survived that." It is not a question and the tone of the deep voice indicates he already knows the reason why.

"She is a good kid...with a really good heart. I had to made sure she didn't die...she was there because of me. I tried to get her to put things right...I tried to get her back on track...on her path...but it didn't work...It hasn't worked. Now she is living partly in her world and a little bit in this one. I don't know how to put it right."

"That is quite a dilemma, Frost."

"It snowballed."

"There is no perfect path."

"It wasn't her path to die."

"Are you sure?"

"I...yes. Absolutely."

"There is no other way she might have been on that road at that time in that car?"

"I...I uh...doubt it?" Frosts certainty fades at the question, especially repeated like that.

"What about the other twenty people in the other cars? Were they also not meant to be there when they were?"

"I..."

"Were they meant to die?"

"I...I don't know."

"You could have instead stopped the minivan...or the truck driver. Saved them all."

"It was too late when I got there...The crash was happening."

The long pause makes Frost wonder if he should have come at all. But a few moments ago...Jane was gone from earth.

"What would you like me to do Frost?"

"Can you help her...can you put her back where she is meant to be?"

"Isn't she meant to be dead?"

"No...Yes...I mean No. She couldn't die. She wasn't meant to be in that car on that road...If she died then she couldn't fix things."

"But she was in that car on that road."

Frost looks down at his feet, "Sir, I prompted Jane to go back...I just didn't know this would happen."

"That is why we do not interfere with their choices."

"I stopped her dying in the crash because I was the reason she was in that car on that road."

"You don't know that. If she hadn't gone to the conference...who is to say she wouldn't have been driving to another event on that same road at that same time?"

"Like a case?"

"Perhaps."

"But it wasn't the crash...It was the mistake she made of running instead of staying."

"Mistake? All human's make mistakes Barold, that's what makes them human. Little mistakes...big mistakes...but they aren't really mistakes are they...they are simply 'choices' with consequences. She chose her own path...right or wrong. Perfect or tragic. Just or unjust. Happy or sad. Just like the path you took also ended you up here. The event's that happen to people are not my doing. The free-will that is given them means they determine their own paths with their own consequences."

Frost scrunches up his face not liking where this is going.

"Barold. Your interference cost her her life." The voice is sad, not angry.

"I saved her life."

"Is she alive Barold?"

"No" Frost mumbles, "That's why I am here now. To put this right."

"How can it be put right?"

"I..." He pauses trying to think up the answer, "She should never have left Boston. She should never have left...then everything would be...perfect."

"There is no perfect. Perhaps you mean better? Better than dead, or sad, or abused. Different maybe?"

"Perhaps."

"Perhaps you do not know the eventual destination of that so-called 'perfect path'. Or any other path."

The silence is palatable

"...Sir? You know what should have happened...you know everything. She is lost now. Will you help her?" Frost says with pleading eyes.

"The link between the physical world and the spiritual word is very delicate. Some can see it, some can sense it, yet others are completely oblivious to it. Jane's death experience has given her access to it. But you know that no-one can be in both at once. One must leave their physical body behind for their spirit to survive here."

"What will happen to her?"

"What do you think?" The voice booms but there is deep sadness in it.

"I am sorry sir." Frost lowers his face sadly, deeply regretful, "Can't I fix this sir? I will do anything."

"Fixing it is tricky. Where would she be if she had run, like she did, and you had stayed clear of this, and how can we get her there?"

"Maybe she would have stayed at the conference. Returned safely...but her friend would have been raped. She would have...changed."

"Humans are always changing."

"It wouldn't have been fair."

"Life is full of injustice."

"I didn't want to see that happen to her."

"You don't know what might have happened...But it was always her choice...her decision."

"I understand. I get why we remain in the background now...I have learnt my lesson."

"Good. Because I know the plans I have for them, because I love them...but they must be willing to follow. It would be nice to let people see all the possible paths and choices and that they would always pick the right one. But that way doesn't work either...for different reasons."

"Can you fix this?"

"I can."

"Will you? Please? It was my mistake...not hers." Frost asks with a sad sigh.

"You tried to prevent mankind hurting mankind, it's admirable of you, but in the future, we only prompt and pray and send special messages. We do it in subtle gentle ways. In loving ways."

Frost nods, "Love lets go, love lets people make their own choices. Love doesn't control or dominate."

"Yes. And love lets lessons be learned no matter how painful."

"You are talking about me now, aren't you?"

This gets him a smile that lights up the room with a warm light and he can't help but smile back.

"We only interfere in small ways, unless..."

Frost looks up hopefully, waiting. His eyes meet the kindest ones.

"Unless they ask directly for our help..."

Jane sighs, "Can't I have another chance? Just to find out what she would have said? Or even just to save her? To say a proper goodbye?"

She isn't to proud to beg, she just isn't sure what to ask for.

"I'd like her to know it's not her fault I died...or whatever this is. She might blame herself. She blamed herself when I yelled at her."

She shakes her head, she needs answers. She can't sit here forever talking to herself.

"Please...please help me. God. Please help me."

The silence feels like it gets louder. Like static in her head. She starts to feel heavy and her heart starts to pound.

She wants to plead for it to stop.

She stands to her feet and clenches her hands to steady herself. And in the distance she see's a flicker of light. She takes a step towards it but it stays the same distance and doesn't move. She lifts her foot to take another step...but instead of her foot going up and coming back down on a hard surface, it continues to rise, like she is floating, or flying.

She doesn't stop rising into the white nothing, she can't even tell if she is moving in any particular direction, only she thinks she feels air rushing past her face like she is moving.

The flicker of light gets brighter...or closer...like she is traveling towards it, or it is moving towards her...she can't tell.

It's so bright it must be heaven...or God...or...

She closes her eyes...

And it's ok...it's ok for this to be her time to go...to die...because Maura is safe...because her Ma and brothers are good...because Korsak is good too...because she is ready...

The brightness surrounds her, penetrating every fibre of her being like it is breaking apart her very DNA and becoming a part of her and it is so powerful she can't take a breath. It's love and it's wonderful and its safe...

And just when she never wants to feel anything other than this ever again...it's gone. There is nothing again.

No brightness, no loud beautiful nothingness, no air, no moving, no warmth.

But she can still feel the love surrounding her.

She forces her eyes open...

...and she's standing on the sidewalk outside Maura's, it's early evening again. It's warm again. The beginnings of stars and the last of the birds chirping their goodnight's.

And she hears the voices again, Female and Male. Maura and Tony.

She hears a clink of wine glasses and a sweet laugh.

She looks over her shoulder at the road and her car is there, undamaged, perfect.

And she just knows it's Saturday.

Last Saturday.

And she takes a step, onto that path, towards Maura's front door.

Just one step to see if she can.

She can control it this time, she knows because she can feel each footstep vibrate up her calf, and pound against her ears.

It's definitely not a memory. Memories didn't feel like that before.

"Thank you." She offers towards the sky with a smile.

A few of the brightest stars twinkle back down at her and a warm breeze brushes against her face.

She pauses for a moment. She waits for the ball to drop. For this wonderful, before the poop hit the whirly thing, reality...to just shatter in front of her...for Mauras' house to disappear and the beautiful brightness to swallow her up. Or for someone to appear and tell her she is a ghost. That she is dead.

She can sense a presence beside her, and although she can't hear it in her ears, she feels it in her spirit.

"Be brave Jane." It's so faint it could have been the breeze touching the tree leaves.

"Frost?"

"Yes Jane?"

She turns half expecting to see him but there is nothing. No-one. She can't see through the veil anymore.

"Am I dead?"

Frosts laugh is soft and cheerful, like it used to be.

"No. You are alive."

"Then I am back?" Jane says turning to look at Maura's house.

"You are."

"Thank you. God, Frost, thank you so so much."

"It wasn't me Jane. It was Him...and you shouldn't take his name in vain."

Jane nods. She knows he is right. She learned that commandment in Catholic school.

"Sorry. Will you please thank Him for me." She says softly, her voice a little broken.

"He hears you Jane. He hears everything."

"I''m so happy...I feel like I am bursting."

She stares at Maura's glowing front window, the light seeping out and leaving a glowing red hue wherever it touches.

She hears the voices from before.

"I can't believe I get to go back."

"Jane...I need to tell you something."

"Ok." Jane says with a heavy swallow.

"It was my fault you were in that crash...that's why you get a second chance today...and I am so sorry."

"But you told be how it should have been. That I did it wrong."

"You didn't do it wrong. I was wrong. Whatever happens will be whatever you choose to do. Just do your best like you always do Jane. I'm still a rookie angel and I'm still learning."

"You saved me?"

"Yes and no."

"You saved Maura?"

"You're about to Jane. One way or another."

"Maura may still reject me. What you saw may not happen."

"Maybe she will, maybe she won't. I saw one possible path Jane...but there is no perfect path. But you have to try, right?"

"Yes. No matter what." Jane smiles, "I'm not dead."

Frost grins to himself.

She feels brave. Braver than last time. She feels stronger.

"Go get her Jane. She loves you."

Her grin widens. She has another chance. One she isn't sure she deserves...but she will take it anyway.

"Bye Frost. I guess i'll see you one day."

"Not too soon though. And Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't make me have to save your butt again."

Jane laughs, "I won't."

"Goodbye my dear friend."

She takes in a deep calming breath, and takes the first step courageously. The rest of the steps don't register at all. She walks the remainder of the path towards the door with a smile on her face.

She doesn't look in the window this time because she doesn't need to see any of that again. There will be no groundhog day.

Only right now matters.

She won't run away this time.

She skips up the steps onto Maura's porch and, with an uncontrollable smile, she presses the doorbell...

...END.