Because I didn't want to leave you in suspense...I know how horrible that is. Next update won't be so quick.
Enjoy!
xxx

Chapter E1ght

"Are you doing better today, Jane?"

Jane rubs the back of her neck. How many times had she been asked lately, how many days had passed and the loss still felt like it had just happened today, "I don't know. I just...I'm not sure yet."

"It will take time."

Jane nods, she has been through the grief process before more than once. Jane visits the grave but it doesn't make it seem to be real still, it's like a dream she can't wake up from, a nightmare. Something beautiful was taken away from her and she can never have it back...time doesn't fix that. Time just makes the pain fade a little.

"It all feels so surreal."

"I'm sorry Jane."

"I know."

"Did you talk to Casey yet?"

Jane clears her throat before speaking, "No. Yes. I sent an email. I...I just couldn't face hearing the anger and disappointment or whatever in his voice. I don't think I can handle his feelings on top of my own."

Jane has found it hard enough with her Ma. Angela hasn't said a word but her sad expression says more that enough. She had wanted a grand-baby and had been so excited about Jane's pregnancy, so had Jane's brother, and Angela is torn somewhere between her own disappointment and the pain she feels for Jane's own loss, because she had a miscarriage herself once.

Maura nods, "That is understandable Jane. But it wasn't your fault. He wouldn't blame you."

Jane sighs. She isn't so sure. She could have done things differently.

"He might blame me."

Maura softly rubs Jane's forearm, "That is not your problem to deal with."

Jane smiles just a little, Maura is right, "You are getting very good at knowing what to say."

"I had a very good teacher." Maura deflects softly. She once used to struggle with what to say when people were hurting.

"I had to have a lot of patience." Jane says with a smirk.

Maura pinches her arm softly and rolls her eyes, "I'm sure you did."

"Thank you for being so supportive Maur. It really has helped."

Maura nods in acceptance of the compliment.

"You're always there when I need you Maura, even if it's not in the way I think you should be. When you help me focus on other things or distract me even when you don't mean too."

"You mean when I am not being attentive enough to you constant whining."

"Yes. Exactly like that. Right there. I'm trying to be sincere and you brush it off."

Maura smiles, "I'm sorry Jane. I do understand."

"I'm not sure you do. I really don't know how I would have got through everything I have in my life without someone by my side. A I don't mean that ridiculous oversized hug-me-teddy-bear-panda-raccoon thing that Tasha gave back to me. Just having you near makes everything better."

Maura smiles and looks down. She finds it hard to accept compliments from Jane. Maybe it's the rarity of them, or the sincerity.

"I think if you took away all the things in my life I don't really need, that aren't valuable in the greater scheme of things, like beer and money, oh and the red-socks, I would be just as happy so long as I have my family around me. Family is what matters. And you are family Maur."

"What about if we took away coffee?"

"I'm not so sure about that. I am fairly sure coffee makes me very very happy."

"You're impossible Jane." Maura shakes her head and purses her lips. The day after the miscarriage Jane was back to drinking coffee as if she never stopped.

"Shoes make you happy Maura."

"Family and friends mean a lot to most people, Jane, but I have never met anyone that prioritizes them quite like you do. It's remarkable. And sweet."

Maura half expects Jane to say 'ewwww' in response.

"I need them, and you Maur. I can't imagine my life if I lost any of you. I don't even want to imagine it."

"You would go on Jane. We all have to move on sometimes even when life is extremely hard. If you had married Casey and moved to Afghanistan...I would have had to find a way to move on without you. Life takes people away from us sometimes. Like Frost. And we must pick up the pieces and find a way through...or around...with the support and love of those around us. That is a part of life...carrying on even when it hurts."

"Who would help me move on if something happened to someone in my family?"

"I would Jane."

"But what if something happened you. Then what?"

Jane collapses onto the ground. Korsak could not hold her entire weight.

She knows she should wait to hear if it even is Maura but all the internal stress, the waiting, the sight of the body, and that necklace, her body has made up it's own mind of how to cope. She shuts down, She doesn't think, She doesn't feel.

She wouldn't know if she was crying or screaming or shaking.

She wouldn't know if she just sat there.

Does she know how to breathe anymore or does her body do that automatically.

Korsak let's her sit rocking softly her arms limp by her sides. She is blinking and breathing and emergency services are not far away if he is needed urgently. So he lets her be. He doesn't want to stress her more.

The M.E. hasn't yet noticed the movements behind him, "There is a wound behind the right ear, the edges of the wound indicate it is from a gunshot however the wound has been thoroughly cleaned. No gunshot reside or blood."

Maura had flinched as Casey's fingers grazed her clavicle before they they curled around her thin gold chain and grasped it.

Maura had gasped when he yanked it hard enough that the small links gave into the pressure exerted against the back of her neck and snapped in half.

Her necklace was now his.

Why did he want it? Was he going to send it to Jane? Would Jane recognize it was even hers?

Maura holds up the pendant, "Kaitlin told me that Paddy gave this to Hope on her 18th birthday. That would have been 1976. That is not possible...because this scrimshaw represents something that was built in 1993."

"The year Paddy disappeared?"

Maura nods, "Yes. And the year Hope was working as a relief doctor in a war torn area. Sarajevo. So I did some research and I looked up photo's on the internet of this bridge, and it was near a secret tunnel that was built during the siege of Sarajevo by people trying to get humanitarian aid into the city."

Jane frowns, "Humanitarian aid. You think your Mother helped build it."

"They named it 'The tunnel of Hope."

"Oh my god."

"Paddy was a fugitive in 1993. He could easily have travelled to the Balkans."

"So you think Hope and Paddy met in Sarajevo?"

"It's worse. Hope started M.E.N.D thanks to a two and a half million dollar donation from an anonymous donor. In 1993, Jane."

"That's why the FEDS are sniffing around. She took his dirty money."

Maura had only put it on before Casey knocked at her door because she came across it while tidying her closet an hour earlier. It reminded her of her mother Hope and her sister Katlin. She hadn't really meant to wear it. She put it on and then forgot she had done so. She didn't wear it out anymore because it also reminded her of her father.

Casey watched the thoughtful expressions cross Maura's face as he studied her. Maybe he could read her mind. Maybe he himself wondered if it would mean anything to Jane. If it meant anything to Maura. Casey had been in Boston during that case, had Jane told him about it. Or was he just hoping that they spent enough time together that Jane would know any item of Maura's. Jane was definitely observant like that, not much got past her.

Casey searched her over from her neck to her feet and back, like he was looking for something else and Maura remained as still as possible. Casey had not hurt her yet but she hadn't yet given him a reason too.

And then he turned and left.

The M.E. opens the partially melted blouse further and examines a strange wound beneath the burn, "It appears an autopsy was already performed, the Y incision has been surgically sutured post-mortem, the scar has been mostly disguised by the corrosion to the skin on the chest. I would estimate the victim died approximately six to eight days ago. I will know more when we get her back to the morgue."

"It's not Maura." Korsak practically shakes Jane to get her to focus on his words.

"That necklace is Maura's." Jane whispers staring at nothing but registering Korsak's voice.

Korsak frowns, "Jane, you spoke to Maura the day before yesterday. That body is is not her...it is not Maura."

"It's not Maura." Jane mimics her lips barely moving.

"It isn't Maura." Korsak says softly yet sternly, "This victim died a week ago."

Jane looks back at the victim lying amongst the bushes, "It's Maura's." Jane replies softly with a frown, she is desperately trying to put what she hears and see's into a logic she can process.

"It's not her Jane." Korsak says his hands on her shoulders, "Maybe it's her necklace but it is not Maura."

"Yeah?" Jane breathes out, "Not...not Maura."

Korsak nods, "Not Maura." He wishes he could tell her Maura was ok, alive...but if he says something like that and then they find Maura less than alive, he will have to watch this again, and seeing Jane like this once was one time too many.

She finally allows the relief, however small, to take over her. She sits up a little straighter and licks her lips. Suddenly her brain recognizes the coldness of damp cold ground beneath her and begs her to stand.

Korsak's gut tells him this was linked to Maura, it wasn't a strange coincidence, but he won't bring it up yet. Not when Jane is finally slowly picking herself up off the ground.

"I'll have an officer take you home, Jane. Get some sleep." Korsak orders.

Jane sighs out a heavy breath, "Yeah." The exhaustion is now starting to take over. Lack of sleep is taking it's toll.

An officer she can't remember helps her to his unmarked. As she reaches for the door handle she notices her hands are shaking and she wonders how much more her body can take of this. Maura would have some statistic for the actual physical damage repeated stress does to the body.

Where are you Maura.

"Let's get a call into all morgues and hospitals in the area. One of them is missing a cadaver and I want to know which one." Jane hears Korsak's voice demanding, breaking the eerie morning silence.

They are back to square one, again, for the tenth time this week alone...or eleventh...she had lost count. It didn't matter, Maura was still alive, not dead.

Alive. Alive. She is alive.

For now she would again have to wait until the unsub made another move.

Why was he always two steps ahead.

Casey had put his camera away slowly as the car door closed behind Jane.

He had been disappointed the panic didn't last longer.

Deeply disappointed.

He only had a few cadavers to choose from when he broke into the uptown funeral parlor the other night. There was only two blonde women to pick from so he picked the one closest to Maura's age and build. Then he put the corpse in a bath and threw acid over it to make her unrecognizable.

He should have waited till he had a more suited match to Maura, or someone the M.E. wouldn't be able to tell wasn't Maura so efficiently.

As nice as it would have been for Jane to have suffered much longer, he consoled himself that it was had been extremely intense and had fulfilled it's purpose.

And Maura's reaction to the photo's he pinned up more than made up for anywhere lacking.

Tears instantly welled up in Maura's eyes when she saw them, Casey hadn't seen Maura cry before this. Tears trickle down her face quietly.

One photo was Jane holding her hands over her mouth and Korsak holding her biceps tightly trying to get her attention, she looked pained, sick, and exhausted.

And the other was Jane sitting slumped on her knees on the ground staring at the grass, her arms hanging by her sides. She looked like the life had been sucked out of her. She looked ten years older than she really was.

"You did that to her." Casey laughed suddenly.

"What? I don't understand." Maura said looking at the pictures and trying to still make sense of what was happening. Casey hadn't told her where he was going or what he had done.

Casey looks at her condescendingly and Maura bravely stares back at him refusing to break eye contact despite the tears that escape occasionally. Bravery is about all she can do to not feel violently ill at the image of Jane.

"She thought you were dead."

Maura bites her lip to control her feelings.

"I thought she was going to have a cardiac arrest on the spot." He chuckles.

Maura gives him a look of disgust which she already knows will have no effect on him anyway. It's all she can do to hold her own guilt at bay.

'I'm sorry Jane.'

But at least he said Jane thought Maura was dead...past tense. She could only hope.

'I'm alive Jane. Please find me'

...to be continued...