EMMA

Chapter 19: Truth Sets Us Free

A/N: This is the continuation of "the talk" where the rest of Felicity's (and Oliver's) secrets are revealed. This is the longest chapter in this fic so far.

The same warning I tagged in Chapter 18 about references to past abuse, which might be a trigger for some readers, applies to this chapter. It is really up to you if you will skip this and wait for the next chapter or not. But allow me to say that Felicity's past experience is revealed here without going into concrete, vivid detail, and that I have tried my best to write it with tact and in good taste. So, without further ado...

The only thing that got Oliver to stop sobbing was the feeling of her hand on his shoulder, a gentle squeeze that ironically jolted him out of his emotional outburst.

Realizing that Felicity had been taken advantage of and hurt (in a way he could not even begin to imagine) had stirred up a host of undesirable emotions – pain, remorse, regret, rage – feelings that he was finding difficult to control. He pictured the woman he loved, broken and bruised, frightened and alone, trembling in a corner somewhere thousands of miles away from his comforting arms. He berated himself for not being there to protect her and fight for her. He blamed himself for the eight years that he had wasted, thinking that she'd been unfaithful to him. He wanted to punch something or throw the nearest object within reach. He wanted to run and scream. He remained rooted on the spot, however, crying in devastation instead.

"Oliver…" Felicity spoke his name like a prayer, and it made him begin to calm down. "Hey, please… say something."

His sobs slowly became sniffles, and after a minute, he turned and looked at her over his shoulder. He saw that she was already kneeling on the floor behind him on his right side. She must have moved from the bean bag to his side sometime when he'd been crying. His vision was a bit hazy because of the tears, but he could see enough of her face to notice that she'd been crying too.

"Are you okay?" she asked softly, her voice shaking a little, as she gave his shoulder another squeeze.

Shaking his head, he replied honestly, "No. I… I have a lot of things I want to say to you, but I… I don't know where to start."

Oliver was about to cry again when he felt her tugging at his arm. She helped him stand and led him to the couch. As they sat down side by side, he wiped away the tears on his cheeks with the sleeves of his shirt.

Felicity gave him a pat on the knee. "How about you start by saying that you accept my apology?" she suggested, wiping her tear-stained cheek with the back of her other hand. She flashed him a small smile to encourage him to respond.

Oliver looked at her, eyes glistening with unshed tears. "I forgive you," he replied, consciously attempting to steady his voice and his breathing. "I forgive you for keeping secrets, pushing me away when you needed help the most, and disappearing from my life all this time without an explanation. But…" He paused, looking down for a moment to avoid her gaze. Mustering courage to keep going, he put his hand on her hand, which was still on his knee. Intertwining their fingers, he looked up and met her tender gaze. "But I need your forgiveness, too," he told her with pleading eyes.

"Oliver, you don't have to-"

"Yes, I do," he interrupted her gently, yet she saw in his eyes how serious he was. "I've done you wrong. What happened between us wasn't be all on you. You don't have to carry the burden on your shoulders by yourself. Let me take responsibility for my failures." He paused, noticing a tear rolling down her cheek. He reached up to her face and brushed it away with his finger. "I didn't give you a chance. The benefit of the doubt. I walked away in anger instead of listening to what you had to say. And for a very long time, I resented you because… because I thought…"

Oliver saw her look down and blink, letting fresh tears fall on her lap. He continued, "Please, forgive me for thinking that you cheated on me. I stopped trusting you, too. I stopped believing in us. I'm sorry."

Felicity was the one overwhelmed with intense feelings now. Hearing the confession of the only man she'd ever loved – it hadn't surprised her. On the contrary, it confirmed what she had feared the most ever since she'd decided to come home from Boston – that hehad believed she had indeed cheated on him. Nothing could be farther from the truth, but she really didn't blame him for thinking that way. She couldn't. She had realized a while back that Oliver would inevitably have thought this way because it was partly her fault; she hadn't been honest about what happened, and she didn't trust him enough to tell him. Her failure had given him reason to doubt and distrust her.

Nevertheless, having been aware of all these did not lessen the blow caused by his admission. It still hurt hearing from his own lips that he had believed she was capable of becoming being unfaithful. What else could she do, though? What was done, was done.

Yet, here he was now, asking her to forgive him for not trusting her just like she hadn't trusted him. The earnestness and humility written all over his face gripped her heart. The fact that he, too, was taking responsibility for their falling out all those years ago was something that she really wasn't demanding from him, but she appreciated it just the same. She could feel hope rising from deep within her.

"I forgive you, Oliver," she replied. Taking a deep breath, she added, "We were in love, but we were both immature. I guess… we needed to learn our lessons the hard way."

Oliver nodded in agreement, as he squeezed her hand that he held in his. He couldn't agree with her more.

He also wanted to add that he thought God was giving them a second chance. Seeing each other again after eight years of no contact was not mere coincidence. Raising the biological daughter of the woman, whom he had once planned on marrying, wasn't either. But he held his tongue, thinking that Felicity probably wasn't ready to just pick up the pieces of their shattered relationship just like that. Sure, she was opening up about her past; that didn't mean she wanted to get back together with him. No, not like he did.

In the past several months that Felicity had become part of his and Emma's lives, he'd been falling in love with her all over again. A lot of things had changed with her. She had changed. And yet, he still found her amazing. She had become even more beautiful and brilliant, despite the hardship she'd had to go through. She was kind and thoughtful. She was passionate about her career and knew what she wanted out of life. The way that she had survived and made a life of her own had made him prouder of her than ever. She was also a natural when it came to Emma, making him wonder at times why she ever doubted that she would be a suitable mother in the first place. Oliver loved this new version of Felicity even more, and he hoped against hope that heaven would grant him another chance to win her back.

He stared at her with loving eyes, taking in every inch of her face. She had changed the way she fixed herself. The long blonde tresses that she used to braid had been replaced by layered, shoulder-length hair that she often held up in a ponytail. She was also wearing glasses now, which made her look even smarter than she already was. She also wore make-up now, and often put on nail polish, sporting a variety of colorful shades, which were different every time she or they came to visit. But that night, her hair was down, and her glasses were nowhere in sight. Oliver thought she couldn't be prettier.

To him, Felicity was a precious treasure, a rare gem that needed to be treated with utmost care and whole-hearted affection. Why on earth would someone touch her and break her? Who had done such a cruel thing to her? Such thoughts rekindled some of the anger that he had previously suppressed. Before he knew it, he was already asking the questions that were difficult to ask. He really needed some answers.

"Felicity, is it okay to ask about what happened?" he asked.

She was taken aback a bit. She thought they were already wrapping up their talk on a positive note, and she was no longer expecting him to ask about details. She was about to pull her hand back, but he held it firmly and refused to let her go. She took that as a clear sign that he was ready to listen and that he wasn't going anywhere, whatever she was able to tell him.

"Yeah," she replied softly. "You deserve to know."

Oliver told her, "You don't have to tell me everything. I promised I won't ask too much, and I'll respect it if you choose not to answer something you're not comfortable about answering."

After taking a deep breath to steady herself, Felicity nodded, indicating that it was okay for him to start asking.

"Who'd done it?" Oliver asked. "Was it that guy, Myron, the one who invited you to join the group?"

"No," Felicity answered. "It was Cooper. Cooper Seldon, a senior, and the leader of the group. He'd been hitting on me from the very beginning, but I had managed to keep him at a safe distance with Alena's help. But after that hack that I did for them during the holiday break, he became bolder. He used it as leverage against me when I didn't respond to his advances, so I stopped attending the meetings."

"If you stopped going, how did he…?"

"Cooper knew where Alena and I lived. One night, he showed up at my dorm apologizing, telling me that he'd realized how wrong he was for the way he'd been treating me. He offered a truce and asked if we could start all over again and try to be friends. On hindsight, I should have known he was up to something, because of all the nights he could have knocked at my door, it was the night that Alena was spending the weekend with her cousin in Connecticut. He must have found out somehow."

"Hey, you can't blame yourself. You couldn't have known," Oliver told her, giving her hand a squeeze. He hadn't let go of her still.

"I hated myself for not being more careful. I don't know how many times I've scolded myself for deciding to trust him and letting him into my room that night." Felicity's voice wobbled and faded at her last few words. She was at the brink of tears, as she recalled what happened that fateful night. The only things keeping her anchored was Oliver's firm grip on her hand, the comforting warmth of his presence, and the compassion she could read in his eyes.

After a few seconds, she continued retelling the story. "Cooper knew that I didn't drink, so he brought some ginger ale as peace offering. I didn't think there was any harm in that, so I let him in. He promised he'd go before we finished one can." She swallowed hard before she spoke again. "He must have put something in my drink without me noticing it, because my can wasn't even half empty when I began to feel strange. I knew… something bad was happening, but… I… I was too weak… and disoriented… to fight back. I…"

Felicity began to cry. This time, she was the one sobbing. She hadn't realized how painful and difficult it was to relive such a horrific experience. She had told no one except the counselor that had helped her for a time when she finished college in Central City. Oliver was the first significant person in her life that she had opened up to about the incident that had changed her life radically and permanently.

"I'm so sorry. I should have seen it coming," she cried.

"Shh… Felicity, it's not your fault," Oliver whispered, in an attempt to comfort her. His eyes were also tearing up, but he told himself to be strong for her. He was the one that had asked; he shouldn't be the first one breaking down.

Oliver's arm instinctively wrapped around her upper body and pulled her to his side. He didn't think it was an invasion into her space, and because she did not flinch or pull away, he didn't bother about asking for her permission or making a big deal out of a sincere gesture on his part. She needed to know that he was there for her.

"Oliver," Felicity began to speak again in between sobs, "I'm so sorry. I wasn't able to… to keep my promise. I promised to save myself… for you… on our wedding day. I… wasn't… strong enough to do it. I failed you. I failed us."

"No," Oliver replied tenderly. "You don't have to be sorry for something that wasn't your fault. You didn't choose what happened to you." And then his tears fell, too. "If there's anyone who failed to keep a promise, it was me."

"What do you mean?" Felicity asked gently, still sniffling but somewhat confused. She wasn't angry; she just needed to hear his explanation. She straightened up a bit from having leaned on his shoulder and pulled away a little to get a good look at his face.

"After our fallout, I left for Africa to volunteer for the Peace Corps. I met someone there, who was just as lost as I had been. We… we had a brief affair. It was a big mistake, because I was still hurting, still angry. I had no business being in a relationship when my heart was full of bitterness and pain. Looking back, I think I did it only to spite you, which was crazy, because you had no way of knowing that I was acting like an idiot just to get back at you. So, if there's anyone who had failed to keep his promise, it was me, not you. If there's anyone who needs to ask for forgiveness, it's me."

"Oliver…"

If there's anyone who failed to keep his promise… it was him.

If the tables had been turned and Oliver had confessed this to her eight years ago, her old self would have had a hard time accepting his apology. She would have resented him, and perhaps, she may have also walked away like he did, without waiting for an explanation. But there was something about being broken that humbled a person and allowed her to show compassion. There was something about having gone through shame and sorrow that gave a person the capacity to forgive someone who is sincerely asking for it. Felicity felt it in her bones.

She took a good look at Oliver and decided that there was no point in holding a grudge or taking offense. Now she understood the sadness and sullenness in his eyes that she had noticed every once in a while whenever Emma wasn't around. Apparently, he too had suffered for far too long. In all the years that they had been apart, she had thought that he had moved on with his life, perhaps had finally settled down with someone else. She had no idea that just like her, he had been stuck in a miserable rut and couldn't get out. She hadn't been the only one struggling. He had been, too. She hadn't been the only one who couldn't move forward. He had been, too. She didn't have the right or the moral high ground. Neither did he. They both had made foolish choices that ruined their relationship and their lives. How could she not forgive him?

"Oliver, it's okay," Felicity said to him as she disentangled her hand from his, and with it, cupped the side of his tear-stained face. "We've both made mistakes. I forgive you, as you forgive me. It's done." She looked him straight in the eye and added, "I think now we can move on, move forward, for both our sakes, and especially for Emma's sake."

Oliver closed his eyes, relieved at her response. When he opened them again, he smiled at her and said, "You're right. Thank you. I feel like the weight of the world just rolled off my back."

Felicity smiled back at him. "Yeah, me too. I feel like I can breathe again, really breathe."

She brought her hand back down to where his hand was on his lap, and instantly, he took it. They sat in silence for a few minutes, just basking in the freedom that they'd both just found.

Suddenly, Oliver remembered something that he'd been meaning to ask her before their talk had been redirected to his love affair in Africa. "Felicity, do you mind if I ask you one last question?"

"Not at all."

"Did you ever press charges against him?" he asked. He had to know. He had to know if the person responsible had paid for his crime and if Felicity had gotten justice for what was done to her.

Felicity sighed. She looked at Oliver with sadness in her eyes and answered, "I didn't have to."

His crinkled brows and narrowed eyes told her that he didn't quite understand her answer, so she explained.

"At first I was too scared to tell anyone, not even Alena. The doctor that treated me at the campus infirmary suspected as much and tried to convince me to press charges. But going to the police was out of the question because I knew that the moment I did that, Cooper would not hesitate to report my previous illegal activities."

"Later on, when I found out I was pregnant, things changed. I had to think about what was best for me and my baby, and I knew that the best thing for us was to come home to Starling. I decided that before I came home that summer, I needed to do the right thing and get justice for what happened to me. Coming home meant giving an explanation for how I'd gotten pregnant, and to do that, my story had to come out. I couldn't leave without pressing charges in Boston where it happened. But when I finally went to the police, it was too late. I'd already known that Cooper had been arrested for illegal hacking, but the police informed me that he had died in jail when he accidentally got caught in the middle of an altercation among inmates even before his trial proper started. I couldn't press charges anymore."

Oliver didn't know which was worse – finding out what happened to his girlfriend eight years ago, or finding out that the person to be held accountable could no longer pay for his crime. Felicity would never get justice, and that made him livid.

He suddenly let go of Felicity's hand and detached himself from her. He was fidgeting on the couch, unsure of what he was supposed to do next. His hands balled into fists, and he clenched them until his knuckles turned white and his fingernails dug into his palms. He shut his eyes closed as he tried to get his breathing under control. He was furious.

Soon, he was pacing in the den, and Felicity could sense his rage. "Oliver, please come sit down." She stood up and walked towards him in an attempt to get him to calm down. "Please, say something."

Before she could say anything more, Oliver picked up a picture frame from the top of the piano and flung it against the wall opposite them. The sound of broken glass tore through the silence of the night. He darted across the den and ran out of the house into the cold outdoors.

"Oliver, wait!" Felicity cried out. In her haste, she pulled a throw blanket from the nearest couch in the living room, wrapped her upper body in it, and ran after him in the blackness of night.

A/N: I cannot even begin to imagine how a victim of past abuse and the how the significant other of said victim can cope with the pain and the heartache that are brought about by such a wicked act. I have tried to write with empathy, and I can only hope I have done justice to this story. If I made you cry, I hope you don't take it against me. If the story has made you uncomfortable, I hope it has only made you rethink about how we, human beings, can stand up against such criminal acts even through the art of writing. If this has touched your heart, I hope that you can reach out to someone who is suffering (even if the circumstances may not be exactly the same) and show compassion on that fellow human being.

To the Guest who expressed concern about the tag at the beginning of Chapter 18, I need to understand more what you mean. Where I come from, the two things you pointed out are often used interchangeably. I hope that you can enlighten me about the difference you mentioned by sending me a private message (PM). Thank you for reading, complimenting, and expressing your concern. I appreciate it.

I just want to thank all of you readers once again for following this story. I mean it. It's turning out to be quite a journey. Shout out to malafle and mjf2468! Thank you for your encouraging words. :-) I hope to finish this story before the year ends.